Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hey Good Lookin' Whatcha Got Cookin?

Nothing. Today I had the (dis)pleasure of cooking something for work. We're doing a whole potluck style Halloween shenanigans thing and everyone's bringing something in. I was hoping that it was a run to the store and buy a bag of Doritos type thing but sadly, it's not. Someone's make some kinda pumpkin cream cheese dip. Another is cooking some kind of Reese's bar thing. All tasty and presentable and fancy like.

Me? I'm not that fancy.

Well...not in the kitchen.

5:02pm At the grocery store, gotta find something to whip together.

5:25pm Overwhelmed!!!

5:30pm So over it. Outta here! Happy with my choice. Worms in dirt. No baking. 3 steps.
1 - Make the damn pudding
2 - Put the damn pudding in an alreaddddddddy assembled pie crust.
3 - Smash oreos and throw it in there with gummyworms.

7:17 pm Ok. Let's make the damn pudding (yes, i will continue to reference it as damn pudding.)

7:47 pm The directions says to add 2 cups of milk, bring to a boil on medium heat and continuously stire. So..when do i add the mix?!

7:57 pm OMG. This is so fucking frustrating!!! I'm just gonna add the fucking pudding mix to the 2 cups of milk and hope for the best.

8:05 pm Improvised. Apparently you're not supposed to use fat free milk which is the only milk i DO have. I dont even drink milk. I'm lactose. Duh. So...since i was in a pinch and not willing to leave the house, i stole a cup of my sister's chocolate milk (it's whole milk!) and a cup of fat free milk (mum's) and decided it wouldn't matter. I mean first of all, it's chocolate pudding so no one's going to notice if I used chocolate milk. Secondly, I figured whole milk plus non fat milk equals skim milk.

8:20pm I'm fairly certain I have carpal from continuously stirring. Thanks a lot Jello company. Assholes...

8:25pm Cookies smashed, gummyworms out of the bag. Time to check on the damn pudding.

8:28pm The mother fucking damn pudding has some damn film on it. Did they really expect me to keep stirring...?!?!?!

8:35pm That it's--i'm banging this out and if it sucks OH WELL. I'll bring the remainder of the Oreos as sustenance b/c this looks like it's going to be a disaster.

8:42pm Mum walks by and questions why it's taking me an hour to make a 15 minute completed pie, why all the appliances and most of the fridge contents are on the counter and most of all, why there's pudding in my hair and on just the right side of my face and across my shirt. Mum can suck an egg b/c cooking is hard.

8:45pm Threw the damn pudding pie in the fridge and wash my hands of it. Next year? I'm bringing store bought apple cider.

8:48pm I'm soaking the rest of these gummyworms in vodka. Sally needs a treat. And I'm secretly wishing to be soaking in the vodka like the worms. LIKE the worms, mind you. Not with them. I mean i was in the vodka with sugar worms, that only means one thing. YEAST INFECTION. YUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! This is why dessert toppings in the bedroom are TOPPINGS. Not innings. Ok now it's getting uncomfortable.

9:04pm Ok one last uncomfortable thing...I feel a bit like a someone who's had sex for the first time. (I almost said virgin but if theyve had sex, even just once, no longer a virgin makes) I'm slightly out of breath, flustered not sure if I did it right, thrilled when it was over, hair is a mess and think I can do better next time...and kinda proud/accomplished. -end uncomfortableness-

9:15pm BFF points out, i should've soaked the gummyworms in tequila, as that's where worms typically are.
Fuck him. Fuck halloween. Fuck it all. I'm throwing the damn pudding pie in the garbage. Everyone can suck it.

10:13pm Blogging. Gawd how my Thursday night have changed...


*Standing up to karaoke at a party this past weekend*

"SING FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the guests shouted at me drunkenly.

I adjusted my scrunchie (yes, scrunchie. it was a 90s party, relax!) and said clearly into the microphone:

"While I do love and appreciate 'Freebird' you are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna stand here and sing for 2 minutes and then stand around like an asshole for the next 30 minutes."

(note, this blog is only funny if you're familiar with the song "Freebird" by Lynard Skynryd. If you're not, youtube it and i'll see you in 30 minutes.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

There's Gotta Be More to Life...

I really wish people would stop talking about the following:

For fuck's sake people, it could always be worse. Appreciate what you have and stop focusing on what you don't. If you want or want to change any of the above, you can do it for sure.

And frankly my dear(s), I don't give a damn. <--I've always wanted to say that.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Life in Plastic, It's Fantastic's not. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.. I'm kinda going through another typical Sally hippie wave where I think much is pathetic. Don't it twisted, i think there's a lot that's freaking awesome but no one wants to read about fun bubbly things I think are awesome.

Actually you probably do and really, how can I blame anyone? :)

Hahah i joke, i joke, i keed i keed!

But seriously, that'll be in another blog.

I'm thinking about cutting myself off of the online world (i.e. twitter and facebook). I dont know I feel about it. And I don't mean that in the "i'm at a party so i'm going to say something agreeable so i'm going to bash facebook, others will mmm and nod and cut each other off with more even more horrifying stories of their 'friends' addiction and then go home upload pix from the party, status update it and friend the people i met that night and will probably never acknowledge again" kinda way. I genuinely mean... i just dont know how i feel about it.

To go off on a tangent about how artificial it is would be hypocracy at its best. I obviously have one, update it from time to time (and loved/kept up with my page quite a bit when i first had it) so it's not fair to take a total "anti" stance against it. And if it's something you're into, then whatever. No big banana aka it's not my business, who cares?

The way I feel right now, it's like.. ehhhhh. I hopped on twitter b/c i DONT get gchat at work. I could give a shit about not getting facebook at work. I just...i dont know what it is about facebook that's suddenly so off-putting about it. I really like that it does let you keep up with your friends and let's face it, straight up be nosy from time to time and even can be an outlet for your thoughts via status update. I get it. I blog to vent or say something funny quirky or amusing.

But then the other part of me is like wow..this is really not an organic way of keep relationships with people. It's borderline...actually fuck the border, I'm really sincerely sad that stalking my facebook is the only way people feel like they can keep up with me. Read THIS instead. Or call me. Or shoot me an email.

I guess my biggest issue about facebook vs everything else is that everything is public--even the stuff that doesn't need to be. If you wanna say hi b/c it's been a while or make plans or tell me it was great seeing me in so long, i love it but...why does it have to be posted for everyone else to see? It's my relationship with you. Not me you and the whole world...'s not like it's harming anything that it IS public. I just dont know..

I do feel like a vast majority of people want to be mini celebrities. have the most friends, be the skinniest, have the most attractive pix, flaunt their relationships, throw their ex's under the bus, put their drama on's just weird. I get it...and I dont. And I'm kinda on this new kick of where I'm (in my mind) on a bitch trip where if it's not worth my time, i'm wasting no brain energy on it or i'm cutting it out of my life all together.

...what happened? i used to be so nice...hahah and i really mean that! I used be such a nice person and now i'm like yeah we'll you're stupid/boring so i'm gonna hang up/go talk to someone else. KBYE.

I think I'm struggling trying to find the fine line (and ladies and gentlemen, that line is FINE AS SHIT) of can i be around people who do things or have certain beliefs that I'm adamantly against. On one hand, those difference aren't really what made us friends, shouldn't have bearing on our friendship and frankly if we all were the same we'd be communists. On the otherhand, sometimes poeple's core beliefs/values hint at the way the rest of their characteristics and thoughts are. If it's always going to be hostile or an uphill battle or it's taking more time to find common ground...why bother...

I dont know. AHHH im so confused!!!