Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging

End of the year and I have this annoying habit (and well, old phone) of hanging on to texts.

...like i'm a hoarder for real.

I feel the need to point out that my phone is old b/c i have to delete texts to receive new ones.

That being said, i have some most fav texts of 2011 but not all can make it on here and frankly i guess if you dont know the context of some of these, they won't be funny to you but hopefully some will make you laugh.

In no particular order:

10. FUCK YOUR HAPPINESS!!!! - Garth 1/10/11 8:47pm
9. Hahaha aww..Is it b/c you dont like crabs? Cuz I hate crabs and would totally feel awkward too... - Erine 5/19/11 4:55pm
8. You and flag day... - Nigel 6/14/2011 8:01am
7. Why does jesus appear in pancakes??? - Lindsey 7/25/11 2:12pm
6. Lol!!!! I do feel bad for you...that place finds new ways to torture you every week...-Jeremy 11/4/11 2:38pm
5. Just start stabbing people in the butt. bet they get out of your way... - Bevan 11/11/11 4:58pm
4. Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest~ LOL - The Clam 11/30/11 9:09am
3. He is a nice guy. I just don't think the elevator always reaches the top floor. -Aaron 12/22/11 10:28am
2. You're welcome...and yea you will. allll nigggght llllllllonnnnnnnnnggg -Crystal 12/25/11 8:54pm
1. MAURY HAD A COUNTDOWN?!?! HOW DID I MISS IT??? - Fatima 12/30/11 7:36pm (just in time for the deadline Ti!!!)

Honorable mentions:
**Happy Urb thurz to you!! And the Johnsons!! -Kacey 12/22/11 9:08am
** What the hell Jason Campbell. You're supposed to suck! - Christy 9/25/11 7:05 pm
** Are those on a bed? Are you trying to sext me? - Lindsey 7/23/11 9:34pm

I Roll Up...

I don't mean to roll up on people.

I don’t mean to put people on the spot.

Particularly with weight or eating. I’ll never be the girl to tell you your food looks, smells or tastes disgusting or questionable. (unless its moldy).

I find it terribly rude to do any of the above.


Not quite sure what’s going on here but I find it horribly amusing that I’ve caught 3 people secretly eating in the kitchen at work. It’s bizarre and hilarious. I’ll walk in for a coffee or water refresher and someone will swallow a donut or cookie or a whole potato chip in its entirety and then quickly speak at Mach speed to cover up their embarrassment. Sometimes they don’t make eye contact with me and briskly walk out of the kitchen.

I'm very rapidly approaching doing the heimlich on the next person who tries to engulf part of the junk food spread that's laid out on the table in the kitchen and explaining to them that they are a human. Not a boa constrictor so it's okay to chew and it's okay to take the food from the table and bring to their desk to consume.

Male, female, fat and skinny--i've come a cross several combinations. Why the shame?

The way i see it is that if you're skinny, what are you hiding anyways? If you're fat, it's not like we didn't know it before.

I avoid the table all together b/c I dont have self control. If I eat one sugar cookie, i will devour the rest.

Chew, enjoy, and bon apetite!

Hey Good Lookin' Whatcha Got Cookin?

Nothing. Today I had the (dis)pleasure of cooking something for work. We're doing a whole potluck style Halloween shenanigans thing and everyone's bringing something in. I was hoping that it was a run to the store and buy a bag of Doritos type thing but sadly, it's not. Someone's make some kinda pumpkin cream cheese dip. Another is cooking some kind of Reese's bar thing. All tasty and presentable and fancy like.

Me? I'm not that fancy.

Well...not in the kitchen.

5:02pm At the grocery store, gotta find something to whip together.

5:25pm Overwhelmed!!!

5:30pm So over it. Outta here! Happy with my choice. Worms in dirt. No baking. 3 steps.
1 - Make the damn pudding
2 - Put the damn pudding in an alreaddddddddy assembled pie crust.
3 - Smash oreos and throw it in there with gummyworms.
BOOM!

7:17 pm Ok. Let's make the damn pudding (yes, i will continue to reference it as damn pudding.)

7:47 pm The directions says to add 2 cups of milk, bring to a boil on medium heat and continuously stire. So..when do i add the mix?!

7:57 pm OMG. This is so fucking frustrating!!! I'm just gonna add the fucking pudding mix to the 2 cups of milk and hope for the best.

8:05 pm Improvised. Apparently you're not supposed to use fat free milk which is the only milk i DO have. I dont even drink milk. I'm lactose. Duh. So...since i was in a pinch and not willing to leave the house, i stole a cup of my sister's chocolate milk (it's whole milk!) and a cup of fat free milk (mum's) and decided it wouldn't matter. I mean first of all, it's chocolate pudding so no one's going to notice if I used chocolate milk. Secondly, I figured whole milk plus non fat milk equals skim milk.

8:20pm I'm fairly certain I have carpal from continuously stirring. Thanks a lot Jello company. Assholes...

8:25pm Cookies smashed, gummyworms out of the bag. Time to check on the damn pudding.

8:28pm The mother fucking damn pudding has some damn film on it. Did they really expect me to keep stirring...?!?!?!

8:35pm That it's--i'm banging this out and if it sucks OH WELL. I'll bring the remainder of the Oreos as sustenance b/c this looks like it's going to be a disaster.

8:42pm Mum walks by and questions why it's taking me an hour to make a 15 minute completed pie, why all the appliances and most of the fridge contents are on the counter and most of all, why there's pudding in my hair and on just the right side of my face and across my shirt. Mum can suck an egg b/c cooking is hard.

8:45pm Threw the damn pudding pie in the fridge and wash my hands of it. Next year? I'm bringing store bought apple cider.

8:48pm I'm soaking the rest of these gummyworms in vodka. Sally needs a treat. And I'm secretly wishing to be soaking in the vodka like the worms. LIKE the worms, mind you. Not with them. I mean i was in the vodka with sugar worms, that only means one thing. YEAST INFECTION. YUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! This is why dessert toppings in the bedroom are TOPPINGS. Not innings. Ok now it's getting uncomfortable.

9:04pm Ok one last uncomfortable thing...I feel a bit like a someone who's had sex for the first time. (I almost said virgin but if theyve had sex, even just once, no longer a virgin makes) I'm slightly out of breath, flustered not sure if I did it right, thrilled when it was over, hair is a mess and think I can do better next time...and kinda proud/accomplished. -end uncomfortableness-

9:15pm BFF points out, i should've soaked the gummyworms in tequila, as that's where worms typically are.
Fuck him. Fuck halloween. Fuck it all. I'm throwing the damn pudding pie in the garbage. Everyone can suck it.

10:13pm Blogging. Gawd how my Thursday night have changed...

SING IT!

*Standing up to karaoke at a party this past weekend*

"SING FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the guests shouted at me drunkenly.

I adjusted my scrunchie (yes, scrunchie. it was a 90s party, relax!) and said clearly into the microphone:

"While I do love and appreciate 'Freebird' you are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna stand here and sing for 2 minutes and then stand around like an asshole for the next 30 minutes."

(note, this blog is only funny if you're familiar with the song "Freebird" by Lynard Skynryd. If you're not, youtube it and i'll see you in 30 minutes.)

There's Gotta Be More to Life...

I really wish people would stop talking about the following:
-Weight
-Money
-Clothes
-Job
-Looks

For fuck's sake people, it could always be worse. Appreciate what you have and stop focusing on what you don't. If you want or want to change any of the above, you can do it for sure.

And frankly my dear(s), I don't give a damn. <--I've always wanted to say that.

Life in Plastic, It's Fantastic

Actually...it's not. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.. I'm kinda going through another typical Sally hippie wave where I think much is pathetic. Don't it twisted, i think there's a lot that's freaking awesome but no one wants to read about fun bubbly things I think are awesome.

Actually you probably do and really, how can I blame anyone? :)

Hahah i joke, i joke, i keed i keed!

But seriously, that'll be in another blog.

I'm thinking about cutting myself off of the online world (i.e. twitter and facebook). I dont know I feel about it. And I don't mean that in the "i'm at a party so i'm going to say something agreeable so i'm going to bash facebook, others will mmm and nod and cut each other off with more even more horrifying stories of their 'friends' addiction and then go home upload pix from the party, status update it and friend the people i met that night and will probably never acknowledge again" kinda way. I genuinely mean... i just dont know how i feel about it.

To go off on a tangent about how artificial it is would be hypocracy at its best. I obviously have one, update it from time to time (and loved/kept up with my page quite a bit when i first had it) so it's not fair to take a total "anti" stance against it. And if it's something you're into, then whatever. No big banana aka it's not my business, who cares?

The way I feel right now, it's like.. ehhhhh. I hopped on twitter b/c i DONT get gchat at work. I could give a shit about not getting facebook at work. I just...i dont know what it is about facebook that's suddenly so off-putting about it. I really like that it does let you keep up with your friends and let's face it, straight up be nosy from time to time and even can be an outlet for your thoughts via status update. I get it. I blog to vent or say something funny quirky or amusing.

But then the other part of me is like wow..this is really not an organic way of keep relationships with people. It's borderline...actually fuck the border, I'm really sincerely sad that stalking my facebook is the only way people feel like they can keep up with me. Read THIS instead. Or call me. Or shoot me an email.

I guess my biggest issue about facebook vs everything else is that everything is public--even the stuff that doesn't need to be. If you wanna say hi b/c it's been a while or make plans or tell me it was great seeing me in so long, i love it but...why does it have to be posted for everyone else to see? It's my relationship with you. Not me you and the whole world... But..it's not like it's harming anything that it IS public. I just dont know..

I do feel like a vast majority of people want to be mini celebrities. have the most friends, be the skinniest, have the most attractive pix, flaunt their relationships, throw their ex's under the bus, put their drama on blast...it's just weird. I get it...and I dont. And I'm kinda on this new kick of where I'm (in my mind) on a bitch trip where if it's not worth my time, i'm wasting no brain energy on it or i'm cutting it out of my life all together.

...what happened? i used to be so nice...hahah and i really mean that! I used be such a nice person and now i'm like yeah we'll you're stupid/boring so i'm gonna hang up/go talk to someone else. KBYE.

I think I'm struggling trying to find the fine line (and ladies and gentlemen, that line is FINE AS SHIT) of can i be around people who do things or have certain beliefs that I'm adamantly against. On one hand, those difference aren't really what made us friends, shouldn't have bearing on our friendship and frankly if we all were the same we'd be communists. On the otherhand, sometimes poeple's core beliefs/values hint at the way the rest of their characteristics and thoughts are. If it's always going to be hostile or an uphill battle or it's taking more time to find common ground...why bother...

I dont know. AHHH im so confused!!!

Girls Girls Make That Cash

Quick blog b/c i can't facebook, gmail and i'm still new to twitter...

This is why I never did go to lawschool.

At work while arguing about whether strippers are trashy cumdumpsters or if they're just doin' something to pay the bills, i took the path of "don't judge..." and decided to stick up for the ladies of the pole/lap.

Unfortunately...i need to work on my defense/argument a little stronger:

Annonymous: Whatever they are trashy. They can get a job doing anything else. I personally think they're slutty whores.
Me: Not necessarily...
A: Why do you say that?
Me: I mean like... *thoughtful pause* What would you do...if your son was at home cryin' all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now in and out of lock down i aint got a job now, so for you this is just a good time but for me this is what i call life..i mean what THEY would call life.

Note: Quoting a song from early 2000's does not a case make.

Fail Sally. Fail..

The Walls Were Shakin' The Earth Was Quakin'

Holy Earthquake fellow East Coasters! I know Cali kids are laughing at us saying that this is nothing but lemme just nip that one right in the bud--this is the EAST COAST bitches so NO, we're not used to that!! :P

Moving along, I dont know where my brain is these days. I'm forgetting things and people and events. I swear it's like early on set dementia or something. GEEZ.

I'm in better spirits today and lately in general b/c some people unknowingly helped restore bits and pieces of faith in humankind again. It's not 100% again but it's finally out of the negative points. I was on a downward spiral that everyone's a mean asshole who's out for themselves but then I'll get a random friendly/kind message, email, text--even cards! (thank you very much miss Lessons from Lemons L.S!) from friends or people I work with and it makes me smile. I have to be better at remembering, even though some people suck at life, not everyone does. It's hard not to wanna be a bitter betty when all you want to do is enjoy life and be around other enjoyable people.

No, this isn't a brush with death (the earthquake wasn't THAT serious thankfully) Ahhhh everything is glorious moment. It's moree of a "What's REALLY bothering Sally and how can we make it stop?"

I will make a conscious effort to not bitch about my friends a la blog but im not making any promises. My blogs are not a passive aggressive digs. I just write what i thinks or what's happened to me --trying to keep it real and authentic as possible.I think that's what makes it relatable. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, some times im bitching just to let it out....

Talk about awkard/double edged sword that writing in my blog is my stress release but also can be dangerous b/c people will think it's about them or think its about something or someone that it's not and voice opinions that contradict mne. You dont have to agree but you can't stop me from saying it. (And that's also why i dont have a comments buttons haha aside from people arguing with me, i dont want people to argue with others!)

Anyways...

I miss being the fun me ALL the time instead of little glimpses here and there. Now that I feel like not everyone's an asshole anymore, hopefully, i can continue to move along happier :)

Very excited for Q4 coming up here...!

I'm Starting to Trip, I'm Losing My Grip and I'm In This Thing Alone...

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Yep. It's happened. It's that 100th time of year when i'm losing my mind. This is quickly escalating to a serious problem and next time I'm writing to you all it will be from a mental institution or rehab. Maybe both.

I'm going through the Holly Go Lightly Mean Reds.

I don't know WHAT it is.

Nothing and no one is vibing with me lately, especially me. Talk about difficult.

It's super weird b/c i hate that i feel like everything i'm saying lately is a complaint about everyone else. On one hand, i could just be a raging self righteous bitch. Likely. On the other, I could have legitamite problems with people and situations and be selling myself short. Not so likely but not impossible. How does one really know?

I think what's really put me into a state of alarm is that my best friends in the world minus 3 people i can think of at the top of my head are driving me fucking crazy. Some i've been blunt with. Other's I'm avoiding talking to or having that talk with. See people? It's not just romantic partners that i can't have the talk with. It's b/c i get caught playing devil's advocate and I'm almost TOO aware that i myself am not perfect so to go off on someone when i'm not perfect myself or have problems with who they are at the core...it's like...who am I? So i dont say anything. I let it fester. and there are some people that I don't know WHAT i'm so hostile with them about but i am hostile. Maybe not hostile but not feeling amicable.

My A list typically knows how to handle me in this situation and guide me but the problem is that IT IS MY FUCKING A LIST that's driving me insane. And maybe they're not and i'm being a bitch. Who KNOWS. I sure as hell don't.

It's scary b/c i called someone today (A list of course) that has next to NEVER let me down in the cheering up department and while they did make me laugh, i ended up getting frustrated with that person too! They dont know it though. Of course, if they read my blog (which i can guaratee said person doesn't), then they'd know.

WTF are you supposed to do when you can't TALK to the people that mean the most to you? What does this mean? AHHHH!!!! i'm losing my mind. I'm not on drugs, i'm not drunk, i'm not having my period, eating too much/too little, i did get enough sleep--so why the bitchyness???

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!


*Deep breath* i'm okay...

In The Middle

So summer's about half way over (probably a little more) so let's take a look back on the first half while i still remember:

-Weddings: 1 :) <3 !!!
-Camping Trips: 1 *hahah
-Driving School to strike ticket off my record: 1
-Walking in to stranger's house alone and could've died: 1 *LAMPSHADE per FabulosiTi
-Pooltimes: 3 *two legally. one...not so much
-Police encountered: 6 *yikes
-Tanning salon sessions: 5 *jerseylicious
-Bitches almost cut by a Sally: 4
-Nats games: 1
-Portapotties puked in due to alcohol: 2 *classy
-Alcoholic Slurpees: toooooooooooo manyyyyy (and more to come..hahah)
- # of people I've taught to do the dougie: 2
- # of people who've taught ME to do the dougie: 2
-Number of guys hollering through the car window: 9 *GET.A.LIFE or a better way to communicate
-Caught leaning with it and rocking with it in public: 1
-Embarassed self trying to do a good deed by helping the deaf: 1
-# of times I've heard the word jiggy much to my distaste: 27
-Roadtrips: 0 *but may change if/when i go see JANEL in PA!!! whaaat!? love it
-Possible vaycay weddings: 1
-Outstanding weddings: 2
-Concerts seen: 1
-Fairs attended: 1
-Participate in Survive DC: 1 + 10-15 or so lovely friends and friends of friends
-Actually Surviving DC: 0
-Boats driven: 1 :)
-Cotton candy consumed: 1 *deeeeelisssssssshhhhhhh but really not realistic for 1 person to finish
-Movies I've wanted to watch: 2
-Movies I watched: 1 *Drop Dead Gorgeous and it was HILAROUS!
-Time spent in DC: yikes...every other weekend it seems
-# of acting gigs: 1 *"Mrs. JOHNSON. MRS. JOHNSON. MRS. JOHNNNNNNNSON!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-Haircuts: 1 *And i'm starting to like it now that it's grown some!
-New songs on guitar learned: 5 *hell to the yeah Trillface!!!
-Friends seen: Most of my A listers and some from the B :) YAYAYAYAY!!!
-Friends not seen: a few of my A listers and others i've wanted to see :( (spam, i feel like i haven't seen you all summer. not cool home girl. not. cool. at. all.)
-Running of the bride: 1 *She is going to make such a freaking beautiful fabulous fierce bride. i literally can NOT wait for her wedding!!!
-New jobs: 1 * :)
-Possibility of an A lister moving away from me: 1 *Devastated. :(
-Words exchanged with cute life guard: 3 *progress...hahah luckily it's an indoor pool so i've got all year ;)
-Blasian outtings: 1 *but it wasn't really an outting (well i guess survive dc kinda was) but the other one we stayed in for!
-Credit cards/Debit Cards lost: 2 *blah!
-BBQ's attended: 2
-Bdays attended: 6
-Urban Thursdayz: 5 or so?
-Possibility for more summer madness: Infinite :)

Hope you all are staying cool in this miserable heat/humidity!

Now Tell Me That Ain't Insecurrrre

**Disclaimer: Long preachy blog ahead.

Ok so I have sooooooooooo much to preach about so bare with me. If you're not in the mood for something raw (not in the pervy way) and upfront, then read an old blog of mine or check out people.com and read about celebs.

Geez...I dont know where to begin. I've been back at my old pace of constantly going out which has been really good and kind of a pain in the ass to be honest. I notice somethings that I really like and somethings that make me go hmmm and by hmmm i mean VOMIT.

The goods:
-I am constantly reminded on how lucky and fortunate I am to have some amazing people in my life. Incredible friends and a wondeful family. These are the people that I've known for years and maybe we don't get to see each other all the time but when I talk to them or finally do get to see them, it brightens my whole day and even makes me smile days later.
-Meeting new people sometimes overwhelms me because I feel like I know everyone in the DC metro area but then I don't and I meet someone different and interesting--very cool!
-Whilst people watching in non-creeper fashion, I see strangers being kind to each other, I see people who aren't afraid to be themselves, I see people appreciating life. It's the saving grace that makes me go, oh i guess the world isn't full of assholes and morons.

The bads:
-Well. The biggest disappointment/flop that i've noticed seeing an array of my friends over the past few months is that I'm coming to find out more so right now how insecure and superficial some of my closest friends are and it makes me reconsider our friendship. There's a difference between having low self esteem and being insecure.

Low self esteem is like textbook me. I don't like taking pictures, I don't go on and on about myself may it the way i look or what i do or how much i make or dont make etc. I don't preach about it. I don't talk about. I dont CARE to talk about it. I absolutely do NOT break other people down to make myself feel better.

Insecure is when you let everyone, their mamas, their baby's mamas and tyrone that broke ass mother fucker from around the corner know. It's like ridiculous! These are the people who blab on about themselves in over the top ways i.e. "DAMMIT i'm soooo good looking/well paid/my car is the shit" etc.

One of my recent nights out, i met someone for the first time and literally, the first 2 questions out of his mouth (after asking my name) was what did i do for a living and what kind of car I drove and wincing at my response... I'm sorry are you fucking serious? There's a way to do it for small talks sake and theirs a way to do it in a fucking obnoxious way. Said person was actually a nice fellow i guess but seriously homie, open your fucking eyes. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night. i'm okay with that. And the friends that are currently doing it are constantly commenting about someones looks/attractiveness and ESPECIALLY WEIGHT. Maybe it's a girl thing???

I get that we don't always feel great about ourselves or don't look like the way we used to wanna look but over the top praising the ones that do have what you want (I.e. OMG Jane Doe you are so fucking lucky you are so skinny! I wish i was so skinny!) or being over the top about the ones that you dont have (i.e. omg i wish i had a boyfriend but nooooooope i 'm gonna be single for the rest of my life and die alone!) or even being over the top about what you don't have but pretending like you do (i.e. someone who hates their legs but in public will always say My legs are my best attribute. How can they not be i mean have you SEEN them?) etc etc just makes me go all i hear is HIIIIIIIIIIIII WORLD IM INSECURE on repeat--to the point where i'm not actually hearing what you're saying b/c all i hear is IM INSECURE. JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW! and all i see is someone who's obviously way too insecure with themselves.

Some of these girls are killlllllllllllllinnnnnnggggggggg me b/c i'm really fond of them other way or consider them to be close friends but after hearing and seeing it on loop, I'm like.....flinching. I COULD talk to them about it and I feel like it's going to come up ,but how do you really address that without potentially risking losing an otherwise meaningful relationship? It's bizarre.

It's also getting out of hand and it's not even one of those things where it seems blatant b/c now im in tune with it so therefore am subconsciously picking it up more because even outsiders have pulled me aside and been like damn. is your friend always like that? Maybe what I need is just a break to reasses what exactly our friendship is built on and what kind of person they truly are. I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately but i've been on a no bullshit kick where i'm actually okay with leaving certain people behind in my life. It's not desirable and not what i want but it's getting to the point where if i'm just like spending more time bitching about them to myself and rolling my eyes--what's the point in being their friend? Not worth it. ESPECIALLY when i have other friends who are just as close or closer to me who ALL have insecurities (as all humans do) but they keep that shit under control!!! Learn from them or simply just please shut the fuck uppppppppppp. Or at least OWN your insecurity. Like obviously don't go around bragging baout it but for fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkk's sakkkkkkkkkkkke, shut up or see a shrink or at the very least, ADMIT IT.

It's like in mean girls, 'calling someone fat isn't going to make you skinnier.' Or even calling someone skinny isn't going to make you skinnier. If you're not happy with something in your life, accept it or do something about it--those are your two options.

It's funny how easily people forget (myself included) how SUBjective things are. Just because someone thinks you're funny doesn't mean everyone does or will. Just because you think someone is attractive doesn't make it a fact. Etc, etc, etc. Because guess what? There's a lot of other someone elses out there who totally disagree.

I hate to sound like a bitch (actually i don't) but don't try to look at me (or anyone else) to validate you. YOU need to validate you and that's the bottom line.? Example: I already know that I'm not happy with the way I look and someone reallllllllllllly fucking offended me tonight by saying I look like someone i look NOTHING alike--no one has EVER said that me before. I called him out on it and he didn't really have much to say back. B/c stupid shit was WRONG. Another person even told him that. I started to feel even worse about myself when i didn't think it was possible. On the other hand, a really cute guy asked me out last week, at the metro a guy came right up to me just to tell me he thought i was attractive, a guy at my gym expressed interest in me and there are these two guys that wont leave me the hell alone. The goods outweight the one negative comment. End result? I still feel the same about myself because until I become okay with or even LIKE the way I look, I know I won't be happy. It doesn't matter how many people tell you or me that you're pretty or have a good body or whatever it is unless you believe it's true.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or that i NEVER do anything annoying and people should do everything the way I feel is right. All I'm saying is that I think people need to really take a deep breathe and learn to be okay with themselves and STOP projecting their insecurities on other people. Even when you think it's in a way that's not hurting anyone, you're hurting yourself and i feel really fucking stupid saying this but you matter too people...and maybe that's why I'm so fired up about said anonymous close and not close friends are acting this way is because I think they're perfect the way they are and it's really a shame that they don't see it and feel the need to vocalize it in such a matter.

And quite frankly, people should tell you something nice when they feel like it and you shouldn't feel like less of a person until they do.-- SO STOP FUCKING FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.

I'm in a no fishing zone. Just keep swimming and you'll be just fine.

Is Someone Getting The Best of You?

OMGGGGGGGG My brain matches my body and that is FRIED.

I think I totaly od'ed on tanning. I went for a 3 mile walk/jog (i know..i should not be jogging with a fucked up knee...) outside in the sun, immediately to the pool to join my older sis lounging by the pool and then i went tanning with Linds at Hollywood Tans.

Honestly? i didn't think much about it until i got home and was greeted with "Stop tanning. You're red as in not orange and not tan. Just...red."

I felt my arms and they felt just fine. Then I saw myself in the mirror and did a double take. I am red. Wtf!? But it doesn't hurt...weird~! I think I am turning tanorexic. And also hating myself a bit b/c i swore i'd never be jerseylicious tan or someone who used "cutesy" made up words such tanorexic...

Anyways that's all beside the point.

The point is--is someone getting the best of you and what the fuck do you do if it's YOU that's getting the best of you?

I know. I just blew all of your minds.

I'm so frazzled because I feel like lately I've been bombared with opinions. Some have been b/c I've straight up asked and others have volunteered--which is fine too (for the most part.) The thing is is that when you have too many metaphoric cooks in the metaphoric kitchen it's like...wtf are we trying to make again? i dont know.

It's human nature to want other people's opinion about things but when you ask, you really better know what it is that you want and be prepared for the answers you get. Some answers can be enlightening and others...just really don't get it.

As friends, in theory we're all supposed to want whats best for your friend. Sometimes, I think that it can suddenly change your original thoughts as well. I dont know. It's all confusing and incredibly frustrating. You can't get mad at anyone for having an opinion. You can disagree, but you can't get mad. People are free to think whatever the hell they want to and even if you'd given advice you dont like or don't agree with then guess what? DONT LISTEN TO IT!

I feel like im ranting like a whackadoo b/c i have no fucking idea what's going on right now with a lot of aspects of my life and I feel like (the same way I often feel...) that people are disregarding MY feelings and MY perceptions and not keeping who I AM into perspective when telling me things. It's always easier from the outsiders opinion. I get it. I agree. And I'm postive I probably have done or still do the same with other people. But to make finite conclusions can be really frustrating when on the receiving end of things.

I KNOW, WE KNOW you want________, like___________, and hope for ____________. And sometimes that is oh so true and people are like totally right. OTHER TIMES, i'm like YOU CANNOT SAY THAT and you NEED to stop telling my I'm in denial about certain things whether it's work love life family or other, IF I MYSELF dont fucking know. I know sometimes that I will deny deny deny and what the other person saying IS true, but other times i'm being very candid and honest and I have no fucking idea. Maybe the better option is to just keep quiet? It's hard. You want to share your life and your problems with the people in your life and certainly dont want to drive them bat shit crazy by sounding like a broken record for parroting the same list of problems over and over again but for fucks sake, I dont want to be doing the parroting either! It's a two way street people.

BLAH! I hate being like this. I really do. Life's not terrible. It's actually not bad at all right now but there's just SOMETHING going on lately and it's really just irritating me and I think that my irritation is being misdirected at timees but oh so accurate at other times.

And all of that aside, ultimately, everyone's their own person--myself included--and sometimes (all the time) i get frustrated with myself!

One of my best friends is always challenging me by saying "Says who?" i.e. If I say I can't do something or if I don't feel like something, this person is always like Says Who? To which the answer I usually shoot back is says me. And then they say that I need to change that perception and that's true at times.

I dont know.

Over it!

T-T-T-Telephone

Greetings from a very sleep deprived and bugged out Sally.

Today is an ettiquette lesson from yours truly.

Telephone Manners. And by telephone, you nkow I mean cell phone, smart phone, i phone...etc.

Maybe the following rules don't apply to you and it's not something you care about BUT if you wanna stay connected with me? Play ball.

Rules (in no particular order)
1.) Don't text a phone conversation: Just dont. I dont want to get 5 texts from you, start to reply after the first one and then you bombard me and interupt with 4 more texts. Pick up the damn phone, make it a 5 minute convo (for those of you who hate talking on the phone).

2.) Don't send 10 one word texts: Okay so i totally get that sometimes your phone will send a text before you meant for it to. Shit happens. Totally legit. BUT.When it starts being like this:
"Hey."
"Sally"
"Whatsup?"
"Haven't talked to you in a while."
"Just thinkin bout you."
"Hope all is well."
"Let me know if you wanna hangout smetime"
"sometime*"
"Miss you!"
":)"
LEARN TO STRING A FUCKING SENTENCE TOGETHER GAHHHHHHHHHH.

3.) Don't text me something juicy and then not pick up the call when the person calls you back immediately after you sent it unless you reallllllly can't.
Ex: "Got my pregnancy test results. OMG FML!!!"

4.) ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DO NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT GLOSS OVER A TEXT LIKE YOU AINT GOT IT AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.
Phone offender (is person B):
Saturday
A: "What are you up to tonight?"
B: (no response)
A: "hellloooo?"
B: (No response)
A: "ok...maybe another time..."
Sunday
B: "OMG Remember that time at the beach with that crazy homeless person? i thought i saw the same person yesterday!"

T R I F L I N'

If you have plans or don't wanna see person A for whatever reason, just fucking say so. Or follow example below:

Proper way to handle the sitch:
Saturday
A: "What are you up to tonight?"
B: (no response)
A: "hellloooo?"
B: (No response)
A: "ok...maybe another time..."
Sunday
B: "Ahhh sorry I didn't hit you back last night! I feel asleep b/c im lame and old..."

5.) If you push reject...the person on the other end is gonna know. Period. End of story. I'm sorry but let's not even pretend like we don't know. This is breakdown for my clueless (which hopefully is none of you...!)
-Phone goes straight to vm--they're in a shitty area with no reception or their phone is off/died.
-Phone rings and rings and rings and then voicemail: either theey legitly missed your call or are too polite to reject *Note: if on a business call/phone interview or breaking up, TOTALLY acceptable to hit reject
-Phone rings 2-3 times and then rolls to vm: My friend, you have been DENIED! Don't take it personally. It could be for any given reason like the few i mentioned above.
-----
I was gonna keep going but as I mentioned earlier (or at least i think i did) i'm sleep deprived and exhausted. Possible TBD but i think i've hit some main points.

Gnite!!

FREAK OUT!

I'm freaking out. I can't believe I'm still freaking out. Not in a bad way and not in a good way--just a general laskdjflsakdjfalskdjfsadkjf FML.

It's finally come to this. Later than sooner but isn't that how it always goes?

I'm about to finally have another 'final' talk with someone. Someone who probably doesn't appreciate that i'm throwing out our biznass into cyberland like this. But i can't function right now and what does a sally do best under pressure? Bitch, smoke, write. In that order.

I love this person genuinely and sincerely and fiercely. But at some point, as my big bro said earlier--somethings gotta give. I think i've bounced my thoughts off of far more people than I intended to (but not too many) and I've come to the epiphany that maybe i kept asking around b/c i didn't know if i was just crazy or the person i talked to was just crazy or what.

I'm scared outta my mind but more anxious and determined. Everything will be fine and my predicition will probably be spot on:
1. I will freak out and almost back out
2. I'll follow through
3. It won't be poorly received b/c i know the person on the other end, despite his worst days and poorest of wording, will not annihilate me when it comes to things like this. Or we would've been done LONNNNG ago.
4. A round of I told you so's (REALLY not looking forward to that) along with passive aggressive ways of telling me I wasted my time
5. I'll feel better but still kinda be miserable only at this point i've talked it into the ground and then some that people I will not verbalize it b/c i dont feel like anyone understands.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Under Pressure

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

That feels better.

I love writing. I do. I really do. I love writing, I love my blog and I love all my readers--even those of you who I dont actually know. I appreciate your dedication to reading and the support. And I hate to say this but I do like that some of my unknown readers are from other countries--I'm like cool! I'm international bitchessssss hahaha

What i don't love is I feel like I dont always know what to say...And havent for some time. And it's not even that I don't have stories. Puh-leasee. If you know anything about me it's that I'm full of these crazy wacky stories that are unfortunately true stories LOL

Unfortunately as the fan base (for lack of a better word) grows, I feel more nervous about writing. Well..obviously not that much more nervous since I'm writing right now but you know what i mean. I feel like I need to be funnier than my last post or more poignant or meaningful. Do I start using code names? Can i bitch about my friends who i know read this even if I use code names? I have some good stories from work but I can't write about work in case someone from work stumbles upon this. I dont know. I know i know... WTF is Sally talking about and where's the funny shit? Scroll scroll scroll. hahah

Blahhhhhhhh i dont know. Until I figure it out, read an old blog since the last one I left you all with was totally depressing. I didn't mean for it to be but sometimes life is shitty (but not always for long!)

Okay. I'm making myself go to bed. My brain is totally fried. I think it's because I've been in "GO!" mode for the past 2 months. Wedding madnss, Camping madness, almost getting arrested madness, Birthday madness--I barely remember sleeping!

Yeah this was totally pointless and i shouldn't hit "publish post" but i am b/c i try my best to keep it real. Til next time readers (if i still have any left...LOL) i've got a benadryl with my name on it so i can pass the fuck out. Night!

How to Save a Life

Okay so.. here's the rundown.

A friend of mine passed and I've been struggling since I found out yesterday. What do i do best to cope with stress? I chain smoke and write. It's not healthy but it helps me.


I was friends with this girl, who i met in 5th grade. We hung out together a lot, esp b/c we lived in the same neighborhood. Even when she moved away, we still hung out whenever our parents could find time to drive us. Then, as a lot of childhood friendships go, we just lost touch. No big fight. No fuck yous. Simple we just lost touch kinda thing.


She facebooked me last year. I was really surprised. I hadn't seen or heard her name in YEARS. I think the last time i actually saw her in person was in middle school and I think I talked to her once in high school...maybe college. She had a pretty rough life from what I remember and seems that it only got rougher as time went on. We were pretty different from each other. At the time, i was super shy and really quiet (obviously a far cry from me today) and a really good girl. She was bold, rebellious, spoke her mind and lived like there were no consequences in life. Sometimes I was glad i wasn't like that. Other times, I was envious of her ability to just not give a damn and speak her mind. I'm not quite sure how our friendship came about or worked but it did.

Her initial message to me was very eager and hopeful--is this really you Sally? I really hope so. And with some hesitation I wrote her back. I hesitated because in my mind, I thought, if she was still up to the same thing she was doing in high school (which really was a snowball effect form what she was getting into in elementary school) when we had briefly caught up on the phone...I wasn't sure this would be a good thing. I know me--I give people chances even though I say I dont. I wasn't sure I wanted to get caught up in her world, whatever it was like. But then i thought, no, maybe she changed. So I wrote back and let her know she had gotten the right Sally and asked how things were going. She insisted I call her instead of these back and forth facebook messages. I told her sure but at the time I had a friend staying with me so I wasn't sure I'd have time to call that week. She must've taken it the wrong way b/c then she sends me a message saying that if i didn't wanna talk to her, she understands and that her mom had passed after we spoke in high school and i had moved so she didn't know how to get in touch with me. She missed me and during that time she only wanted to talk to me but couldn't get a hold of me. She wanted to catch up but understood if i didn't want to...Immediately, I felt like an asshole and wrote back that I would call her and I did once my house guest had left.

I thought it might be awkward but it actually wasn't. She developed a strong southern accent and told me that life had gotten rough for her. In and out of jail and rehab, trouble with drugs, trouble with people in general. She talked about her mom passing and how hard it was for her. And how it was even harder to find me, which made me laugh. I do keep a low profile online. No twitters, myspaces and what not. Just a facebook and good old blogs. Anyways, she told me how much she missed me and thought of me and how was i? I told her I was doing well. I had called her during a lunch break at my job. She asked what I did for a living and when I told her, she was very impressed. As I told her, she really shouldn't be impressed. It was a bullshit job for an even more of a bullshit company but I digress. Then she asked if I graduated college and did i get a scholarship? With hesitation, I muttered a yes and changed the topic. I know i shouldn't down play my education but I certainly didn't wanna seem like i was rubbing it in.

She laughed and said "Yeah i thought you would. You were always a good girl...I bet you partied hard too though didn't you?" It made me laugh and still does. I dont know how she knew but she was right on. Yup. Still a good girl who has a partying side but that I've cut back on it a lot. Then she talked about how her partying side was subsiding as well. I figured, eh we're at that age. She was like well that and I'm trying to stay sober now and somehow I figured she wasn't just talking about alcohol. She didn't wanna get into it so i didn't push. She let me know that she got caught up in some bad shit and busted a few times for various reasons--she alluded to fights and drugs-- and that she had decided to change. No more drugs. No more drama. No more. She wanted to go back to school to maybe even be a counselor to help others like her. I was really proud of her and told her so. I told her I would help her find a job and thought she was awesome for what she wanted to do. She sounded proud of herself too. I encouraged her to really go for it b/c she's smart, nice and keeps it real. She sounded bashful but thanked me.

Then we talked about meeting up in person sometime when I wasn't working. She said she didn't have a job b/c of her record and no license. I dont know why but my brain went uhhhhhhhhhhh this may not be a good move Sally. If you pick her up and she says that people are after her b/c she's out of the drug ring...that could be a bad situation, especially if we met for a drink. She wasn't sure of a nearby coffee place b/c she said she just moved back to the NOVA area recently but maybe hang out at her place? I was like umm yeah. I didn't know waht my work schedule was like (even though I as 9-6 it hardly worked out that way). I told her we could aim for 4th of July weekend and I'd call her later to discuss details, where she lived etc.

Only I never did. Part of me was scared she would call me b/c...it's not that i didn't wanna see her. I actually really did. I was more so nervous about her surroundings and the people she associated with (particularly the ones that didn't like her). Then I legitly got caught up in a shitstorm known as work and let it fall to the wayside.

I've since switched jobs and as I have some time off and now that it's been a while I thought, what the hell. I wanna see her and I'm over being guessing/judgmental Sally. Now i just wanna see my friend and see how she's doing. I went through my phone and couldn't find her number. Weird! I swore I saved it.

So i did what any one would do nowadays. I went to facebook to send her a message. Her page pulled up and the first thing I see is RIP... I was like huh? Then i saw the other messages. I was like no, they can't be talking ABOUT her. it must be someone she knows or maybe she had a miscarriage. who knows! So i started going through the comments on her page. No...she definitely died. I started shaking badly. How could i not? I was ready to have coffee and chill with her and can't...because she's passed away. WTF??? And as I'm reading i have no clue how it happened. Car accident? I read more messages...no that wasn't it. I got frustrated and jumped to google.

Whats one of the first things I see? An article about her. I was like ok...and clicked on the link. The story was about how her home was invaded by the police for heroin possession, trafficking, use, multiple firearms and an undisclosed amount of money. Um...WHAT? That article was in October and if you remember from earlier, I talked ot her in late June. WTF???

My sorrows for her went to the wayside and my first thought was, You fucking lied to me. AGAIN. Fucking lied. You're better than this and you lied and said you were getting help. That you wanted to change. That you wanted better for yourself. Obviously you didn't.

Then i froze.

I'm getting mad at someone who's life was ended too short and that I didn't know the whole story from. Maybe she was better. Maybe someone put that stuff in her house. And most of all, who the FUCK am i to judge someone? How DARE i?

I felt sick for thinking the mean and angry thoughts that I did. And then i felt awful. Way to be judgmental! And in true Sally fashion, I cried. Not for a long time, and not uncontrollably but I was truly upset and sad for her.

I read the messages over and over again on her wall. I had a strong suspicion she over dosed or killed herself.

I frantically messaged people who wrote on her wall in hopes to get some information and to find out where she was laid to rest.

I got a response not too long ago--she died of an overdose (heroin i would assume) and was cremated.

Um..what?

I'm stuck now in this horrible place. I'm FURIOUS with her for being so fucking stupid as to doing HEROIN and not taking the help that was right in front of her face. And for telling me that she wished she had more Sallys in her life so she wouldn't be where she is. I'm not an angel but I do have some common sense and self worth. And wheen we did talk, I did consider coming back into her life full force to keep her away from the drugs, introduce her to some sober and fun people, get her a job, encourage her through the rough times to push through. But then i thought, fuck it. Im sick of playing the role of the guardian angel for people who need guidance.

Then I'm FURIOUS with me for sounding like a heartless bitchface. Then I'm upset for not getting the chance to have seen her when she asked. And I'm upset that she didn't get a chance to fight through. She didn't want to die. She just did. And that's fucking terrible. All my crazy opinions and feelings aside, it's fucking fucking fucking terrible. She deserved SO much better.

Then the few people I have told about this..I'm confused by their reactions. 2 were really great. Everyone else seems great initially but then i feel like im being fed cliches and i know for damn sure im worth more than a fucking cliche. And some are so apathetic and I'm annoyed. Look just b/c im not bawling doesnt mean im not going through a rough fucking time. And then when people say their sorry i bristle and am like, i'm fine. why wouldn't i be?

I dont know. I dont know how to feel.

I put a little shoutout song to her as "How To Save a Life" on Facebook. I know she would've strongly preferred "One Sweet Day." She loved Mariah Carey. She loved that song. I know she would've preferred that song but the way I feel now i feel like "How To Save a Life" is more appropriate.

Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Some where along in the bitterness
But I would've stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life...

Amen, The Fray. A-frickin-men.

Not sure how or why I felt the need to share this private happening to the public but i did. Im confused and yeah...

Burnin' Up!

Okay so I should probably be asleep but I should probably a lot of things. I'll get to everything eventually. It's just so damn hot that I can't sleep and feel like I'm burnin' up. Seriously.

I think I'm starting to feel more like myself again now that I've had a little time to destress. I'm forcing myself to go out again and I'm finding that once I'm back out there, I'm fine.





Friday night I met my blasian bro for a bevie and found out that I'm actually not bad at shooting hoops despitee my magnificent height of 5'4. Don't scoff. It is. I know my legal eagle Ike and bff Doodle have snorted with laughter when I say I am 5'4. Ike insists 5'4 in heels and that i look like i'mi 14, possibly 15 with make up and Doodle thinks i'm 5' and look like im 17. For the record to both men, if i look 15-17 yrs old and you're both over 30..that makes you both perverts and Chris Hansen is gonna bust through your doors. Also saw some old coworkers which was nice!







Saturday--Bridal shower day! It was at 2941 which is a gorgeous restaurant on the water in Falls Church. (Side note, AMAZING tuna tartare!) Who knew there was water in Falls Church? Aside from me totally face planting during a rescue mission and suffering from terrible hair syndrome, it went beautifully. Guests on time-ish, gorgeous center pieces, lots of fun gifts, an adorable cake--a good time was had by all for the bride we all love! Oh! And my JeoparTi game turned out okay! Ok i make it sound like it was some super awesome thing when it can be argued that it looked like a glamorous 7th grade sciene fair project but dammit, I was proud i pulled it off and that the questions all had clever hints sandwiched in them. Woo hoo! Best wishes to my Kimora and Jiman.











(Oh separate wedding note: Please visit this link to show your support for gay marriage and add your name! Gotta show my love for all and their RIGHT to love as well!)







Sat night was pretty nice and chill too--I went to Primetime in FFx with the bride and some of the ladies from the shower and it was actually pretty decent there--well for ffx. It's a hell of a lot better than V5 which seems to be the current wateringhole/Cheers-esque bar. Maybe the fact that i don't feel like im going to get shanked on my way to my car helps. hahah There's nothing wrong with V5-- I think I'm just over it since that's where i feel like i watch sports and it was the closest bar to my old job for HH. Overload!!!




Today didn't go out out but went to my sister's colleague's easter lunch/dinner (linner?) thing which was cool. I felt kinda funny b/c her colleague's son and friends are in high school but my sister's colleague is a bit older than me so I felt like I was too old to mingle with the kiddos and not old enough to talk with the grown ups. LOL It was fun though. Always good to meet new people and have good eats around. Although with summer creepin' up, can't have TOO many good eats!

Now it's 1:39am and there's no reason for me to be blogging or up or up and blogging but it's like ridiculously hot in my room. gahhhhhh!

Ok, game plan--switch to a wife beater which i've been meaning to do for the past 6 hours (hahahah) and attempt sleep again.

Not Listenin' When You Say...Goodbye

Per my blog tradition, ever blog is named after a lyric or song title and this 3rd Eye Blind song is for my Lindsey Doll (check out her blog at http://lessonsfromlemons.blogspot.com/)

Anyways, back in college this guy I was on the school paper with Frank always made fun of me, saying that I say when I'm wrapping up a phone call that I say the most polite and perky "bye" ever.

Honestly? I never paid much attention to how I say hi or bye to people in person or on the phone. I try to be as friendly as possible--I mean why wouldn't I? I'm talking to my friends, I would assume!

I know this is all very random but like every once in a while since Frank pointed it out, I'll tune in and pay attention to how people say bye. I've gotta say that while 100% of my friends are a joy to talk to, 90% of my friends are terrible about the goodbyes. When they say it for whatever reason, the person's tone gets really flat or like they're irritated. (which hopefully is not directly related to the conversation they had with me. LOL). Also, i would say about 60% of the hellos sound like "HELLO IM IRRITATED AND OR SUPER BUSY." But then once they start talking they sound less like the exorcist and more like that people I love and was hoping to get on the other end of the phone.

Totally random thought/blog but now that I've put it out there, really pay attention to how people say hi and bye--it'll probably make you laugh!

I Can See Us Dying...Are We?

No, I'm not a prophet and I dont actually see people dying ahead of time or anything like that (though I think there's a tv show or movie out there with a premise of just that.) So. I'm all bent out of shape b/c I feel like I might lose one of my BFFs one day and I'm vastly paranoid and unhappy about it. I've been warned all around from the general public that once either myself or this BFF of mine is in a relationship, our friendship is game over. I refuse to believe it. REFUSE! B/c it just doesn't make sense. I have plenty of close guy friends who are in relationships and we never stopped talking or not hang out as much as we used to. If we don't talk or hang out as much as we used to, then it's b/c we both have crazy schedules that aren't compatible and not because of anyone's relationship status. Me and the BFF in question have consistently been just friends, in my humble opinion so the notion that we're not going to be friends anymore is absurd and really scary b/c I assume he feels the same way but I dont actually know. And bringing it up pre-emptively just adds to the file of Sally is possibly the most paranoid person alive file. I guess I just dont understand why if we've been friends all along, why a relationship status on either of our end would kill our friendship. I dont much like that at all. And like I keep saying, it doesn't make sense! I've asked girls, guys, straight, gay, almost all races and they all keep beating into my head that I live in la la land with gummy bears and puppies but the real world says NO. You can't still be friends. And if we DO continue being friends that there will have to be a grace period to show no disrespect to the other's bf/gf. Like wtf ?? What ettiquette book dictated this? I dont think that a friendship should be put on hold for anything. So confused!

Chain Chain Chaaaaiiinnn....

Ok. Technology has gotten out of control. And my next rant here is totally nerding it up and not even that technologically advanced but yeah. So. here i goes.. What's strongly becoming a huge annoyance is the CC/Reply All function on emails. At work, at home, etc--there are these HUGE chain of emails and I'm like WTF. No one told me I had to read the entire encyclopedia britannica to figure out what time to meet friends for dinner. I personally don't feel that I should have to have a table of contents to navigate through an email. I'm a girly as you get emotionally but when it comes to making a point, I think like a man--short, sweet and to the point. Otherwise i get overwhelmed. I totally get that CC-ing people is like totally necessary sometimes but the reply all KILLS me. Especially when someone sends out a "funny" forward to their friends and family (who I typically dont know) and the next thing I know there's this endless chain of "inside jokes"/people trying (and failing) to be funny from Uncle Joe or Jane Doe and there's always someone who feels the need to one up them. I'm like seriously? I dont know you people and even if i did, the forward was not funny and your comments are not funny so can we just like, let it die? MMMKTHANKS! Seriously, I need a Xanax before I can check email or maybe i should switch to adderol b/c people seem to have a lot to say and a lot of people want to say it. I'm like GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "but sally didn't you get it? you were CCed on the email." No bitch! I didn't get it. Actually i probably did but it was encased in a thousand fucking useless words of bullshit. And really, how can I remember the one sentence you ask me about when there are about a million useless ones? Okay redundant argument but still. Totally true. It's all very Coco Chanel " before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off." Less is more bitches. Make it work. Before you send that email--really consider 1.) Should you really hit reply all? 2.) Is anyone gonna give a shit? 3.) Wtf is the purpose of my email and lets make it quick and to the point.

Meet Me at the Crossroads

Remember that song from the 90's? "Meet me at the crosssroadsssss so you wont be lone-lay!" The other words to the song are a mystery for most. Something about the guy's Uncle Charles and what not. I digress. I feel like I'm at the crossroads of my life again. Still not sure what to do, who to spend energy on and trying to be more assertive with those I really shouldn't waste anymore time with. Waste more time meaning like, they've had too much of it already. I'm not really in a negative mood so much as I am thoughtful one. Throughout the madness of the past few months, I forgot about how amazing some of my friends are--even the ones I didn't think I was so close with. Other friends I really trusted have really let me down and made me question their motives. And there is one friend I miss dearly...our disappearing friendship or whatever makes me sad. I think it's a good time right now for me to start things over--for the millionth time. I hate like I feel like I'm starting from ground zero all the time but a fresh start is a fresh start so here I go again...!

How Will I Know!

Oh Whitney you wonderful crackhead...

(For those of you who are new readers, all of my blogs are lyrics from songs. Odd way to start a blog but my seasoned readers know the drill--my blog my rules!)

So, I was lamenting about the last time I saw a movie in a theater (side note: those who dont know me well or at all, i haven't seen lik 99% of movies out there. short attention span...)

Typically if I went to the movies it's because it was on a date.

Problem?

I didn't actually KNOW it was a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate-date. Twice actually.

"It's a date" is such a common phrase. A colloquialism if you will.

Anyways, I was talking to Favs Erine and recounting the story about my unclear date with MF. Long story short (sorry Erine darling, you always get the long versions of my story haha), I was just friends with MF and we both wanted to see the same movie.

I thought it was just one of those, oh you say it in convo and no one ever REALLY follows-up on it deals like when you run into a friend from the past and say "we should hang out!" Sure you both mean it (in that it seems like a good idea at the time but the more you think about putting effort into it...it's like ehhh) but it's an unspoken "yeahhhhhh not gonna happen"

But then MF did suggest a time and day. I had nothing planned so i was like okie.

He said over his should "sounds good--it's a date!"

I was like word. (Romantic and lady like response, i know)



So anyways, I didn't think much of until I realized 10 minutes after we met up that it WAS a daaaaaate date. But i still wasn't sure.



Frankly...i still dont know if it was.



As Erine so eloquently put it "Well it was a date. Obviously, not a GOOD date."

(Thanks for the vote of confidence...former favorite erine...hahah)



You'd think that after all this time, I would know but i STILL dont. I guess I could ask MF but I'm afraid of what the answer is.



BFF has once told me, "Sally...you wouldnt know if someone was hitting on you if they were literally saying 'Sally. I am currently hitting on you...You'd be like ok la la la and then wander into traffic and still not understand what the guy is saying.' "

(And thanks for the 2nd vote of confidence...former BFF...hahah)



Then my darling Lindsey wanders in and what does she do? SHE TAKES ERINE SIDE that "It's a date" means "it's a date" as in like a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate date. Yes, repeating the word and dragging it out DOES change the meaning.

Their rational is that straight single men and straight single women dont saythat to one another and hang out one on one unless it's meant to be more.



I was like there was no making out involved in either one of my 'date's!!!



To which Lindsey in all her Phadrea (RHOA) southern belle glory looked straight at me and said "You dont have to make out with someone for it to be a date--esp not the first one!!!"



HAHAHAHHAHAH


Damn her and her logic and morals! I'm like WHAT? No tongue action? No smushing? Surely that wasn't a date!



I was like "Durrr...hahah that came out wrong linds. it's like why buy the cow if the milk is free etc that whole saying."



Then i wondered if i just called myself a cow. And I'm def not lactating.



Both of those are besides the point.



The point is, "it's a date" doesn't MEAN that its like a true daaaaaaaate. Does it?!?!



I took a poll:

Adam- no turned yes

Mike- no turned yes

Harley - solid no (MY BOY!)
My SVP - a very confused no (along with a suspicious--shouldn't you be you know...working??? expression on his face)

Lindsey- YES! *Dont give free milk
Erine - Yes



What do YOU all think?!



I know, rather counterproductive for me to ask given that I removed commenting as an option from here...hahah



Whatever. I still think I'm right. I think. More people to poll tomorrow...

Bye, Bye, Bye

Ah, bye bye bye to Brant who's moving to TX.

Just got back from his farewell get together and wow--it's the first time i've been out in a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time.

I literally don't think i've been out since...






Maybe Pamela's bachelorette party.

Seeriousssllllyyyy!!! It's funny how somethings changed and how somethings never change in terms of nightlife.

Brant had his farewell in a divebar called Fast Eddies--very low key and i need low key right now b/c my job is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to intense.

It cracks me up how no matter how long you've been away from nightlife, how certain things never change, especially in fairfax.

I've been away from the FFX scene for YEARS now (honestly, im soooooooooooo over it and lets be real, my ass is too damn old for it. I'm starting to become too old for Clarendon too!) so it was very interesting to be back in it.

It was a very entertaining people watching night. And for those who dont know, 'people watching' is a polite and PC way of saying 'judging'

Yup. I said it. I've officially blown everyone's spot now. Hahhaah

Here are my observations:
-There will always people who WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY over dress for the ffx scene and I can't for the life of me figure it out.

-I'll also never figure out why people from one table will judge all the other tables around them. It's like if we're all here to drink, relax and have fun, why can't we all just do it together like one big party instead of 15 different ones in a competition. Okay so someone is laughing a little too loudly at the next table or you caught the wrong part of a convo--who the fuck cares and why are you eavesdropping? There's no need to whisper and stare and roll your eyes. That's just my opinion.

-Ladies..why? Why why why why can't you just wait until summer before you pull out your summer clothes? There's no need for the short dress sans leggings and open toed shoes, tube tops and tank tops with no jacket or cardigan when it's 27 degrees. Like unless you all are from like freakin' Canada or something and this is summer weather to you, put it in your closet until summer. It's cold bitches!

-The quality of karaoke singers has vastly improved from when I used to go out. We were there for pool and to catch a drink and suddenly I see a HUGE projector screen a guy with a suitcase looking thing start to set something up and i was like yeahhhh karaoke. The girls all had great voices, actually. Minus the homeless beverly hills girl. (SUPER tan, VERY blonde, pink fuzzy kangol hat, awkwardly short white leather boots and a long coat dress thing that fell at an awful lenght--maybe 4 inches above her ankle and the top of her boots started an inch below the hem of her dress...not to get all project runway on you and im certainly no fashionista but come the fuck on. Plus she was super short. It looked a hot mess. Guess Ken kicked Barbie's ass outta the dreamhouse??) Though I've gotta give it to her...it was pretty entertaining to see the room full of guys get visibly uncomfortable all together when she started singing "Don't want no short dick man"

-Why do black people in Fairfax feel the need to act super hardcore gangsta/act like the cliche cool black person? Maybe it happens in other places too but in Fairfax, there aren't many black people but the ones who come out here OVER DO IT. it's obnoxious!! If you're so hard core dude, go to DC and then see that youre actually just kinda lame.

Top 3 laughs?
1.) Why was a man wearing a HUGE wrestling belt for no reason? I know he thinks (b/c he said so) he's the people's champ but damn, really? Maybe b/c he thought it made his waist look TINY? Dont get me started on when he started playing like a guitar. Or rather, the way people THINK that the guitar is played. Me being an actually guitar player, i can tell ya uh no. haha whatevs all in good fun.

2.) Is everyone who goes out in FFX shopping at Fredericks of Holllywood or Hot Topic? Sure looks like it.

3.) Why did everyone judge me for belting out "Baby" by Justin Bieber? As i so eloquently told Christy (who did a great job singing "rehab"!!!), "Why am i the only one who knows all the words to song..why's everyone starting at me...judging...well everyone can kiss my ass. This song is the shit!"

It is. Accept this as a fact people.

The Venga Bus is Coming!

Except it wasn't a bus. It was a van. And the second part of the lyric will make a lot more sense to you once you're done reading my whale of a tale.

So...

A Sally goes to a gas station during her lunch break to get cigs (i know...) and talk to her BFF's on the phone and clean off the car window with the squeegy thingy.

And see wha-ha-happened was...

A man and woman in a van are apparently talking to me and i had no idea. Then the guy says "MISS?" And pulls the van up to me. Being the street savvy girl i am...i walked right up to it.

YEAH. I'm bright.

Anyways, i then get asked a string of unrelated bizarre questions:
-Are you American?
-Are you married?
-Do you know what the inhalers club is?
-Would you be interested in working in adult entertainment?

You know...the normal questions you ask someone mid day on a monday....

They hand me a business card (ewie. i dont wanna touch anything they did!!!) and drive off. It has something on it in swirly letters--i dont much pay attention to what it says. i put the card of shame in my coat pocket, they drive off and i throw it away.

Before they drove off they said "If you dont know what an inhalers club is, ask that guy!" and pointed to the guy diagonal from me. I looked at the guy and before i could say anything he looks at me and says "Sweetie, i dont even know those people" and goes in the the gas station shop.

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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....


Happy Monday???