Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"You Wrote the Book On Love"

Okay no, I didn't. I did, however I did try to. Kinda. It was going to be this brilliant melting pot of NUMEROUS males and females from the "young adult" category (18-35 i think) their vital stats (relationship status, age, name, pic) and their opinions on all things relationship.

Not the kind you see in magazines where it's like "Word on the Street" and there's a pic of an avg looking guy named Brad who's a sales exec 26 from West Palm Beach Florida and he thinks that a girl's smile is the most attractive.

But real issues like "once a cheater always a cheater--why?" or "do you believe that there's only on true love in life" or "would you take a cheater back--why?" Things along those lines. Those are actually kinda crappy examples but you know what i mean. Something more than the generic.

I based a lot of the questions on the never ending stream of "Sally! My bf/gf/partner/wife/husband/fuck buddy/ friend with benefit/this guy/girl i'm talking to, this person i know... blah blah blah blah blah."

Naturally being fascinated with people and genuinely caring for my friends I hear them out and thoughtfully give a carefully thorough answer back which is NOT the usual "it is what it is" or "that sucks" or "What can you do?" that people give ME in response. (Or worse, when they hear your problem, and try to tell you a story that relates about THEM and you either didn't see how it even related at that im bitter or anyhting haha). But sometimes it's interesting to hear what other people say b/c once in a while I will repeat the story told to me (never using names of course) to another person unrelated to the person with the prob to see what their thoughts are. The things I've heard have been very interesting.

So I was gonna composite it all into one great big book--for entertainment value. Not for a self-help purpose. There'd really really be no point in that. In fact, I'm going to take my chances and say that there are pretty much no black and white answers to any thing in a relationship b/c it's so vastly different from relationship to relationship and person to person. But that sure doesn't stop everyone from buying all the relationship help books like "he's just not that into you" or "act like a lady, think like a man" (which actually isn't a bad read at all) or even much to my dread and horror as i discovered on a co-worker's desk "how to get hot girls."

Not saying that these books are garbage b/c at least the first two were best sellers and they didn't become best sellers for nothing, right? But what I'm saying is that relationships aren't black and white--they're mostly gray. So if relationships are mostly gray, why do we keep looking for black and white rules and answers?

--zoom in on "rules and answers" on screen and end Carrie Bradshaw moment--

Anyways, I've given up on the book b/c I can't figure out WHY people would buy it, what my title would be and who I would put in the book, etc etc.

Then I tried to write a book on The Quarter Life Crisis. And it doesn't help when other people are like "oh it's been done." well no shit. If people never wrote about the same topic once, we'd be effin' communisits.

So. Full of life again, I figured, i'd go ahead and write about the lameness we call the Quarter Life Crisis. But then it was really hard to write! I think it's b/c i'm something of a rebel and don't like to be told what to do.

...or b/c i suck at life.

Most likely option number two. LOL

I'm gonna end up in an email forward for FAILS.

See example below:

Hahah damn damn damn.

A collection of my blogs compiled in to a book? Perhaps. But why oh why would anyone want that?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. hahah

Saturday, April 11, 2009

You Ain't Nuttin but a Hound Dog. Cryin' All the Time

Okay. 2:55 am. Friday night. Actually, technically Sat morning since i did write A.M. The boys just left and here I am in a strange bed.

Wait wait wait. That doesn't sound right. Let me start all over again.

So, I'm apt sitting for my non best friend and her gf. They're headed out west and were generous to let me loaf around their apt while they're outtie. They wanted to gimme a break from my current living sitch b/c they know I'm stuck at my parents' place but hopefully not for long. Don't get me wrong, my parents are amazing people. They're really good people, big hearts and super chill. But. I'm friggin 25 yrs old for crying outloud. I need to escape. I love them with all my heart and then some and me moving out will never change this. However. ITS BEEN 25 MOTHAFUCKING YEARS AND I NEED SOME MOTHA FUCKING SPACE!

Whoa. I almost wrote motha fuckin' snakes. I think anytime i hear 'mothafuckin' i seem to channel Samuel L. Jackson.

All that's irrelevent. What is relevant is where I said I was in a strange bed. As in laying in a bed I am not familiar with. I did NOT however say a STRANGER'S bed. Now that's just super creepy.

Anyways. To kick off the weekend and my freedom and help perpetuate my "Lost" infatuation, I had some of the guys over tonight--Stan, David R and Justin. Kentucky (Tennessee? I dunno. Some state where they marry in the family and eat road kill) bourbon, Crown Royal and doritos abound.

Oh and the crazy neighbor to chat us up about God knows what during a smoke break. Yeah he's not actually crazy--just lonely says Justin--but crazy, says I.

Good times. Laughing, jokes and insults exchanged, what's not to enjoy?

Oh wait, the mothafuckin' DOG. Who is currently whining and barking. I'm totally not staying another night here b/c of him. Or any other night. I CANT deal with that. It's not that I hate dogs or even that dog specifically. I don't think so at least. All I know is that it wont just shut the fuck up! It's whining and barking when my FULL attention is NOT on it and running around like a fucking lunatic. Well guess what? Know what happens to dogs that get on my fucking nerves? Yes. They get captured by the boys and tossed back into the crate b/c it's fucking fucking FUCKING ruining my pseudo-apt experiment. Fuck this. A weekend is supposed to be fun. Not making sure someone else is happy and to coerce it to stop bitching. Esp not a fucking DOG.

I always thought I was a dog person. I always said I love dogs.

Yeah well not anymore. Dogs are like kids or boyfriends (or girlfriends depending on what youre into). NEEDY AS FUCK.

This particular four legged little shit has not stopped irritating me since I got here. Occassionally he's be very sweet and on his very best behaviour and doing his own thing, then snaps back into fucking needy psycho mode.

I saw the poor stinker in the crate when i came in and i just figured he could use some freedom. I let him out and that was the worst idea ever ever. No one told me it would be opening pandora's box.

And that fucker is STILL barking even though he's back in the crate, lights are off, etc. I know he doesn't know any better but I do. And i'm not going to spend my weekend reasoning with a dog. Tomorrow a.m. back to my place where there are no dogs.

Humorous as this blog may be, there is a downer to this situation. Non-best friend and her gf were gonna be my roommates in cali. now with this psycho dog in play, I really doubt it. Bummer!

And. I had no idea just how independent I really am. Jeebus.