Tuesday, November 6, 2012

You Drive Me Crazy

I guess I'm on a roll about talking about the latest craze, though I guess the election isn't really a craze.

This one is more of my humorous bitchy blogs addressing something I can finally tackle now that the mania has died down.


So appropriate that it's also pronounced as "sigh."

Dear World, I'd like to start my entry with one story.

I was driving Aisha back to the metro from Nigel's birthday. It was around halloween and my office does this like HUGE halloween party with $500 cash prize and what not. I didn't dress up last year but this year I did to show that I'm not a bad sport, even though I could care less about halloween. I went as Ms. PaKman as a play on my last name. Big red bow, lots of red lipstick, giant yellow shirt, fake mole--the whole 9. I was quite the site and even snapped some pics with little kids who wanted their pic done with me. The point of describing all of this is to show how visually stimulating I was.

Know who did NOT care about my costume?

The homeless man on the corner of international drive and 7 in tysons. He didn't bat an eye at my costume. And I mean, this dude was #legit homeless b/c he was holding a cardboard sign that said...HOMELESS.

My window was down b/c i was enjoying a post-dinner cig and then i see the homeless man. I dont have change, I'm exhausted, I'm trying not to blow smoke into my non-smoker friend's face--and frankly, I didn't have money to give him. He came up to my car and says this.

Man: There's no other cars behind you.
Me being polite: Nope. There sure aren't.

I was so sure that he was going to then transition into money begging. I was wrong.

Man: you listen to K-Pop? Do you know it? (he said it so earnestly it was like he was a Mormon asking me if I knew Jesus.)
Me struggling to stay friendly: I do!

WHAT!? You're homeless and im wearing a Ms. Pacman costume and you 1.) Don't ask me for money and 2.) Dont mention my absurd costume and 3.) Your number one concern is if i know who PSY is? Sir, how the FUCK do you!?

Moving along, I'd like to address you, the public with some Sally's Savvy Psy Facts.

1. I do NOT know him. He is NOT my father. Do I go up to you and ask you if you're related to someone who's famous just because they share the same race? NO. Why? B/c im not an ignorant asshole.
-Side story: I was at the mall eating lunch b/w a power/successful shopping trip with my sister and my mom when that video came on the tv displays in the food court. Ever get that feeling you were being watched? Like you can just TELL someone's looking at you? I did. And I saw groups of people grinning at my sister, mom and I as if we were supposed to break out into dance or something. A few people even boldly nodded in a knowing way at me when I stared back. I'm sorry, what? Go away fool. I dont know you. Fuck off.

2. "I dont know what he's saying..." Guess what stupid fuck, unless you know Korean, you're not supposed to. It's a Korean song that he made for his KOREAN audience. I'm not saying you can't like it, I'm saying not everything is in English BECAUSE ITS NOT FUCKING EVERYONES LANGUAGE.

3. You poking me as if I have a translation button will not prompt me to do as such. Instead, you'll most likely be one finger short than when you originally poked me.

4. He's not a one hit wonder. Fact: He's been super famous in Korea for a long fucking time. This one just went viral is all. He's not going to go MC Hammer broke because you dont like the rest of his shit or even his current hit. He didn't need you before, he won't need you after.

5. Open Condom Style has got to be the most over used joke EVER. I'll admit to that I can see (hear?) how it sounds like that but it's not what he's saying and you're not that clever for using it as joke. BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS.

6. Why in balls can't anyone say the "Gang" part of "Gangnam" part right? It's a soft "a" like "Ball" but everyone pronounces it with a hard "A" like the word "Name." I know its not most of your language but if you can hear, then you can hear the difference. If you say that my example "ball" and "name" have the same sounding "A" you're an asshole or you're deaf. Or you're a deaf asshole.

7. He is not the will hung of Korea. See #4.

8. I will fully admit that is one of the most bizarre music videos I've ever seen. But it's not b/c Asian people are weird. Actually...we are but so is EVERYONE. Ever seen the video "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead? That shits weird. Ever seen ANY Marilyn Manson video? That shit's weird. Point is, shit is weird in general. Dont narrow it down to a race.

9. I dont CARE that you don't like the song. Prefacing or ending the sentence with "No offense Sally" is the most ignorant asinine comment ever. I could honestly give a running, jumping, leaping, flying fuck.

10. I'm not a huge Psy fan and actually never heard of it until about the middle of this craze so this isn't a blog sticking up for him so much as it is sticking up for me and my other Korean Americans having to deal with this non-sense.

I'm not super offended--just irritated. I mean sometimes it's funny and all you can do is laugh at people's stupidity and other times, it's time to say whats up.

I went with the latter this time.