Sunday, February 26, 2012

Na-na- na-na-na-na-knees, knees

I wonder how many of you counted the number of "na-na"s in my title to see if it matched the number that Axel Rose belted out in "Welcome to the Jungle." hahahha

Moving along, the pain in my right knee is AWFUL. I think I might go out and get crutches today but that seems all kinds of ironic in itself. I'm not supposed to move around and unfortunately I need to in order to get said crutches...

Needless to say this weekend has been a BLAST (I mean this with very heavy sarcasm). I didn't do a single thing. I went to the gym yesterday and that was pretty much the only time I left my house. I probably wouldn't even have done that if I didn't need cigarettes. Oh, hi again irony. I know I get it.

Initially I had plans to get coffee with Garth, walk with Linds and then out to the bar with Bex but due to 1.) Having a terrible fucking period (you're welcome male readers) 2.) Linds out car shopping (EEEK!!!! Very exciting...!!) and 3.) I'm ready to gnaw off my right knee, I think its a good thing that none of those things happened.

I webMD'ed myself which I don't usually do and it basically says to put ice on it, don't work out and quit being a fucking baby. No need for a doctor unless something breaks pretty much. Awesome.

I should probably take this time of being an injured bird to get myself organized. I'm beyond a hot mess. My room is a train wreck, I keep fucking forgetting about previous engagements and either missing them or getting flustered. I need to nip that in the bud.

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo supppppppppppperrrrrrrrr bummmmmmmmmmmmmmed about Janel's wedding and missing all of her wedding related things!!!! I sent a nice gift in lieu of my presence for her bridal shower but it's not the same! I'm trying to think of something nice to do for her including a trip up to see her. I'd like to drive but not alone but don't have anyone to join me [any takers?] I get lost a little too easily, get nervous on a high way and need someone not annoying to take along. Or, I could fly there but I don't know how close her new place is to the airport and it seems counter productive to go there and then be a burden to her and hubbie to be. I need to mull this over some more.

WAH. Unmotivated. I dont even wanna get up and brush my teeth right now.

PS Sigh again, so much for blogging more regularly. The other thing i was supposed to do was travel EVERYwhere with my dig camera so I could upload pix to my blog b/c as people never tire of saying "Pics or it didn't happen!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Here in this Diary

Ok EPIC FAIL. I'm not capable of blogging EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I just can't do it. I don't always have access to my computer (i.e. i'm not at home 24/7) and blogging via phone is going to take forever and you all know how much I like to talk.

Besides, any of you who read Bridget Jones' Diary know that bitch didn't write in her diary every day either!

Wha-ha-happened these past few days. I don't even remember... I did see the biatch in the dry sauna again. You know "OB." I may have left our battleground triumphantly but let's face it, it was mostly a front. I was ready to battle her out again but as I tip toed to the sauna and peered in I knew I wasn't as badass as I led on. Badasses dont tip toe in. They walk in there like oh hi i run this bitch. WHAT.

I peeked in and didn't see her so I felt my shoulders relax. As I got closer I realized it WAS her. I'm just not in the mood to fight so I [not so] bravely closed my eyes and sat against a wall far from her. Or at least I'd like to think it was far. She was lying in the middle so... Anyways, she didn't see me and I pretended not to see her aka kept my eyes closed. Unfortunately all I wanted to do was stretch out (um hi, have you been on an eliptical set to a resistance of 20 for 45 minutes? Ouch. Well not so much as ouch as it is wanting to stretch it on out. But I would need to open my eyes for that and it just wasn't happening. I opened one eye warily and saw OB standing and staring STRAIGHT. AT. ME. She wanted to say something but I quickly closed that eye. Fail for both of us. She didn't get to talk and I was being passive aggressive.

She walked out and I stretched freely and now that my eyes were open, the sauna was filled with people wearing "SHOES WITH GLUE THAT IS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE." What now biatch? I laughed to myself particuarly when OB returned and saw all of us in there with our death shoes on. She started to say something to me but this time I was less polite, kept my headphones on and walked out. See biatch!

Side note but totes relevant (aside from the fact that i hate that i openly use the word 'totes') It's Mardi Gras today and myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy how things have changed. Here I am freshly showered blogging at 10pm about a fight with a 90 year old when just a few years ago, I'd be on my way to a bar that was doing something kitchy for Mardi Gras (ie when I celebrated Bacardi Gras circa 2007).


Saturday, February 18, 2012

And All That Jazz

Seriously? I missed blogging yesterday. I wasn't home at all except to change and go back out and eventually sleep. That totally puts a damper on blogging everyday for a year. I think I shoud get immunity b/c I wasnt home and sure I could've done it at work but it was AT WORK.. you know WORKING.


That said, I am balls tired. I can't stop saying the word balls. I dont know why! Everything is balls cold or oh balls. I know I pointed out that its my new fav saying but STILL. I'm balls tired b/c a friend of mine had to put her dog down to sleep minutes ago and I just got off the phone with her to make sure she was doing okay. And she is. Whew!

Change of topic, Happy 7th anniversary to the DC Girly Show! They put on a great production of Chicago last night at Phase. All the ladies and members of the DC Kings did an AWESOME job.

Zach Morris TIME OUT style: I have to braggy brag here for a second--my NoN-Best Friend, Private Tails (stage name obv) is TOTES the best performer of the bunch and she is amazing!!! Super pretty [i know, irrelevant but still, snaps to her genetics!) and has such stage presence! Best dancer, highest kicks, best splits, most energy--She's amazeballs (OMG BALLS AGAIN!) and if you haven't seen her yet or if you're not in this area, you have to go to a show/look her stuff up. FAB!

Ok, I'm going back to bed. Nothing funny or quirky to say but just wanted to blog to keep things up.

And for the record, to the losers who told me we were getting snowed out tomorrow, F. U.

It's PM showers and we'll be back up to 60 degrees by Weds...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Keeps Getting Better

I woke up this morning like a bitch. Bitch meaning a scary mean for no reason girl. I was ready to slice people with my cutting remarks. I barely looked up from my screen at work let alone uttered any words. I was pretty sure today was gonna suck.

It didn't!

I think it's helpful that the people on my floor are actually really nice so even if I wanted to be mean and nasty, I just couldn't.

I think the FML moment of the day was so horrifying, it just made me laugh. Turn about ten shades of red and laugh. Sometimes, it's like there's nothing else you can do. I was emailing my coworkers a forward from a pervy coworker. Long story short, this is the guy who 'accidentally' forgot I was Asian right after he announced that he's never had an Asian girl and has always wanted to bang one out. Classy.

Anyways, he had forwarded me an email from his consultant who is in love with him. It was pretty funny. Not so funny? She's ruining my life b/c she doesn't know how to do something pretty basic and it's beyond frustrating. So he forwards an email to my boss and me letting us know that his person is having some trouble. I wrote back to him saying that I hate his girlfriend and I would appreciate that in the future, he chose SMARTER girls. He wrote back saying that he's not gonna lie--he loves dumb girls! I snorted and forwarded his email to two girls that were in my department (the others were away from their desk) and the girl who sits by said person. We'll call him Ernie. My mean email with the forward below said "Yeah b/c that's the only girl that would go for him. [i.e. dumb] Just saying!" one girl snorted and giggled, another wrote to me expressing her agreement and the OTHER girl put my shit on blast b/c she wrote back to me and CC'ed ERNIE!!!! HE SAW MY MEAN EMAIL. Then writes to me saying that he appreciates my kind words.

Holy fuck. HOLY BALLS. HOLY. BALLS. I was horribly embarrassed.

I guess there's something to be said about don't say behind someone's back what you wouldn't say to their face.

You think that would've made my day worse but at that point I did the only thing you can do. Laugh. Heartily and really hard.

And then the rest of my day did fall into place.

I learned the following:

Meatloaf will do the following for love:
Meatloaf will NOT do the following for love:

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

Fail. One of my new year's resolution was almost like a challenge to myself which is to blog literally every single day. Not always too in depth but throw something up every single day.

Given that it's halfway through Feb and I only have one post, which I didnt write, I think it's safe to say it's a total fail. But you know, at the same time, who said the year had to start with Jan 1? So what if the calendar year starts with Jan 1, doesnt mean that I have to also.

I know, Sally, you rebel you.

So here I am, dusting myself off and trying again.

Today was amusing. I realized halfway during the day that I was NOT capable of shutting the fuck up. My coworkers kindly humored me but I'm sure they were like SHUT THE FUCK UP SALLY. Even if they didn't say it to my face.

Oh Balls (which btw is totes my new fav saying). And here I go on another tangent of nothingness.

One of my coworkers said to me "Sally H. Pak." (Yes, dear readers, I did just reveal my last name. Come after me and I will have the police on you SOQUICK.)

To which I responded "How did you know that was my middlename?!" Then shortly thereafter said "No..not really. I don't have a middle name."

Said coworker pondered this for a moment and then said "That's right, it's b/c you're Asian."

WHAT!? I really do wonder sometimes...

I don't hold it against him. I learned at the gym today that my own peope are quite ignorant as well. The following below is a rough transcript of my interaction. And OB = the old bitch I was talking to.

OB *taps me on the shoulder* : EXCUSE ME.
Me *sighs noisly and takes headphones off*: Yes?
OB: You can't wear shoes in the dry sauna.
Me: Yes I can and there's nothing that says I cant.
Me: *narrows my eyes at her in annoyance* I dont generally keep glue in my shoes and what about your flip flops?
OB: What country you from?
Me: I'm from...
OB: You half Chinese half white?
Me: No, I'm
Me: I'm Korean.
OB: ME TOO. *switches to speaking in korean* You dont look Korean.
Me: *also switches to Korean* Yep. I am.
OB: But your LEGS are muscular. Very sturdy.
Me: Yep. I work out.
OB: Korean people have VERY skinny legs. Your legs are STRONG. NOT FAT. STRONG.
Me: Well. I'm still korean...
(mind you i'm speaking to her in korean this whole convo is in korean...)
OB: But Korean legs are like toothpicks. See? I'm over 60 and my legs are SKINNY. B/c i am KOREAN.
Me: *overly sweetly* Youre right. Your legs are skinny like Korean people. But you're also fat. Most Koreans aren't. Maybe YOU'RE not korean BECAUSE YOURE FAT.
*me momentarily picturing my parents chasing me around screaming SHAME, Sally. SHAME. Then I realize, you know what? I'm damn near 30*
Me: I talk however I want to and yes, my parents do go here. They're Korean and NOT FAT.

Stony silence. Both of us are STUBBORN bitches at this point so neither of us want to be the first to leave the sauna. She's about 100 years old and I know she's about give out first. I may be a smoker but I work out like a champ and KNOW I can outlast here. And if home girl thinks for one second she's going to intimidate me out of here, she MUST be confused. I will stay here until i resemble dehyrdrated space food or until I pass out or DIE.

2 minutes later she leaves.