Fearless

That's the theme of my 2013. Fearless! I can't promise I'll stick to it but so far so good! Finally made it through a NYE without incident. 

2010 to 2011 I got a flat tire that night driving home. 

2011 to 2012 something like 8-10 guys walking by my car decided it was an awesome idea to hit on me and try to open my car door both driver and shot gun, sit on my car and convince me to go home with all of them innnnnnnnnnn the middle of Fairfax. So for those of you who aren't familiar with the Fax, it's the definition of safe suburbia.

 2012 to 2013...NOTHING. NOTHING! Hurray!!!!!! Hahhaha That's gotta be a good sign!

Not a good sign? That I went to Atlantic City over the weekend and it's Tuesday now but i'm still balllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllsssssssssssssssss tired. 

I wish I could publicly recap my whereabouts over the weekend but it was a company trip so my lips are sealed.

I won't leave you high and dry--what's a day with Sally w/o something totally absurd happening?

I present to you, Sally and the Hooker incident.


I was running on about 2 hours of sleep ready to get breakfast and check out of the hotel with my buddy who shall be known as Sunshine,  when the elevator stops and this disheveled looking broad is smoking a jack, drinking a martini and stands in the doorway of the elevator which keeps trying to close on her. Sunshine and I are on a time crunch but are too polite to tell the whore (literally) to move and um helloooo can't smoke in a non smoking area. Sunshine and I are smokers--we know this. Anyways, I half-heartedly hit door open and she flicks her cigarette menacingly at us and then spins around to finally throw it out the elevator door before joining us in the elevator.
This is going to be comfortable...
She turns to us and says Thanks bitches. You bitches couldn't hold the elevator?
Sunshine's face darkened and she muttered something to the effect of no we were holding open for you, shakes her head and then buries her face in her phone.
Hooker looks at me and says "Sos (yes as in the plural of "so") I'm a hooker right? And i just fucked 8 Russian guys! And fucked a hair dryer! And they're naked and i took pictures of alls of them! Fuckers. Try to take advantage of me but no im a smart bitch. IM A SMARRRRRRT BITCH."

I nod politely. "Yes. Yes you are."
She continues to yammer on about how her dad exploited for her body when she was 15 yrs old  blah blah blah. She also determined that i was a "smart bitch" and that im 22 years old and when i told her i was 29 she shrugged and said at least i was still firm. 
Did i mention she didn't have two front teeth and bleached out blonde hair? Yeah. She maybe weighed 7lbs maybe 7.4 lbs on a fat day. 

She also was furious that we're not instagram friends as she furiously searched for that great pic of myself i put up yesterday (um...we met in the elevator 5 minutes prior).

I swear she was following us until miracles of miracles, the phone rang and I was like omg so sorry need to get this!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

Anyways. Back to fearless. 

I was exhausted most of the trip and didn't want to gamble b/c i'm poor enough as is but my work buddy definitely convinced me to play roulette. Normally I'd laugh in someone's face and suggest 5 ways they can fuck themselves if they thought I was going to waste my money like that but i looked down at my phone which says "Fearless" and put my money on the table after the dealer carded me. (Yeah i know...asian = forever 18 yrs old)

Watched the ball skip around the wheel of anxiety and...

Boom! Winner winner chicken dinner!!! A small win admittedly, but I think it's a sign of more good things to come.

Listen

There's an old saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I'm find that i have many a dehydrated horse around me lately and none of them are drinking. Even if you push the sons of a bitches in when their mouth is open into said water, they're the type of horses that won't swallow (that's what she said). So what are you supposed to do?

I imagine that most of you reading this are adults and you know that you can advise, warn, scream, yell, reason, plead and beg with your friends/family/significant/insignificant other to do or not do something but ultimately, they're the ones who are going to be making the decision and either they'll reap the benefits if things go well or face the consequences.

It's really hard not want to do the Grace from Will and Grace "I told you so" dance when they face the consequences you warned them about. Instead, you're supposed to be supportive and take the higher road*

*Note: The higher road is known as the more mature and noble and humble road but isnt calling it 'higher' pretentious itself?

Anyways, readers, horses, I digress.

There are times when you let people just do whatever b/c they're going to do whatever they want anyways, but at what point do you chime in and say something?

It's hard because for me personally, what credentials do I have-- I'm the polar opposite of perfect and my life certainly isn't the way I imagined so who am I do dish out advice? I know for the most part how to pick and choose my battles but I have several wars ahead and not sure how to handle them. UGH. Why don't we ever listen to those around us? Myself included, in particular to M.F. who is definitely pushing it lately with me but that's a separate blog/rant all together.

Well, this is quite the awkward way to leave off but I'll let you know how things shake out. For now, I'll leave you with song titles that represent the different scenarios I face and you can glean from them whatever you want:

1.) I'm Not Okay - MCR
2.) Wrong Way - Sublime
3.) Face Down - Red Jumpsuit
4.) The Last Song -All American Rejects
5.) Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis

Tears in Heaven

As a writer, I'm never really short of things to say but the complete devastation and horror of what happened in Connecticut has left me speechless. There are no words I can think of to express my sorrow for the parents, families, the community in general. And I'm sure many people have echoed this sentiment on Facebook and twitter and other forms of social media to the point where it may sound cliche and generic but I don't feel that it is cliche nor generic. It's real. All of our hearts are breaking. The hardest question I'm finding is a simple one word question--why? Why did this have to happen? Why would anyone do something so fucking vicious and flat out evil? We all keep saying after a tragedy that things have got to change. Why hasn't it? Why? I know something's in life are out of our control but dammit there has to be something... We cannot keep living in this kind of world. 

I had dinner tonight with a very dear friend of mine and we talked about this for a bit and she said something that touched my heart. She was commenting on how awful this is and how she wishes that people would get this mad and this upset about all the other stuff that goes on in the world too like the train/bus accident that killed 51 people, mostly children in Egypt. Granted, that may have been an accident versus a fucking psychopath with a gun but those children lost their lives too. I am guilty of not paying as much attention to that story as the one in Connecticut but the bottom line is a tragedy is a tragedy and not a competition. 

It's not just the holiday season that's making me so emotional. It's not even my period which has made me beyond cray cray the past two days. It's the fact that these stories keep happening and so often that the reaction after the initial and lingering horror is, "AGAIN??? ANOTHER ONE??" It's just fucking terrible. 

Please... I dont know who even reads this anymore but if anyone is, please exercise kindness. It's free and it doesn't hurt and it's so damn easy. Be kind to one another even when it seems impossible (i.e. that slow asshole you're stuck driving behind). 

It's the least we can all to do as fellow humans.

All You Need Is Positivety

Hahahah i love this some ecard that ...person X sent me. It's not relevant to today's rant.

Actually. In a way it is. So here we go.

Oh Spice Girls...Anyone who says that they don't like at least one Spice Girls song is a damn liar. A DAMN LIAR. Male, female, gay or straight or somewhere in between--everyone likes at least one spice girls song.

But today's message is not about them. It's about me. Like duh....

KIDDING. Ew I hate people like that.

Anyways.

Because I never know the rules about talking about certain things, this will have to be another ambiguous post.

Something extremely....unexpected and unnerving has happened in my world. It was more to deal with than I had expected. It was extremely emotionally painful and scary to be honest. (note: I'm not dying!!!)

I cried a very bittersweet cry. Well more like ugly sob cry. Either way, it was the ending of something that was the lightest and brightest that I have felt in a long time. It wasn't perfect but it did help me restore faith in others again. It was good to me when I really needed it and continues to do so but in a different way.

And for once in my life, I looked at the situation and saw the... [pauses trying to think of a word that's not horribly cliche or corny] I saw the...hope for lack of a better word  in what happened. Like it was the little flower that grew out of the fucked up crack in the sidewalk.

Hmph. I guess maybe blogging wasn't such a bright idea since I can't speak specifically to what's going.

Well I guess this will be less thought provoking and profound than what I anticipated. Hahha

Fine. I'll leave you with this:

Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith on your own and not b/c someone pushed you. Maybe those five british girls were right and that sometimes all you need is positivety. And I don't mean positive in the "youre trying sooooooooooo hard to be positive everyone can tell that it's positively FAKE" per the some e-card above. I mean like a genuine, hey i think this is good. Sometimes it's denial but it can't always be right? Sometimes it IS something positive and good.

Well... We'll see how this pans out. I'll keep you posted and by then can hopefully speak more directly to the topic.

Oh and another thing those gals were right about?

Spice up your life. I mean OBVIOUSLY.

Karma

I struggled with what to title this blog, song wise. There was the option of Karma by Alicia Keyes which is quite possibly one of the worst songs ever (love Miss Keyes, hate the song) or Karma Police by Radiohead (that song scares me though) or Karma Chameleon by Culture Club but I'm not really sure what a Karma Chameleon is.

Anyways. I needed something relating to Karma. And this isn't my usual passive aggressive I'm talking about someone specific but can't say their name b/c they may read my blog thing. It's more about me today. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.

...me.


Hahhah anyways, I have NO idea why but I'm feeling quite blue today. I didn't feel it all day but around lunch time it definitely acted like a boulder tied to my ankle and thrown into the ocean. I dont know what it is! I guess it didn't help that one of my most favorite people at work quit today and he's gone. And it certainly didn't help that only two weeks ago another one of my favorites quit as well! I'm so annoyed with my favorites just leaving a Sally but at least I have some favorites left.

Okay back to Karma.

I know I'm not a perfect person but I think I do a lot of nice things for people. Like a lot of people and a lot of things. I dont do them with the expectation to get something back but it would be nice once in a while. I help people I know and dont know get jobs by trying to connect them to my contacts. For my birthday this year, I'm trying to find a volunteer opportunity that a group can do like work in a soup kitchen or help sort clothes for the homeless or something and then grab drinks and a bite to eat afterwards. I think anyways. I always attend baby showers, bridal showers, weddings bearing a nice gift and even drag myself out of sweats into fancy clothes to show my loved ones that I care about them. And I help plan birthday parties, contribute to things for the party, help cook/clean up etc. I was talking to FabulousTi the other week and told her how i feel like i'm the super guest at weddings and parties. I have zipped people (including strangers) into their dresses, took bobby pins out of my hair so they can fix theirs and let my hair go to shit, talked people off the ledge/from causing a scene, shoved intoxicated people into cabs wresting keys away...you name it. If someone is having a bad day at work, I'm known to drop a starbucks coffee off on their desk or a giant cookie or a write a silly note to them or draw a funny picture or something just b/c i know they need a little pick me up. Or if they can't escape from their desk, I'll grab their lunch for them or bring them back something from the restaurant.

...why hasn't anyone done that for me...?

I'm not saying NO ONE has EVER done that b/c that would imply that my friends are assholes and they're not. And it would also make me the world's biggest doormat and I'd like to think I'm not.

I just can't figure out what it is. If it's a question of me not being genuine with my acts of kindness, that's certainly not it. I'm not moneybags Sally and nothing I have done has cost all that much but when you do it for some many people for so many different times...it adds up. So dont think I'm doing this b/c i have the money to burn b/c I don't. I try to be diligent and save and spend accordingly. And for me it's not the amount someone spends but the fact that they took time out to think of me.

Wait wait... I do remember 2 months ago a few co-workers that I'm not as close with took me out to happy hour and gave ma $100 visa gift card and a thank you card to go with it. That was nice. Very nice actually and being the sappy sucker that I am, I held it together when they gave me it but tears were streaming down my face when i was driving home--the good kind!!!

I guess I just wished that people I was closer with would do that more or something. Or that other people would do that for each other as well.

I guess I'm not sure what I'm expecting or how this whole Karma thing works out. I feel like I'm in the Karma casino with my voucher ready to cash out but not a single damn register is open! AHH! Where are the cashiers!? Hahah

Welp. I dont know where I was going with this but... I do feel betterish. Now if I could only find a way to make a ton of money doing just this--writing. I miss it so much. ugh.

You Drive Me Crazy

I guess I'm on a roll about talking about the latest craze, though I guess the election isn't really a craze.

This one is more of my humorous bitchy blogs addressing something I can finally tackle now that the mania has died down.

Psy.

So appropriate that it's also pronounced as "sigh."

Dear World, I'd like to start my entry with one story.

I was driving Aisha back to the metro from Nigel's birthday. It was around halloween and my office does this like HUGE halloween party with $500 cash prize and what not. I didn't dress up last year but this year I did to show that I'm not a bad sport, even though I could care less about halloween. I went as Ms. PaKman as a play on my last name. Big red bow, lots of red lipstick, giant yellow shirt, fake mole--the whole 9. I was quite the site and even snapped some pics with little kids who wanted their pic done with me. The point of describing all of this is to show how visually stimulating I was.

Know who did NOT care about my costume?

The homeless man on the corner of international drive and 7 in tysons. He didn't bat an eye at my costume. And I mean, this dude was #legit homeless b/c he was holding a cardboard sign that said...HOMELESS.

My window was down b/c i was enjoying a post-dinner cig and then i see the homeless man. I dont have change, I'm exhausted, I'm trying not to blow smoke into my non-smoker friend's face--and frankly, I didn't have money to give him. He came up to my car and says this.

Man: There's no other cars behind you.
Me being polite: Nope. There sure aren't.

I was so sure that he was going to then transition into money begging. I was wrong.

Man: So...do you listen to K-Pop? Do you know it? (he said it so earnestly it was like he was a Mormon asking me if I knew Jesus.)
Me struggling to stay friendly: I do!
Man: DO YOU KNOW THAT SONG GANGNAM STYLE???

WHAT!? You're homeless and im wearing a Ms. Pacman costume and you 1.) Don't ask me for money and 2.) Dont mention my absurd costume and 3.) Your number one concern is if i know who PSY is? Sir, how the FUCK do you!?

Moving along, I'd like to address you, the public with some Sally's Savvy Psy Facts.

1. I do NOT know him. He is NOT my father. Do I go up to you and ask you if you're related to someone who's famous just because they share the same race? NO. Why? B/c im not an ignorant asshole.
-Side story: I was at the mall eating lunch b/w a power/successful shopping trip with my sister and my mom when that video came on the tv displays in the food court. Ever get that feeling you were being watched? Like you can just TELL someone's looking at you? I did. And I saw groups of people grinning at my sister, mom and I as if we were supposed to break out into dance or something. A few people even boldly nodded in a knowing way at me when I stared back. I'm sorry, what? Go away fool. I dont know you. Fuck off.

2. "I dont know what he's saying..." Guess what stupid fuck, unless you know Korean, you're not supposed to. It's a Korean song that he made for his KOREAN audience. I'm not saying you can't like it, I'm saying not everything is in English BECAUSE ITS NOT FUCKING EVERYONES LANGUAGE.

3. You poking me as if I have a translation button will not prompt me to do as such. Instead, you'll most likely be one finger short than when you originally poked me.

4. He's not a one hit wonder. Fact: He's been super famous in Korea for a long fucking time. This one just went viral is all. He's not going to go MC Hammer broke because you dont like the rest of his shit or even his current hit. He didn't need you before, he won't need you after.

5. Open Condom Style has got to be the most over used joke EVER. I'll admit to that I can see (hear?) how it sounds like that but it's not what he's saying and you're not that clever for using it as joke. BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS.

6. Why in balls can't anyone say the "Gang" part of "Gangnam" part right? It's a soft "a" like "Ball" but everyone pronounces it with a hard "A" like the word "Name." I know its not most of your language but if you can hear, then you can hear the difference. If you say that my example "ball" and "name" have the same sounding "A" you're an asshole or you're deaf. Or you're a deaf asshole.

7. He is not the will hung of Korea. See #4.

8. I will fully admit that is one of the most bizarre music videos I've ever seen. But it's not b/c Asian people are weird. Actually...we are but so is EVERYONE. Ever seen the video "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead? That shits weird. Ever seen ANY Marilyn Manson video? That shit's weird. Point is, shit is weird in general. Dont narrow it down to a race.

9. I dont CARE that you don't like the song. Prefacing or ending the sentence with "No offense Sally" is the most ignorant asinine comment ever. I could honestly give a running, jumping, leaping, flying fuck.

10. I'm not a huge Psy fan and actually never heard of it until about the middle of this craze so this isn't a blog sticking up for him so much as it is sticking up for me and my other Korean Americans having to deal with this non-sense.

I'm not super offended--just irritated. I mean sometimes it's funny and all you can do is laugh at people's stupidity and other times, it's time to say whats up.

I went with the latter this time.

God Bless America

So you know by now that I like to title all of my blogs with a song title--and this one counts too. Sure it's not contemporary but hey, it never goes out of style for us Americans!

Anyways, this is one of my preachy blogs [humorous blogs to come soon I promise!] and it's pretty basic.

I get that with election day around the corner tomorrow that everyone has been inundated with political ads from both parties over the past few months. On the radio, on tv, any website you visit, facebook--the list goes on and on. And we're SO fucking sick of it we could barf. I get it.

BUT.

Here's my thing. I get it. I totally am with you that you can't even open your door anymore without people asking you who you're going to vote for. And you can't log on facebook for mindless entertainment without your bleeding liberal friend or super conservative friend on some sort of self-righteous pretentious rant.

BUT.

Let me point out a few things.

1.) Even though it doesn't feel like it, we are SO lucky to be able to live in a country where all of this is possible. Where people can voice their opinions--whatever they may be-- without being afraid of the police or whoever snatching them up and killing them for having a belief so while it is overwhelming, consider it a blessing in a completely annoying disguise.

2.) For those of you who say you don't care, shame on you. (Actually, let me put it in Sally terms, FUCK YOU.) You can't seriously say that it doesn't affect you or it doesn't matter to you. It does. You're just too lazy to do any homework to form an opinion and you're letting others dictate your life along with the lives of your family, friends, loved and hated ones. I'm not saying you need to rewatch School House Rock (although that's really not a punishment. It's AMAZEBALLS) and I'm not saying you need to know everything EVER about politics but for fucks sake, pick up a paper or log on to a new website once in a while. There IS an app for that.

3.) Remember to breathe regardless of the outcome. There's no point in fighting with each other because the person you voted for didn't get elected. I'm sure it will feel awful for you and it sucks and I'm pre-emptively sorry if/when it doesn't go your way. And conversely, if your president wins, there's no reason to act like an asshole about it either. The point should be that we are Americans and should support one another. Acting like a sore sport or a douchebag certainly doesn't prove a point or make others change their minds. It's not always easy but whether your candidate wins or loses, we are ALL Americans and should stand behind whomever our president is (unless he pulls some crazy dangerous shit like Hitler style or something.) That's what good Americans do. Make the best of the next 4 years to the best of your ability and maybe in another 4 years, things will be different.

Until then, breathe and be proud to be an American.