Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hey Good Lookin' Whatcha Got Cookin?

Nothing. Today I had the (dis)pleasure of cooking something for work. We're doing a whole potluck style Halloween shenanigans thing and everyone's bringing something in. I was hoping that it was a run to the store and buy a bag of Doritos type thing but sadly, it's not. Someone's make some kinda pumpkin cream cheese dip. Another is cooking some kind of Reese's bar thing. All tasty and presentable and fancy like.

Me? I'm not that fancy.

Well...not in the kitchen.

5:02pm At the grocery store, gotta find something to whip together.

5:25pm Overwhelmed!!!

5:30pm So over it. Outta here! Happy with my choice. Worms in dirt. No baking. 3 steps.
1 - Make the damn pudding
2 - Put the damn pudding in an alreaddddddddy assembled pie crust.
3 - Smash oreos and throw it in there with gummyworms.

7:17 pm Ok. Let's make the damn pudding (yes, i will continue to reference it as damn pudding.)

7:47 pm The directions says to add 2 cups of milk, bring to a boil on medium heat and continuously stire. So..when do i add the mix?!

7:57 pm OMG. This is so fucking frustrating!!! I'm just gonna add the fucking pudding mix to the 2 cups of milk and hope for the best.

8:05 pm Improvised. Apparently you're not supposed to use fat free milk which is the only milk i DO have. I dont even drink milk. I'm lactose. Duh. So...since i was in a pinch and not willing to leave the house, i stole a cup of my sister's chocolate milk (it's whole milk!) and a cup of fat free milk (mum's) and decided it wouldn't matter. I mean first of all, it's chocolate pudding so no one's going to notice if I used chocolate milk. Secondly, I figured whole milk plus non fat milk equals skim milk.

8:20pm I'm fairly certain I have carpal from continuously stirring. Thanks a lot Jello company. Assholes...

8:25pm Cookies smashed, gummyworms out of the bag. Time to check on the damn pudding.

8:28pm The mother fucking damn pudding has some damn film on it. Did they really expect me to keep stirring...?!?!?!

8:35pm That it's--i'm banging this out and if it sucks OH WELL. I'll bring the remainder of the Oreos as sustenance b/c this looks like it's going to be a disaster.

8:42pm Mum walks by and questions why it's taking me an hour to make a 15 minute completed pie, why all the appliances and most of the fridge contents are on the counter and most of all, why there's pudding in my hair and on just the right side of my face and across my shirt. Mum can suck an egg b/c cooking is hard.

8:45pm Threw the damn pudding pie in the fridge and wash my hands of it. Next year? I'm bringing store bought apple cider.

8:48pm I'm soaking the rest of these gummyworms in vodka. Sally needs a treat. And I'm secretly wishing to be soaking in the vodka like the worms. LIKE the worms, mind you. Not with them. I mean i was in the vodka with sugar worms, that only means one thing. YEAST INFECTION. YUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! This is why dessert toppings in the bedroom are TOPPINGS. Not innings. Ok now it's getting uncomfortable.

9:04pm Ok one last uncomfortable thing...I feel a bit like a someone who's had sex for the first time. (I almost said virgin but if theyve had sex, even just once, no longer a virgin makes) I'm slightly out of breath, flustered not sure if I did it right, thrilled when it was over, hair is a mess and think I can do better next time...and kinda proud/accomplished. -end uncomfortableness-

9:15pm BFF points out, i should've soaked the gummyworms in tequila, as that's where worms typically are.
Fuck him. Fuck halloween. Fuck it all. I'm throwing the damn pudding pie in the garbage. Everyone can suck it.

10:13pm Blogging. Gawd how my Thursday night have changed...