Sunday, February 13, 2011

Bye, Bye, Bye

Ah, bye bye bye to Brant who's moving to TX.

Just got back from his farewell get together and wow--it's the first time i've been out in a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time.

I literally don't think i've been out since...

Maybe Pamela's bachelorette party.

Seeriousssllllyyyy!!! It's funny how somethings changed and how somethings never change in terms of nightlife.

Brant had his farewell in a divebar called Fast Eddies--very low key and i need low key right now b/c my job is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to intense.

It cracks me up how no matter how long you've been away from nightlife, how certain things never change, especially in fairfax.

I've been away from the FFX scene for YEARS now (honestly, im soooooooooooo over it and lets be real, my ass is too damn old for it. I'm starting to become too old for Clarendon too!) so it was very interesting to be back in it.

It was a very entertaining people watching night. And for those who dont know, 'people watching' is a polite and PC way of saying 'judging'

Yup. I said it. I've officially blown everyone's spot now. Hahhaah

Here are my observations:
-There will always people who WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY over dress for the ffx scene and I can't for the life of me figure it out.

-I'll also never figure out why people from one table will judge all the other tables around them. It's like if we're all here to drink, relax and have fun, why can't we all just do it together like one big party instead of 15 different ones in a competition. Okay so someone is laughing a little too loudly at the next table or you caught the wrong part of a convo--who the fuck cares and why are you eavesdropping? There's no need to whisper and stare and roll your eyes. That's just my opinion.

-Ladies..why? Why why why why can't you just wait until summer before you pull out your summer clothes? There's no need for the short dress sans leggings and open toed shoes, tube tops and tank tops with no jacket or cardigan when it's 27 degrees. Like unless you all are from like freakin' Canada or something and this is summer weather to you, put it in your closet until summer. It's cold bitches!

-The quality of karaoke singers has vastly improved from when I used to go out. We were there for pool and to catch a drink and suddenly I see a HUGE projector screen a guy with a suitcase looking thing start to set something up and i was like yeahhhh karaoke. The girls all had great voices, actually. Minus the homeless beverly hills girl. (SUPER tan, VERY blonde, pink fuzzy kangol hat, awkwardly short white leather boots and a long coat dress thing that fell at an awful lenght--maybe 4 inches above her ankle and the top of her boots started an inch below the hem of her dress...not to get all project runway on you and im certainly no fashionista but come the fuck on. Plus she was super short. It looked a hot mess. Guess Ken kicked Barbie's ass outta the dreamhouse??) Though I've gotta give it to was pretty entertaining to see the room full of guys get visibly uncomfortable all together when she started singing "Don't want no short dick man"

-Why do black people in Fairfax feel the need to act super hardcore gangsta/act like the cliche cool black person? Maybe it happens in other places too but in Fairfax, there aren't many black people but the ones who come out here OVER DO IT. it's obnoxious!! If you're so hard core dude, go to DC and then see that youre actually just kinda lame.

Top 3 laughs?
1.) Why was a man wearing a HUGE wrestling belt for no reason? I know he thinks (b/c he said so) he's the people's champ but damn, really? Maybe b/c he thought it made his waist look TINY? Dont get me started on when he started playing like a guitar. Or rather, the way people THINK that the guitar is played. Me being an actually guitar player, i can tell ya uh no. haha whatevs all in good fun.

2.) Is everyone who goes out in FFX shopping at Fredericks of Holllywood or Hot Topic? Sure looks like it.

3.) Why did everyone judge me for belting out "Baby" by Justin Bieber? As i so eloquently told Christy (who did a great job singing "rehab"!!!), "Why am i the only one who knows all the words to song..why's everyone starting at me...judging...well everyone can kiss my ass. This song is the shit!"

It is. Accept this as a fact people.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Venga Bus is Coming!

Except it wasn't a bus. It was a van. And the second part of the lyric will make a lot more sense to you once you're done reading my whale of a tale.


A Sally goes to a gas station during her lunch break to get cigs (i know...) and talk to her BFF's on the phone and clean off the car window with the squeegy thingy.

And see wha-ha-happened was...

A man and woman in a van are apparently talking to me and i had no idea. Then the guy says "MISS?" And pulls the van up to me. Being the street savvy girl i am...i walked right up to it.

YEAH. I'm bright.

Anyways, i then get asked a string of unrelated bizarre questions:
-Are you American?
-Are you married?
-Do you know what the inhalers club is?
-Would you be interested in working in adult entertainment?

You know...the normal questions you ask someone mid day on a monday....

They hand me a business card (ewie. i dont wanna touch anything they did!!!) and drive off. It has something on it in swirly letters--i dont much pay attention to what it says. i put the card of shame in my coat pocket, they drive off and i throw it away.

Before they drove off they said "If you dont know what an inhalers club is, ask that guy!" and pointed to the guy diagonal from me. I looked at the guy and before i could say anything he looks at me and says "Sweetie, i dont even know those people" and goes in the the gas station shop.



Happy Monday???