How Will I Know!

Oh Whitney you wonderful crackhead...

(For those of you who are new readers, all of my blogs are lyrics from songs. Odd way to start a blog but my seasoned readers know the drill--my blog my rules!)

So, I was lamenting about the last time I saw a movie in a theater (side note: those who dont know me well or at all, i haven't seen lik 99% of movies out there. short attention span...)

Typically if I went to the movies it's because it was on a date.

Problem?

I didn't actually KNOW it was a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate-date. Twice actually.

"It's a date" is such a common phrase. A colloquialism if you will.

Anyways, I was talking to Favs Erine and recounting the story about my unclear date with MF. Long story short (sorry Erine darling, you always get the long versions of my story haha), I was just friends with MF and we both wanted to see the same movie.

I thought it was just one of those, oh you say it in convo and no one ever REALLY follows-up on it deals like when you run into a friend from the past and say "we should hang out!" Sure you both mean it (in that it seems like a good idea at the time but the more you think about putting effort into it...it's like ehhh) but it's an unspoken "yeahhhhhh not gonna happen"

But then MF did suggest a time and day. I had nothing planned so i was like okie.

He said over his should "sounds good--it's a date!"

I was like word. (Romantic and lady like response, i know)



So anyways, I didn't think much of until I realized 10 minutes after we met up that it WAS a daaaaaate date. But i still wasn't sure.



Frankly...i still dont know if it was.



As Erine so eloquently put it "Well it was a date. Obviously, not a GOOD date."

(Thanks for the vote of confidence...former favorite erine...hahah)



You'd think that after all this time, I would know but i STILL dont. I guess I could ask MF but I'm afraid of what the answer is.



BFF has once told me, "Sally...you wouldnt know if someone was hitting on you if they were literally saying 'Sally. I am currently hitting on you...You'd be like ok la la la and then wander into traffic and still not understand what the guy is saying.' "

(And thanks for the 2nd vote of confidence...former BFF...hahah)



Then my darling Lindsey wanders in and what does she do? SHE TAKES ERINE SIDE that "It's a date" means "it's a date" as in like a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate date. Yes, repeating the word and dragging it out DOES change the meaning.

Their rational is that straight single men and straight single women dont saythat to one another and hang out one on one unless it's meant to be more.



I was like there was no making out involved in either one of my 'date's!!!



To which Lindsey in all her Phadrea (RHOA) southern belle glory looked straight at me and said "You dont have to make out with someone for it to be a date--esp not the first one!!!"



HAHAHAHHAHAH


Damn her and her logic and morals! I'm like WHAT? No tongue action? No smushing? Surely that wasn't a date!



I was like "Durrr...hahah that came out wrong linds. it's like why buy the cow if the milk is free etc that whole saying."



Then i wondered if i just called myself a cow. And I'm def not lactating.



Both of those are besides the point.



The point is, "it's a date" doesn't MEAN that its like a true daaaaaaaate. Does it?!?!



I took a poll:

Adam- no turned yes

Mike- no turned yes

Harley - solid no (MY BOY!)
My SVP - a very confused no (along with a suspicious--shouldn't you be you know...working??? expression on his face)

Lindsey- YES! *Dont give free milk
Erine - Yes



What do YOU all think?!



I know, rather counterproductive for me to ask given that I removed commenting as an option from here...hahah



Whatever. I still think I'm right. I think. More people to poll tomorrow...

Bye, Bye, Bye

Ah, bye bye bye to Brant who's moving to TX.

Just got back from his farewell get together and wow--it's the first time i've been out in a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time.

I literally don't think i've been out since...






Maybe Pamela's bachelorette party.

Seeriousssllllyyyy!!! It's funny how somethings changed and how somethings never change in terms of nightlife.

Brant had his farewell in a divebar called Fast Eddies--very low key and i need low key right now b/c my job is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to intense.

It cracks me up how no matter how long you've been away from nightlife, how certain things never change, especially in fairfax.

I've been away from the FFX scene for YEARS now (honestly, im soooooooooooo over it and lets be real, my ass is too damn old for it. I'm starting to become too old for Clarendon too!) so it was very interesting to be back in it.

It was a very entertaining people watching night. And for those who dont know, 'people watching' is a polite and PC way of saying 'judging'

Yup. I said it. I've officially blown everyone's spot now. Hahhaah

Here are my observations:
-There will always people who WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY over dress for the ffx scene and I can't for the life of me figure it out.

-I'll also never figure out why people from one table will judge all the other tables around them. It's like if we're all here to drink, relax and have fun, why can't we all just do it together like one big party instead of 15 different ones in a competition. Okay so someone is laughing a little too loudly at the next table or you caught the wrong part of a convo--who the fuck cares and why are you eavesdropping? There's no need to whisper and stare and roll your eyes. That's just my opinion.

-Ladies..why? Why why why why can't you just wait until summer before you pull out your summer clothes? There's no need for the short dress sans leggings and open toed shoes, tube tops and tank tops with no jacket or cardigan when it's 27 degrees. Like unless you all are from like freakin' Canada or something and this is summer weather to you, put it in your closet until summer. It's cold bitches!

-The quality of karaoke singers has vastly improved from when I used to go out. We were there for pool and to catch a drink and suddenly I see a HUGE projector screen a guy with a suitcase looking thing start to set something up and i was like yeahhhh karaoke. The girls all had great voices, actually. Minus the homeless beverly hills girl. (SUPER tan, VERY blonde, pink fuzzy kangol hat, awkwardly short white leather boots and a long coat dress thing that fell at an awful lenght--maybe 4 inches above her ankle and the top of her boots started an inch below the hem of her dress...not to get all project runway on you and im certainly no fashionista but come the fuck on. Plus she was super short. It looked a hot mess. Guess Ken kicked Barbie's ass outta the dreamhouse??) Though I've gotta give it to her...it was pretty entertaining to see the room full of guys get visibly uncomfortable all together when she started singing "Don't want no short dick man"

-Why do black people in Fairfax feel the need to act super hardcore gangsta/act like the cliche cool black person? Maybe it happens in other places too but in Fairfax, there aren't many black people but the ones who come out here OVER DO IT. it's obnoxious!! If you're so hard core dude, go to DC and then see that youre actually just kinda lame.

Top 3 laughs?
1.) Why was a man wearing a HUGE wrestling belt for no reason? I know he thinks (b/c he said so) he's the people's champ but damn, really? Maybe b/c he thought it made his waist look TINY? Dont get me started on when he started playing like a guitar. Or rather, the way people THINK that the guitar is played. Me being an actually guitar player, i can tell ya uh no. haha whatevs all in good fun.

2.) Is everyone who goes out in FFX shopping at Fredericks of Holllywood or Hot Topic? Sure looks like it.

3.) Why did everyone judge me for belting out "Baby" by Justin Bieber? As i so eloquently told Christy (who did a great job singing "rehab"!!!), "Why am i the only one who knows all the words to song..why's everyone starting at me...judging...well everyone can kiss my ass. This song is the shit!"

It is. Accept this as a fact people.

The Venga Bus is Coming!

Except it wasn't a bus. It was a van. And the second part of the lyric will make a lot more sense to you once you're done reading my whale of a tale.

So...

A Sally goes to a gas station during her lunch break to get cigs (i know...) and talk to her BFF's on the phone and clean off the car window with the squeegy thingy.

And see wha-ha-happened was...

A man and woman in a van are apparently talking to me and i had no idea. Then the guy says "MISS?" And pulls the van up to me. Being the street savvy girl i am...i walked right up to it.

YEAH. I'm bright.

Anyways, i then get asked a string of unrelated bizarre questions:
-Are you American?
-Are you married?
-Do you know what the inhalers club is?
-Would you be interested in working in adult entertainment?

You know...the normal questions you ask someone mid day on a monday....

They hand me a business card (ewie. i dont wanna touch anything they did!!!) and drive off. It has something on it in swirly letters--i dont much pay attention to what it says. i put the card of shame in my coat pocket, they drive off and i throw it away.

Before they drove off they said "If you dont know what an inhalers club is, ask that guy!" and pointed to the guy diagonal from me. I looked at the guy and before i could say anything he looks at me and says "Sweetie, i dont even know those people" and goes in the the gas station shop.

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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....


Happy Monday???

Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend...

So...have you ever like been mad about something and then you're totally over it but when you tell the story to someone you get all mad again?

Yeah that's me right now.

SO. Why the angry Sally?

Angry Sally is SICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK of being harrassed by this CRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY girl at the gym and her equally dumpy friend.

I know her. Kinda.

Basically she's this crazy bitch who hates me for talking to/dating/whatever this guy that she...well I guess she liked. I dont know. Apparently she liked him and then they didn't work out and he met me and he liked me (and for my best friends who know...he liked me a LITTLE too much--nothing says love like a restraining order hahahha)

She called me "submissive little Asian girl" and a "dirty slut' The first one she said to a mutual party (mutual at the time) and the second thing, she right out said when i was walking by her at a bar.

She goes to my gym.

It's a free country. I get it.

BUT.

She STARES AT ME the whole time. She and her friend will get on machines RIGHTINFRONTOFME and whisper and turn and stare.

My normally happy iPod music, changes and while i'm chugging away on the treadmill, I'll go from a bouncy fun song from Britney, BEP etc to Tupac, Eminem and Rage Against the Machine.

It's to the point where the people in the middle row separating us, turn and look at me too!!

I dont go to the gym at the same time and sometimes i swap out days! Like if im grabbing drinks or dinner with a friend i might skip a night i normally go on and then go the next day. AND SHES THERE!

ONE TIME, the CREEPIEST time, she was on EVERY machine next to me. The treadmill..i was running, she was walking but staring at me. then i got creeped out and moved to the bike (aka the fat girls' idea of a work out). She hopped on the bike next to me....BUT DIDNT PEDAL. SHE JUST STARED.

Then i went to go stretch out and she sat in the area RIGHT BY me and walked out of the gym. Staring is exhausting i suppose...?

I dont know.

It's annoying and it's frustrating. And as I just told my darling Christy just now, "an angry sally in a room with freeweights is NOT a good idea."

I dont know what to do. I'm not changing my gym. I'm not changing when I go (not that's ever at the same time anyways).

Should i say something to her? I thought about flicking her off the next time her and her equally cunty friend stare at me. But that's just childish.

And gratifying...

Or should i say "WHAT BITCH? GOTTA PROBLEM? MAD AT ME B/C I HAVE TWO EYEBROWS AND YOU DONT?"

And it's not just me that thinks she's crazy. Pamela KNOWS she's crazy b/c she knew the girl before i did!

That said, Corinne you fucking old ass weird crazy stalker bitch--if you're reading this, FUCK. OFF.

And if you're not? I'd like everyone reading this regardless if i know you or not, to message me and i'll tell you her last name. Hit her up on facebook and tell her to back the fuck up before she gets smacked the fuck up.

KTHANKS!

I'm Not Gonna Write You a Love Song

I'm with you Sarah Barralis. Or however the hell you spell your name.
I'm not writing a love song.
I wanna make a ridiculous amount of money and since the job market blows and Katy Perry didnt want to pay my bills, I need to find another way.

Ladies and Gentlemen of my blog...

I am going to be...


A one hit wonder.

My musial inspiration?

Ke$ha.

Love her or hater her (i go back and forth), that bitch is worth 2.5 million dollars.

...Seriously!

I call my song

"AutoTune The Room"

Please see the meaningful, deep lyrics I've created in 8 minutes below.

I thank you for the compliments ahead of time.


"AutoTune The Room"
By: Sally Socialite

Get wasted
Get drunk
Fill up your glass
Raise it up
Party til the sun comes up

Show me what you got

That's hot

shots shots shots shot-shots

Make your way through the crowd

Get loud
Get crazy
Drink until everything's hazy

DJs spinnin all night long
2 more shots until our song
Sweat fallin
Guys ballin
Pay the tab
Call a cab

Do it up
Do it right
Do it all night

Party til the end
Then do it all over again

....Hollaaaaaa....

Dead or Alive

Oh yes. It's time again for me vs the little sister Julie.

Everytime my family likes to make jokes at my expense like im an airhead valley girl, Julie seems to shut everyone up b/c the girl does NOT know ANYTHING about history OR current events.

Obviously, no one really is a CNN news ticker and knows everything that's going on. I mean like there are like a lot of places in the world and lots of things going on so it's like impossible!

But there are some common sense things that you oughta know!

Julie, mind you, being the same person who thought that Pavarotti (the late italian opera singer) was responsible for killing Princess Diana. When i unkindly let her know that it was the PAPARAZZI she was like "WHatever same thing."

I think not.

She was babbling about not so current affairs so i decided to play a game with her called "Dead or Alive" where i would name people and she would say if they were dead or alive.

Me: Led Zeppelin.
Julie: Alive.... ::glances at my face expression:: Dead good and alive in our hearts...
Me: You dont know do you?
Julie: I know that they...ROCK.
Me: 3 of 4 are ALIVE.
Julie: That was a trick question!
Me: Whatever. Next. Yasser Arafat.
Julie: What?
Me: YASSER. ARAFAT.
Julie: Oh yeah! I loved him on American Idol. I would've voted for him.
Me: WHAT?
Julie: He sang that song..."Baby I will wait for you..."
Me: THATS ELLIOT YAMIN.
Julie: Oh. Yeah whatever. Arafat...
Me: YES. Dead or alive?
Julie: Um...alive. He was great in that position he was in...what was it?
Me: (dripping with sarcasm) Corner back of the Steelers.
Julie: Oh yeah! Him and the terrible towel. What an athlete...
Me: HE WAS NOT.
Julie: Of course he was not! Who would think that??
Me: *sigh*
Julie: B/c he was too busy...um...being the leader of Al-Qaeda.
Me: HE WAS A LEADER OF THE P.L.O!
Julie: Right! Right. He's um...alive and doing a great job with the...organization.
Me: From BEYOND THE GRAVE BECAUSE HES DEAD YOU IDIOT.
Julie: I'm not gonna play this game if you call me names....
Me: Idi Amin.
Julie: Was he in...a...rap group?
Me: JULIE HE WAS A HORRIBLE PERSON! A leader and former president of Uganda!
Julie: Geez. Whats with you and these world leaders?
Me: What's with you NOT knowing ANY world leaders?
Julie: No! I know one. Um....The prime minister of England is um...isn't it uh....
Me: Yes?
Julie: ....Craig David?
Me: THATS THE GUY WHO SANG "Can you fill me innnn?"
Julie: On the latest in parliament. Maybe he liked musicals...
Me: NO. He's a singer.
Julie: Right. It's not him because John Blair is obviously the prime minister.
Me: NO. You're think of Tony Blair and it's not him anymore.
Julie: Since when!?
Me: Since...2007 or so?
Julie: And theydidn't tell me???
Me: READ A FUCKING NEWSPAPER FROM TIME TO TIME. CNN.COM. ANYTHING!
Julie: No. APPARENTLY, it makes people tense. Look at you, you're all riled up.
Me: B/c my sister is a moron.

And she is.

I still love her though...sometimes, like many people in our lives...she makes it hard. hahahah

That's Not My Name

What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.

Sorry Juliet, but a name means soooooooooooo much. And as a girl named Sally, I must say it sucks but I cant even get mad b/c judging someone by their name makes total sense.

Like today, I was talking to my favorite at work Erine (pronounced Aaron...not Ernie as is Bert haha) and we were talking about this lady Bertha. I mean for cryin' out loud, her name is Bertha. The poor thing! Unless she's smoking hot (which is very doubtful), she doesn't stand a chance in this world! And if she is smokin' hot, she probably has enough damn sense to go by a middle name or a nick name.

Then some how Nigel and I were talking about names. I wont disclose Nigel's last name since i dont like to throw people out there like that on an internete blog but really, if you do know his last name and w/o knowing what he looks like, it seems very british white guy.

Nigel is black and from louisiana.

He was saying how people screw up his name and I believe his exact words were "I know they think cuz they see me and i'm black that my name will kinda sound like THAT WORD but I'm like dont say it man. It's nigel. Not Niggle. I know you wanna call me that..."

So vastly inappropriate. So incredibly hysterical!

But yeah back to my original point, I'm totally jealous b/c I dont have a sexy name. Seriously, my name is Sally. Chances are you think of an old crusty lady who has a cat and a candy dish and a big crocheted doylie on her couch. You dont think of the short fiesty Korean girl who's a hooker with a heart of gold aka me. And you certainly dont think of a bombshell.

Nigel asked what constitues a hot girl name and I started out by saying what's NOT a hot girl name. Gertrude. Bertha (obviously). Sally.

No guy has ever been like "Sally, yeah she's fuckin' hot"

They're more likely to say "Sally. Yeah she plays bridge with my Grandma"

I'm not fishing for compliments or being self depricating. I've learned over time to really like my name. Esp since (for those of you who know) it goes nicely with my last name\e. I think that's why my best friends or people who know me pretty well call me by my full name. I love it! It cracks me up.

Hot girl names, Nigel and I agreed on include most foreign names (like Natalia...not so much for Asian names sorry to report but as an Asian i can say i agree. The name "Phung" just doesnt cute...), K/Crystals, Valeries, Heathers, Hayley, Chloe etc.

Hot guy names are your Kyles, Justins, Marks, Ryans, etc.
Not hot guy names are the Eugenes, Forrest, Cledus, Max's of the world. (Now that i've said that, my future husband's name is going to be Eugene Forrest Max the 3rd...)

Admittedly, there are some names that are hard to categorize (even the ones mentioned above) b/c part of human nature is to associate names with people who you know and may not like and that makes you go ewww gross me out! B/c someone with that name is some whore you dont like or some douchebag you knew. I get it.

The other part of the name thing that kills me are the parents i want to SLAP b/c they should know better than to name their kid a certain first name KNOWING what their last name is.

Michael Jackson (went to middle school with a guy with that name. poor guy)
John Johnson (Really? You dont have to be creative or off the wall like Xavier or Sky but you couldnt think of anything better than John knowing damn well that his last name is johnson??)
Ben Dover ( i mean really. who are your parents? Bevis and Butthead??)

And so on and so forth.

So when you guys start getting preggo, may it be on purpose or OOPSIE, think it through before you legalize it.