SexyBack

Greetings from the bell tower aka my room. There is no good God reason for me to be at home on a Saturday night other than the simply fact that my face is TORE UP right now from that frickin allergic reaction. It's pretty bad...But getting better.

My face debacle and the time i've had on my hands (hiding from the public b/c my face is awful...in case i haven't made that painfully clear) has lead me to think about vanity.

All of my SUPER close friends know what crippling low self-esteem I have. (Note: This isn't a sob story and I'm not going to go further into it other than what i just wrote) and that lead me to think...if you think things can't get worse, they can.

Wait.

That's terribly Debbie Downer of me. But hopefully you got what I meant. I thought my face couldn't get worse and then it did. But then there's a silver lining meaning i should appreciate my face for what it looks like sans this allergy thing.

To those of you haven't seen me (which is pretty much everyone I dont live or work with) I look like i have no damn sense and just stuck my face in sand. Sexy, right?

Blah blah blah. All this said, it got me to think about my mission to find my sexiness. I think everyone has their own. Now...how true it is, is really within the eye of the beholder (or...beer-holder as the old saying goes).

I dont know WHY I can't find my sexy. I can't. And I'm not fishing for compliments or doing the thing that oh so many (well like every) hollywood starlet does when they say that they 'don't think they're sexy' or feel weird/funny when they have to do something sexy. Doesn't stop them from doing a Maxim spread or a nude scene though does it?

I digress.

The point being, I can't for the life of me figure out why i can't find my sexy. More than feeling stupid, it's not something I can do. Well for now. I've been on a mission to find my sexy side but i can't.

Halloween is the perfect time of year to slut it up and say "It's for Halloween" to excuse sluttish behavior. Not hatin'--just keepin it real per usual.

But I have NEVEr been anyhting sexy for Halloween. I mean really people, i was FLAVOR FLAV for halloween one year. Pretty comfy costume b/c i got to wear silk pjs around but note to any future Flavor Flav halloweeners (heh heh i just said weener..) DO NOT USE A REAL CLOCK AROUND YOUR NECK. It will hurt! Take it from stupid me...

This year i wanted to hide and pretend like halloween doesn't exist but with many a party around the corner, i just dont know if i can. So i glanced at some costumes and yeahhh basically if you're a girl the only costumes out there are of the "Sexy" variety. Sexy kitten, sexy witch, sexy fairy, sexy devil, sexy angel...blah blah blah. I'm like can i please find something that doesnt show off my boobs, ass, legs, midriff? But the only alternative is to go as something yucko and you def can't meet guys wearing a yucko costume.

But this lack of sally's sexyness is not just seasonal--it's all year. I tried to take a belly dancing class b/c it's sexy and sensual and ended up giggling hysterically throughout the entire course!

With the mens in my life when comes to sexy time, i either nervous babble or giggle. A. LOT. it's not really polite. nor is it sexy.

I mean Justin Timberlake not only has sexy but he brought it back TOO! i would LOVE to bring sexy back but it was never here in the first place!

What's a socialite to do? kajdslkjasldkfjs

The search continues...