She Was An American Girl...

That she is me. I'm an American girl. Born here, raised here and God willing, will die here.

My parents? Well, Korean yes but took their citizenship test LONNNNG ago before i was born so they're also Americans.

This is all information you should know before continuing to read along.

So basically some parents blame the media for corrupting their kids. Me? I blame the media for corrupting my parents.

Yeah i said it.

The past few months they've been exhibiting some stranger than usual behavior. They're not your typical strict Asian parents (im clearly not a doctor nor have i eveer gotten straight a's and they dont care) but for the most part, they stick to their roots. Korean tv shows. Korean music. Rootin' for Korea in the world cup.

But lately, they've been extra American. My dad thinks Beyonce should be his girlfriend. My mom downloaded 'Bad Romance' on to her iPod. Dad wants to go to a Santana concert at Nissan Pavillion (yes i know it's jiffy lube but i'm from nova. it's fucking nissan foreva). Mom texted me the other day "OMG!" and when she saw a crowded parking lot said "FML!"

That's all good and well. I know all of our parents do things that we think are reserved for OUR generation but it's weird!

What kills me is when they take their sudden savvyness and turn it against me. Their English is okay but no one told ME just how okay it was.

Like when my fam was having brunch together on Sunday and I was asking my older [thinks shes from Compton] sis about the charity casino night her company held. Her answer was "MMPH GURL, i didn't come home that night! KNOWIMSAYIN!" (which btw 'knowwhatimsaying' said too fast really sounds like 'know-i'm-insane?')

Anyways. So i was like OMG YOU SLUTBAG! WHO DID YOU GO HOME WITH!

To which SHE said, "CHILD PLEASE. I AINT GO HOME WITH NONEOF DEM MOTHA FUCKAS!"

I was like "Yes you did. SLUTFACE."

To which my MOM jumps in and looks at ME and says "She's not like you. OH SNAP!"

I was paralyzed by shock. WHO TAUGHT MY MAMA TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!?!

When the shock wore off i said "MOM! Who taught you to say that?! That's bad english. VERY BAD ENGLISH!"

She laughs proudly (while my dad and sis are in tears laughing at me) and says to me
"What? You are like that. You are a W."

I'm like "i'm a w? what does that mean?"

Big sis says "She means you're a whore, you trick!"

Me: IM NOT A WHORE! MOM! SHAME! BAD ENGLISH. DONT LEARN THAT STUFF!

Then as a last line of defense i turn to daddykins to back me up and all HE says "That was burning!"

I look around to see what's on fire and realized he MEANT to say "That was a burn."

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?

That's it. No tv or computer for either of them for a month.

Hmph!