And the Fluke is the Duke of Soul

Yeah. Seriously--I saw this lady and was like how do I know her...? She looks so familiar... Well that would be because she looks like a fish from The Little Mermaid. Seriously--doppelgänger much? She legit looks like the fish from under the sea that is playing the sax as says "yeah" (the fluke to be more specific)

I'd post a pic but that's not very nice. 

It's the little things in life that keep you going even if you're likely the only one who thinks its funny. 

I'm on this weird cartoon kick lately--more specifically Disney movies but the old ones. Now you know I'm truly getting old when I watch the movies from my childhood when things were simple-/or so they seemed. 

What if instead of FUCK YEAH or hell yeah people said ohh de lally a la Robin Hood? How funny would that be? Or if like Merlin from sword in the stone you could just sing a crazy song to pick your shit up? (Including the rude little sugar bowl who elbows the plate) 

And you know what my favorite Disney movie of all time is--ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I don't know what it is about that movie that I love so much. It's like the way my brain works translated into a Disney movie. A bunch of random shit that's all connected together in some weird way is my life. I remember being a kid and all the kids would be talking about their favorite movie which typically was the little mermaid with some sleeping beauty mixed in there. I would excitedly throw my fav out there and it was like the record stopped and everyone stared at me. When they managed to get over their obvious judgment and distaste of my pick I would be bombarded with questions about why and my most favorite was when they would say matter of factly--she's not a princess. Yeah well you mean bitches neither are you so quit acting like one. 

But I was never that gutsy or quick witted as a kid. Nor did I know any profane words. Now is a whole nother story. Let's just say I've been awarded this past year with the "sista" award bc I was most likely to be giving someone the business while rolling my neck and snapping my fingers. 

Blasian and proud I must say. 

Also proud of a quick sketch I did of one of my fav characters, Sir Hiss

Not bad right? Except when you google and see the image that I tried to imitate then this looks like garbage hahah oh well 

Ok bed time.

Chillin

There is massive panic in my area about the cold weather. Nothing is falling from the sky but mayhem has set in and people are freaking out. Every news station or Facebook feed (which really, what's the difference between the two nowadays..?) 

In the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons this year, I present to you, a hot and cold playlist to get thingn started. Feel free to add your own:

Cold songs:

Icebox - Omarion 

Frozen - Madonna 

Baby it's Cold Outside - various artists

Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice

A Winter's Tale - Queen

Chillin' - Wale ft Lady Gaga

California Dreamin' - The Mamas and the Papas

Hot songs:

Hot in herre - Nelly

Burnin Up - Faith Evans

Fire burnin - Sean Kingston 

Kokomo - Beach Boys

Hot Child in the City - Nick Gilder 

Fire starter - Prodigy

Island in the Sun - Weezer 

This is the Start of Something Good

Hello 2014! It's off to an okay start. nothing terribly interesting has happened so far. I take that back, every time I leave the house (and sometimes when I don't) something totally weird happens and today it wasn't about me. 

That old bitch from my gym was literally rubbing lotion on her ass while I was blowdrying my hair (which I hate to do but I hate being sick even more) and she was bugging the shit out of one of the ladies who works there. She asked her to put lotion all over her back which is this blobby unsightly back. The lady politely helped her out and old bitch was back to her bitchy ways. 

OB: YOU PUT LOTION ON MY BACK

Lady: ...sure! 

OB: Good. If I had daughter I no ask you.

Lady: it's ok! 

OB: Do you have kid? 

Lady: yes I have sons.

OB: SONS NO GOOD. They no help you. They no take care of you. They go and get married and listen to their wife and their wife hate you. HATE. YOU.

Lady: Well I think I have some time until I worry about that.

OB: how old they? 

Lady: (I didn't hear how old she said one was) and my other is 19.

OB: you need daughters. No one will take care of you. (Pause) or buy you underwear.

Lady: oh I'm sure I'll make do

OB: NO ONE BUY YOU UNDERWEAR BC YOU NO HAVE DAUGHTER. Daughters can go buy you clothes. And underwear

Lady: I'm sure I'll be fine.

OB: I have no daughters and have to buy my own clothes and underwear. YOU WAIT. I try that Victoria place but the underwear broke. NO GOOD. Need daughter to buy underwear.

Lady: well, I like shopping so I don't mine

OB: (scoffs) YOU WAIT. Your kids wife hate you. And you have no underwear.

...uhhh what? Wtf is her obsession with underwear and trying to annoying the life ou lt of people? 

Being that I've been the victim of that old bat made me want to swoop in an save the lady but I didn't want to start my year by throwing a hair dryer and this lady. 

...but how awesome would that have been? Minus the whole assault charges a thing. 

I keep trying to plan things for this year in terms of goals and milestones but truly not sure if it matters. As last year astutely proved, things are going to happen they way they're going to happen so I'm not sure if what I'll want to do matters. 

I'm treading lightly this year and hope to make it redemption year. 

Here's to starting things over again..! 

A Change Will Do You Good

Fuck you 2013. Go fuck yourself hard in the ass. Nothing good came from you except your end. 

May 2014 bring back the silly fun Sally we all miss--especially me. I've always had some feistiness to me but this year has been straight up depressing. I spent most of it sobbing, wanting to be alone and or pissed off.

So. Year in review:

Jan - dad went to the hospital

Feb - dad went to heaven 

Mar - funeral

April - series of unfortunate events. Flat tires, two trips to ER for me

May - Angry for no reason month

June - laid off bc I wouldn't move across the country 

July - started a new job 

Aug - crying for no reason month 

Sept - leave me alone month 

Oct - trying to snap out of it month

Nov - I don't care month

Dec - No holiday spirit month. Not even unhappy with holidays--literally just not noticing the difference between one month and another 

What a negative year in review. I'm sure I can do this again with a more positive spin. I just don't care to.

I'm ridiculously excited for this year to end and refuse to do anything to celebrate it. BUH BYE!

True...

Kind of a betch move but I have to say this in regards to my recent Facebook newsfeed:

1. After months and possibly years of watching you upload every moment of your offsprings life...Your kid... Is kinda <very> ugly. Thought time would help but...nahhh it didn't. 

2. Wow. He/she/they got fat/look old as hell. Feeling pretty good here. 

3. I thought that was an awkward family photo at first and then realized it was legit...

4. Way to photoshop your selfie. Ain't nobody who seen you in the past few months believe you look like that

5. OMG please tell me I didn't "like" that picture or status--I have fat fingers and was just scrolling through. 

Give a Little Respect to Me

I swear sometimes I feel like I'm thirteen going on thirty--particularly when it comes to boys and girls being platonic friends. People constantly tell me that there's no such thing but I vehemently disagree. 

It's such an awkward place to be to have straight guy friends who have significant others and almost none of them like me or care to have a friendship with me outside of their man. Part of me is like your loss bc I'm the perfect friend for you. I'm fiercely loyal and if some slutbag tried to make a move on your boyfriend when you're not there I would tell her to fuck off and that he has someone in his life already. 

And yet I kind of get it, meaning I get not wanting to have someone of the opposite sex be your boyfriends friend. But it's like 1. I'm not a Victoria's Secret model. It's not like I'm some super hot hottie that makes you self conscious or whatever. I'm short and quirky-- not tall and sexy. 2.I have no intention on stealing your man and he is not interested in me either. I'm not one of those girls who's going to say "if I wanted him I'd already have him " bc frankly that's stupid and I don't want him. 3. I have never hooked up with any of my guy friends. 4. Karma is a bitch and is so very real--why would I want to encourage getting bad karma? 5. Get to know me. You may not like me and we may not be BFF but you'll know I'm not that kind of girl nor do I care to be. 

Unfortunately, I feel like this has caused a rift btw my guy friends and me. I feel like a secret friend....lots of harmless texts and calls but no face time alone or without significant other. They are welcome to come but not if they're going to throw daggers at me all night verbally or with looks. I can see and likely hearing you whispering and I know you want me to hear and disappear. 

I'm also not going to disrespect you either. As one of my best friends told me this weekend, and to use her words I have no vested interest in this situation. All three of these situations that are currently playing out. 

Fact check before you point fingers and while you're at it, who are you really mad at? Me who has not done anything or yourself for your blatant insecurity? 

Cuz We Need a Little Controversy

Ok enough of the sappy blogs and back to my sassy self. So let's talk football--specially my team. Yeah we won today but I'm still not happy but that's another issue. 

Dan Snyder and important NFL people--DO NOT change the name of the team. It would be fucking ridiculous in a terrible sort of way. Like why after all these years are the protesters pushing especially hard to change it this year? Go play in traffic. 

In NO WAY do I support racism and I get why people would be offended but my bigger issue is what's with the sudden push now? Not to say there wasn't a push for it before but im definitely hearing a lot more about it this year. The logo is tasteful and people who are redskins fans are die hard fans-- not die hard racists. 

What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Because frankly if you're trying to get rid of the term you're only going to make it be said even more because people will constantly refer to the team as formerly the Redskins. Like remember when Prince became The Artist/squiggly thing? Yeah people still called his ass prince sooooo.... 

If it's money that you want, then just bloody well say so. Would you still give a shot if we threw some money your way? Likely not, let's be real. And do you think people are going to suddenly burn all of their merch bc of the name? Um, no. If anyone of the fans burn their memorabilia, it's gonna bc the team is sucking. People are always going to wear the Redskins gear so what-- you wanna go to each fans house and take their merch? Not happening dude. 

And what about the redskins cowboys rivalry? Will it now be the cowboys and... What? Warriors? Lame.

Also lame? Changing the name. Why don't we just stop celebrating thanksgiving too? Stupid? Yeah so is changing the name. 

So don't. That's the best and only argument.