It's The Hardest Thing I'll Ever Have to Do

If i ever get around to doing it.

There's something I need to do. I dont even know if it's a "need" so much as it is a feel like I'm being pressured into. I dont want to do it...but i do. Actually, I want someone else to do it. Life's so much easier when you have someone else do your dirty work for you. But I suck at life and always end up doing it myself.

This thing I have feel like I have to do is something I've done once and it wasn't fun like at all. At. All.

Until recently, i didn't plan on doing it ever but now i don't know. I dont know if I suddenly feel the need to do it b/c i was ganged up about it or because I've always wanted to do it and now i'm being called out.

You can ask a hundred million people their opinions on something but ultimately, you're going to have to decide. That's the worst!

I'm speaking in vague terms because I dont want to say what it is--naturally. Isn't that why anyone speaks in vague terms?

All i know is that... I dont fucking know and it's taking over my brain.

I'm mad because I dont want to be wrong. I'm even madder because I'm pretty sure I am.

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I dont know why im even blogging about this because I'm no where near coherent.

Best way to describe it is through a song. Naturally since all things are songs to me.

Take it away Daughtry:

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now that I think I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cuz i'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that i wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
There's nothing herein this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul to say

Dont be surprised if we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easire way
You and I will be a tought act to follow
but i know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why...