Karma

I struggled with what to title this blog, song wise. There was the option of Karma by Alicia Keyes which is quite possibly one of the worst songs ever (love Miss Keyes, hate the song) or Karma Police by Radiohead (that song scares me though) or Karma Chameleon by Culture Club but I'm not really sure what a Karma Chameleon is.

Anyways. I needed something relating to Karma. And this isn't my usual passive aggressive I'm talking about someone specific but can't say their name b/c they may read my blog thing. It's more about me today. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.

...me.


Hahhah anyways, I have NO idea why but I'm feeling quite blue today. I didn't feel it all day but around lunch time it definitely acted like a boulder tied to my ankle and thrown into the ocean. I dont know what it is! I guess it didn't help that one of my most favorite people at work quit today and he's gone. And it certainly didn't help that only two weeks ago another one of my favorites quit as well! I'm so annoyed with my favorites just leaving a Sally but at least I have some favorites left.

Okay back to Karma.

I know I'm not a perfect person but I think I do a lot of nice things for people. Like a lot of people and a lot of things. I dont do them with the expectation to get something back but it would be nice once in a while. I help people I know and dont know get jobs by trying to connect them to my contacts. For my birthday this year, I'm trying to find a volunteer opportunity that a group can do like work in a soup kitchen or help sort clothes for the homeless or something and then grab drinks and a bite to eat afterwards. I think anyways. I always attend baby showers, bridal showers, weddings bearing a nice gift and even drag myself out of sweats into fancy clothes to show my loved ones that I care about them. And I help plan birthday parties, contribute to things for the party, help cook/clean up etc. I was talking to FabulousTi the other week and told her how i feel like i'm the super guest at weddings and parties. I have zipped people (including strangers) into their dresses, took bobby pins out of my hair so they can fix theirs and let my hair go to shit, talked people off the ledge/from causing a scene, shoved intoxicated people into cabs wresting keys away...you name it. If someone is having a bad day at work, I'm known to drop a starbucks coffee off on their desk or a giant cookie or a write a silly note to them or draw a funny picture or something just b/c i know they need a little pick me up. Or if they can't escape from their desk, I'll grab their lunch for them or bring them back something from the restaurant.

...why hasn't anyone done that for me...?

I'm not saying NO ONE has EVER done that b/c that would imply that my friends are assholes and they're not. And it would also make me the world's biggest doormat and I'd like to think I'm not.

I just can't figure out what it is. If it's a question of me not being genuine with my acts of kindness, that's certainly not it. I'm not moneybags Sally and nothing I have done has cost all that much but when you do it for some many people for so many different times...it adds up. So dont think I'm doing this b/c i have the money to burn b/c I don't. I try to be diligent and save and spend accordingly. And for me it's not the amount someone spends but the fact that they took time out to think of me.

Wait wait... I do remember 2 months ago a few co-workers that I'm not as close with took me out to happy hour and gave ma $100 visa gift card and a thank you card to go with it. That was nice. Very nice actually and being the sappy sucker that I am, I held it together when they gave me it but tears were streaming down my face when i was driving home--the good kind!!!

I guess I just wished that people I was closer with would do that more or something. Or that other people would do that for each other as well.

I guess I'm not sure what I'm expecting or how this whole Karma thing works out. I feel like I'm in the Karma casino with my voucher ready to cash out but not a single damn register is open! AHH! Where are the cashiers!? Hahah

Welp. I dont know where I was going with this but... I do feel betterish. Now if I could only find a way to make a ton of money doing just this--writing. I miss it so much. ugh.