Can You Hear Me? I'm Talking to You...

Disclaimer: If you think this blog is about you then it probably is. Don't bother approaching me with "was that about me?" because i will smile sweetly and repeat what I just wrote. If you think it's about you, then it probably is.

So here we go.

There are 5 types of friends that I've gots to get rid of or call 'em out on.

1.) Every story goes back to me
Ex: [after interrupting me] Yeah that reminds me of when ______ and ______ did ____ and I _______! [Continue relevant and not relevant asinine 15 minute story here].
No matter what the topic, you start to say something and suddenly they're yappin' about it. Even when you cut them off to try to tell your story, they somehow bring it back to them.
Ex: Me: (after having to cut person off in their story b/c they still didn't hear all of the initial one) "Yeah so it's really frustrating. Especially since I've know her forever--" Friend A: "I know! B/c that's just like when ____ blah blah blah"

2.) I'm so positive and you're not. Even when you're positive you're not.
Ex: Me: ...and so i'm not actually stressed! Friend A: It's not that Sally. Don't stress, no worries. (Uh...didn't i just say that i wasn't stressed? hahah i guess not??)

3.) I am so popular/pretty/skinny/successful/fill in self glorifying adj here...but I'm so humble
Ex: Everyone always tells me i'm so ________ but of course i'm like "aww, thanks!" or "i get people telling me that all the time and it's true but you know me, i never let it get to my head which speaks to my character because it happens all the time, like i can't even walk down the street without someone trying to tell me how ______ i am. But you know me, humble!"


4.) I never get hurt in a relationship (self explanatory)


5.) I'm the expert on everything ever. (self explanatory)

6.) You've got 15 seconds before i make this conversation about me. So much so, that i talk to you every week and can't list 5 current things in your life. (self explanatory)

Hahaha it's probably like, "Sally! Who ARE you friends with??"

The sad part is that the ones I'm talking about are the ones that are the offenders!!! LOLOLOLOL

I figure it takes many to make the world go 'round and quite frankly, i dont know this about people until i'm already friends with them! You start out with surface niceness, move to acquaintancees, become friends and suddenly, they turn into Godzilla.

I don't want to see it as me sucking at chosing friends. I don't want to see it as passive aggressive either. I know like 90% of the world thinks I'm text book definition of passive aggressive but I swear I'm not. As one of my good friends told me off hand tonight "Sally, you don't give up on people that 99% of us in the world would be like Peace! kick rocks! Which is good and bad. It's bad because Sally, THEYRE NOT WORTH THE BULLSHIT but you put up with it and bitch about it and geet stressed thinking about it when THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT to begin with. But it's good b/c you're always giving people the benefit of the doubt and you always hope it's a phase...and I'mma be real. 9 outta 10 times...it ends up not being 'just a phase' but you still put up with it..."

Hahah that's the problem exactly. I hope people are going through phases so i dont bring it up...but there are 3 or 4 of my besties that i've been waiting for them to get over this "phase" but they haven't...LOL hmph.