Monday, November 30, 2009

It's The Hardest Thing I'll Ever Have to Do

If i ever get around to doing it.

There's something I need to do. I dont even know if it's a "need" so much as it is a feel like I'm being pressured into. I dont want to do it...but i do. Actually, I want someone else to do it. Life's so much easier when you have someone else do your dirty work for you. But I suck at life and always end up doing it myself.

This thing I have feel like I have to do is something I've done once and it wasn't fun like at all. At. All.

Until recently, i didn't plan on doing it ever but now i don't know. I dont know if I suddenly feel the need to do it b/c i was ganged up about it or because I've always wanted to do it and now i'm being called out.

You can ask a hundred million people their opinions on something but ultimately, you're going to have to decide. That's the worst!

I'm speaking in vague terms because I dont want to say what it is--naturally. Isn't that why anyone speaks in vague terms?

All i know is that... I dont fucking know and it's taking over my brain.

I'm mad because I dont want to be wrong. I'm even madder because I'm pretty sure I am.


I dont know why im even blogging about this because I'm no where near coherent.

Best way to describe it is through a song. Naturally since all things are songs to me.

Take it away Daughtry:

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now that I think I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cuz i'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that i wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
There's nothing herein this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul to say

Dont be surprised if we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easire way
You and I will be a tought act to follow
but i know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm a loser baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Fail to the Redskins
By: Sally the saddest Skin's fan

WHATS a victory??

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Done Done and I'm on to the Next One

Here's the sitch. I'm moving on to a new job. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that starting jobs, being in jobs and quitting jobs are oh so similar to being in a relationship. Let's take a look at my past three as an example starting with the oldest.

1.) The Staffing Firm aka First Love
-I didn't think it would last long at all but suddenly found myself with it for a year and a half. I started out nervous and shy but it grew on me and soon I felt at ease. There were awesome days that I couldn't believe how lucky I was. There were awful days when I wondered what I had done in a past life to deserve to be treated so poorly. They wanted me to commit (roll to perm) and I just couldn't. I wanted different things. I knew bigger and better things were out there for me but I stayed b/c it was familiar and I didn't have anyone else. Then the company got comfortable with me and took me for granted when I always did everything in the 'relationship' and put everything into it. They stopped trying. I threated to 'break up' (quit) with it many a time. Then the day came where all the bullshit just wasn't worth it anymore no matter the promises to change and be better. I had enough and took my stuff and left. I learned so much and don't regret my experience at all but at the same time would never ever go back to it. And while I do think back and smile sometimes, I have a bigger smile knowing I made the right decision.

2.) The Current Job aka The Perfect on Paper Boyfriend
-Got together because everything seemed so ideal. Just had gotten out of a hellish dramatic 'relationship' (job) and wanted/needed something good. And this was good. Everything is perfect. Great reputation. Respectful. Honest. Educated. Stable. Consistent. Parents would be more than proud to know their daughter is with such a great company (boyfriend). But there's something missing. There's no spark. There's no life. There's no personality. There's not much to it at all other than feeling trapped and bored to tears. The break up (two weeks notice) was taken very poorly but it didn't want to talk about it. Just make blunt and hurt comments but won't go into depth about it. But then how can you blame 'em? It never had depth in the first place so no wonder it can't recognize it. Some may think I never gave it a fair shot but they don't know anything and who would know better than the person in the situation? That's me. duh.

3.) The Next Job aka Prince Charming
-Still shaken and extremely guarded after being burned so bad by the first and things being so wrong with the second. How can I trust the third? But it has an even better reputation and it was like I've known him (the company) for years just upon the first meeting. Calls and emails about how great he (the company) thinks I am and can't wait to see me and have me. A girl can get used to that. And because of the good behavior that's been extended from the other end, I want to work extra hard to make this work. And of course naturally, some others who are supposed to be friends are jealous and foaming at the mouth making bitchy side comments either about how "Well you've gotten nothing but shit so I guess this is good." and "Congrats, I guess." Well they can take those comments and shove it up their ass because it's a good thing. I can't believe it. I'm terrified somthing's going to happen but nothing has so far. I'm going to start off slowly--slowly meaning not giving them all of me up front but still doing an amazing job and then when trust is gained, it'll be good for both.

How relationshipy was that?? Speeaking of which I need to have a session with my "panel" as I like to call them. I have a list of questions and this time I really will post both question and answer. It's always entertaining and wayyyyyyyy to fun. Til then, I'll keep you posted on the newest "relationship" haha

Monday, September 7, 2009

No More Drama in Our Livessss~

Two months into the new job and as dry and boring as it is (and DO BELIVE THAT IT IS), it was probably one of the best moves of my life. It's nice to work with no drama and with grown ups who act accordingly, earn way more than i did before, etc.

I still miss my old coworkers/friends but I don't miss the drama rama and the ridiculousness/power hungry/whiney/fakeness. Hahah i know how can i say on one hand i miss 'em and on the other i don't? B/c it was just a select few that can go rot in hell and most likely will. But not by my doing. It's flat out not my place. Now that doesn't mean i'm not gonna say a bitchy thing or laugh when others who are still trapped with the demons make fun of them (and boy do they haha note to them: welcome to a slice of my life for the past year and a half) Karma shall handle the rest. Just saying.

Moving along, I apologize for the missing Sallyness. It's hard being socialite! The new job, the internship, the gym, family and friends, the boyness, learning this thing called the guitar, writing a book--it's a lot balance! I'm lucky I have so many people who want to spend time with a sally and just as lucky that people understand that I can't always partake in things b/c of my sched. I'm not so lucky that some people blow up my phone and get pissy with me for not getting back and grill me about my whereabouts. Uh, that might be why i dont get back atcha pissy mcpissass!

Random switch of topic, today is the end of summerrrr. Wahhhhhhhhh!

Lets take a look at my list i wrote out earlier this year and see what i did and didn't do on the sally summer list:

1.) Flag Football with the company
-Yups! Did it and had fun when i wasn't busy being stomped on by the fat QB in cleats, knocked down by my fellow player (ahahah kidding...! it's all good homie), not thrown the ball to (Oh wait that was every game...jk they threw to me 3 times of which i caught 2 yay!), or slammed on my head. Hahah all things considered, it really was a good time and i kinda miss it!
2.) Cali!
3.) Go to the crick to see Janel with Crystal
-Negative. Boooooo. But we had hectic schedules! I hope to make it up there for Scoelloween. =D
4.) Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy.
-Hahah that's also a no but i'm sure it'll be soon. =)
5.) Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c i keep saying that i will and haven't
-Yeah still talking, no follow through. Shame on me =(
6.) All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages etc.
-Negative again. Damn I suck!
7.) Kings Dominion
-Nope nope nope. sigh
8.) Allow myself to get drunk
-I don't really remember. I know i did in cali but not after that. hmmm...
9.) Visit Justine
-AHHH i dont like my list. i didn't but not b/c i don't love her. but rather, i apparently suck at doing things on my list.
10.) Back to CA for 4th of July?
-That's also a nope. Hahah I went to Nicole's for that. =D

So what does this mean? I guess it could mean that I suck at life and more specifically at lists but i'd like to think of it as things i can do in the fall/winter. yes? Yes. =)

Friday, July 3, 2009

I Don't Care Too Much for Money Money Can't Buy Me Love

Maybe money can't buy me love but it sure as hell CAN buy me things that i do love.

And before you start calling me a gold-digger, remember this. I plan on buying everything on my own so psh-wah to any other comments.

So what brings the bling bling topic of today? I'm in such a rut.

For love or money. I recently quit my job without having another one in place. Some say stupid some say it fucking took you long enough you dumb bitch. hahah

So here's the sitch. Two different jobs on my hand. Two totally different paths.

Option One.
Be an executive assistant.
-The money will be...well, MONEY. I can make bank.
-Easy enough job and I know I can do it b/c I've been doing it for the past year and a half.
-I can do PR stuff on the side b/c if that's really what makes me happy then it shouldn't matter how much I'm making. And if I'm half as good as I think, I can transition when the time is right.

-Being an admin again makes me want to slit my wrists and watch them bleed.
-I can't take being someone's bitch.
-I didn't go to school to be a fancy admin

Option Two.
Be a PR assistant.
-I'll finally be in the field I wanna be in and it's a damn hard one to break into.
-I am using my education!
-There is a chance to keep making more and more money as time goes on

-I have tons-o-bills and I want to move out so bad
-I've never done anything PR-ish except some freelance here and there so I can get into the field and maybe discover that I hate it and go back to being an E.A. but now all I've lost is time and lots of money.

WTF AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOoOoooooOOOooo. I love money so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccch and im DEF not afraid of working hard to get it.

What's a Sally to do?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Those Were The Best Days of My LIFE!

Summer of '69. Wasn't alive but according to Bryan Adams, it was pretty bangin'.
Summer of '79. Still wasn't alive but the Ataris had a good time.

I think I'm going to make my memories in 09 b/c i'm actually alive for it and apparently summers that end in 9 are supposed to be hella good.

Heres my to do list (and i'll add on as necessary)
-Flag Football with the company
-Cali! (that's happening soon!)
-Go to the crick in PA to see Janel with Crystal
-Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy
-Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c I keep saying I will and haven't yet
-Kings Dominion
-All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages, mini golf, water fight, etc
-Allow myself to get drunk at least a handful of times instead of my usual 2 times a year
-Visit Justine in FL b/c im a bad person for still not having done so
-Back to CA for the 4th of July? Perhaps.

More to come..

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size

So. I've been in hibernation most of the winter. I rarely go out on weekends, partly b/c I'm bored with the usual that everyone wants to do (i.e. same tired bars/clubs. So then I opted for catching up with friends low key but even that got to be too much effort and predictable) and then mostly b/c of the weather being cold. I don't do cold.

"Come snowboarding!"

"You like skateboaring and surfing. It's the same thing. "

"You'll be a Natural!"



NO. [pause] Sorry I was on a roll.. Because you know what the problem with snowboarding is? The snow part. If we can do it without snow, then i'm down.

But then it's called skateboarding or surfing now isn't it?

I'm not knocking snowboarding at all--it does look pretty badass but i am knocking the snow part. NO.

Hahah okay so back to my original point, last night I went out.

I DEF did not want to go out.
1.) Having my period (sorry guys TMI but its the truth and I speak nothing but the truth and unlike jack nicholson I dont CARE if you can handle it or not.)
2.) Exhaustion!
3.) Lounges really aren't my thing.
4.) I'm acting like an old person b/c of my hibernation habits.
5.) There is no 5. I just feel like 4 is an awkward place to leave off a list.

Why I went out
1.) Guilt
2.) Sasina aka Soup (which would fall under the category of guilt) it was her bday and she's one of my girl's at work
3.) Carl (who also falls under the category of guilt). I thought i'd be slick and send a text saying im going to not out--twice even. Then got one back from him saying 'no. not acceptable' along with ways i can shake my exhaustion. And then another one about fall out plans in case I wanted to leave early. lol totally gets an A for effort and S for success
4.) Caroline. She's not a lounge girl either but she was gonna suck it up and go for Soup so i figured, I'm not gonna be the brat who doesn't go
5.) Please see #5 from previous list

End result? I had a really fun time! It was a hot mess (in a good way) and I'm glad that reasons 2-4 convinced me to stop acting old and just come out.

Shadowroom really wasn't bad at all. I'd go back. But probably a bit earlier b/c we got there right when everyone else was toasty aka WASTED.

Danced a little (and i do mean a little. my dress made it impossible to dance comfortably b/c of the way it gets tight at the bottom of it--even thoguh it's a short dress), laughed a lot (esp while people watching--a fav hobby of mine) and drank a little.

Yes. Me. The girl who never ever drinks had a few. Little buzzed which is where i like to keep it when hanging out with coworkers. And i adore my coworkers but it will be a lot easier/more comforable for me to get wasted when we dont work together anymore b/c I dont have to hang my head in shame/drinker's remorse. Or worse yet, drinkers reminder (i.e. "OMG Sally do you remember when you....")

And I dont judge or think differently of anyone who does. I wish i could. But i know that's going to end up in sloppy embarrassment for me.

Last time I was sufficiently wasted was at Stan's bday party at his, shmerik and los' place and I still cringe about that. Let's just highlight some of my finer moments. I dont want to but I'd rather tell you myself than have someone else say it.

-Acting like the world is my stage...STRIPPER stage. (No i didn't take any clothes off but i was shaking it like the rent was due instead of my normal mini wiggles i call sober dance )
-People handed me all kinds of food to get me to sober up and I was being such a brat about not wanting to eat anything that i threw a donut across the room after taking a bite out of it (i think stan caught it in the box)
-Made out with a guy in the hall (identity of male, unimportant)
-Giggle incessantly about everything...esp not being able to throw up when all 30 people were trying to get my to (though i must say--Emily and Pamela's were by far the most comedic)
-Feeling the need to start every sentece with "HEEEEY GUYSSSSSSSSSS!" or ending it with "AHHHHHHHH THATS WHAT SHE SAID"

Yes. I'd rather not.

What was my original topic? Oh yeah. Acting my age. So yeah it was def good move to go out on a fri night, put my freak'em dress on and go around town.

Tonight I was supposed to do the same but what am I doing? Blogging on a sat night b/c I guess i didn't learn all that much Fri night. LOL

Maybe i'll have to have 2-4 rotate call me to make sure I'm going out at some point on my weekends.

Monday, May 4, 2009

When Two Become One

Ok. I'm way sick of all these meshing of two terms or making up "cutesy" "clever" terms that people are doing nowadays.

1.) Mushing Celebrity Names Together:
Ex: Brangelina, Speidi, etc.
My Gripe: It's not funny nor is it clever.

The first time it came around was when it was Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. That was mildly entertaining b/c Ben and Jen do rhyme and so Bennifer was alright. But now the entertainment world thinks its cool to mush any old two names together. I wish I could go off on a tangent as to why it's completely obnoxious but really, I feel like there's nothing more to say other than not clever, not funny. So what's point? I seriously don't get it.

2.) Coining "contemporary" terms:
Ex: "Sexpert", "Tween", "frenemy", "sexting"
My Gripe: Why do you have to come up with a term for it? Just call it like it is.

I understand that this country is based on capitalism and labels but could we please just give it a rest? I think what really disgusted me was hearing a bit on Elliott in the Morning on my drive to work and he was talking about a man who was a lawyer and killed himself at work because he had gotten laid off (amongst other things) and that the new term for people killing themselves due to lay offs or anything else is in this economy is called "econocide." Why are we trying to make something that's totally not a funny topic, a term for that? Not everything needs a term or a group or a category. Let it go.

Hearing all these terms makes me groan inwardly...and outwardly come to think of it.

It just reminds me of being on a bad date with a guy who won't stop cracking jokes HE thinks is funny and i have to smile politely while I'm dying inwardly going "Yeah no second date." Or when you meet your friends' parents (or bf's parents--or gf depending on which way you swing)
and their dad is super nice but won't stop making these corny ass jokes and you just laugh in the beginning to be nice and b/c it's endearing and then later it's not so funny and your face hurts from faking smiles.

...just stop... Please? Thanks.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"You Wrote the Book On Love"

Okay no, I didn't. I did, however I did try to. Kinda. It was going to be this brilliant melting pot of NUMEROUS males and females from the "young adult" category (18-35 i think) their vital stats (relationship status, age, name, pic) and their opinions on all things relationship.

Not the kind you see in magazines where it's like "Word on the Street" and there's a pic of an avg looking guy named Brad who's a sales exec 26 from West Palm Beach Florida and he thinks that a girl's smile is the most attractive.

But real issues like "once a cheater always a cheater--why?" or "do you believe that there's only on true love in life" or "would you take a cheater back--why?" Things along those lines. Those are actually kinda crappy examples but you know what i mean. Something more than the generic.

I based a lot of the questions on the never ending stream of "Sally! My bf/gf/partner/wife/husband/fuck buddy/ friend with benefit/this guy/girl i'm talking to, this person i know... blah blah blah blah blah."

Naturally being fascinated with people and genuinely caring for my friends I hear them out and thoughtfully give a carefully thorough answer back which is NOT the usual "it is what it is" or "that sucks" or "What can you do?" that people give ME in response. (Or worse, when they hear your problem, and try to tell you a story that relates about THEM and you either didn't see how it even related at that im bitter or anyhting haha). But sometimes it's interesting to hear what other people say b/c once in a while I will repeat the story told to me (never using names of course) to another person unrelated to the person with the prob to see what their thoughts are. The things I've heard have been very interesting.

So I was gonna composite it all into one great big book--for entertainment value. Not for a self-help purpose. There'd really really be no point in that. In fact, I'm going to take my chances and say that there are pretty much no black and white answers to any thing in a relationship b/c it's so vastly different from relationship to relationship and person to person. But that sure doesn't stop everyone from buying all the relationship help books like "he's just not that into you" or "act like a lady, think like a man" (which actually isn't a bad read at all) or even much to my dread and horror as i discovered on a co-worker's desk "how to get hot girls."

Not saying that these books are garbage b/c at least the first two were best sellers and they didn't become best sellers for nothing, right? But what I'm saying is that relationships aren't black and white--they're mostly gray. So if relationships are mostly gray, why do we keep looking for black and white rules and answers?

--zoom in on "rules and answers" on screen and end Carrie Bradshaw moment--

Anyways, I've given up on the book b/c I can't figure out WHY people would buy it, what my title would be and who I would put in the book, etc etc.

Then I tried to write a book on The Quarter Life Crisis. And it doesn't help when other people are like "oh it's been done." well no shit. If people never wrote about the same topic once, we'd be effin' communisits.

So. Full of life again, I figured, i'd go ahead and write about the lameness we call the Quarter Life Crisis. But then it was really hard to write! I think it's b/c i'm something of a rebel and don't like to be told what to do.

...or b/c i suck at life.

Most likely option number two. LOL

I'm gonna end up in an email forward for FAILS.

See example below:

Hahah damn damn damn.

A collection of my blogs compiled in to a book? Perhaps. But why oh why would anyone want that?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. hahah

Saturday, April 11, 2009

You Ain't Nuttin but a Hound Dog. Cryin' All the Time

Okay. 2:55 am. Friday night. Actually, technically Sat morning since i did write A.M. The boys just left and here I am in a strange bed.

Wait wait wait. That doesn't sound right. Let me start all over again.

So, I'm apt sitting for my non best friend and her gf. They're headed out west and were generous to let me loaf around their apt while they're outtie. They wanted to gimme a break from my current living sitch b/c they know I'm stuck at my parents' place but hopefully not for long. Don't get me wrong, my parents are amazing people. They're really good people, big hearts and super chill. But. I'm friggin 25 yrs old for crying outloud. I need to escape. I love them with all my heart and then some and me moving out will never change this. However. ITS BEEN 25 MOTHAFUCKING YEARS AND I NEED SOME MOTHA FUCKING SPACE!

Whoa. I almost wrote motha fuckin' snakes. I think anytime i hear 'mothafuckin' i seem to channel Samuel L. Jackson.

All that's irrelevent. What is relevant is where I said I was in a strange bed. As in laying in a bed I am not familiar with. I did NOT however say a STRANGER'S bed. Now that's just super creepy.

Anyways. To kick off the weekend and my freedom and help perpetuate my "Lost" infatuation, I had some of the guys over tonight--Stan, David R and Justin. Kentucky (Tennessee? I dunno. Some state where they marry in the family and eat road kill) bourbon, Crown Royal and doritos abound.

Oh and the crazy neighbor to chat us up about God knows what during a smoke break. Yeah he's not actually crazy--just lonely says Justin--but crazy, says I.

Good times. Laughing, jokes and insults exchanged, what's not to enjoy?

Oh wait, the mothafuckin' DOG. Who is currently whining and barking. I'm totally not staying another night here b/c of him. Or any other night. I CANT deal with that. It's not that I hate dogs or even that dog specifically. I don't think so at least. All I know is that it wont just shut the fuck up! It's whining and barking when my FULL attention is NOT on it and running around like a fucking lunatic. Well guess what? Know what happens to dogs that get on my fucking nerves? Yes. They get captured by the boys and tossed back into the crate b/c it's fucking fucking FUCKING ruining my pseudo-apt experiment. Fuck this. A weekend is supposed to be fun. Not making sure someone else is happy and to coerce it to stop bitching. Esp not a fucking DOG.

I always thought I was a dog person. I always said I love dogs.

Yeah well not anymore. Dogs are like kids or boyfriends (or girlfriends depending on what youre into). NEEDY AS FUCK.

This particular four legged little shit has not stopped irritating me since I got here. Occassionally he's be very sweet and on his very best behaviour and doing his own thing, then snaps back into fucking needy psycho mode.

I saw the poor stinker in the crate when i came in and i just figured he could use some freedom. I let him out and that was the worst idea ever ever. No one told me it would be opening pandora's box.

And that fucker is STILL barking even though he's back in the crate, lights are off, etc. I know he doesn't know any better but I do. And i'm not going to spend my weekend reasoning with a dog. Tomorrow a.m. back to my place where there are no dogs.

Humorous as this blog may be, there is a downer to this situation. Non-best friend and her gf were gonna be my roommates in cali. now with this psycho dog in play, I really doubt it. Bummer!

And. I had no idea just how independent I really am. Jeebus.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Can Play The Guitar Like A Motha F*&^5$ RIOT

Okay I can't.

Not yet anyways. My big bro is going to teach me how to. (even if he did throw me like I was a damn log down the hall. All I have to say is that must've been quite a site for my darling McWeeney and the Pretty Communal Hubbie)

I wanted to play anything Jason Mraz b/c he's dreaaaaaaamy. He's my hunk of every month.

The bro said no. Of course he said no. PSH.

Then I thought about "Dare you to move" by Switchfoot, "Yellow" by Coldplay and "Flake" by Jack Johnson.

No. No. No. Said the bro.

I'm like are you fucking serious?

He was.

This should make for a fun lesson, right?

Anyways then he said that the easiest song to learn is "Runaround" by Blues Traveler.

Tracv Chapman's "Give Me One Reason to Stay here"

You know dude looks like a lady?Well this lady looks more like a DUDE. But the lyrics and the song are money so she can dude it up all she wants.

...which apparently is a lot.

Hungry Like The Wolf

How I handled the Fridge Thief at Work:

In case it's too blurry and small to read, here's what it said:

So. I've heard from others (including myself) missing items from the fridge in the kitchen.
Simply put stop it.
Not simply put--it's not yours you didn't buy it you clearly didn't ask for permission so you're totally a theif who has a very strange diet of canned water, soy milk, yogurt, coke and frozen meals. Freak. Theif. Freakin' theif. Ahahah
Punishment = I will seriously make you eat the contents of the whole fridge.
I WILL BE CLEANING THE FRIDGE THIS FRIDAY AT 8:00 a.m. so if it doesn't have your name on it, say goodbye to that tasty lean cuisine,yogurt,dinner you had last night that you know would taste so good for lunch the next day.
I'm watching youuuuuuuu and I have assigned secret spies to keep their eyes out.
"I always feel like somebody's watchin' me!"
It's b/c we are.

Friday, March 20, 2009

These Are My Confessions Pt II (Just like Usher)

9:27 a.m. Janel has her eyes wide which causes me to have my eyes wide. Janel with eyes open at all before noon is shocking enough. She got as far as “Did you see those pants? Bright ass lemon“ before I held up my hand and started to giggle. Janel’s back was to the hall so she didn’t see that the lemon pantsed suspect was moving towards us.

9:38 a.m. AUGH!!! Candidate hiding in corner after I walked in with Janel and Nicole from our 9:30 break
9:43 a.m. Mayhem. Candidate keeps doing jack in the box act when I put him in the room, nervously popping his head in and out, Fax machine man—while very nice—just won’t shut up, phones are ringing non-stop and g-chat is blowing up.

9:43 a.m. Cramming my face with a sesame seed bagel. It’s bagel Friday after all. And just to be rebellious I used cream cheese that had walnuts in it. (I’m allergic to walnuts) but I figure they’re little enough where it shouldn’t make a difference, right?

9:59 a.m. The sound of sesames falling from the bagel on to the paper plait sounds like a rainstick.

10:02 a.m. Did I really just spell that p-l-a-i-t? I meant PLATE.

10:02 a.m. Andrew called in to let me know his person will be here any minute and is early as fuck. I asked him to define that he said “He was supposed to be here at 2:45.” Egads. What’s wrong with people?

10:06 a.m. Strike that. What’s wrong with me? I said e-gads. Who does that?

10:07 a.m. Me, apparently.

10:08 a.m. Okay I can’t wait. Gotta peeeeeeeeeeeee

10:17 a.m. I feel funny. Like head ache funny. I think the walnut thing was a bad bad bad idea. So much for sticking it to the man.

10:24 Chatted with EZ about the front desk area and a crazy biatch that will be joining out office. And he too brings up the alarmingly yellow pants. He’s a funny man and a great boss. Love it!

10:41 a.m. Janel’s got ANOTHER person in.

10:50 a.m. What’s cooler than being cool? ICE COLD! Yes, I managed to spill ice water down my arm and shirt and pants. Lovely. Just as well. The frat house either won’t mind or won’t notice that I’m walking around looking like a wet t-shirt contest contestant. It’s the frat house?
10:52 a.m. Did I mention that the big bro walked off the elevator just when I was muttering to myself how much I hated water? Luckily he already knows I’m insane.

11:01 a.m. McWeeney is blinded from lemon pant lady. I’m going to put out a warning. Code…yellow. Naturally.

11:16 a.m. EZ just caught me saying “USELESS!” and slamming the phone down. He walks by laughing and says “BUSTED! That was AWESOME.”

12:03 p.m. GAH! No clue what I want to eat for lunch.

12:10 p.m. Helping pimp Andrew out.

1:35 p.m. Back from a hilarious lunch with Janel. She’s too funny.

1:48 p.m. Helping pimp Andrew out.

1:52 p.m. Helping Andrew with the radio.

2:01 p.m Listening to Santeria. And everytime I hear this song it makes me blush for two reasons. 1.) I kareoked it by myself one drunken night and thought I was a rock star. Ahahah 2.) I had blasted it on my iPod when I was back from a run in the park and stretching and humming but then I figured since I was alone in the parking lot I belted on part out loud—you know the part that goes “And I won’t think twice to stick that barrel down straight down sancho’s throat/ believe me when I say that I got something for his PUNK ASS!” and took my head phones off before heading into my car. In the side view mirror I notice a family. Mom, dad and 2 small children who all looked quite upset with me. Eep.

2:44 p.m. Strange squeaky sound coming from the computer. Alarming. Eek!

3:11 p.m. Just like my fav band. 311. Whoop! Whoop!

3:51 p.m. I’m way too distracted to complete this diary. Hahahah maybe next time.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Sprain

Kelly: What happened to you?
Lisa: I kicked the TV and sprained my ankle.
Jessie: Why?
Lisa: I was watching the new Revlon commercial and they discontinued my nail polish

[Cue canned laughter]

Yeah it's hilarious and adorable when it's Lisa Turtle sprains her ankle. She even has an entertaining story. It's a lot less funny and very much not adorable when it's Sally Pak. No entertaining story to follow.

She won the trophy at the max and was admired be her peers AND casey kasem.

All i got was this lousy bandage.

And a limp where I feel like I should be like "yessssssssss mastttttttterrrrrrrrr"

Although last night a few buddies and myself discovered that if i throw my hips into it, i can do a pimp limp instead.

I'll have to say this, I am pretty mystified about comments I've been getting about my ankle. The winner has to be from my boss.

"Can't believe you hurt your ankle! You can't do that Sally. You're a dancer!"

And all i could do was blink and smile.


I should've said something clever like "I wouldn't have to be a dancer on the side if you gave me a raise you big booty ho!"

But I rather like my boss and having a job. LoL he's good people.

...maybe he said it b/c i backed my thing up into him by mistake. I should beep before I back my thing up.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

These Are My Confessions...

7:52 a.m. Yay! Early for work! I mean that. It’s been hella hard to wake up with this stupid spring forward business. Yes, after 24 years you’d think I’d be used to it but I’m not.
8:25 a.m. Our fearless leader (aka my Sapphire boss) talks to me about the incident yesterday when this total nut job wandered into my lobby and proceeded to harass me with questions and then physically become invasive, but he didn’t put his hands on me. As I told Anna and Andrew yesterday, if that fucker put his hands on me I would be like “Ah hey-ull nah!” and if my hair wasn’t actually mine, I’d have snatched off and it would’ve been on like donkey kong. Hahah the great boss that is EZ has made me feel better but told me he’s still telling corporate just in case something else should happen though nothing will. He’s super! And so is my big bro for almost knocking out the dude (if he didn’t leave).
8:40 a.m. Made a poptart. Thought I would’ve learned my lesson from yesterday about poptarts, especially the way I went on and on about it with KTJ. But I am still addicted.
9:40 a.m. Smelly candidate has entered.
9:43 a.m. Warned Carl and Janel about said smelly candidate.
10:02 a.m. I seemed to have misplaced Erik. Crap. I checked my purse, around the computer…nothing. He is from Burke so the probability of him being lost is not one that people will mind but he does has Fairfax blood in him so I need to find him asap. 10:09 a.m. Ironing out details of my band with Big Bro. We’re kind of a big deal, you see.
10:09 a.m. Email back and forth with Alexandra b/c we’re both bored and miserable. Lol
10:20 a.m. Random candidate has wandered in saying she’s here for an 11:30 meeting. I understand that being early/on time for an interview is important BUT an hour is just silliness.
10:27 a.m. Smelly candidate has exited.
10:35 a.m. The trainer is here and I’m not sure what to do with him.
10:50 a.m. Back from a smoke break with Janel. Conclusion? It’s been a very strange week…and it’s only Wednesday!
10:56 a.m. The last employee to arrive has well…arrived. Ugh. I’m tired and sleepy.
10:56 a.m. I realize tired and sleepy means the same thing. But then not b/c you could be tired from running 10 miles straight but not be sleepy. Right? Right.
10:57 a.m. Kid no older than 16 years old has arrived with a potted plant and is aimlessly wandering the halls. That’s not weird or anything.
10:59 a.m. 16 year old stops to smile at me through the glass doors. I smile back and he starts stretching his legs.[He is w/o plant now.]
11:06 a.m. Wave at Shannon. Everyday I wave at everyone who walks by from my desk since there are clear glass doors (and even to a few I don’t know haha). I don’t know why I do it but everyone waves back so I figure it’s a courtesy thing. And good practice for when I win the Miss America Pageant and ride on floats and what not. Hahah
11:23 a.m. Danielley and I are a hot mess. I loves it!
11:31 a.m. Chase walks by and says “Hi Sally!” in a Mickey Mouse voice. Irony? With his new hairdo, he looks more like Donald Duck. Unlike Donald, Chase DOES wear pants. It’s appreciated.
11:33 a.m. Carl drops water bottle off at my desk and I want to do something funny to it. Maybe draw on it while he meets with his girl.
11:34 a.m. Wrote “Skyy Vodka” on Carl’s water bottle. Hope he finds that funny and doesn’t get mad at me. Especially since he’s literally a foot taller than me.

11:37 a.m. God bless g-chat. KTJ and Danielley are making the day go by much quicker and def more pleasantly.
11:40 a.m. There are sounds of something tumbling over in one of the interview rooms. I wonder what tumbled over. (Hopefully not one of our candidates…)
11:43 a.m. Carl runs outta his room snatches his bottle before I get a chance to see his face reaction to the writing.
11:44 a.m. Jay sees my guilty face and calls “Shady McShaderson!” over his shoulder on his way out.
11:45 a.m. Here comes Carl. AHHH!!!
11:50 a.m. Carl totally called me out in a slick way. He asked for his person’s paperwork which I forked over with my most innocent of faces. He acts non chalant and then throws in a casual “oh btw…skyy vodka?” I giggled nervously and hysterically. He shook his head, smiled and walked away. That’s so Carl!
12:11 p.m. Back from a cig break with the big bro. We discussed friendship, big macs, porn and our band. A usual convo for us.
12:13 p.m. I think he’s going to be mad if I post anything mentioning him at all. He is a very private person. Not a stick in the mud or anything like that but doesn’t like people all up in his shit. Which is totally fair. And something I respect about him. Let’s ask b.b. and see what he says.
12:23 p.m. No response from the bro but Sasina has finally surfaced. I wondered where she had been all day!
12:25 p.m. why are there so many effing crumbs at my desk!?
12:29 p.m. oh yeah. The whole I ate a pop-tart for breakfast thing.
1:47 p.m. Back from running to the mall with Andrew. Went to Macys so he could use a gift card and get a shirt. It was a nice shirt. Okay and I don’t know why I wrote that sentence like a freaking second grader. “Today was fun. The sun was out. It was a good day.” Hahahh we went to subway and I feel healthier. Minus the cigarette I plan on having shortly. Chatted with Janel a bit. I miss not having her on gchat!
1:50 p.m. Anna runs up excitedly with lovely plans to kill Dale. I offer to chip in and recruit a hitman.
1:52 p.m. The Bro has agreed to let me use his name under certain conditions. Anna was kind enough to let him borrow her name but I don’t think he’s cool with that. He said something back but I don’t know if it’s a yes or a no. That’s kinda how things go with us.
2:04 p.m. Sucking at life but Pamela is making me feel better about it.
2:31 p.m. Sasina wants to come down on a smoke break with me, preferably to hide behind me should big bro venture down with us.
2:35 p.m. Chase is not only melodious but he’s a total goober. And a good speller. Let’s be honest though, he’s lucky that he has a gal like Alexandra ;)
2:56 p.m. Nate just flew in (naturally as his theme song is “Flight of the Bumblebee” ) with a big silly grin on his face. I was like er?
3:16 p.m. Big bro is sure mad at me. Sadness! I totally didn’t mean to make him mad at me or at all come to think of it.
3:31 p.m. Delivered mail, made up with the big bro all is well in the world.
4:25 p.m. smoke break with Sasina and Janel (though Sasina is not a smoker she still came along for the ride.) Also stood up by big bro. The big stupid head. Hahah kidding!
4:27 p.m. I’m tired of dress and heels and I’d really like to just go home. Yes.
4:44 p.m. I’m so done with today. I don’t want to go runninnnnnnnnnnnnng. Damn damn damn.
4:45 p.m. Damn.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard

Yeah too bad it's not my milkshake.

Apparently it's my fowl mood which only goes to show that yes, ladies, guys DO only like bitchy women.

(kidding. kinda.)

I was a ball of fury this morning. The reason for the fury is unimportant. What is is that I went downstairs to have a mental breakdown and honestly burst in to tears or chainsmoke myself into a coma. Perhaps both.

I grab my marlboros and stupidly forgot to bring some form of fire so when I got outside I asked a fellow smoker I chat with occasionally for a light which he seemed to have decided was jusssssst the right time to start hitting on me. Telling me that he would do ANYTHING for me and that the weather was supposed to be beautiful this weekend--did I have plans. I gave him quick answers with a smile and sat on the bottomstep to resume crying and dialing (which btw never happened. The crying part.)

I felt bad b/c he IS a legitly nice guy BUT that was not the time for anything. I bitch bitch bitch on the phone, throw my kicked ciggie out and then turn to go back into the building when TWO guys stopped and were like "Heeeeey, why are you rushing in?" I'm like I DONT KNOW YOU! PISS OFF.

...too bad I didn't actually say that.

I tried to be polite but then they started with the "it's supposed to be beautiful this weekend" and im like HOLY JESUS. FIND A BETTER PICK UP LINE.

...but I didn't actually say that either.

I rushed through the conversation and through the revovling doors.


Final thought? not only do guys like bitchy women BUT it truly IS when you're not looking for attention from someone that you get attention from everyone.

Mazal Tov.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Ice Ice Baby.

I'm bringing it back old school. Pong bay-beh!
See that dot gliding back and forth?
That's apparently doubles as my car in snowy/icy conditions.
Laugh if you must but I had a freaking breakdown (emotional) driving (gliding??) to work in my car (aka tin can of death/casketsleigh.)
Not that my car is shitty. It's decent. It does what I need it to do--a little bruised and needs a bath but so do I. It doesn't judge and neither do i.
...whoa. sorry about that. sounded like i wanted to hump my car or something. ahahaha
k just wanted to share.

Oh. And btw. I'm getting married!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It's Family Tradition

"We Are the World" caused quite the controversy when I had dinner with my parents and my older sister.

Since the song is so contemporary and relevant...

I don't know how we got started on it but the next thing I know, one minute I'm twirling my spaghetti around my fork and then the next I'm yelling at my mom for not liking Bruce Springsteen. I don't mind that she doesn't like Kenny Rogers b/c she swears he's a racist. (And she used to be his biggest fan. I'm not sure what her beef with him exactly is but she swears he's a racist...) And I'm only slightly miffed that she doesn't know who Kenny Loggins is until i sang footloose.

My older sister is trying to remember the part after "There's a choice we're making, we're saving our own and me...WTF is that part before fucking...I can't remember! It's a choice we're making..."

My dad is trying to stop my argument with my mom and me...

Mom: I HATE him.
Me: Bruce Springsteen?
Mom: Yes. I didn't watch the superbowl half time b/c i don't like him.
Me: You don't like "The Boss"???
Mom: No, I said I don't like Bruce Springsteen.
Me: He IS the boss. You hate the boss. I can't believe it! YOU hate the boss.
Mom: I don't hate your boss! I'm sure Erick is a very nice man. You said he was. And you said his wife was very nice too.
Me: (pause) Mom no! I'm not talking about MY boss. I'm talking about THE boss.
Dad: I remember the show "Who's the boss" Tony! Angela! Right?
Older sister: "so lets start givin...theres a choice we're making...UGH! what are the words?"
Mom: What's he the boss of?
Me: I don't know!
Mom: Well that's a stupid nick name. He's not even the boss of anything.
Me: Maybe he's the boss of the e street band.
Mom: Who's the E Street Band?
Me: his band i guess. or some band that plays with him.
Mom: So he's their boss?
Mom: Don't use that tone of voice with me I just had a question!
Dad: There was no band in "Who's the Boss."

Older sis busy on iPhone looking up lyrics.
Dad wanders to smoke
Mom and i get in another fight about how to pronounce Lionel Richie.
(I'll save you the drama. It's really quite boring. just a shouting match of me going MOM NO. LI. as in LION. IN AS IN...IN. ULL as in..DULL. LIONEL. and her saying RYAN-ALL. Then dad cutting in to say "OH I get it. Ry-uhn-allllllllll. B/c making the "L" longer at the end of the name makes the imaginary R in the front of the name all better. They can nail the "L" sound at the end, so why not the beginning?? and how fucked up is it that she can say bruce springsteen but cant say lionel??)

And so i chat with my younger sis to remind her of our family's insanity and this is what i get.

SallySocialiteTM (10:53:19 PM): if it makes you feel any better, i fought with mom at dinner b/c she didn't know that bruce springsteen's nick name is "The boss"
SallySocialiteTM (10:53:20 PM): hahah
juliepak 01 (10:55:09 PM): hahaha. .. bruce springsteen...the director?
juliepak 01 (10:55:15 PM): no. the actor.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:19 PM): SINGER!!!
juliepak 01 (10:55:24 PM): oooh. yeah. the singer!
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:24 PM): he sings
juliepak 01 (10:55:35 PM): i know i know now.
juliepak 01 (10:55:38 PM): curly hair?
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:40 PM): sorta
juliepak 01 (10:55:44 PM): old.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:44 PM): looks like he needs a bath
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:47 PM): yes!
juliepak 01 (10:55:47 PM): yeah.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:50 PM): hahahahah
juliepak 01 (10:55:54 PM): i know~ hahah. oops.
SallySocialiteTM (10:56:31 PM): im going to send you a story about what happened at dinner tonight
SallySocialiteTM (10:56:36 PM): reminder this is YOUR family
juliepak 01 (10:56:47 PM): please, don't remind me.
Send Message Failed. Message is too long.
Send Message Failed. Message is too long.
SallySocialiteTM (10:57:28 PM): youve got mail
juliepak 01 (11:00:44 PM): AHAHAHAHAHHAH!
juliepak 01 (11:01:07 PM): why am i not surprised....this is a classic pak family dinner convo.

Couldn't have said it better myself. This is so typical of my family.

....this is why we can never have company join us for dinner...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Cuz Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright

I can only hope so. I am TRIPPIN lately so if we haven't seen each other/talked to each me. It's safer that way b/c you'll probably end up interacting with a thousand sally's all at once but the front runners of this multipersonality mind fuck is 1.) The Bitch 2.) The Joker 3.) The ADHD Poster Child 4.) The Ideal Candidate for Anger Management and 5.) The Mute.

One thing and one day at a time. Everything in moderation. Eat 5-7 servings of fruits and vegatables. Be kind Rewind.

Blah blah blah.

I'll come full circle again. Eventually. =)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Say Whaaaaaaa?

He's Just Not That In to You.

I just saw the movie today with the girls. Never read the book. And after that movie, I really don't think I have the desire to.

Don't get me wrong, I really did like that movie in that it was absolutely hysterical, relevant/relatable and somee things that are sooooo true (which is why it was so funny b/c you'll have a moment of 'oh yeah i've done that' or 'yup i've heard that one' or 'i thought that too!).

But if you're going to watch it with even the slightest bit of intention to apply some part of it to your current male/female relationship (or lack there of) scenario-- DONT BOTHER.

Why not?

B/c ultimately you'll be left feeling that he's just not that into you ever and never will be ever, if you hold all those rules to be true. And then the best part is that not only is HE not into you but no one in the male population is but there ARE exceptions to the rules so there are some people who the rules don't apply to but there's no way to distinguish that.

Uhh..Say whaaaaAAaaAAA?

Trust me. If you've seen the movie, then that i just said rings true.

Movie aside and my own personal take on it is that long story short, there are no "rules" when it comes to guys/girls. Just a lot of messy communication. And that everything is subject to change (may it be good or bad).

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Wishing and Hoping and Dreaming and Praying...

That one day I can say honestly and assuredly say: All is well in my world!

And mean it.

I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing as much as I'm sick of saying:
Hi I'm Sally and here's a pile of shit that's going on.

Calling to follow up?

Hi. I'm still Sally and here's additional piles of shit that's going on.

While not every moment is tragic or end of the world awful and does make for entertaining stories...

It's still pretty fucking annoying. Trussssssssssst.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

...One up?

Is super mario the animated video game version of porn star Ron Jeremy?? makes you wonder what they really meant about "one up..." one WHAT? mmm-hmm...

*Post dedicated to stan!*

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Doctor Doctor Won't You Please Prescribe Me Something...

The day and the life of someone else
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself.

Okay that's totally a lie. I am not a hazard to myself and I don't want to especially BE someone else (Which works out great b/c that's impossible).

So whats the problem?

I have...a disease.

Mentionitis. (when you can't stop mentioning a specific someone else in any given coversation/link everything back to that person. )

It's awful.

Friday, February 6, 2009

"Don't be Cruelle" (Cruel)

(Family Guy reference. As you know, I relate everything to family guy but not in that frat boy kinda way. Um no offense to frat boys as many are my friends hahah love you boys!)

What's being cruel? This whole sleep thing. I'm exhausted. I have been for the past few hours. I tried but no completion (that's what she said! hahah maybe i am a fratster...)

So what's on my mind. Famous question.

There's so much swirling around I have no idea where to begin.

I guess here starts the bitching fest.

1.) So much to do, so little time: Yeah and someone should also add, so little funds...! I love being a socialite. Really and truly. It's fun knowing lots of people and knowing that you can flip open your phone or open an empty email to start to write to someone and know that you can scroll through names and names of people. Some closer to me than others but that's definitely not a personal thing. It's just how it goes in life the same way I'm not close to even some of you--which I don't take personally either.

But back to my original point, there's so many of you I wanna hang out and chill with or party or whatever but I am only one person and I'm sure many people will find it hard to believe (even if they do) 1. I dont really like drinking at all to the point where if prohibition came back, I doubt I'd even care or notice. 2. I may be a socialite but damn, I do not have Paris Hilton's bank account. So even if it's just getting coffee or dinner or going out out one night--it's still adds up when people come at you with the "happy hour sally!" or "it's my birthday!" or "i haven't seen you in forever--let's catch up!" All totally legit but all costly. 3. I'm a rather independent creature and love nothing more than to have a 5 stay at home nights perfectly contently not talking to anyone. I talk to people all day everyday that I just like my own time/space to do my own thing.

The problem? I have guilt issues saying no and I think some people think I'm fake b/c i am notorious for going to 5 parties in one night and spending what i call the "curtosy hour or half hour" I'm not fake but I'm just trying to see as many people as possible so I dont have to do one on ones witheverone.

I love everyone but I am but one Sally who is tired, broke, likes to be independent/on her own with a guilt complex and hate sounding like I'm conceited or something. Many people tease me by imitating me by saying "ohhh i'm so pretty and popular. my life is so hard. People want to be around me and everyone wants to be my friend but i just dont have the time..." That's NOT me and actually legitlly gripes me. grrrrrr

2.) Crazy Little Thing Called Love: I've been the only singleton in my circle of friends for like ever. And then in my famliy. And then it branched out to work. I dont want to be in a couple just to be in a couple and i certainly don't want to turn into one those couples (sorry this is directed at most of you) who do everything together and act like they will simply die or freak out if the other half is not involved. Gimme a break already! It's awful to admit but I wish I were in a couple just to show others how you can balance love and life without making your love your life and kicking your friends to the backburner esp if they have a busy schedule. Then there are my few single friends who are on the opposite side of the spectrum and they just won't shutttt the fuuuuuckkkk uppppp about thier 'bad luck' or this guy/girl that they're totally crushing and how so and so texted them/wrote on their wall/told a mutual friend ____. I'm like ohhhhhh my gosh. You're not pathetic BECAUSE you're single. You're pathetic AND single. Knock it off!

It's the next day and I'm reading what I wrote. Man I get cranky when I don't get a lot of sleep! LoL the funny thing is I'm still not backing down completely from my arguments and im fully rested. Is that bad? Hm...

Friday, January 30, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?

No really, why CANT we be friends?
I don't get it.
And i'm not really providing any context so I'm sure you out there in cyberspace don't get it either.
I mean this about past loves/likes/crushes/hook-ups.
I wish I could elaborate but I'm at a loss for words.
On one hand you've got those who say that they'll be your friend and then they either kinda are or are but it's still weird.
OR, the ones that say that it's too hard to be your friend and then disappear.

I don't like either one at all.

I don't like it one bit.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's like Graduating EVERYDAY