Saturday, October 23, 2010


Greetings from the bell tower aka my room. There is no good God reason for me to be at home on a Saturday night other than the simply fact that my face is TORE UP right now from that frickin allergic reaction. It's pretty bad...But getting better.

My face debacle and the time i've had on my hands (hiding from the public b/c my face is case i haven't made that painfully clear) has lead me to think about vanity.

All of my SUPER close friends know what crippling low self-esteem I have. (Note: This isn't a sob story and I'm not going to go further into it other than what i just wrote) and that lead me to think...if you think things can't get worse, they can.


That's terribly Debbie Downer of me. But hopefully you got what I meant. I thought my face couldn't get worse and then it did. But then there's a silver lining meaning i should appreciate my face for what it looks like sans this allergy thing.

To those of you haven't seen me (which is pretty much everyone I dont live or work with) I look like i have no damn sense and just stuck my face in sand. Sexy, right?

Blah blah blah. All this said, it got me to think about my mission to find my sexiness. I think everyone has their own. true it is, is really within the eye of the beholder ( as the old saying goes).

I dont know WHY I can't find my sexy. I can't. And I'm not fishing for compliments or doing the thing that oh so many (well like every) hollywood starlet does when they say that they 'don't think they're sexy' or feel weird/funny when they have to do something sexy. Doesn't stop them from doing a Maxim spread or a nude scene though does it?

I digress.

The point being, I can't for the life of me figure out why i can't find my sexy. More than feeling stupid, it's not something I can do. Well for now. I've been on a mission to find my sexy side but i can't.

Halloween is the perfect time of year to slut it up and say "It's for Halloween" to excuse sluttish behavior. Not hatin'--just keepin it real per usual.

But I have NEVEr been anyhting sexy for Halloween. I mean really people, i was FLAVOR FLAV for halloween one year. Pretty comfy costume b/c i got to wear silk pjs around but note to any future Flavor Flav halloweeners (heh heh i just said weener..) DO NOT USE A REAL CLOCK AROUND YOUR NECK. It will hurt! Take it from stupid me...

This year i wanted to hide and pretend like halloween doesn't exist but with many a party around the corner, i just dont know if i can. So i glanced at some costumes and yeahhh basically if you're a girl the only costumes out there are of the "Sexy" variety. Sexy kitten, sexy witch, sexy fairy, sexy devil, sexy angel...blah blah blah. I'm like can i please find something that doesnt show off my boobs, ass, legs, midriff? But the only alternative is to go as something yucko and you def can't meet guys wearing a yucko costume.

But this lack of sally's sexyness is not just seasonal--it's all year. I tried to take a belly dancing class b/c it's sexy and sensual and ended up giggling hysterically throughout the entire course!

With the mens in my life when comes to sexy time, i either nervous babble or giggle. A. LOT. it's not really polite. nor is it sexy.

I mean Justin Timberlake not only has sexy but he brought it back TOO! i would LOVE to bring sexy back but it was never here in the first place!

What's a socialite to do? kajdslkjasldkfjs

The search continues...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

He never ran a corny line once to me yet

Well that may be, Salt n Peppa/EnVogue, but me? i've been hit by corny line after corny line and this past two/three weeks PELTED by them.

Alright. Here's a new blog so it'll bump down the giant picture of tampons from my previous post. But seriously y'all? I just keep it real. Didn't mean to embarrass or alarm anyone hahaha

So this one is just for you boys. You're gonna get some tips from a Sally. Which i know is rather fruitless b/c none of my boys are trying to holler at me (and the ones who have, you know i've nipped that in the bud but we're still cool!)

Anyways. I'm finding that the problem with meeting boys is that they ALL have the same "slick"/"smooth" lines. That don't work on me (maybe some of you ladies feel the same). The past two weekends alone, I've been a magnent for silly white boys and their silly white boy lines. While there are many to run through, I feel like in the past two/three weeks I've been hearing the same 3 over and over again so here we go...!

Example 1
Location: Gas station
See what ha happened was: I was getting cigs whilst filling my gas tank when this guy--not the cashier--just another customer standing around deciding what flavor slushee he likes when...
The Line: "Little lady, smoking is bad for you. You're too pretty to be a smoker. You know that right?"
My thoughts: "OMG is it bad for you? SHUT UP! Really? Well! I'm quitting right now!"
What I said: "Yeah, well so is my _____. Gotta find a way to cope."
End result: He tried to say i should fix my habits with something healthy like love and hey he's a nice guy so maybe i might try blah blah blah. I tuned out wished him a good afternoon and wandered out.
The point: The point is, telling me about my bad habit, isn't going to win you any points. And quite frankly i dont give a fuck that i smoke and i could give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. What i do give a fuck about is being given a lecture. I'll quit when i wanna and i dont ride on people for drinking, bad food habits, so really? fuck off.
*Note: The other way guys try to use smoking as a pick up line, "it's bad for you. you must like bad things you bad girl." I think i literally rolled my eyes at someone last month for saying that to me and then walked away.

Example 2
Location: A get together
See what ha happened was: I walked and this guy was staring at me for a while and finally said "What are you? I stared back and i was like "Whaddya mean what am i?" He was like "Ethnicity. I can't figure out what you are." To which i said "If i said black you wouldn't belive me eh?" He laughed and said no then said...
The Line: "I think you're Chinese b/c Chinese girls are hot. If I'm gettin with an Asian chick, yo, Chinese."
My thoughts: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
What I said: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
(Yep. I just said what i thought hahah)
End result: He tried to redeem himself by being like "oh my bad, Chinese girls are hot but KOREAN girls are sexy..."
The point: The point is, I don't blame anyone for not getting anyone else's ethincity wrong but it's all about delivery (aka how you say it) and avoiding finite statements if you're unsure.
*Note: Weirdly enough this happened to me last night when i was out but it wasn't a pick up line. And for the record: this rule applies even when you're NOT trying to holler at someone and wanna know they're ethnicity. Just ask, it's all good. No one's mad for trying to strike up converstaion. Just dont STARE and feel like you have to guess and make us ethnic folk feel like you're guessing the number of jelly beans in a jar. I ain't a jellybean...just sayin'

Example 3
Location: Party
See what ha happened was: I was refreshing my beverage when...
The Line: "So where's your boyfriend?"
My thoughts: Nice try captain obvious...b/c obviously, if you have a bf you give the real answer and that guy knows he doesn't have a shot. But if you say you're single, he goes in for the kill. This is a VERY tricky thing to answer b/c if you wanna tell swamp thing that you have one just so he'll leave you alone, i get it. BUT be careful b/c if a hot single guy ends up rollin' up later and you just told another person you had a bf...yeah no good...probably could work at a bar but at a party, generally less people) Okay so, I said...
What I said: "He's out there somewhere...when I meet him I'll let you know. Pass the diet coke please?"
End result: He got the point and passed the diet coke to me, Bahahah
The point: The point is, it's cute that guys will do try to "flatter" you by making a seemingly "presumptuous" statement. Truth is? We girls know it's a line and personally, I've heard it used so many times that i'm thinking about changing my response to "Hm. i'll answer that once you tell me where your better pick up line is"

Ahhh i could go on and on about lines but quite frankly, i'm kinda tired.

Long story short, boys, I'm not mad at you for trying to do your thing and spit game and what not.

I'm mad that you all use the same damn lines.

And no, "Wanna fuck?" is not a line. It's asking to be slapped.

....or sleeping with an STD b/c if a girl is dumb enough to just be like "okay!"....

she probably has the clap.

Thank you and good night.