Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Walls Were Shakin' The Earth Was Quakin'

Holy Earthquake fellow East Coasters! I know Cali kids are laughing at us saying that this is nothing but lemme just nip that one right in the bud--this is the EAST COAST bitches so NO, we're not used to that!! :P

Moving along, I dont know where my brain is these days. I'm forgetting things and people and events. I swear it's like early on set dementia or something. GEEZ.

I'm in better spirits today and lately in general b/c some people unknowingly helped restore bits and pieces of faith in humankind again. It's not 100% again but it's finally out of the negative points. I was on a downward spiral that everyone's a mean asshole who's out for themselves but then I'll get a random friendly/kind message, email, text--even cards! (thank you very much miss Lessons from Lemons L.S!) from friends or people I work with and it makes me smile. I have to be better at remembering, even though some people suck at life, not everyone does. It's hard not to wanna be a bitter betty when all you want to do is enjoy life and be around other enjoyable people.

No, this isn't a brush with death (the earthquake wasn't THAT serious thankfully) Ahhhh everything is glorious moment. It's moree of a "What's REALLY bothering Sally and how can we make it stop?"

I will make a conscious effort to not bitch about my friends a la blog but im not making any promises. My blogs are not a passive aggressive digs. I just write what i thinks or what's happened to me --trying to keep it real and authentic as possible.I think that's what makes it relatable. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, some times im bitching just to let it out....

Talk about awkard/double edged sword that writing in my blog is my stress release but also can be dangerous b/c people will think it's about them or think its about something or someone that it's not and voice opinions that contradict mne. You dont have to agree but you can't stop me from saying it. (And that's also why i dont have a comments buttons haha aside from people arguing with me, i dont want people to argue with others!)


I miss being the fun me ALL the time instead of little glimpses here and there. Now that I feel like not everyone's an asshole anymore, hopefully, i can continue to move along happier :)

Very excited for Q4 coming up here...!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm Starting to Trip, I'm Losing My Grip and I'm In This Thing Alone...


Yep. It's happened. It's that 100th time of year when i'm losing my mind. This is quickly escalating to a serious problem and next time I'm writing to you all it will be from a mental institution or rehab. Maybe both.

I'm going through the Holly Go Lightly Mean Reds.

I don't know WHAT it is.

Nothing and no one is vibing with me lately, especially me. Talk about difficult.

It's super weird b/c i hate that i feel like everything i'm saying lately is a complaint about everyone else. On one hand, i could just be a raging self righteous bitch. Likely. On the other, I could have legitamite problems with people and situations and be selling myself short. Not so likely but not impossible. How does one really know?

I think what's really put me into a state of alarm is that my best friends in the world minus 3 people i can think of at the top of my head are driving me fucking crazy. Some i've been blunt with. Other's I'm avoiding talking to or having that talk with. See people? It's not just romantic partners that i can't have the talk with. It's b/c i get caught playing devil's advocate and I'm almost TOO aware that i myself am not perfect so to go off on someone when i'm not perfect myself or have problems with who they are at the's like...who am I? So i dont say anything. I let it fester. and there are some people that I don't know WHAT i'm so hostile with them about but i am hostile. Maybe not hostile but not feeling amicable.

My A list typically knows how to handle me in this situation and guide me but the problem is that IT IS MY FUCKING A LIST that's driving me insane. And maybe they're not and i'm being a bitch. Who KNOWS. I sure as hell don't.

It's scary b/c i called someone today (A list of course) that has next to NEVER let me down in the cheering up department and while they did make me laugh, i ended up getting frustrated with that person too! They dont know it though. Of course, if they read my blog (which i can guaratee said person doesn't), then they'd know.

WTF are you supposed to do when you can't TALK to the people that mean the most to you? What does this mean? AHHHH!!!! i'm losing my mind. I'm not on drugs, i'm not drunk, i'm not having my period, eating too much/too little, i did get enough sleep--so why the bitchyness???


*Deep breath* i'm okay...