Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Seek Me and You Shall Find

Well! I can't tell you who originally said that, but I CAN tell you it wasn't a pile of 20,000 stickers.

Yes. 20,000 stickers.

Please remove any thoughts of lisa frank stickers, scratch and sniff stickers, etc. B/c it's not that kinda sticker i'm talking about.

Long story short, I'm creating and ordering stickers for the case of a product at work.

But. No one told me 1.) Google is NOT your friend 2.) It's hard to find an egg shaped sticker (given that the case is not all one size from top to bottom. "Sally it's oblong!" Me: "...isnt that the tea they serve at chinese restaurants?" "No sally. thats OOLONG tea...") 3.) Just how stupid a sticker can make you feel.

I was like okay it's not an even packaging so I asked if a bigger sticker was preferred (to fold over the sides at the top part where it's smaller) or a smaller one b/c it's cheaper and easier. Smaller won (for once. for stickers that is. sorry guys, not off the hook yet!)

SO. Anyways, I did the logical thing and pulled out a ruler to measure the sides. Thats when the panic started.

I realized that unless it's at the inch mark, half an in mark, and after about 20 mins i figured out what quarter inch mark was, those are the ONLY markings on a ruler i recognized. One of the sites offered 3 and 7/8s. I was all pumped b/c i figured out what the quarter inch mark was so i figured this should be easy.

Okay um NOOOOOOOOO. Not at all! I had to google it b/c naturally i was too afraid to ask b/c i feel like thats something like grown ups should know. Well this grown up didn't ok-k-k? And then it's like Damn, is that ASIAN girl asking a MATH question??? I know! Her parents must be white! Nope. They're asian too. And probably horrified that i'm a trainwreck with all things math. (like when people are like OMG this place is having a 30% off sale! i fake delight and match my friends squeal for squeal but really, inside i'm like wtf does that MEAN? how much money is a sally saving??)

AND to add insult to injury, the dimensions changed when we decided to use a circle sticker instead.

I was like FUCK. how do you measure a circle?!

So i went back to google. it was talking all this diameter, radius, pi, circumference bull shit. I'm like FML!!!!

And then i got mad at google for being smarter than me. Google is like my husband. Sexy. Reliable. Keeps up with the times. Knows everything. Perfect perfect perfect.

Pefection can be boring so i like to mix it up and went to my other secret lover/boy toy, Wikipedia. Not quite as perfect and a bit limited but still gets the job done.

I hope the two never meet.


Wiki didn't help me either b/c it was showing this crazy half circle ruler thing that drew circles.


I dont know. All i know is that a protractor is NOT indeed a professional tractor. Like tractor that farmers use. Not a bad joke, im totally serious.


So then I went to aka the fuck buddy. You want it one thing. you dont care about its history. You want what you want and you wanna get in and out and never speak of it.

But even couldnt break it down for me.

So I got a ruler out and tried to measure the darn thing and guessed that the diameter (which really just means how long a circle is in the middle part)was 4". Okay very well. Then i was like wait, is that true for top and bottom also?


All this mathness makes me flash back to my 4th grade teacher who said that we would need to know how to use this stuff in the future and me and my friends being like OMG whatever we are never going to use this in the future.

And here i am. In the future. Needing to know how to use this.

And to answer your question Mr. Foxworthy...No. I'm not smarter than a 5th grader. But i can still kick a 5th graders ass if he/she objects to helping a Sally out with basic math.