I'm Starting to Trip, I'm Losing My Grip and I'm In This Thing Alone...

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Yep. It's happened. It's that 100th time of year when i'm losing my mind. This is quickly escalating to a serious problem and next time I'm writing to you all it will be from a mental institution or rehab. Maybe both.

I'm going through the Holly Go Lightly Mean Reds.

I don't know WHAT it is.

Nothing and no one is vibing with me lately, especially me. Talk about difficult.

It's super weird b/c i hate that i feel like everything i'm saying lately is a complaint about everyone else. On one hand, i could just be a raging self righteous bitch. Likely. On the other, I could have legitamite problems with people and situations and be selling myself short. Not so likely but not impossible. How does one really know?

I think what's really put me into a state of alarm is that my best friends in the world minus 3 people i can think of at the top of my head are driving me fucking crazy. Some i've been blunt with. Other's I'm avoiding talking to or having that talk with. See people? It's not just romantic partners that i can't have the talk with. It's b/c i get caught playing devil's advocate and I'm almost TOO aware that i myself am not perfect so to go off on someone when i'm not perfect myself or have problems with who they are at the core...it's like...who am I? So i dont say anything. I let it fester. and there are some people that I don't know WHAT i'm so hostile with them about but i am hostile. Maybe not hostile but not feeling amicable.

My A list typically knows how to handle me in this situation and guide me but the problem is that IT IS MY FUCKING A LIST that's driving me insane. And maybe they're not and i'm being a bitch. Who KNOWS. I sure as hell don't.

It's scary b/c i called someone today (A list of course) that has next to NEVER let me down in the cheering up department and while they did make me laugh, i ended up getting frustrated with that person too! They dont know it though. Of course, if they read my blog (which i can guaratee said person doesn't), then they'd know.

WTF are you supposed to do when you can't TALK to the people that mean the most to you? What does this mean? AHHHH!!!! i'm losing my mind. I'm not on drugs, i'm not drunk, i'm not having my period, eating too much/too little, i did get enough sleep--so why the bitchyness???

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!


*Deep breath* i'm okay...