Happy Birthday...Satan?

What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't know what comes over my usually cool, usually rational, usually not that self cenetered friends that when the anniversary of their birth rolls around they act like psycho, the greedy satanic hitler soul sucker?

Naturally, people want to be acknowledge is some way, shape or form of their bday BUT sometimes i really wonder. It's like the younger you are, the more I expect "buuuuuuuuuut it's my birrrrrrrrthday tantrum" but how do you account for people who are 20+???

They seriously, turn into this:

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BUT ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!"

It doesn't seem to matter if you already have plans or already wished them a happy birthday or if you're sick, have a family emergency, don't feel like going out--no excuse is good enough not to celebrate them and shower them with presents. And if you don't, then suddenly, YOURE the selfish one.

Riiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhht.

The worst part is the friends whose birthday it's NOT also give you shit.

"You shouldn't_____ b/c it's ____'s bday"
"I know _____ shouldn't act they way they are but it's their bday...."

" You have to. It's ______ birthday."

Now ask me if i give a running, jumping, leaping flying fuck.

The short answer? No.

The long answer? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It's your bday and of course your friends and loved ones should acknowledge it and you but don't turn into Birthdayzilla.

Democratic Party, Republican Party--Whatever. I Just Like Parties.

Obama's Running Mate:

Joe Biden

NOT Obama's Running Mate:

Joe Budden

Just wanted to clairfy. I mean not that anyone WOULD make that mistake. But IF someone were to get a little confused, I just wanted to clear up confusement AND really, so what if someone DID get them confused? Don't judge! Matthew 7:1- Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.

...so quit hatin' and do ya thing, let me do my thing...!

And remember to VOTE in November!

***Note: This blog is dedicated to my blasian sis, Aisha! Love you loads sis!

****Other note: She was not the one who thought Joe Budden was Obama's running mate. That would be me. I dedicate this to her for not judging me and loving me despite my BILLIONs of faults.

I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge My Friend

Listen. I know squirrels are the pigeons of the four legged variety.


No one likes them.


Filthy. Dirty. Furry. Annoying. Roadkill. Dinner, to some.

HOWEVER.

I think I should be commended on my attempt of stopping one from committing suicide in the most grusome way.

I was driving along cedar trying to get to work when I was at a stop light and this squirrel decided to jump into the vacuum at a gas station. You know, one of those put the quarters in and move it, shake it, like the rent is due (aka when your time is up.)

Now really, from the center lane how could I achieve this impossibilty? I put my negotiator game face on, rolled down my window and started screaming at the squirrel. Luckily, no one was to my right. I honked. I waved. I shouted.

Time out. (a la saved by the bell!)


YES. I know that squirrels don't speak english, let alone understand it. HOWEVER, I think the general idea that you can scare it into running off was my game plan.

Time in.

So I start shouting at it. Not in a mean way b/c clearly this squirrel is going through some hard times if its suicidal but I don't speak squirrel and they need to be able to hear me esp over a lane of traffic. So I'm all "HEY....HEEEEEY. YOU. Not you sir....HEY SQUIRREL. STOP. THATS TOTALLY NOT COOL. YOU HAVE LOTS TO LIVE FOR. Like burrying acorns or whatever it is you all do. JUST DONT DO IT IN THE VACUUM PLEASE? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY SQUUUUUIRRREEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL~!"

Fruitless!

YOU try rationalizing with a suicidal squirrel.

The light turned so i went but i kept staring in my rear view mirror with hope. I saw a fat guy in the minivan behind me laughing....AND THE SQUIRREL! He jumped into a dumpster instead. PHEWWWWWWWWW.

...well....until trash pick up day but you know what? Whatever. That's not my problem. I pass my angel wings along.

Besides, maybe it wasn't suicidal and just looking for a place to dump a dead body....mafia squirrel?


....nah. suicidal.


"You're way too stuuuuuuuupid you squirrel.
Thats why it will never work,
You're way too suicidal, suicidal..."


yeah yeah yeah. Im stupid.



...but so is your mom.

-------
For more information on suicide:
Please call: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Website: http://www.suicide.org/

The Following Is NOT YOUR FRIEND (See Figure 1.2)

Figure 1.2

I Just Want You To Knowwww

This is ANOTHER public service announcement brought to you, in part, by Sally Socialite. Sally Socialite does not give a FUCK...what you think! If you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself. Little did you know, upon reading this blog, you have just kissed her ass! Sally Socialite is fed up with your shit....

Yes. For those who aren't aware of that little bit it's from Eminem. Brilliant album that was.

Fuck Everyone.

UPDATE on previous post...
---
[16:43] me: but this next one is for the win DUDEMAN***
[16:43] me: ready?
[16:43] dudeman: yep
[16:43] me: are you sure?
[16:43] dudeman: I guess
[16:43] me: it's pretty serious...
[16:43]dudeman: k
[16:43]me: ok....
[16:44] me: well you must do the following
[16:44] me: i'm going to send you a link
[16:44]me: click the link and give me the age of the person in the pic in front of you immediately.
[16:44] me: dont think
[16:44]me: just do
[16:44] (Link: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2vup7ekhqGdxovDsxejdTTypo1E_MlTe8ZlvKnOC2N4KAxYAqEXiZ4D7vxo9EGP3bloX7staJVKXuBXxErOytnquqtcIzWcNWTI7vx4T0Bc8HwaEmQKEeyzoVv2l8ykHm0ZVCdC1LIYc/s1600-h/Jesse.jpeg
[16:44]me: go
[16:44]dudeman: 14
[16:45]dudeman: what was that?
[16:45] dudeman: how old was she?
[16:45]me: HE!
[16:45]me: it's a HE!
[16:45] dudeman: looked kinda fem
[16:46] dudeman: she's a pretty man

----
GRRRRRRRRRR

I See Their Lips Movin' But I Don't Hear Nothin'

"I see your lips movin' but I don't hear nothing
Everybody's talkin' like they really know something about us
But they dont' know nothing about us..."

--Brooke Hogan

See, I'm glad my girl Brooke Hogan wrote a song on my behalf about my relationship and feelings towards Jesse McCartney.

There seems to be some sort of backlash and hateration on my crush Jesse. I mean like really, come on now! What's with the hateration of this hater nation? I dont get it!

Here are some prime examples:

**Names have been change to protect the haters.
(Kidding. I love these kids)

At work on Trill (Inner office AIM)

-09:19] brooker:Jesse mcCartney...really?
![09:19] OMG
[09:19] yes
[09:19] and i want him and his G5 G5
[09:19] ;)
[09:20] i feel a little like NBCs chris hansen is gonna be mad at me BUT jesse is 21!
[09:20] and he's so calming. "Don't stress dont stress dont stress sally, you deserve nothin' but the best'
[09:21] brooker: i dunno...

On Facebook
Ti** wrote at 2:51pm
sally...i'm only telling you this because i'm a concerned friend.............i think you have a really unhealthy obsession with Jesse McCartney.LOL - love you!!! xoxo ;-)

On G-Chat:

2:37 PM me: No one understand my love for jesse.... ::sigh::
2:40 PM Brock**: aaahahaha WHY NOT I DO> but i also like miley cyrus so..

2:43 PM me: LOL bc at work they made fun of m me =( see what had happened was....

Brock: hahaha story

2:44 PM me: i was um...::cough:: savingapictureofhimtomydesktopformyblog::cough:: and then laughing and pointing occured =/
Brock: OHNOOO HAHAHAHA ohnoohnoohno me: and um...i couldn't find the file that i saved the pic under
2:47 PM Brock: aahahaha oh my gosh
me: do you KNOW what it's like to call IT to find a pic NOT for work and of JESSE MCCARTNEY!? hahhahaha
2:49 PM Brock: NOOHAHAHAHA i bet that spread like wildfire haha
2:50 PM me: sigh. they aren't head quartered here thankfully
2:51 PM Brock: lol. oh, sally.
me: so somewhere in MA they are judging me =( hahaha
2:52 PM Broke: HAHAA the entire dept
2:53 PM me: Um. Thanks. This is where my good friend Brock makes me feel like a winner...

-End-

Hahah well fine. It's okay.
At least Brooke Hogan understands.

And Hogan knows best, right?

...right?

.............

I hate everyone.

BALLIN! [Well, FOOTballin Anyways]

Hail to the Redskins
Hail Victorrrryyyyyyy
Braves on the warpath
Fight for old D.C.!

Way to go Redskins! A litttttttttle too close for comfort as usual but the important thing is that you came through. And on that note, welcome to the football blog. The things I love and hate about football season.

Things I Love:
-Fellow Skins fans/Fans of football in general
It’s pretty gross how much I love to talk to people during and after the game about the game, whether it was win or lose.
-Having something to look forward to on Sundays/Mondays
People are notoriously M.I.A. or not doing shit on Sundays (and sometimes Mondays) and now, I have something to do to keep me preoccupied that I’m genuinely interested in AND know that I could get together with fellow fans to chill out on Sundays and Mondays.
-Learning and see that I have learnED about football
Not just my fantasy league and not just the Redskins. So maybe I still don’t know all the technical terms and every player on every team but as each football season goes by, I’m pretty damn impressed with the way my football knowledge and lingo has expanded. Hell yeah!

Things I Loathe:
-Talking to males during football season.
It’s much more preferable than talking to females for the most part, but then when they become elitist or condescending you wanna punt them like a football. It’s like okay, I get that I’m a girl and I didn’t grow up watching football intensley [Though the skins were a big part of my childhood. Whoop whoop!] but shit. I'm not an idiot and don't talk to me like you're better than me just b/c i'm a girl b/c i'm sure there are plently of my fellow football girlies who could school YOU.
-People’s opinions about preseason.
Some people get excited about it. Others don’t. In the end, who the hell cares if you love it, like it, hate it, or don’t care? It doesn’t make you more of a fan or less of a fan or more of a football expert or less of one. Let that shit go. Besides, you can argue you’re point until you’re blue in the face but in the end, what do you win? Um…yeah nothing.
-Skins Haters
Okay, I know it seems a bit biased coming from a loyal skins fan but really. Let’s look at the reality of the situation. I have no idea why but it seems that the Redskins are the team [and their fans] are the team that everyone loves to hate. I know we’re not the best team but we’re definitely not the worst. You can not like us. You can even hate us. But to sit there and bitch and moan about us like we’re the worst fuckin’ team ever is clearly bullshit. Check this list out, hater. Oh and while you’re at it, chech this list out too, spiteful biatch. Notice who was NOT on it? Just thought I’d point that out. All that said, back the fuck up!
-Sudden Skins Fans
I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but lately a lot of girls have suddenly jumped on the bandwagon of “GO REDSKINS!” when they ain’t ever been interested one way or another about them before. Suddenly, girls are all “I love the Redskins!” and wearing their jerseys [UGH, don’t even get me started on the pink jerseys…] with a player I’m almost sure they either never heard of or couldn’t tell you the position that they play. Ask them about any other team in the NFL, they probably don’t know the answer or will give you a b.s. response like “I don’t know but who cares? I love the Redskins!” It’s like yeah okay…

Don’t get me wrong, the more fans the merrier but it just seems really weird that it’s the trend suddenly and a vast amount of people I know have turned in to Skins fans…Some will flat out admit that they don’t really know shit about them and I guess that’s okay—at least it’s honest. But others, I’m seeing the jerseys and seeing the statuses and away messages and I’m like are you fuckin’ kidding me? Remember last year when you said you didn’t care? I guess better late than never but…just bizarre is all.

You could say that you hadn’t noticed my affinty for the Skins until recently but the truth is, I just never knew many other Skins fans until recently! I guess that comes from most of my friends being girls (and I don’t mean that in the sexist way it came out). I literally grew up with the daughters of Skins players and had a few for neighbors for a while. Not the kind of neighbors where you say “Oh yeah that person was my neighbor” when you never talked to them. I mean went over to houses, barbeques etc. So suck it.

If Life Is So Fair, Why Do Roses Have Thorns?--Tickle Me Emo

Three songs are currently rockin' my world and I had to share.

I know, very emo of me, but that's why there's the quote from Tickle Me Emo as my blog title. (Although all blogs are pretty emo if you think about it...LoL)

On to the songs!

1.) Katy Perry: Hot N Cold
Why: Because I swear as emotional and flighty and girly as guys claim that girls can be, they pull the same shit!

Choice awesome lyrics: "Yeah you P.M.S like a bitch/I would know..." ; "cuz you're hot and you're cold,/you're yes then you're no/you're in then you're out/ you're wrong when it's right/ it's black and it's white/ we fight we break up/we kiss we make up/you don't really wanna stay no/but you don't really wanna go..."

2.) Leona Lewis: Better In Time

Why: Because whether you're a chick or a dude, we've all done that whole heartbreak, first love thing and whether it ended well or not, it still was like whoa...and even though the words sound cliche and maybe cheezy, it's actually not. It's relatable.

Choice awesome lyrics: "Thought I couldn't live without you/It's gonna hurt when it heals too/It'll all get better in time/Even though I really loved you/Gonna smile because I deserve to/It'll all get better in time"

3.) Coldplay: Viva La Vida

Why: Ehhh I don't know. This song is just the shit. That's all. Hahah

Choice awesome lyrics: See Above.

Quote of the year

Hannah: Did you ever consider that you should stay away from fat people?

They obviously don't like you.

:]

I Am NOT Getting Down With The Sickness

Well. That's what you get for being a socialite in the public eye.
The one day that you're sick, the paparazi swarm around snap your photo.

Oh well.
At least I had my best purple fuzzy slippers on....

My throat feels like i'm swallowing shards of glass.
My ears feel like someone has taken a wine opener and continuously worked the swirly corkremover down into my ear drum.
My eyes feel like they've been sitting in chlorine sans goggles.
My body feels like a steamroller has gone back back forth forth with it.
Irritation level is out of control.
Worse than the psychoist biatch you know.

So i'm doing the nyquil, tylenol, soup, vitamin c, garlic, salt gargle, tea, honey, lemon, vicks, lots of sleep regime. All this should take care of my symptoms.

...so what does one do or take to get rid or cure the mass amounts of bullshit/bullshitty people around them? Hmmm....

Will The Real Sally Socialite Please Stand Up?

I repeat, will the real sally socialite please stand up?

...we're gonna have a problem here...

Where does all this come from?

The following conversation just took place like 10 mins ago.

Me: _Name_ _Of_ _My_ _Company_
Caller: Hi, may I please speak with Sally ____?

Me: Speaking.
Caller: Hi Sally! It's me, Rachel!
Me: Heeey...Raaaayyyyyyyychhhhel. (No clue)
"Rachel": Hey Sally! Just wanted to confirm our 9 am appointment.
Me: Um...our appointment?

Rachel: Yes! Our appointment. Remember, I just spoke with you a few minutes ago?

Me: Really? With...me?

Rachel: Yup! I JUST SPOKE WITH YOU.

Me: Are you sure?
Rachel: *With attitude all signs of friendliness gone. A pod person seems to have invaded Rachel* Yes I'm sure. You ARE Sally ___, aren't you?
Me: *flustered* Well...yeah.
Rachel: Well then yes. WE. JUST. SPOKE. A. FEW. MINUTES. AGO. SO! That said, 9am on Monday, yes?
Me: *anger sparked* NO. No we are not confirmed because, RAAAAACHEL, I don't KNOW who you are and--

Rachel: WE JUST SPOKE!

Me: NO. We are just NOW speaking. I have no idea who you are and I find it impossible that we spoke earlier because, I--SALLY ____-- DEFINITELY was NOT here earlier.
Rachel: I need you to speak to my supervisor for 30 secs.

Me: NO! I--
Supervisor: Hey Sally! Just
Me: No. No hey sally. I'm sorry but I don't know you and I don't know Rachel and I don't talk to strangers. It's....it's just dangerous.

--End Transmission--

Hahah okkkkk not terribly mature but really. What the freak is going on??

It Was Only A Kiss, How Did It End Up Like This?

Blehhhhhhh.
I think I'm sick.

I mostly am tense (body aches) with a sore throat and can't stop sleeping.

Mono?

That couldn't be.

I haven't kissed anyone.


...or not that many....

....right?

Always ZIPLOCK your CABBAGE ::wink, wink nudge nudge::

Man.
I really love cabbages.
And I want this guy to fuck my brains out AT dinner in a public restaurant.
Of course we'll need condoms...lots of them...

I know! I'll have him take me to Cabbages and Condoms.
Because nothing is more appetizing than a birth control themed restaurant.
If a pregnancy scare or possible VD doesn't say 'bonne appétit!' I don't know what does!

Apple Owns Me and My Beautiful Soul*

I've come to realize** that I'm like a broken iPod whose button is stuck on shuffle.

I am out of control*** and I can't help it. ****

I've always known it but like it really became clear to me just how effin' ridiculous and out of control I am until tonight when I was hanging out with Katie and Danielle.

Maybe it was the caffine from starbucks. Or the soy in the starbucks. Or like the endorphine thingies that kicked in since I just came straight from my run****. OR maybe it was the fumes from my car freshner (mango) that I spritzed on in lieu of body spray and perfume. Oh and a shower. Don't judge me. I was very resourceful a la MacGiver. Although since that's a bit dated, Jack Bauer. But I totally feel like a fakey referencing Jack Bauer b/c I don't watch "24". Calm down, not b/c I don't like it but I like dont really watch TV in general.Whatever.The only other option was to roll up to meet my darlin' friends in all my funky*****glory (does that sound like a pop punk band to you? My funky glory. maybe just b/c it reminds me of new found glory but then it only reminds me of that b/c of the word glory), back out******of plans or spritz on Windex that was in my backseat.

Fact is, I'm not gonna be stanky for my skankies (jk they are so not!) and I wasn't gonna punk out******** and I'm not Greek so I don't value Windex as much (I saw "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" I know what's up!) so I went for it. They didn't judge. I mean is laughing judging? I don't think so. I guess it could be. But no, not them.

AHHHH!!! Whatever! This is all beside the point.

The point is, I have this rare, socially humiliating disease called:
"I-associate-everything-situation-person-place-with-a-song"-itis.

>>Note: Not the whole song is relevant. Sometimes I replace words with people's names to make it applicable to the scenario<<

Long.

I know.

(THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!)

But yeah I do. It's like musical tourettes!

In this blog alone, I've thought of dozens of songs as I typed:

*Jesse McCartney: "I want you and your beautiful souuuuuulllll" (Which now that I type it out sounds controlling and creepy. But he's too cute to be a creeper and LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm not a creeper. He's of age! He's 21!)

**Colby Caillat: "If you just realized what I just realized..."

***Hoobastank :"I'm spinnin' outta control outta control!"

****Fergie: "The girl can't help it, the girl can't help it, the girl can't help it"

*****Cake: "She's going the distance....she's going for...SPEED", Chris Brown "Lemme see if
you can run it run it", Rihanna "Run, run, run run everybody move run"

***** Tone-Loc: "Funky cold medina..."

******Lil Jon & The East Side Boys "Back, back back it up! Awwwwww shoot!"

*******Bonecrusher "So I'm outside of the club and you think I'm a puuuuuunnnnnnnk"

Okay that's enough. I won't go into like everything everything but that's just a tiny sliver of what goes through my head.Which brings me to this.

Do i really need to seek professional help about this???

My mind just whirls into autopilot of songs.

And if THAT wasn't bad enough, I totally make up scenarios too! Like and keep it going!

>>Note: I don't actually believe this scenarios are really or would actually happen<<

Like really, check out this 2 sec clip from me and Katie's gchat convo:
Katherine: hehehehhahaa heart ya
me: nooooooo, i heart YOU. (Followed by you hang up....no you!....ok fine on the count of three..........you didn't hang up!)
Oijfaeojtq34put513-09u5
OUT OF CONTROL


WTF is wrong with me???

I should totally like wedMD it but as awesome as webMD can be, let's be real:

1.) WebMD is way off sometimes. (I mean not that it can be blamed. It's just a website. Like if you were seriously dying and logging on to webMD then you deserve to die and by die I mean go to a psych ward b/c there's this thing called actually GOING to the doctor...)
2.) I end up thinking that I have a thousand things from the flu to allergies to diabetes to typhoid (a la oregon trail which is fucked up b/c i havent even been to oregon or had any desire to--not that there's anything wrong with it) to testicular cancer. Which is really bogus since I dont even have a testicular! Or testicals I mean. Whatever. Balls. Is that what testicular is? GAHHHHHHHH ok ok no more tangents. Sally = female = vagina. That's it.

EWWWWW Pleasee don't tell me you just thought of my vajay jay.

AND EWWWWWW please don't tell me you didn't until i just brought it up.

Looks like insomnia and postraumatic stress disorder is about to skyrocket...hahaha

OMG. I'm so ridiculous.Way to have this as my first blog right?I mean like first non myspace blog. I had my myspace blog on lockdown so only my friends would know what a re-re I am but whatever.

...Apparently it's no state secret that I am...

hahah whatever.

"You know you wouldn't want it any other waaaaaay..."