Hey Good Lookin' Whatcha Got Cookin?

Nothing. Today I had the (dis)pleasure of cooking something for work. We're doing a whole potluck style Halloween shenanigans thing and everyone's bringing something in. I was hoping that it was a run to the store and buy a bag of Doritos type thing but sadly, it's not. Someone's make some kinda pumpkin cream cheese dip. Another is cooking some kind of Reese's bar thing. All tasty and presentable and fancy like.

Me? I'm not that fancy.

Well...not in the kitchen.

5:02pm At the grocery store, gotta find something to whip together.

5:25pm Overwhelmed!!!

5:30pm So over it. Outta here! Happy with my choice. Worms in dirt. No baking. 3 steps.
1 - Make the damn pudding
2 - Put the damn pudding in an alreaddddddddy assembled pie crust.
3 - Smash oreos and throw it in there with gummyworms.
BOOM!

7:17 pm Ok. Let's make the damn pudding (yes, i will continue to reference it as damn pudding.)

7:47 pm The directions says to add 2 cups of milk, bring to a boil on medium heat and continuously stire. So..when do i add the mix?!

7:57 pm OMG. This is so fucking frustrating!!! I'm just gonna add the fucking pudding mix to the 2 cups of milk and hope for the best.

8:05 pm Improvised. Apparently you're not supposed to use fat free milk which is the only milk i DO have. I dont even drink milk. I'm lactose. Duh. So...since i was in a pinch and not willing to leave the house, i stole a cup of my sister's chocolate milk (it's whole milk!) and a cup of fat free milk (mum's) and decided it wouldn't matter. I mean first of all, it's chocolate pudding so no one's going to notice if I used chocolate milk. Secondly, I figured whole milk plus non fat milk equals skim milk.

8:20pm I'm fairly certain I have carpal from continuously stirring. Thanks a lot Jello company. Assholes...

8:25pm Cookies smashed, gummyworms out of the bag. Time to check on the damn pudding.

8:28pm The mother fucking damn pudding has some damn film on it. Did they really expect me to keep stirring...?!?!?!

8:35pm That it's--i'm banging this out and if it sucks OH WELL. I'll bring the remainder of the Oreos as sustenance b/c this looks like it's going to be a disaster.

8:42pm Mum walks by and questions why it's taking me an hour to make a 15 minute completed pie, why all the appliances and most of the fridge contents are on the counter and most of all, why there's pudding in my hair and on just the right side of my face and across my shirt. Mum can suck an egg b/c cooking is hard.

8:45pm Threw the damn pudding pie in the fridge and wash my hands of it. Next year? I'm bringing store bought apple cider.

8:48pm I'm soaking the rest of these gummyworms in vodka. Sally needs a treat. And I'm secretly wishing to be soaking in the vodka like the worms. LIKE the worms, mind you. Not with them. I mean i was in the vodka with sugar worms, that only means one thing. YEAST INFECTION. YUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! This is why dessert toppings in the bedroom are TOPPINGS. Not innings. Ok now it's getting uncomfortable.

9:04pm Ok one last uncomfortable thing...I feel a bit like a someone who's had sex for the first time. (I almost said virgin but if theyve had sex, even just once, no longer a virgin makes) I'm slightly out of breath, flustered not sure if I did it right, thrilled when it was over, hair is a mess and think I can do better next time...and kinda proud/accomplished. -end uncomfortableness-

9:15pm BFF points out, i should've soaked the gummyworms in tequila, as that's where worms typically are.
Fuck him. Fuck halloween. Fuck it all. I'm throwing the damn pudding pie in the garbage. Everyone can suck it.

10:13pm Blogging. Gawd how my Thursday night have changed...

SING IT!

*Standing up to karaoke at a party this past weekend*

"SING FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the guests shouted at me drunkenly.

I adjusted my scrunchie (yes, scrunchie. it was a 90s party, relax!) and said clearly into the microphone:

"While I do love and appreciate 'Freebird' you are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna stand here and sing for 2 minutes and then stand around like an asshole for the next 30 minutes."

(note, this blog is only funny if you're familiar with the song "Freebird" by Lynard Skynryd. If you're not, youtube it and i'll see you in 30 minutes.)

There's Gotta Be More to Life...

I really wish people would stop talking about the following:
-Weight
-Money
-Clothes
-Job
-Looks

For fuck's sake people, it could always be worse. Appreciate what you have and stop focusing on what you don't. If you want or want to change any of the above, you can do it for sure.

And frankly my dear(s), I don't give a damn. <--I've always wanted to say that.

Life in Plastic, It's Fantastic

Actually...it's not. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.. I'm kinda going through another typical Sally hippie wave where I think much is pathetic. Don't it twisted, i think there's a lot that's freaking awesome but no one wants to read about fun bubbly things I think are awesome.

Actually you probably do and really, how can I blame anyone? :)

Hahah i joke, i joke, i keed i keed!

But seriously, that'll be in another blog.

I'm thinking about cutting myself off of the online world (i.e. twitter and facebook). I dont know I feel about it. And I don't mean that in the "i'm at a party so i'm going to say something agreeable so i'm going to bash facebook, others will mmm and nod and cut each other off with more even more horrifying stories of their 'friends' addiction and then go home upload pix from the party, status update it and friend the people i met that night and will probably never acknowledge again" kinda way. I genuinely mean... i just dont know how i feel about it.

To go off on a tangent about how artificial it is would be hypocracy at its best. I obviously have one, update it from time to time (and loved/kept up with my page quite a bit when i first had it) so it's not fair to take a total "anti" stance against it. And if it's something you're into, then whatever. No big banana aka it's not my business, who cares?

The way I feel right now, it's like.. ehhhhh. I hopped on twitter b/c i DONT get gchat at work. I could give a shit about not getting facebook at work. I just...i dont know what it is about facebook that's suddenly so off-putting about it. I really like that it does let you keep up with your friends and let's face it, straight up be nosy from time to time and even can be an outlet for your thoughts via status update. I get it. I blog to vent or say something funny quirky or amusing.

But then the other part of me is like wow..this is really not an organic way of keep relationships with people. It's borderline...actually fuck the border, I'm really sincerely sad that stalking my facebook is the only way people feel like they can keep up with me. Read THIS instead. Or call me. Or shoot me an email.

I guess my biggest issue about facebook vs everything else is that everything is public--even the stuff that doesn't need to be. If you wanna say hi b/c it's been a while or make plans or tell me it was great seeing me in so long, i love it but...why does it have to be posted for everyone else to see? It's my relationship with you. Not me you and the whole world... But..it's not like it's harming anything that it IS public. I just dont know..

I do feel like a vast majority of people want to be mini celebrities. have the most friends, be the skinniest, have the most attractive pix, flaunt their relationships, throw their ex's under the bus, put their drama on blast...it's just weird. I get it...and I dont. And I'm kinda on this new kick of where I'm (in my mind) on a bitch trip where if it's not worth my time, i'm wasting no brain energy on it or i'm cutting it out of my life all together.

...what happened? i used to be so nice...hahah and i really mean that! I used be such a nice person and now i'm like yeah we'll you're stupid/boring so i'm gonna hang up/go talk to someone else. KBYE.

I think I'm struggling trying to find the fine line (and ladies and gentlemen, that line is FINE AS SHIT) of can i be around people who do things or have certain beliefs that I'm adamantly against. On one hand, those difference aren't really what made us friends, shouldn't have bearing on our friendship and frankly if we all were the same we'd be communists. On the otherhand, sometimes poeple's core beliefs/values hint at the way the rest of their characteristics and thoughts are. If it's always going to be hostile or an uphill battle or it's taking more time to find common ground...why bother...

I dont know. AHHH im so confused!!!

Girls Girls Make That Cash

Quick blog b/c i can't facebook, gmail and i'm still new to twitter...

This is why I never did go to lawschool.

At work while arguing about whether strippers are trashy cumdumpsters or if they're just doin' something to pay the bills, i took the path of "don't judge..." and decided to stick up for the ladies of the pole/lap.

Unfortunately...i need to work on my defense/argument a little stronger:

Annonymous: Whatever they are trashy. They can get a job doing anything else. I personally think they're slutty whores.
Me: Not necessarily...
A: Why do you say that?
Me: I mean like... *thoughtful pause* What would you do...if your son was at home cryin' all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now in and out of lock down i aint got a job now, so for you this is just a good time but for me this is what i call life..i mean what THEY would call life.

Note: Quoting a song from early 2000's does not a case make.

Fail Sally. Fail..

The Walls Were Shakin' The Earth Was Quakin'

Holy Earthquake fellow East Coasters! I know Cali kids are laughing at us saying that this is nothing but lemme just nip that one right in the bud--this is the EAST COAST bitches so NO, we're not used to that!! :P

Moving along, I dont know where my brain is these days. I'm forgetting things and people and events. I swear it's like early on set dementia or something. GEEZ.

I'm in better spirits today and lately in general b/c some people unknowingly helped restore bits and pieces of faith in humankind again. It's not 100% again but it's finally out of the negative points. I was on a downward spiral that everyone's a mean asshole who's out for themselves but then I'll get a random friendly/kind message, email, text--even cards! (thank you very much miss Lessons from Lemons L.S!) from friends or people I work with and it makes me smile. I have to be better at remembering, even though some people suck at life, not everyone does. It's hard not to wanna be a bitter betty when all you want to do is enjoy life and be around other enjoyable people.

No, this isn't a brush with death (the earthquake wasn't THAT serious thankfully) Ahhhh everything is glorious moment. It's moree of a "What's REALLY bothering Sally and how can we make it stop?"

I will make a conscious effort to not bitch about my friends a la blog but im not making any promises. My blogs are not a passive aggressive digs. I just write what i thinks or what's happened to me --trying to keep it real and authentic as possible.I think that's what makes it relatable. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, some times im bitching just to let it out....

Talk about awkard/double edged sword that writing in my blog is my stress release but also can be dangerous b/c people will think it's about them or think its about something or someone that it's not and voice opinions that contradict mne. You dont have to agree but you can't stop me from saying it. (And that's also why i dont have a comments buttons haha aside from people arguing with me, i dont want people to argue with others!)

Anyways...

I miss being the fun me ALL the time instead of little glimpses here and there. Now that I feel like not everyone's an asshole anymore, hopefully, i can continue to move along happier :)

Very excited for Q4 coming up here...!

I'm Starting to Trip, I'm Losing My Grip and I'm In This Thing Alone...

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Yep. It's happened. It's that 100th time of year when i'm losing my mind. This is quickly escalating to a serious problem and next time I'm writing to you all it will be from a mental institution or rehab. Maybe both.

I'm going through the Holly Go Lightly Mean Reds.

I don't know WHAT it is.

Nothing and no one is vibing with me lately, especially me. Talk about difficult.

It's super weird b/c i hate that i feel like everything i'm saying lately is a complaint about everyone else. On one hand, i could just be a raging self righteous bitch. Likely. On the other, I could have legitamite problems with people and situations and be selling myself short. Not so likely but not impossible. How does one really know?

I think what's really put me into a state of alarm is that my best friends in the world minus 3 people i can think of at the top of my head are driving me fucking crazy. Some i've been blunt with. Other's I'm avoiding talking to or having that talk with. See people? It's not just romantic partners that i can't have the talk with. It's b/c i get caught playing devil's advocate and I'm almost TOO aware that i myself am not perfect so to go off on someone when i'm not perfect myself or have problems with who they are at the core...it's like...who am I? So i dont say anything. I let it fester. and there are some people that I don't know WHAT i'm so hostile with them about but i am hostile. Maybe not hostile but not feeling amicable.

My A list typically knows how to handle me in this situation and guide me but the problem is that IT IS MY FUCKING A LIST that's driving me insane. And maybe they're not and i'm being a bitch. Who KNOWS. I sure as hell don't.

It's scary b/c i called someone today (A list of course) that has next to NEVER let me down in the cheering up department and while they did make me laugh, i ended up getting frustrated with that person too! They dont know it though. Of course, if they read my blog (which i can guaratee said person doesn't), then they'd know.

WTF are you supposed to do when you can't TALK to the people that mean the most to you? What does this mean? AHHHH!!!! i'm losing my mind. I'm not on drugs, i'm not drunk, i'm not having my period, eating too much/too little, i did get enough sleep--so why the bitchyness???

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!


*Deep breath* i'm okay...