It's The Hardest Thing I'll Ever Have to Do

If i ever get around to doing it.

There's something I need to do. I dont even know if it's a "need" so much as it is a feel like I'm being pressured into. I dont want to do it...but i do. Actually, I want someone else to do it. Life's so much easier when you have someone else do your dirty work for you. But I suck at life and always end up doing it myself.

This thing I have feel like I have to do is something I've done once and it wasn't fun like at all. At. All.

Until recently, i didn't plan on doing it ever but now i don't know. I dont know if I suddenly feel the need to do it b/c i was ganged up about it or because I've always wanted to do it and now i'm being called out.

You can ask a hundred million people their opinions on something but ultimately, you're going to have to decide. That's the worst!

I'm speaking in vague terms because I dont want to say what it is--naturally. Isn't that why anyone speaks in vague terms?

All i know is that... I dont fucking know and it's taking over my brain.

I'm mad because I dont want to be wrong. I'm even madder because I'm pretty sure I am.

sadjflksadlkjasdfasdf

I dont know why im even blogging about this because I'm no where near coherent.

Best way to describe it is through a song. Naturally since all things are songs to me.

Take it away Daughtry:

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now that I think I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cuz i'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that i wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
There's nothing herein this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul to say

Dont be surprised if we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easire way
You and I will be a tought act to follow
but i know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why...

I'm a loser baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Fail to the Redskins

By: Sally the saddest Skin's fan

FAIL to the REDSKINS
WHATS a victory??
FANS on the WARPATH
EM-BAR-RAS-SING D.C.!!!

Done Done and I'm on to the Next One

Here's the sitch. I'm moving on to a new job. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that starting jobs, being in jobs and quitting jobs are oh so similar to being in a relationship. Let's take a look at my past three as an example starting with the oldest.

1.) The Staffing Firm aka First Love
-I didn't think it would last long at all but suddenly found myself with it for a year and a half. I started out nervous and shy but it grew on me and soon I felt at ease. There were awesome days that I couldn't believe how lucky I was. There were awful days when I wondered what I had done in a past life to deserve to be treated so poorly. They wanted me to commit (roll to perm) and I just couldn't. I wanted different things. I knew bigger and better things were out there for me but I stayed b/c it was familiar and I didn't have anyone else. Then the company got comfortable with me and took me for granted when I always did everything in the 'relationship' and put everything into it. They stopped trying. I threated to 'break up' (quit) with it many a time. Then the day came where all the bullshit just wasn't worth it anymore no matter the promises to change and be better. I had enough and took my stuff and left. I learned so much and don't regret my experience at all but at the same time would never ever go back to it. And while I do think back and smile sometimes, I have a bigger smile knowing I made the right decision.

2.) The Current Job aka The Perfect on Paper Boyfriend
-Got together because everything seemed so ideal. Just had gotten out of a hellish dramatic 'relationship' (job) and wanted/needed something good. And this was good. Everything is perfect. Great reputation. Respectful. Honest. Educated. Stable. Consistent. Parents would be more than proud to know their daughter is with such a great company (boyfriend). But there's something missing. There's no spark. There's no life. There's no personality. There's not much to it at all other than feeling trapped and bored to tears. The break up (two weeks notice) was taken very poorly but it didn't want to talk about it. Just make blunt and hurt comments but won't go into depth about it. But then how can you blame 'em? It never had depth in the first place so no wonder it can't recognize it. Some may think I never gave it a fair shot but they don't know anything and who would know better than the person in the situation? That's me. duh.

3.) The Next Job aka Prince Charming
-Still shaken and extremely guarded after being burned so bad by the first and things being so wrong with the second. How can I trust the third? But it has an even better reputation and it was like I've known him (the company) for years just upon the first meeting. Calls and emails about how great he (the company) thinks I am and can't wait to see me and have me. A girl can get used to that. And because of the good behavior that's been extended from the other end, I want to work extra hard to make this work. And of course naturally, some others who are supposed to be friends are jealous and foaming at the mouth making bitchy side comments either about how "Well you've gotten nothing but shit so I guess this is good." and "Congrats, I guess." Well they can take those comments and shove it up their ass because it's a good thing. I can't believe it. I'm terrified somthing's going to happen but nothing has so far. I'm going to start off slowly--slowly meaning not giving them all of me up front but still doing an amazing job and then when trust is gained, it'll be good for both.

How relationshipy was that?? Speeaking of which I need to have a session with my "panel" as I like to call them. I have a list of questions and this time I really will post both question and answer. It's always entertaining and wayyyyyyyy to fun. Til then, I'll keep you posted on the newest "relationship" haha

No More Drama in Our Livessss~

Two months into the new job and as dry and boring as it is (and DO BELIVE THAT IT IS), it was probably one of the best moves of my life. It's nice to work with no drama and with grown ups who act accordingly, earn way more than i did before, etc.

I still miss my old coworkers/friends but I don't miss the drama rama and the ridiculousness/power hungry/whiney/fakeness. Hahah i know how can i say on one hand i miss 'em and on the other i don't? B/c it was just a select few that can go rot in hell and most likely will. But not by my doing. It's flat out not my place. Now that doesn't mean i'm not gonna say a bitchy thing or laugh when others who are still trapped with the demons make fun of them (and boy do they haha note to them: welcome to a slice of my life for the past year and a half) Karma shall handle the rest. Just saying.

Moving along, I apologize for the missing Sallyness. It's hard being socialite! The new job, the internship, the gym, family and friends, the boyness, learning this thing called the guitar, writing a book--it's a lot balance! I'm lucky I have so many people who want to spend time with a sally and just as lucky that people understand that I can't always partake in things b/c of my sched. I'm not so lucky that some people blow up my phone and get pissy with me for not getting back and grill me about my whereabouts. Uh, that might be why i dont get back atcha pissy mcpissass!

Random switch of topic, today is the end of summerrrr. Wahhhhhhhhh!

Lets take a look at my list i wrote out earlier this year and see what i did and didn't do on the sally summer list:

1.) Flag Football with the company
-Yups! Did it and had fun when i wasn't busy being stomped on by the fat QB in cleats, knocked down by my fellow player (ahahah kidding...! it's all good homie), not thrown the ball to (Oh wait that was every game...jk they threw to me 3 times of which i caught 2 yay!), or slammed on my head. Hahah all things considered, it really was a good time and i kinda miss it!
2.) Cali!
-Check!
3.) Go to the crick to see Janel with Crystal
-Negative. Boooooo. But we had hectic schedules! I hope to make it up there for Scoelloween. =D
4.) Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy.
-Hahah that's also a no but i'm sure it'll be soon. =)
5.) Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c i keep saying that i will and haven't
-Yeah still talking, no follow through. Shame on me =(
6.) All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages etc.
-Negative again. Damn I suck!
7.) Kings Dominion
-Nope nope nope. sigh
8.) Allow myself to get drunk
-I don't really remember. I know i did in cali but not after that. hmmm...
9.) Visit Justine
-AHHH i dont like my list. i didn't but not b/c i don't love her. but rather, i apparently suck at doing things on my list.
10.) Back to CA for 4th of July?
-That's also a nope. Hahah I went to Nicole's for that. =D

So what does this mean? I guess it could mean that I suck at life and more specifically at lists but i'd like to think of it as things i can do in the fall/winter. yes? Yes. =)

I Don't Care Too Much for Money Money Can't Buy Me Love

Maybe money can't buy me love but it sure as hell CAN buy me things that i do love.

And before you start calling me a gold-digger, remember this. I plan on buying everything on my own so psh-wah to any other comments.

So what brings the bling bling topic of today? I'm in such a rut.

For love or money. I recently quit my job without having another one in place. Some say stupid some say it fucking took you long enough you dumb bitch. hahah

So here's the sitch. Two different jobs on my hand. Two totally different paths.

Option One.
Be an executive assistant.
PROS:
-The money will be...well, MONEY. I can make bank.
-Easy enough job and I know I can do it b/c I've been doing it for the past year and a half.
-I can do PR stuff on the side b/c if that's really what makes me happy then it shouldn't matter how much I'm making. And if I'm half as good as I think, I can transition when the time is right.

CONS:
-Being an admin again makes me want to slit my wrists and watch them bleed.
-I can't take being someone's bitch.
-I didn't go to school to be a fancy admin

Option Two.
Be a PR assistant.
PROS:
-I'll finally be in the field I wanna be in and it's a damn hard one to break into.
-I am using my education!
-There is a chance to keep making more and more money as time goes on

CON:
-NO MONEY AT ALL.
-I have tons-o-bills and I want to move out so bad
-I've never done anything PR-ish except some freelance here and there so I can get into the field and maybe discover that I hate it and go back to being an E.A. but now all I've lost is time and lots of money.

WTF AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOoOoooooOOOooo. I love money so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccch and im DEF not afraid of working hard to get it.

What's a Sally to do?

Those Were The Best Days of My LIFE!

Summer of '69. Wasn't alive but according to Bryan Adams, it was pretty bangin'.
Summer of '79. Still wasn't alive but the Ataris had a good time.

I think I'm going to make my memories in 09 b/c i'm actually alive for it and apparently summers that end in 9 are supposed to be hella good.

Heres my to do list (and i'll add on as necessary)
-Flag Football with the company
-Cali! (that's happening soon!)
-Go to the crick in PA to see Janel with Crystal
-Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy
-Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c I keep saying I will and haven't yet
-Kings Dominion
-All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages, mini golf, water fight, etc
-Allow myself to get drunk at least a handful of times instead of my usual 2 times a year
-Visit Justine in FL b/c im a bad person for still not having done so
-Back to CA for the 4th of July? Perhaps.

More to come..

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size

So. I've been in hibernation most of the winter. I rarely go out on weekends, partly b/c I'm bored with the usual that everyone wants to do (i.e. same tired bars/clubs. So then I opted for catching up with friends low key but even that got to be too much effort and predictable) and then mostly b/c of the weather being cold. I don't do cold.

"Come snowboarding!"
No.

"You like skateboaring and surfing. It's the same thing. "
No.

"You'll be a Natural!"
No.

"...please?"
No.

"Why?"

NO. [pause] Sorry I was on a roll.. Because you know what the problem with snowboarding is? The snow part. If we can do it without snow, then i'm down.

But then it's called skateboarding or surfing now isn't it?

I'm not knocking snowboarding at all--it does look pretty badass but i am knocking the snow part. NO.

Hahah okay so back to my original point, last night I went out.

I DEF did not want to go out.
1.) Having my period (sorry guys TMI but its the truth and I speak nothing but the truth and unlike jack nicholson I dont CARE if you can handle it or not.)
2.) Exhaustion!
3.) Lounges really aren't my thing.
4.) I'm acting like an old person b/c of my hibernation habits.
5.) There is no 5. I just feel like 4 is an awkward place to leave off a list.

Why I went out
1.) Guilt
2.) Sasina aka Soup (which would fall under the category of guilt) it was her bday and she's one of my girl's at work
3.) Carl (who also falls under the category of guilt). I thought i'd be slick and send a text saying im going to not out--twice even. Then got one back from him saying 'no. not acceptable' along with ways i can shake my exhaustion. And then another one about fall out plans in case I wanted to leave early. lol totally gets an A for effort and S for success
4.) Caroline. She's not a lounge girl either but she was gonna suck it up and go for Soup so i figured, I'm not gonna be the brat who doesn't go
5.) Please see #5 from previous list


End result? I had a really fun time! It was a hot mess (in a good way) and I'm glad that reasons 2-4 convinced me to stop acting old and just come out.

Shadowroom really wasn't bad at all. I'd go back. But probably a bit earlier b/c we got there right when everyone else was toasty aka WASTED.

Danced a little (and i do mean a little. my dress made it impossible to dance comfortably b/c of the way it gets tight at the bottom of it--even thoguh it's a short dress), laughed a lot (esp while people watching--a fav hobby of mine) and drank a little.

Yes. Me. The girl who never ever drinks had a few. Little buzzed which is where i like to keep it when hanging out with coworkers. And i adore my coworkers but it will be a lot easier/more comforable for me to get wasted when we dont work together anymore b/c I dont have to hang my head in shame/drinker's remorse. Or worse yet, drinkers reminder (i.e. "OMG Sally do you remember when you....")

And I dont judge or think differently of anyone who does. I wish i could. But i know that's going to end up in sloppy embarrassment for me.

Last time I was sufficiently wasted was at Stan's bday party at his, shmerik and los' place and I still cringe about that. Let's just highlight some of my finer moments. I dont want to but I'd rather tell you myself than have someone else say it.

-Acting like the world is my stage...STRIPPER stage. (No i didn't take any clothes off but i was shaking it like the rent was due instead of my normal mini wiggles i call sober dance )
-People handed me all kinds of food to get me to sober up and I was being such a brat about not wanting to eat anything that i threw a donut across the room after taking a bite out of it (i think stan caught it in the box)
-Made out with a guy in the hall (identity of male, unimportant)
-Giggle incessantly about everything...esp not being able to throw up when all 30 people were trying to get my to (though i must say--Emily and Pamela's were by far the most comedic)
-Feeling the need to start every sentece with "HEEEEY GUYSSSSSSSSSS!" or ending it with "AHHHHHHHH THATS WHAT SHE SAID"
-Pranks

Yes. I'd rather not.

What was my original topic? Oh yeah. Acting my age. So yeah it was def good move to go out on a fri night, put my freak'em dress on and go around town.

Tonight I was supposed to do the same but what am I doing? Blogging on a sat night b/c I guess i didn't learn all that much Fri night. LOL

Maybe i'll have to have 2-4 rotate call me to make sure I'm going out at some point on my weekends.