Tuesday, January 7, 2014

And the Fluke is the Duke of Soul

Yeah. Seriously--I saw this lady and was like how do I know her...? She looks so familiar... Well that would be because she looks like a fish from The Little Mermaid. Seriously--doppelgänger much? She legit looks like the fish from under the sea that is playing the sax as says "yeah" (the fluke to be more specific)

I'd post a pic but that's not very nice. 

It's the little things in life that keep you going even if you're likely the only one who thinks its funny. 

I'm on this weird cartoon kick lately--more specifically Disney movies but the old ones. Now you know I'm truly getting old when I watch the movies from my childhood when things were simple-/or so they seemed. 

What if instead of FUCK YEAH or hell yeah people said ohh de lally a la Robin Hood? How funny would that be? Or if like Merlin from sword in the stone you could just sing a crazy song to pick your shit up? (Including the rude little sugar bowl who elbows the plate) 

And you know what my favorite Disney movie of all time is--ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I don't know what it is about that movie that I love so much. It's like the way my brain works translated into a Disney movie. A bunch of random shit that's all connected together in some weird way is my life. I remember being a kid and all the kids would be talking about their favorite movie which typically was the little mermaid with some sleeping beauty mixed in there. I would excitedly throw my fav out there and it was like the record stopped and everyone stared at me. When they managed to get over their obvious judgment and distaste of my pick I would be bombarded with questions about why and my most favorite was when they would say matter of factly--she's not a princess. Yeah well you mean bitches neither are you so quit acting like one. 

But I was never that gutsy or quick witted as a kid. Nor did I know any profane words. Now is a whole nother story. Let's just say I've been awarded this past year with the "sista" award bc I was most likely to be giving someone the business while rolling my neck and snapping my fingers. 

Blasian and proud I must say. 

Also proud of a quick sketch I did of one of my fav characters, Sir Hiss

Not bad right? Except when you google and see the image that I tried to imitate then this looks like garbage hahah oh well 

Ok bed time.

Monday, January 6, 2014


There is massive panic in my area about the cold weather. Nothing is falling from the sky but mayhem has set in and people are freaking out. Every news station or Facebook feed (which really, what's the difference between the two nowadays..?) 

In the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons this year, I present to you, a hot and cold playlist to get thingn started. Feel free to add your own:

Cold songs:
Icebox - Omarion 
Frozen - Madonna 
Baby it's Cold Outside - various artists
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
A Winter's Tale - Queen
Chillin' - Wale ft Lady Gaga
California Dreamin' - The Mamas and the Papas

Hot songs:
Hot in herre - Nelly
Burnin Up - Faith Evans
Fire burnin - Sean Kingston 
Kokomo - Beach Boys
Hot Child in the City - Nick Gilder 
Fire starter - Prodigy
Island in the Sun - Weezer 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

This is the Start of Something Good

Hello 2014! It's off to an okay start. nothing terribly interesting has happened so far. I take that back, every time I leave the house (and sometimes when I don't) something totally weird happens and today it wasn't about me. 

That old bitch from my gym was literally rubbing lotion on her ass while I was blowdrying my hair (which I hate to do but I hate being sick even more) and she was bugging the shit out of one of the ladies who works there. She asked her to put lotion all over her back which is this blobby unsightly back. The lady politely helped her out and old bitch was back to her bitchy ways. 

Lady: ...sure! 
OB: Good. If I had daughter I no ask you.
Lady: it's ok! 
OB: Do you have kid? 
Lady: yes I have sons.
OB: SONS NO GOOD. They no help you. They no take care of you. They go and get married and listen to their wife and their wife hate you. HATE. YOU.
Lady: Well I think I have some time until I worry about that.
OB: how old they? 
Lady: (I didn't hear how old she said one was) and my other is 19.
OB: you need daughters. No one will take care of you. (Pause) or buy you underwear.
Lady: oh I'm sure I'll make do
OB: NO ONE BUY YOU UNDERWEAR BC YOU NO HAVE DAUGHTER. Daughters can go buy you clothes. And underwear
Lady: I'm sure I'll be fine.
OB: I have no daughters and have to buy my own clothes and underwear. YOU WAIT. I try that Victoria place but the underwear broke. NO GOOD. Need daughter to buy underwear.
Lady: well, I like shopping so I don't mine
OB: (scoffs) YOU WAIT. Your kids wife hate you. And you have no underwear.

...uhhh what? Wtf is her obsession with underwear and trying to annoying the life ou lt of people? 

Being that I've been the victim of that old bat made me want to swoop in an save the lady but I didn't want to start my year by throwing a hair dryer and this lady. 

...but how awesome would that have been? Minus the whole assault charges a thing. 

I keep trying to plan things for this year in terms of goals and milestones but truly not sure if it matters. As last year astutely proved, things are going to happen they way they're going to happen so I'm not sure if what I'll want to do matters. 

I'm treading lightly this year and hope to make it redemption year. 

Here's to starting things over again..!