Wednesday, August 28, 2013

You..Doing That Thing You Do

Breakin my heart into a million you always doooooooooo.....

Not relevant to the blog ahead but it's impossible to sing that first line without singing the following line. Though.. you might not be at that part of the song. Whoops. Whatever.


I promised to upload more emoticon songs but laziness washed over and I haven't done it. Maybe over the long weekend.

What I have done is realize that watching over a pet is literally like having a child. I'm watching my sister's dog (well tech he's family now but it's hers) and waking up early to walk him and racing home to walk him has been stressful to the point where i know I'm absolutely not ready for kids. Period. I lucked out that he is perfect and didn't pee or anything else in the house and when I went to the gym after work, I definitely banged out 3 miles in just barely under 20 minutes b/c I knew the little furball was at home waiting for me. I felt guilty, annoyed, needed and loved. I imagine parents feel the same way.

So...for those who know me, i've always had a love for all things creative. It's the one thing in life I'm good at. I don't mean that in a self deprecating give me a compliment sorta way. It's more of a fact. Think of your friend who is the best dancer, singer, athlete, best looking, most charismatic, most successful--chances are you didn't name me.  Shit. I wouldn't name me either. But when it comes to writing and a crazy love for music, you better think of me. I make up silly shit and send it along or I tell some crazy story I got tangled up in and the first thing people always say to me is, why do you work for corporate America? You don't belong there. I've heard that from countless friends but more shockingly so, from very high level important types at companies that I've worked at before who insist I do a great job in the corporate world but can't for the life of them figure out why I'm still doing it. And why I haven't sold my worldly goods and become a starving writer. Um hello? B/c i don't want to be a starving writer, duh. haha

I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.


I do know.

It's because I tried insanely hard and it didn't pan out. I'm bright enough to have that mundane job and do what I love to do on the side where I don't feel pressured and can do what i want. And then people hit me with the, you can still do what you want AND make a decent living doing that. Sure. Just tell Aladdin to pass the lamp over when his greedy ass is done.

Still.. I dont know. It almost feels like a backhanded compliment (lack of better term). On one hand you're telling me i'm a rockstar in the business world but on the other, you can see that it's not what i SHOULD be doing. WTF does that mean. I show up to work at least 15-20 minutes early every day, never take a lunch break and take my work very seriously (maybe too much so). So how can they tell that it doesn't feed my corny artist soul? I don't bitch and whine about whatever job I'm in (well...not publicly) and I dont walk around like Eeyore ("thanks for noticing me..."). So what gives?

I'm just doing what I do to get by. I don't feel special or like the only one out there that does this or goes through this. Do you think every fry cook, paper pusher, fancy titled job person thought they'd be doing what they are? Likely not. But there's this very real place called THE REAL WORLD (not mtv) and bills and houses and grown up shit (401ks and benefits and what not).

Maybe i'll finally finish the book I've been meaning to finish for...the past 5 years or so.

I dont know.

I dont really even know why I felt the need to blog or share any of this as it's not especially entertaining or enlightening.

I guess I'm just mystified about how much I've heard lately congrats on the new job and why are you with corporate america still with the talent you have soooooooooooo painfully much this month I just dont know how to take it.

Til next time, I guess I'm just gonna keep doing that thing i do.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

And These Foolish Games... (Part I)

It's funny just how true it is that quality totally kicks quantity's ass. In this particular case, I'm referring to the years I've been friends with these two guys I've known for just over a year and a half or so give or take a few and they've become immediate staples in my life. Like if I won some contest that was a free trip + bring friends or hit the jackpot and went to go party and celebrate, these two guys (and their respective ladies!) would undoubtedly be on the list. Silliness, loyalty and sincerity go a long way in my book and these two guys have it down. They did the impossible by being the first ones to make me smile after my dad died (i'm sure it would've been a laugh vs a smile but given my previous statement NOTHING was going to make me laugh) and just made going to work something to look forward to b/c I was excited to see my friends.

Okay now that the mushy ass-kissing back-story part is done, let's get into the fun stuff. 

We started playing this absurd game via emoticons spelling (emoting??) song lyrics and I have to say (and obviously share) that the shit we came up with is brilliant and hilarious. We're all music fanatics (nerds) and this game cracks me up (not just because I started it--yes...queen nerd).

Scroll through and see if you can guess the song. There are tons more (mostly my fault haha) but i'll upload in batches b/c cropping out our private convos is a giant pain in the ass but that shit's none of anyone's business (which now saying that makes it sound like we're Pinky and The Brain style trying to take over the universe but it's just mostly chatter you all wouldn't know or care about).

Oh and don't jack our shit but feel free to share or start your own chain. I'd love to see it!

Monday, August 19, 2013

I've Got One Hand in My Pocket

And the other one is giving THE FINGER. I'm so blown by how this year has turned out. WTF. WWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Before it was comical and amusing when I ran into crazy situations and now it's annoying and embarrassing. SO very embarassing. It's embarrassing to the point where I don't want to see or talk to anyone. Even the people I really like. ESPECIALLY the people that I like because frankly,  I dont want to Eeyore or Charlie Brown anyone. It's not fair to you all and it's just not fun to tell b/c at some point it sounds like hi my name is sally. i am the victim. of everything. EVER. in life.

If it was physically possible for me to fit under my bed--I would hide there for an unspecified amount of time (not even sure my lil dog can..yes I have a family dog that I dont talk about obsessively or ever b/c I've had people monologue to me about their canines and it's...just annoying).

I caught part of The Actors Studio and one of my favorite questions is "When you arrive at the pearly gates, what would you want to hear God say?" I toyed with several witty and funny and sincere answers but I think at this point all of that is out the window and simply put, I would want him to say "You made it kiddo. I told you it would be worth it."

And Belinda Carlyle you lying bitch, heaven is NOT a place on Earth.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Looking Back on the Things I've Done

The past 30 days has been one gigantic blur and all I want to do is cry. Tears of happiness, relief, sadness and just from being plain ol' tired. After this weekend I'm officially hiding under a rock for at least two weeks.

I feel like I haven't had one minute to myself. I'm at work around others, in the car driving on the road with others, come home to others, at the gym with others, talk on the phone/text/email with others... I truly haven't had a moment alone. Not really a complaint because as snarkalicious as I am, I'm still appreciative and grateful.

Sometimes, I think to myself--I don't deserve this. This meaning my friends, family and coworkers present and past (who also turn into the blurred lines of friendfamilycoworker all mashed up together--and that's not bad at all. Mashed things are delicious. Potatoes, applesauce and surprisingly cauliflower and actually when you mash up strawberries with some balsamic vinegar...sorry I dont know how i got foodtracked but i'm sure watching 2 hours of Chopped doesn't help.) I can be such a fucking diva bitch nightmare and I literally don't know how people let it go or still talk to me in life. But they do... And in all fairness, I put up with others' complete and utter unexplained insanity. Way of the world eh?

I guess there's not much of a point to this blog other than pure pensiveness and nostalgia. One of my closest and dearest friends was recently in the hospital and the last thing in the world I wanted to do was also the first thing in the world I wanted to do and that was to be there for Aisha. She would TOTALLY be there for me no questions asked. I didn't want to go or be there at all and mixed myself up into a total anxious ball of Sally. I literally broke out into hives during my last half an hour at work. One giant hive on my face and some hives peppered on my arm that i covered with a cardigan. I wanted to barf and fall asleep at the same time--you'd think I was drunk! And of course being that i dont drink (rarely as in one drink in a year) and given that fact that I was at work I wasn't but dude, really--it was bad.

Naturally, the avoidance of wanting to go being directly related to thinking of my dad. I hate it that he didn't make it out of the hospital. Well I guess technically he did--he made it into another world but selfish mortal that I am, I wanted and still want him here.

All that being said, I looked at my faux bro (we're not blood related but shoot might as well be) and started to say how much I didn't want to be there and explain why as to not sound like an asshole. Nigel cut me off and put his arms around me and all he said was "i know. you dont need to explain" and went we walked down the hallway to go see Aisha, I thought I was going to pass out. I kept balling up my fists and Nigel put his arm around me again and didn't let go until he knew I was going to be okay. I didn't ask him to--he just did. It's things like that make me take a step back and think...of all the terrible tantrums I've thrown and how I'm kinda an asshole who probably doesn't deserve this person as a friend. Not Nigel specifically but any in general. Then I think about the nice shit i've done and i hope and pray it all shakes out in the end and that I do that for others too.

Random--I'm sitting here with the window open and it's too cold. It's August and too cold already?? While i'd like nothing more than to be DONE with this year I actually came across a nice quote--If life hands you poop, turn it into manure and make pretty flowers. Life has shit on me the first half of the year so I'm hoping the second half will make me one giant beautiful fuckin' flower. Maybe a wild flower? Or a sunflower. I dont love sunflowers but those bitches get tall from what I hear so bring on the sun--I'm good on the manure.

Saturday, August 3, 2013


Time--it let's you know what point of the day it is and a crappy Hootie and the Blowfish song.

They say it heals all. They also say that it's short. It's also precious I'm told. What else they neglected to mention that I would like to make crystal clear today is that while people are obsessing over money and power, time is literally one of the few things in life that once it's gone, it is GONE my friends. You can NOT get it back. You can earn more money or be given money or whatever and power you can lose and possibly regain but time is a done deal. It is what it is.

That being said, time has been on my mind for three specific reasons lately.

1.) Dad. I feel like I'm slowing starting to do better but it' s not easy. Recently I changed jobs and naturally when you get to know your co-workers, typically if you're in the 'younger' crowd, people ask about your family, specifically parents. I haven't breathed a word to them and really don't plan on it. I've glossed over it and speak about him in the present tense (habit) but keep it light and keep it moving. Luckily, no one pushes it. I've always heard about when people pass away people say that they think of their departed loved ones literally every day. It's not that I didn't believe it before but experiencing it first hand is like... a whole new understanding. It's nuts. It doesn't bog down my day or anything but every day I can't help but think of my dad and wish he was still alive--father's day almost killed me with grief.

2.) My new commute. There's literally nothing I can do about it b/c more then pure volume of cars, it's the traffic light ever 2 feet thing. My first week I was BUGGIN the fuck OUT. But as I said earlier, there's nothing you can really do about time. Now i'm using that time as time to call others and catch up that way, sing in my car or just regroup. Granted there is a good bit of ugliness that escapes my mouth when people drive like morons which happens EVERYDAY but I'm kinda proud that I haven't let this hellish commute deter me from moving forward in my career. I know what the commute is so thinking of new ways to not pay attention to the time is helpful..and i'm definitely open to more suggestions haha talking on my phone (via bluetooth in the car which i feel like EVERYONE should have) or books on tape (which i need to find/buy) have been helpful. Also singing. But yeah open to more suggestions haha

3.) INCONSIDERATE/IGNORANCE ABOUT TIME. Look I get it. Shit happens and you're late. Traffic sucks, your dog gets sick, metro is down, weird freakish accident etc. Happens to all of us. ALL OF US.Or you're just by nature a late person. BUT. Guess what, your shit happens pass is only valid once or twice per season on a case by case scenario. And if you're late by nature GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER LIKE AN ADULT because guess what? You end up wasting my fucking time which i SINCERELY don't appreciate. I'll accept fault in that I don't let people know just how badly it irritates me but I think I need to start showing people the diva bitch because THIS diva bitch is SICK of people WASTING my time. Because YOU wasting my time, also makes ME waste other people's time. So if you're 15-30 minutes late, my plans AFTER YOU are now going to be pushed. Don't waste my time PERIOD. I'm fortunate to have a lot of people in my life that I can hang out with and spend time with but YOU being a selfish ASSHOLE and holding my shit up, fucks up my day time wise. In all fairness a majority of the time, the people who have to be pushed back understand it's not my fault but that's not going to get their time back nor is it mine. I always try to be considerate and give notice if I even THINK im going to be late. Learn to do the same. If not, guess what, you're totally getting bumped off my list or I will hang out with you very rarely. And it's not b/c i'm a diva bitch--i think everyone else should bump you off their list too until you can GROW UP. Like for fuck's sake it's not that hard. I guess I'm mostly irritated by this because I keep getting the short stick and this hasn't ruined friendships and i would like to think it won't be a deal breaker but i've had this happen to me more this summer than any other time. Like I'm not trippin out about 10-15 and maaybe 20 minutes. And i'm not calculating the time that I waited if i got somewhere early (i.e. if we said we'd meet at 1pm and I get there at 12:45pm. My diva bitch clock doesn't start until 1pm or even 1:10pm.). I'm talking 30 minutes plus. Are you fucking kidding me? No longer so b/c this bitch don't find it funny. Get a watch bitches. Look at your mutha fuckin' phone.

Time is all that's guaranteed in life. Period.