Is Someone Getting The Best of You?

OMGGGGGGGG My brain matches my body and that is FRIED.

I think I totaly od'ed on tanning. I went for a 3 mile walk/jog (i know..i should not be jogging with a fucked up knee...) outside in the sun, immediately to the pool to join my older sis lounging by the pool and then i went tanning with Linds at Hollywood Tans.

Honestly? i didn't think much about it until i got home and was greeted with "Stop tanning. You're red as in not orange and not tan. Just...red."

I felt my arms and they felt just fine. Then I saw myself in the mirror and did a double take. I am red. Wtf!? But it doesn't hurt...weird~! I think I am turning tanorexic. And also hating myself a bit b/c i swore i'd never be jerseylicious tan or someone who used "cutesy" made up words such tanorexic...

Anyways that's all beside the point.

The point is--is someone getting the best of you and what the fuck do you do if it's YOU that's getting the best of you?

I know. I just blew all of your minds.

I'm so frazzled because I feel like lately I've been bombared with opinions. Some have been b/c I've straight up asked and others have volunteered--which is fine too (for the most part.) The thing is is that when you have too many metaphoric cooks in the metaphoric kitchen it's like...wtf are we trying to make again? i dont know.

It's human nature to want other people's opinion about things but when you ask, you really better know what it is that you want and be prepared for the answers you get. Some answers can be enlightening and others...just really don't get it.

As friends, in theory we're all supposed to want whats best for your friend. Sometimes, I think that it can suddenly change your original thoughts as well. I dont know. It's all confusing and incredibly frustrating. You can't get mad at anyone for having an opinion. You can disagree, but you can't get mad. People are free to think whatever the hell they want to and even if you'd given advice you dont like or don't agree with then guess what? DONT LISTEN TO IT!

I feel like im ranting like a whackadoo b/c i have no fucking idea what's going on right now with a lot of aspects of my life and I feel like (the same way I often feel...) that people are disregarding MY feelings and MY perceptions and not keeping who I AM into perspective when telling me things. It's always easier from the outsiders opinion. I get it. I agree. And I'm postive I probably have done or still do the same with other people. But to make finite conclusions can be really frustrating when on the receiving end of things.

I KNOW, WE KNOW you want________, like___________, and hope for ____________. And sometimes that is oh so true and people are like totally right. OTHER TIMES, i'm like YOU CANNOT SAY THAT and you NEED to stop telling my I'm in denial about certain things whether it's work love life family or other, IF I MYSELF dont fucking know. I know sometimes that I will deny deny deny and what the other person saying IS true, but other times i'm being very candid and honest and I have no fucking idea. Maybe the better option is to just keep quiet? It's hard. You want to share your life and your problems with the people in your life and certainly dont want to drive them bat shit crazy by sounding like a broken record for parroting the same list of problems over and over again but for fucks sake, I dont want to be doing the parroting either! It's a two way street people.

BLAH! I hate being like this. I really do. Life's not terrible. It's actually not bad at all right now but there's just SOMETHING going on lately and it's really just irritating me and I think that my irritation is being misdirected at timees but oh so accurate at other times.

And all of that aside, ultimately, everyone's their own person--myself included--and sometimes (all the time) i get frustrated with myself!

One of my best friends is always challenging me by saying "Says who?" i.e. If I say I can't do something or if I don't feel like something, this person is always like Says Who? To which the answer I usually shoot back is says me. And then they say that I need to change that perception and that's true at times.

I dont know.

Over it!