Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend...

So...have you ever like been mad about something and then you're totally over it but when you tell the story to someone you get all mad again?

Yeah that's me right now.

SO. Why the angry Sally?

Angry Sally is SICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK of being harrassed by this CRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY girl at the gym and her equally dumpy friend.

I know her. Kinda.

Basically she's this crazy bitch who hates me for talking to/dating/whatever this guy that she...well I guess she liked. I dont know. Apparently she liked him and then they didn't work out and he met me and he liked me (and for my best friends who know...he liked me a LITTLE too much--nothing says love like a restraining order hahahha)

She called me "submissive little Asian girl" and a "dirty slut' The first one she said to a mutual party (mutual at the time) and the second thing, she right out said when i was walking by her at a bar.

She goes to my gym.

It's a free country. I get it.

BUT.

She STARES AT ME the whole time. She and her friend will get on machines RIGHTINFRONTOFME and whisper and turn and stare.

My normally happy iPod music, changes and while i'm chugging away on the treadmill, I'll go from a bouncy fun song from Britney, BEP etc to Tupac, Eminem and Rage Against the Machine.

It's to the point where the people in the middle row separating us, turn and look at me too!!

I dont go to the gym at the same time and sometimes i swap out days! Like if im grabbing drinks or dinner with a friend i might skip a night i normally go on and then go the next day. AND SHES THERE!

ONE TIME, the CREEPIEST time, she was on EVERY machine next to me. The treadmill..i was running, she was walking but staring at me. then i got creeped out and moved to the bike (aka the fat girls' idea of a work out). She hopped on the bike next to me....BUT DIDNT PEDAL. SHE JUST STARED.

Then i went to go stretch out and she sat in the area RIGHT BY me and walked out of the gym. Staring is exhausting i suppose...?

I dont know.

It's annoying and it's frustrating. And as I just told my darling Christy just now, "an angry sally in a room with freeweights is NOT a good idea."

I dont know what to do. I'm not changing my gym. I'm not changing when I go (not that's ever at the same time anyways).

Should i say something to her? I thought about flicking her off the next time her and her equally cunty friend stare at me. But that's just childish.

And gratifying...

Or should i say "WHAT BITCH? GOTTA PROBLEM? MAD AT ME B/C I HAVE TWO EYEBROWS AND YOU DONT?"

And it's not just me that thinks she's crazy. Pamela KNOWS she's crazy b/c she knew the girl before i did!

That said, Corinne you fucking old ass weird crazy stalker bitch--if you're reading this, FUCK. OFF.

And if you're not? I'd like everyone reading this regardless if i know you or not, to message me and i'll tell you her last name. Hit her up on facebook and tell her to back the fuck up before she gets smacked the fuck up.

KTHANKS!

I'm Not Gonna Write You a Love Song

I'm with you Sarah Barralis. Or however the hell you spell your name.
I'm not writing a love song.
I wanna make a ridiculous amount of money and since the job market blows and Katy Perry didnt want to pay my bills, I need to find another way.

Ladies and Gentlemen of my blog...

I am going to be...


A one hit wonder.

My musial inspiration?

Ke$ha.

Love her or hater her (i go back and forth), that bitch is worth 2.5 million dollars.

...Seriously!

I call my song

"AutoTune The Room"

Please see the meaningful, deep lyrics I've created in 8 minutes below.

I thank you for the compliments ahead of time.


"AutoTune The Room"
By: Sally Socialite

Get wasted
Get drunk
Fill up your glass
Raise it up
Party til the sun comes up

Show me what you got

That's hot

shots shots shots shot-shots

Make your way through the crowd

Get loud
Get crazy
Drink until everything's hazy

DJs spinnin all night long
2 more shots until our song
Sweat fallin
Guys ballin
Pay the tab
Call a cab

Do it up
Do it right
Do it all night

Party til the end
Then do it all over again

....Hollaaaaaa....

Dead or Alive

Oh yes. It's time again for me vs the little sister Julie.

Everytime my family likes to make jokes at my expense like im an airhead valley girl, Julie seems to shut everyone up b/c the girl does NOT know ANYTHING about history OR current events.

Obviously, no one really is a CNN news ticker and knows everything that's going on. I mean like there are like a lot of places in the world and lots of things going on so it's like impossible!

But there are some common sense things that you oughta know!

Julie, mind you, being the same person who thought that Pavarotti (the late italian opera singer) was responsible for killing Princess Diana. When i unkindly let her know that it was the PAPARAZZI she was like "WHatever same thing."

I think not.

She was babbling about not so current affairs so i decided to play a game with her called "Dead or Alive" where i would name people and she would say if they were dead or alive.

Me: Led Zeppelin.
Julie: Alive.... ::glances at my face expression:: Dead good and alive in our hearts...
Me: You dont know do you?
Julie: I know that they...ROCK.
Me: 3 of 4 are ALIVE.
Julie: That was a trick question!
Me: Whatever. Next. Yasser Arafat.
Julie: What?
Me: YASSER. ARAFAT.
Julie: Oh yeah! I loved him on American Idol. I would've voted for him.
Me: WHAT?
Julie: He sang that song..."Baby I will wait for you..."
Me: THATS ELLIOT YAMIN.
Julie: Oh. Yeah whatever. Arafat...
Me: YES. Dead or alive?
Julie: Um...alive. He was great in that position he was in...what was it?
Me: (dripping with sarcasm) Corner back of the Steelers.
Julie: Oh yeah! Him and the terrible towel. What an athlete...
Me: HE WAS NOT.
Julie: Of course he was not! Who would think that??
Me: *sigh*
Julie: B/c he was too busy...um...being the leader of Al-Qaeda.
Me: HE WAS A LEADER OF THE P.L.O!
Julie: Right! Right. He's um...alive and doing a great job with the...organization.
Me: From BEYOND THE GRAVE BECAUSE HES DEAD YOU IDIOT.
Julie: I'm not gonna play this game if you call me names....
Me: Idi Amin.
Julie: Was he in...a...rap group?
Me: JULIE HE WAS A HORRIBLE PERSON! A leader and former president of Uganda!
Julie: Geez. Whats with you and these world leaders?
Me: What's with you NOT knowing ANY world leaders?
Julie: No! I know one. Um....The prime minister of England is um...isn't it uh....
Me: Yes?
Julie: ....Craig David?
Me: THATS THE GUY WHO SANG "Can you fill me innnn?"
Julie: On the latest in parliament. Maybe he liked musicals...
Me: NO. He's a singer.
Julie: Right. It's not him because John Blair is obviously the prime minister.
Me: NO. You're think of Tony Blair and it's not him anymore.
Julie: Since when!?
Me: Since...2007 or so?
Julie: And theydidn't tell me???
Me: READ A FUCKING NEWSPAPER FROM TIME TO TIME. CNN.COM. ANYTHING!
Julie: No. APPARENTLY, it makes people tense. Look at you, you're all riled up.
Me: B/c my sister is a moron.

And she is.

I still love her though...sometimes, like many people in our lives...she makes it hard. hahahah

That's Not My Name

What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.

Sorry Juliet, but a name means soooooooooooo much. And as a girl named Sally, I must say it sucks but I cant even get mad b/c judging someone by their name makes total sense.

Like today, I was talking to my favorite at work Erine (pronounced Aaron...not Ernie as is Bert haha) and we were talking about this lady Bertha. I mean for cryin' out loud, her name is Bertha. The poor thing! Unless she's smoking hot (which is very doubtful), she doesn't stand a chance in this world! And if she is smokin' hot, she probably has enough damn sense to go by a middle name or a nick name.

Then some how Nigel and I were talking about names. I wont disclose Nigel's last name since i dont like to throw people out there like that on an internete blog but really, if you do know his last name and w/o knowing what he looks like, it seems very british white guy.

Nigel is black and from louisiana.

He was saying how people screw up his name and I believe his exact words were "I know they think cuz they see me and i'm black that my name will kinda sound like THAT WORD but I'm like dont say it man. It's nigel. Not Niggle. I know you wanna call me that..."

So vastly inappropriate. So incredibly hysterical!

But yeah back to my original point, I'm totally jealous b/c I dont have a sexy name. Seriously, my name is Sally. Chances are you think of an old crusty lady who has a cat and a candy dish and a big crocheted doylie on her couch. You dont think of the short fiesty Korean girl who's a hooker with a heart of gold aka me. And you certainly dont think of a bombshell.

Nigel asked what constitues a hot girl name and I started out by saying what's NOT a hot girl name. Gertrude. Bertha (obviously). Sally.

No guy has ever been like "Sally, yeah she's fuckin' hot"

They're more likely to say "Sally. Yeah she plays bridge with my Grandma"

I'm not fishing for compliments or being self depricating. I've learned over time to really like my name. Esp since (for those of you who know) it goes nicely with my last name\e. I think that's why my best friends or people who know me pretty well call me by my full name. I love it! It cracks me up.

Hot girl names, Nigel and I agreed on include most foreign names (like Natalia...not so much for Asian names sorry to report but as an Asian i can say i agree. The name "Phung" just doesnt cute...), K/Crystals, Valeries, Heathers, Hayley, Chloe etc.

Hot guy names are your Kyles, Justins, Marks, Ryans, etc.
Not hot guy names are the Eugenes, Forrest, Cledus, Max's of the world. (Now that i've said that, my future husband's name is going to be Eugene Forrest Max the 3rd...)

Admittedly, there are some names that are hard to categorize (even the ones mentioned above) b/c part of human nature is to associate names with people who you know and may not like and that makes you go ewww gross me out! B/c someone with that name is some whore you dont like or some douchebag you knew. I get it.

The other part of the name thing that kills me are the parents i want to SLAP b/c they should know better than to name their kid a certain first name KNOWING what their last name is.

Michael Jackson (went to middle school with a guy with that name. poor guy)
John Johnson (Really? You dont have to be creative or off the wall like Xavier or Sky but you couldnt think of anything better than John knowing damn well that his last name is johnson??)
Ben Dover ( i mean really. who are your parents? Bevis and Butthead??)

And so on and so forth.

So when you guys start getting preggo, may it be on purpose or OOPSIE, think it through before you legalize it.

That Girl is Poisonnnnnnnn

That girl may be poison. This girl aka me, apparently DRINKS poison.

Someone send that memo to Bell Biv Devoe, yes?

And for the millionth time, it was not bloodly well a suicide attempt.

I do appreciate the love and warm fuzzies from my friends and even some acquaintances. Makes getting better a lot easier! :)

Not so appreciated? Stupid jokes from friends who ought to know better but dont. There's a time to joke but now isn't it. I'm not sure what's hilarious about almost losing the ability to speak or having your esophagus eaten away to the point where you might need a breathing tube so you dont die or stomach ulcers. Oh yeah. HYSTERICAL. And believe it or not, some people were more preoccupied with thinking of clever jokes about my sitch or "you cant eat certain foods? maybe you'll lose weight!" wait, did you just backhandedly call me fat? i think you did. Asshole. At least my tops of MY thighs dont rub together with such friction that it makes smokey the bear nervous. Yeah i said it.

I digress.

Although, after seeing my medical bills--yeah. That makes me suicidal. After healthcare notes were to continue my 3 diff meds (which btw are not fun drugs so dont ask me to share. unless you're crazy about prescription strength antacid...or ulcer coaters...or steroids. And no, not the kind of steroids you're thinking about. i.e. SALLY ANGRY! SALLY SMASH!)

I'm not big on politics but i know this much, we need to do something about this whole healthcare thing b/c guess what? I dont have the $XX,XXX.XX amount to just drop on my bills. I'm HIGHLY doubt I'm the only one.

Part of what really totally bugs me is that somehow illegal immigrants and people who lie to cheat the system are getting free health care, grants, and their bills written off but someone like me who's a born citizen, pays my bills/taxes, doesn't have a traffic ticket to her name, volunteers, cant get a break b/c while i am considered "poor" b/c of my annual income based on fed standards, b/c i dont have a reckless amount of children or married, i get fucked over. And it's not me, i know other people out there are going through the sammmmmmmmme bullshit.

Solution? Move to Canada Sally and quit bitching.

Well
1.)I have seriously considered it before but decided i love american football and warm weather too much
2.) I DO believe in our country except when it acts like a CUNT-ry. Healthcare issue is definitely one of the ones that makes me go, seriously? what are we savages?

Not really sure what the point of posting this was but dammit, at least I'm entertaining.

Now I'm off to go figure out ways to make more money including:
1.) Getting another job
2.) Selling a kidney
3.) Stripping in West Virginia
4.) Enter to see if Katy Perry will pay my bills (Hey, she paid Andrew's!)
5.) Being Ocean's 14th.

Wish me luck!

SexyBack

Greetings from the bell tower aka my room. There is no good God reason for me to be at home on a Saturday night other than the simply fact that my face is TORE UP right now from that frickin allergic reaction. It's pretty bad...But getting better.

My face debacle and the time i've had on my hands (hiding from the public b/c my face is awful...in case i haven't made that painfully clear) has lead me to think about vanity.

All of my SUPER close friends know what crippling low self-esteem I have. (Note: This isn't a sob story and I'm not going to go further into it other than what i just wrote) and that lead me to think...if you think things can't get worse, they can.

Wait.

That's terribly Debbie Downer of me. But hopefully you got what I meant. I thought my face couldn't get worse and then it did. But then there's a silver lining meaning i should appreciate my face for what it looks like sans this allergy thing.

To those of you haven't seen me (which is pretty much everyone I dont live or work with) I look like i have no damn sense and just stuck my face in sand. Sexy, right?

Blah blah blah. All this said, it got me to think about my mission to find my sexiness. I think everyone has their own. Now...how true it is, is really within the eye of the beholder (or...beer-holder as the old saying goes).

I dont know WHY I can't find my sexy. I can't. And I'm not fishing for compliments or doing the thing that oh so many (well like every) hollywood starlet does when they say that they 'don't think they're sexy' or feel weird/funny when they have to do something sexy. Doesn't stop them from doing a Maxim spread or a nude scene though does it?

I digress.

The point being, I can't for the life of me figure out why i can't find my sexy. More than feeling stupid, it's not something I can do. Well for now. I've been on a mission to find my sexy side but i can't.

Halloween is the perfect time of year to slut it up and say "It's for Halloween" to excuse sluttish behavior. Not hatin'--just keepin it real per usual.

But I have NEVEr been anyhting sexy for Halloween. I mean really people, i was FLAVOR FLAV for halloween one year. Pretty comfy costume b/c i got to wear silk pjs around but note to any future Flavor Flav halloweeners (heh heh i just said weener..) DO NOT USE A REAL CLOCK AROUND YOUR NECK. It will hurt! Take it from stupid me...

This year i wanted to hide and pretend like halloween doesn't exist but with many a party around the corner, i just dont know if i can. So i glanced at some costumes and yeahhh basically if you're a girl the only costumes out there are of the "Sexy" variety. Sexy kitten, sexy witch, sexy fairy, sexy devil, sexy angel...blah blah blah. I'm like can i please find something that doesnt show off my boobs, ass, legs, midriff? But the only alternative is to go as something yucko and you def can't meet guys wearing a yucko costume.

But this lack of sally's sexyness is not just seasonal--it's all year. I tried to take a belly dancing class b/c it's sexy and sensual and ended up giggling hysterically throughout the entire course!

With the mens in my life when comes to sexy time, i either nervous babble or giggle. A. LOT. it's not really polite. nor is it sexy.

I mean Justin Timberlake not only has sexy but he brought it back TOO! i would LOVE to bring sexy back but it was never here in the first place!

What's a socialite to do? kajdslkjasldkfjs

The search continues...

He never ran a corny line once to me yet

Well that may be, Salt n Peppa/EnVogue, but me? i've been hit by corny line after corny line and this past two/three weeks PELTED by them.

Alright. Here's a new blog so it'll bump down the giant picture of tampons from my previous post. But seriously y'all? I just keep it real. Didn't mean to embarrass or alarm anyone hahaha

So this one is just for you boys. You're gonna get some tips from a Sally. Which i know is rather fruitless b/c none of my boys are trying to holler at me (and the ones who have, you know i've nipped that in the bud but we're still cool!)

Anyways. I'm finding that the problem with meeting boys is that they ALL have the same "slick"/"smooth" lines. That don't work on me (maybe some of you ladies feel the same). The past two weekends alone, I've been a magnent for silly white boys and their silly white boy lines. While there are many to run through, I feel like in the past two/three weeks I've been hearing the same 3 over and over again so here we go...!

Example 1
Location: Gas station
See what ha happened was: I was getting cigs whilst filling my gas tank when this guy--not the cashier--just another customer standing around deciding what flavor slushee he likes when...
The Line: "Little lady, smoking is bad for you. You're too pretty to be a smoker. You know that right?"
My thoughts: "OMG is it bad for you? SHUT UP! Really? Well! I'm quitting right now!"
What I said: "Yeah, well so is my _____. Gotta find a way to cope."
End result: He tried to say i should fix my habits with something healthy like love and hey he's a nice guy so maybe i might try blah blah blah. I tuned out wished him a good afternoon and wandered out.
The point: The point is, telling me about my bad habit, isn't going to win you any points. And quite frankly i dont give a fuck that i smoke and i could give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. What i do give a fuck about is being given a lecture. I'll quit when i wanna and i dont ride on people for drinking, bad food habits, so really? fuck off.
*Note: The other way guys try to use smoking as a pick up line, "it's bad for you. you must like bad things you bad girl." I think i literally rolled my eyes at someone last month for saying that to me and then walked away.

Example 2
Location: A get together
See what ha happened was: I walked and this guy was staring at me for a while and finally said "What are you? I stared back and i was like "Whaddya mean what am i?" He was like "Ethnicity. I can't figure out what you are." To which i said "If i said black you wouldn't belive me eh?" He laughed and said no then said...
The Line: "I think you're Chinese b/c Chinese girls are hot. If I'm gettin with an Asian chick, yo, Chinese."
My thoughts: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
What I said: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
(Yep. I just said what i thought hahah)
End result: He tried to redeem himself by being like "oh my bad, Chinese girls are hot but KOREAN girls are sexy..."
The point: The point is, I don't blame anyone for not getting anyone else's ethincity wrong but it's all about delivery (aka how you say it) and avoiding finite statements if you're unsure.
*Note: Weirdly enough this happened to me last night when i was out but it wasn't a pick up line. And for the record: this rule applies even when you're NOT trying to holler at someone and wanna know they're ethnicity. Just ask, it's all good. No one's mad for trying to strike up converstaion. Just dont STARE and feel like you have to guess and make us ethnic folk feel like you're guessing the number of jelly beans in a jar. I ain't a jellybean...just sayin'

Example 3
Location: Party
See what ha happened was: I was refreshing my beverage when...
The Line: "So where's your boyfriend?"
My thoughts: Nice try captain obvious...b/c obviously, if you have a bf you give the real answer and that guy knows he doesn't have a shot. But if you say you're single, he goes in for the kill. This is a VERY tricky thing to answer b/c if you wanna tell swamp thing that you have one just so he'll leave you alone, i get it. BUT be careful b/c if a hot single guy ends up rollin' up later and you just told another person you had a bf...yeah no good...probably could work at a bar but at a party, generally less people) Okay so, I said...
What I said: "He's out there somewhere...when I meet him I'll let you know. Pass the diet coke please?"
End result: He got the point and passed the diet coke to me, Bahahah
The point: The point is, it's cute that guys will do try to "flatter" you by making a seemingly "presumptuous" statement. Truth is? We girls know it's a line and personally, I've heard it used so many times that i'm thinking about changing my response to "Hm. i'll answer that once you tell me where your better pick up line is"

Ahhh i could go on and on about lines but quite frankly, i'm kinda tired.

Long story short, boys, I'm not mad at you for trying to do your thing and spit game and what not.

I'm mad that you all use the same damn lines.

And no, "Wanna fuck?" is not a line. It's asking to be slapped.

....or sleeping with an STD b/c if a girl is dumb enough to just be like "okay!"....

she probably has the clap.

Thank you and good night.