You..Doing That Thing You Do

Breakin my heart into a million pieces...like you always doooooooooo.....

Not relevant to the blog ahead but it's impossible to sing that first line without singing the following line. Though.. you might not be at that part of the song. Whoops. Whatever.

Anyways.

I promised to upload more emoticon songs but laziness washed over and I haven't done it. Maybe over the long weekend.

What I have done is realize that watching over a pet is literally like having a child. I'm watching my sister's dog (well tech he's family now but it's hers) and waking up early to walk him and racing home to walk him has been stressful to the point where i know I'm absolutely not ready for kids. Period. I lucked out that he is perfect and didn't pee or anything else in the house and when I went to the gym after work, I definitely banged out 3 miles in just barely under 20 minutes b/c I knew the little furball was at home waiting for me. I felt guilty, annoyed, needed and loved. I imagine parents feel the same way.

So...for those who know me, i've always had a love for all things creative. It's the one thing in life I'm good at. I don't mean that in a self deprecating give me a compliment sorta way. It's more of a fact. Think of your friend who is the best dancer, singer, athlete, best looking, most charismatic, most successful--chances are you didn't name me.  Shit. I wouldn't name me either. But when it comes to writing and a crazy love for music, you better think of me. I make up silly shit and send it along or I tell some crazy story I got tangled up in and the first thing people always say to me is, why do you work for corporate America? You don't belong there. I've heard that from countless friends but more shockingly so, from very high level important types at companies that I've worked at before who insist I do a great job in the corporate world but can't for the life of them figure out why I'm still doing it. And why I haven't sold my worldly goods and become a starving writer. Um hello? B/c i don't want to be a starving writer, duh. haha

I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.

Actually.

I do know.

It's because I tried insanely hard and it didn't pan out. I'm bright enough to have that mundane job and do what I love to do on the side where I don't feel pressured and can do what i want. And then people hit me with the, you can still do what you want AND make a decent living doing that. Sure. Just tell Aladdin to pass the lamp over when his greedy ass is done.

Still.. I dont know. It almost feels like a backhanded compliment (lack of better term). On one hand you're telling me i'm a rockstar in the business world but on the other, you can see that it's not what i SHOULD be doing. WTF does that mean. I show up to work at least 15-20 minutes early every day, never take a lunch break and take my work very seriously (maybe too much so). So how can they tell that it doesn't feed my corny artist soul? I don't bitch and whine about whatever job I'm in (well...not publicly) and I dont walk around like Eeyore ("thanks for noticing me..."). So what gives?

I'm just doing what I do to get by. I don't feel special or like the only one out there that does this or goes through this. Do you think every fry cook, paper pusher, fancy titled job person thought they'd be doing what they are? Likely not. But there's this very real place called THE REAL WORLD (not mtv) and bills and houses and grown up shit (401ks and benefits and what not).

Maybe i'll finally finish the book I've been meaning to finish for...the past 5 years or so.

I dont know.

I dont really even know why I felt the need to blog or share any of this as it's not especially entertaining or enlightening.

I guess I'm just mystified about how much I've heard lately congrats on the new job and why are you with corporate america still with the talent you have soooooooooooo painfully much this month I just dont know how to take it.

Til next time, I guess I'm just gonna keep doing that thing i do.