The Diary of Sally Socialite

Last Friday Night

2012-01-19T12:48:00.002-05:00

Actually it wasn't a friday so much as it was a Saturday night.

This blog isn't from me but rather a former coworker i've kept in touch with whom i adore! I normally save my blog for Sally stuff but this was so damn well written and hilarious, it couldn't help but post it. You dont have to know Aaron to get it but quick backstory, Aaron, Kacey (another former coworker/current friend haha) and I used to have urban Thursdays so you bring to the table all things urban that occured.

Here's what he sent us:

"Well wuzdamuhfuckindeal youbama's---

I want to walk you through my Saturday evening in hopes to make you laugh:

It starts around 5pm on Saturday evening. I get a phone call from my
buddy, Chris Long. You have to google him real quickly for the story
if you don't know who he is. He is about a 6'4" 270lb white honkey
that plays in the NFL and doesn't really see color/race/creed. He
tells me he is in town and it is our friends, Jameel Sewell (also look
him up-- the complete opposite), birthday. He tells me that he flew in
for the party and that I need to meet him at his hotel room in DC ASAP
and that we are going to a black tie gala for the "grown and sexy".

I show up to the hotel dressed to impress although I really have no
idea what I am getting myself into. I show up to his hotel room and
there is a hotel room full of black people with wardrobes completely
dressed in black with the following: huge designer belt buckles,
sunglasses, huge earrings, necklaces, etc. The whole nine.

We start taking shots of Hennessey and Jack while watching football
and listening to Common and Drake's feud.

Then it's off to the DC convention center. The birthday boy tells me
that this is the biggest party in DC. When we show up The line is
wrapped around the whole convention center and it is all middle-aged
African Americans dressed in their Sunday's Best dancing, being loud,
laughing for no reason, repeating what everyone says and clapping and
sneaking personal flask shots and Sutter Home bottle swings-- and this
was just in the line waiting to get checked in.

Of course my group didn't have to wait in line because we had VIP
tickets. All 8 of us were by far the youngest ones there. As Chris and
I are looking around we do not see ONE other white person (besides for
Chris, at this event I am considered a light skinned black guy and all
the heavy women are hitting on me hard, cause apparently thats what I
attrack in the black community. No Meghan Fox's or Gabrielle Unions of
the world, just the Precious's and Monique's).

We get up to security line where they have to wand your whole body for
weapons. The strange thing, at least I thought, was that everyone's
belt buckle would activate the wand and the security officer's would
NOT actually pat down the waists, where I would assume most of the
guns would be.

We get in and MY BOI Raheem DeVaughn is performing. All of the Grown
and Sexy single ladies are taking pictures, shaking their booty, and
throwing their underwear on the stage:

Line of the night from Raheem: "Damn, for all of those women throwing
their draws up here, I respect you. Going commando in 20 degree heat
shows the dedication to fucking me later"

The whole party was rocking and it seems that no one was really
drinking. There were six bars for 5,000 people and the line had to be
100 people deep. People were just partying and having a good time
sober! It was ridiculous to see that many people truly enjoying
themselves without imbibing on god's sweet nectar.

Low point in the night: I looked really good. Usually, this would come
as a precursor to a high point of the night (sex) but not in this
story.

Situation:

I just sit down at our table and just checking out the scene/ texting
people how ridiculous this party is.

40+ yr old Guy (in a fast jive-y kind of talk): Yo man, tonight is all
about play son, put down your phone and save work for tomorrow (gives
me a black handshake which will now be called a "dap")

Me: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I know whatchu mean son. I was just checkin in on someone.

40yr old Guy: You wanna hear something funny?

Me: (Didn't have time to respond)

40: I told mah pahtnah that I was going to be a vegetarian or some
shit in 2012--
Me: puzzled and not really listening)
40: But, I mean what the fuck, I can't be a vegetarian when there is
all this meat around (daps me like five times and leaves)

Me-- completely not really registering what is going on and go back to
my text. I replay what just happened and then I look to my right and
this guy is kissing on another man while pointing to me and smiling.

I quickly run to my group and hide from this guy the rest of the night.

Now, this may seem like an urban night already, however the best part
about the evening was the photography station. Right when you walk in
they have the typical red carpet where you can get your "grown and
sexy" picture with the liquor advertisement backdrop.

However, in the back corner of the convention center they had 3
different water painted backdrops that you could pose in front of.

The three consisted of:
1. a white gazeebo in front of a flowing waterfall during a sunset
2. a piano room with an empty bench where you could pose to be sitting
on with candles lit all around it
4. a forest theme

Groups of people/ couples/ and single people were lined up to take
pictures all night. We took the picture in the piano room.

The music was so loud that Chris and I decided to leave and meet up
with our other UVA friends. We get into the cab to go to some other
bar and Chris turns to me and says:

"hey did you hear that couple when we left? They said "well, there
goes the only two (white guys)"

I was DEVASTATED! My whole entire night went down the drain and I
still have not fully recovered..."

Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging

2011-12-30T19:51:00.002-05:00

End of the year and I have this annoying habit (and well, old phone) of hanging on to texts.

...like i'm a hoarder for real.

I feel the need to point out that my phone is old b/c i have to delete texts to receive new ones.

That being said, i have some most fav texts of 2011 but not all can make it on here and frankly i guess if you dont know the context of some of these, they won't be funny to you but hopefully some will make you laugh.

In no particular order:

10. FUCK YOUR HAPPINESS!!!! - Garth 1/10/11 8:47pm
9. Hahaha aww..Is it b/c you dont like crabs? Cuz I hate crabs and would totally feel awkward too... - Erine 5/19/11 4:55pm
8. You and flag day... - Nigel 6/14/2011 8:01am
7. Why does jesus appear in pancakes??? - Lindsey 7/25/11 2:12pm
6. Lol!!!! I do feel bad for you...that place finds new ways to torture you every week...-Jeremy 11/4/11 2:38pm
5. Just start stabbing people in the butt. bet they get out of your way... - Bevan 11/11/11 4:58pm
4. Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest~ LOL - The Clam 11/30/11 9:09am
3. He is a nice guy. I just don't think the elevator always reaches the top floor. -Aaron 12/22/11 10:28am
2. You're welcome...and yea you will. allll nigggght llllllllonnnnnnnnnggg -Crystal 12/25/11 8:54pm
1. MAURY HAD A COUNTDOWN?!?! HOW DID I MISS IT??? - Fatima 12/30/11 7:36pm (just in time for the deadline Ti!!!)

Honorable mentions:
**Happy Urb thurz to you!! And the Johnsons!! -Kacey 12/22/11 9:08am
** What the hell Jason Campbell. You're supposed to suck! - Christy 9/25/11 7:05 pm
** Are those on a bed? Are you trying to sext me? - Lindsey 7/23/11 9:34pm

I Roll Up...

2011-11-01T18:06:00.001-04:00

I don't mean to roll up on people.

I don’t mean to put people on the spot.

Particularly with weight or eating. I’ll never be the girl to tell you your food looks, smells or tastes disgusting or questionable. (unless its moldy).

I find it terribly rude to do any of the above.

Not quite sure what’s going on here but I find it horribly amusing that I’ve caught 3 people secretly eating in the kitchen at work. It’s bizarre and hilarious. I’ll walk in for a coffee or water refresher and someone will swallow a donut or cookie or a whole potato chip in its entirety and then quickly speak at Mach speed to cover up their embarrassment. Sometimes they don’t make eye contact with me and briskly walk out of the kitchen.

I'm very rapidly approaching doing the heimlich on the next person who tries to engulf part of the junk food spread that's laid out on the table in the kitchen and explaining to them that they are a human. Not a boa constrictor so it's okay to chew and it's okay to take the food from the table and bring to their desk to consume.

Male, female, fat and skinny--i've come a cross several combinations. Why the shame?

The way i see it is that if you're skinny, what are you hiding anyways? If you're fat, it's not like we didn't know it before.

I avoid the table all together b/c I dont have self control. If I eat one sugar cookie, i will devour the rest.

Chew, enjoy, and bon apetite!

Hey Good Lookin' Whatcha Got Cookin?

2011-10-27T21:52:00.003-04:00

Nothing. Today I had the (dis)pleasure of cooking something for work. We're doing a whole potluck style Halloween shenanigans thing and everyone's bringing something in. I was hoping that it was a run to the store and buy a bag of Doritos type thing but sadly, it's not. Someone's make some kinda pumpkin cream cheese dip. Another is cooking some kind of Reese's bar thing. All tasty and presentable and fancy like.

Me? I'm not that fancy.

Well...not in the kitchen.

5:02pm At the grocery store, gotta find something to whip together.

5:25pm Overwhelmed!!!

5:30pm So over it. Outta here! Happy with my choice. Worms in dirt. No baking. 3 steps.
1 - Make the damn pudding
2 - Put the damn pudding in an alreaddddddddy assembled pie crust.
3 - Smash oreos and throw it in there with gummyworms.
BOOM!

7:17 pm Ok. Let's make the damn pudding (yes, i will continue to reference it as damn pudding.)

7:47 pm The directions says to add 2 cups of milk, bring to a boil on medium heat and continuously stire. So..when do i add the mix?!

7:57 pm OMG. This is so fucking frustrating!!! I'm just gonna add the fucking pudding mix to the 2 cups of milk and hope for the best.

8:05 pm Improvised. Apparently you're not supposed to use fat free milk which is the only milk i DO have. I dont even drink milk. I'm lactose. Duh. So...since i was in a pinch and not willing to leave the house, i stole a cup of my sister's chocolate milk (it's whole milk!) and a cup of fat free milk (mum's) and decided it wouldn't matter. I mean first of all, it's chocolate pudding so no one's going to notice if I used chocolate milk. Secondly, I figured whole milk plus non fat milk equals skim milk.

8:20pm I'm fairly certain I have carpal from continuously stirring. Thanks a lot Jello company. Assholes...

8:25pm Cookies smashed, gummyworms out of the bag. Time to check on the damn pudding.

8:28pm The mother fucking damn pudding has some damn film on it. Did they really expect me to keep stirring...?!?!?!

8:35pm That it's--i'm banging this out and if it sucks OH WELL. I'll bring the remainder of the Oreos as sustenance b/c this looks like it's going to be a disaster.

8:42pm Mum walks by and questions why it's taking me an hour to make a 15 minute completed pie, why all the appliances and most of the fridge contents are on the counter and most of all, why there's pudding in my hair and on just the right side of my face and across my shirt. Mum can suck an egg b/c cooking is hard.

8:45pm Threw the damn pudding pie in the fridge and wash my hands of it. Next year? I'm bringing store bought apple cider.

8:48pm I'm soaking the rest of these gummyworms in vodka. Sally needs a treat. And I'm secretly wishing to be soaking in the vodka like the worms. LIKE the worms, mind you. Not with them. I mean i was in the vodka with sugar worms, that only means one thing. YEAST INFECTION. YUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! This is why dessert toppings in the bedroom are TOPPINGS. Not innings. Ok now it's getting uncomfortable.

9:04pm Ok one last uncomfortable thing...I feel a bit like a someone who's had sex for the first time. (I almost said virgin but if theyve had sex, even just once, no longer a virgin makes) I'm slightly out of breath, flustered not sure if I did it right, thrilled when it was over, hair is a mess and think I can do better next time...and kinda proud/accomplished. -end uncomfortableness-

9:15pm BFF points out, i should've soaked the gummyworms in tequila, as that's where worms typically are.
Fuck him. Fuck halloween. Fuck it all. I'm throwing the damn pudding pie in the garbage. Everyone can suck it.

10:13pm Blogging. Gawd how my Thursday night have changed...

SING IT!

2011-10-27T21:23:00.002-04:00

*Standing up to karaoke at a party this past weekend*

"SING FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the guests shouted at me drunkenly.

I adjusted my scrunchie (yes, scrunchie. it was a 90s party, relax!) and said clearly into the microphone:

"While I do love and appreciate 'Freebird' you are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna stand here and sing for 2 minutes and then stand around like an asshole for the next 30 minutes."

(note, this blog is only funny if you're familiar with the song "Freebird" by Lynard Skynryd. If you're not, youtube it and i'll see you in 30 minutes.)

There's Gotta Be More to Life...

2011-10-11T22:45:00.005-04:00

I really wish people would stop talking about the following:
-Weight
-Money
-Clothes
-Job
-Looks

For fuck's sake people, it could always be worse. Appreciate what you have and stop focusing on what you don't. If you want or want to change any of the above, you can do it for sure.

And frankly my dear(s), I don't give a damn. <--I've always wanted to say that.

Life in Plastic, It's Fantastic

2011-10-06T23:46:00.002-04:00

Actually...it's not. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.. I'm kinda going through another typical Sally hippie wave where I think much is pathetic. Don't it twisted, i think there's a lot that's freaking awesome but no one wants to read about fun bubbly things I think are awesome.

Actually you probably do and really, how can I blame anyone? :)

Hahah i joke, i joke, i keed i keed!

But seriously, that'll be in another blog.

I'm thinking about cutting myself off of the online world (i.e. twitter and facebook). I dont know I feel about it. And I don't mean that in the "i'm at a party so i'm going to say something agreeable so i'm going to bash facebook, others will mmm and nod and cut each other off with more even more horrifying stories of their 'friends' addiction and then go home upload pix from the party, status update it and friend the people i met that night and will probably never acknowledge again" kinda way. I genuinely mean... i just dont know how i feel about it.

To go off on a tangent about how artificial it is would be hypocracy at its best. I obviously have one, update it from time to time (and loved/kept up with my page quite a bit when i first had it) so it's not fair to take a total "anti" stance against it. And if it's something you're into, then whatever. No big banana aka it's not my business, who cares?

The way I feel right now, it's like.. ehhhhh. I hopped on twitter b/c i DONT get gchat at work. I could give a shit about not getting facebook at work. I just...i dont know what it is about facebook that's suddenly so off-putting about it. I really like that it does let you keep up with your friends and let's face it, straight up be nosy from time to time and even can be an outlet for your thoughts via status update. I get it. I blog to vent or say something funny quirky or amusing.

But then the other part of me is like wow..this is really not an organic way of keep relationships with people. It's borderline...actually fuck the border, I'm really sincerely sad that stalking my facebook is the only way people feel like they can keep up with me. Read THIS instead. Or call me. Or shoot me an email.

I guess my biggest issue about facebook vs everything else is that everything is public--even the stuff that doesn't need to be. If you wanna say hi b/c it's been a while or make plans or tell me it was great seeing me in so long, i love it but...why does it have to be posted for everyone else to see? It's my relationship with you. Not me you and the whole world... But..it's not like it's harming anything that it IS public. I just dont know..

I do feel like a vast majority of people want to be mini celebrities. have the most friends, be the skinniest, have the most attractive pix, flaunt their relationships, throw their ex's under the bus, put their drama on blast...it's just weird. I get it...and I dont. And I'm kinda on this new kick of where I'm (in my mind) on a bitch trip where if it's not worth my time, i'm wasting no brain energy on it or i'm cutting it out of my life all together.

...what happened? i used to be so nice...hahah and i really mean that! I used be such a nice person and now i'm like yeah we'll you're stupid/boring so i'm gonna hang up/go talk to someone else. KBYE.

I think I'm struggling trying to find the fine line (and ladies and gentlemen, that line is FINE AS SHIT) of can i be around people who do things or have certain beliefs that I'm adamantly against. On one hand, those difference aren't really what made us friends, shouldn't have bearing on our friendship and frankly if we all were the same we'd be communists. On the otherhand, sometimes poeple's core beliefs/values hint at the way the rest of their characteristics and thoughts are. If it's always going to be hostile or an uphill battle or it's taking more time to find common ground...why bother...

I dont know. AHHH im so confused!!!

Girls Girls Make That Cash

2011-09-14T14:59:00.003-04:00

Quick blog b/c i can't facebook, gmail and i'm still new to twitter...

This is why I never did go to lawschool.

At work while arguing about whether strippers are trashy cumdumpsters or if they're just doin' something to pay the bills, i took the path of "don't judge..." and decided to stick up for the ladies of the pole/lap.

Unfortunately...i need to work on my defense/argument a little stronger:

Annonymous: Whatever they are trashy. They can get a job doing anything else. I personally think they're slutty whores.
Me: Not necessarily...
A: Why do you say that?
Me: I mean like... *thoughtful pause* What would you do...if your son was at home cryin' all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now in and out of lock down i aint got a job now, so for you this is just a good time but for me this is what i call life..i mean what THEY would call life.

Note: Quoting a song from early 2000's does not a case make.

Fail Sally. Fail..

The Walls Were Shakin' The Earth Was Quakin'

2011-08-23T19:29:00.002-04:00

Holy Earthquake fellow East Coasters! I know Cali kids are laughing at us saying that this is nothing but lemme just nip that one right in the bud--this is the EAST COAST bitches so NO, we're not used to that!! :P

Moving along, I dont know where my brain is these days. I'm forgetting things and people and events. I swear it's like early on set dementia or something. GEEZ.

I'm in better spirits today and lately in general b/c some people unknowingly helped restore bits and pieces of faith in humankind again. It's not 100% again but it's finally out of the negative points. I was on a downward spiral that everyone's a mean asshole who's out for themselves but then I'll get a random friendly/kind message, email, text--even cards! (thank you very much miss Lessons from Lemons L.S!) from friends or people I work with and it makes me smile. I have to be better at remembering, even though some people suck at life, not everyone does. It's hard not to wanna be a bitter betty when all you want to do is enjoy life and be around other enjoyable people.

No, this isn't a brush with death (the earthquake wasn't THAT serious thankfully) Ahhhh everything is glorious moment. It's moree of a "What's REALLY bothering Sally and how can we make it stop?"

I will make a conscious effort to not bitch about my friends a la blog but im not making any promises. My blogs are not a passive aggressive digs. I just write what i thinks or what's happened to me --trying to keep it real and authentic as possible.I think that's what makes it relatable. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, some times im bitching just to let it out....

Talk about awkard/double edged sword that writing in my blog is my stress release but also can be dangerous b/c people will think it's about them or think its about something or someone that it's not and voice opinions that contradict mne. You dont have to agree but you can't stop me from saying it. (And that's also why i dont have a comments buttons haha aside from people arguing with me, i dont want people to argue with others!)

Anyways...

I miss being the fun me ALL the time instead of little glimpses here and there. Now that I feel like not everyone's an asshole anymore, hopefully, i can continue to move along happier :)

Very excited for Q4 coming up here...!

I'm Starting to Trip, I'm Losing My Grip and I'm In This Thing Alone...

2011-08-16T22:56:00.002-04:00

alskfdjalskdjfaskljflk

Yep. It's happened. It's that 100th time of year when i'm losing my mind. This is quickly escalating to a serious problem and next time I'm writing to you all it will be from a mental institution or rehab. Maybe both.

I'm going through the Holly Go Lightly Mean Reds.

I don't know WHAT it is.

Nothing and no one is vibing with me lately, especially me. Talk about difficult.

It's super weird b/c i hate that i feel like everything i'm saying lately is a complaint about everyone else. On one hand, i could just be a raging self righteous bitch. Likely. On the other, I could have legitamite problems with people and situations and be selling myself short. Not so likely but not impossible. How does one really know?

I think what's really put me into a state of alarm is that my best friends in the world minus 3 people i can think of at the top of my head are driving me fucking crazy. Some i've been blunt with. Other's I'm avoiding talking to or having that talk with. See people? It's not just romantic partners that i can't have the talk with. It's b/c i get caught playing devil's advocate and I'm almost TOO aware that i myself am not perfect so to go off on someone when i'm not perfect myself or have problems with who they are at the core...it's like...who am I? So i dont say anything. I let it fester. and there are some people that I don't know WHAT i'm so hostile with them about but i am hostile. Maybe not hostile but not feeling amicable.

My A list typically knows how to handle me in this situation and guide me but the problem is that IT IS MY FUCKING A LIST that's driving me insane. And maybe they're not and i'm being a bitch. Who KNOWS. I sure as hell don't.

It's scary b/c i called someone today (A list of course) that has next to NEVER let me down in the cheering up department and while they did make me laugh, i ended up getting frustrated with that person too! They dont know it though. Of course, if they read my blog (which i can guaratee said person doesn't), then they'd know.

WTF are you supposed to do when you can't TALK to the people that mean the most to you? What does this mean? AHHHH!!!! i'm losing my mind. I'm not on drugs, i'm not drunk, i'm not having my period, eating too much/too little, i did get enough sleep--so why the bitchyness???

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!

*Deep breath* i'm okay...

In The Middle

2011-07-24T11:47:00.007-04:00

So summer's about half way over (probably a little more) so let's take a look back on the first half while i still remember:

-Weddings: 1 :) <3 !!!
-Camping Trips: 1 *hahah
-Driving School to strike ticket off my record: 1
-Walking in to stranger's house alone and could've died: 1 *LAMPSHADE per FabulosiTi
-Pooltimes: 3 *two legally. one...not so much
-Police encountered: 6 *yikes
-Tanning salon sessions: 5 *jerseylicious
-Bitches almost cut by a Sally: 4
-Nats games: 1
-Portapotties puked in due to alcohol: 2 *classy
-Alcoholic Slurpees: toooooooooooo manyyyyy (and more to come..hahah)
- # of people I've taught to do the dougie: 2
- # of people who've taught ME to do the dougie: 2
-Number of guys hollering through the car window: 9 *GET.A.LIFE or a better way to communicate
-Caught leaning with it and rocking with it in public: 1
-Embarassed self trying to do a good deed by helping the deaf: 1
-# of times I've heard the word jiggy much to my distaste: 27
-Roadtrips: 0 *but may change if/when i go see JANEL in PA!!! whaaat!? love it
-Possible vaycay weddings: 1
-Outstanding weddings: 2
-Concerts seen: 1
-Fairs attended: 1
-Participate in Survive DC: 1 + 10-15 or so lovely friends and friends of friends
-Actually Surviving DC: 0
-Boats driven: 1 :)
-Cotton candy consumed: 1 *deeeeelisssssssshhhhhhh but really not realistic for 1 person to finish
-Movies I've wanted to watch: 2
-Movies I watched: 1 *Drop Dead Gorgeous and it was HILAROUS!
-Time spent in DC: yikes...every other weekend it seems
-# of acting gigs: 1 *"Mrs. JOHNSON. MRS. JOHNSON. MRS. JOHNNNNNNNSON!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-Haircuts: 1 *And i'm starting to like it now that it's grown some!
-New songs on guitar learned: 5 *hell to the yeah Trillface!!!
-Friends seen: Most of my A listers and some from the B :) YAYAYAYAY!!!
-Friends not seen: a few of my A listers and others i've wanted to see :( (spam, i feel like i haven't seen you all summer. not cool home girl. not. cool. at. all.)
-Running of the bride: 1 *She is going to make such a freaking beautiful fabulous fierce bride. i literally can NOT wait for her wedding!!!
-New jobs: 1 * :)
-Possibility of an A lister moving away from me: 1 *Devastated. :(
-Words exchanged with cute life guard: 3 *progress...hahah luckily it's an indoor pool so i've got all year ;)
-Blasian outtings: 1 *but it wasn't really an outting (well i guess survive dc kinda was) but the other one we stayed in for!
-Credit cards/Debit Cards lost: 2 *blah!
-BBQ's attended: 2
-Bdays attended: 6
-Urban Thursdayz: 5 or so?
-Possibility for more summer madness: Infinite :)

Hope you all are staying cool in this miserable heat/humidity!

Now Tell Me That Ain't Insecurrrre

2011-07-17T01:23:00.004-04:00

**Disclaimer: Long preachy blog ahead.

Ok so I have sooooooooooo much to preach about so bare with me. If you're not in the mood for something raw (not in the pervy way) and upfront, then read an old blog of mine or check out people.com and read about celebs.

Geez...I dont know where to begin. I've been back at my old pace of constantly going out which has been really good and kind of a pain in the ass to be honest. I notice somethings that I really like and somethings that make me go hmmm and by hmmm i mean VOMIT.

The goods:
-I am constantly reminded on how lucky and fortunate I am to have some amazing people in my life. Incredible friends and a wondeful family. These are the people that I've known for years and maybe we don't get to see each other all the time but when I talk to them or finally do get to see them, it brightens my whole day and even makes me smile days later.
-Meeting new people sometimes overwhelms me because I feel like I know everyone in the DC metro area but then I don't and I meet someone different and interesting--very cool!
-Whilst people watching in non-creeper fashion, I see strangers being kind to each other, I see people who aren't afraid to be themselves, I see people appreciating life. It's the saving grace that makes me go, oh i guess the world isn't full of assholes and morons.

The bads:
-Well. The biggest disappointment/flop that i've noticed seeing an array of my friends over the past few months is that I'm coming to find out more so right now how insecure and superficial some of my closest friends are and it makes me reconsider our friendship. There's a difference between having low self esteem and being insecure.

Low self esteem is like textbook me. I don't like taking pictures, I don't go on and on about myself may it the way i look or what i do or how much i make or dont make etc. I don't preach about it. I don't talk about. I dont CARE to talk about it. I absolutely do NOT break other people down to make myself feel better.

Insecure is when you let everyone, their mamas, their baby's mamas and tyrone that broke ass mother fucker from around the corner know. It's like ridiculous! These are the people who blab on about themselves in over the top ways i.e. "DAMMIT i'm soooo good looking/well paid/my car is the shit" etc.

One of my recent nights out, i met someone for the first time and literally, the first 2 questions out of his mouth (after asking my name) was what did i do for a living and what kind of car I drove and wincing at my response... I'm sorry are you fucking serious? There's a way to do it for small talks sake and theirs a way to do it in a fucking obnoxious way. Said person was actually a nice fellow i guess but seriously homie, open your fucking eyes. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night. i'm okay with that. And the friends that are currently doing it are constantly commenting about someones looks/attractiveness and ESPECIALLY WEIGHT. Maybe it's a girl thing???

I get that we don't always feel great about ourselves or don't look like the way we used to wanna look but over the top praising the ones that do have what you want (I.e. OMG Jane Doe you are so fucking lucky you are so skinny! I wish i was so skinny!) or being over the top about the ones that you dont have (i.e. omg i wish i had a boyfriend but nooooooope i 'm gonna be single for the rest of my life and die alone!) or even being over the top about what you don't have but pretending like you do (i.e. someone who hates their legs but in public will always say My legs are my best attribute. How can they not be i mean have you SEEN them?) etc etc just makes me go all i hear is HIIIIIIIIIIIII WORLD IM INSECURE on repeat--to the point where i'm not actually hearing what you're saying b/c all i hear is IM INSECURE. JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW! and all i see is someone who's obviously way too insecure with themselves.

Some of these girls are killlllllllllllllinnnnnnggggggggg me b/c i'm really fond of them other way or consider them to be close friends but after hearing and seeing it on loop, I'm like.....flinching. I COULD talk to them about it and I feel like it's going to come up ,but how do you really address that without potentially risking losing an otherwise meaningful relationship? It's bizarre.

It's also getting out of hand and it's not even one of those things where it seems blatant b/c now im in tune with it so therefore am subconsciously picking it up more because even outsiders have pulled me aside and been like damn. is your friend always like that? Maybe what I need is just a break to reasses what exactly our friendship is built on and what kind of person they truly are. I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately but i've been on a no bullshit kick where i'm actually okay with leaving certain people behind in my life. It's not desirable and not what i want but it's getting to the point where if i'm just like spending more time bitching about them to myself and rolling my eyes--what's the point in being their friend? Not worth it. ESPECIALLY when i have other friends who are just as close or closer to me who ALL have insecurities (as all humans do) but they keep that shit under control!!! Learn from them or simply just please shut the fuck uppppppppppp. Or at least OWN your insecurity. Like obviously don't go around bragging baout it but for fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkk's sakkkkkkkkkkkke, shut up or see a shrink or at the very least, ADMIT IT.

It's like in mean girls, 'calling someone fat isn't going to make you skinnier.' Or even calling someone skinny isn't going to make you skinnier. If you're not happy with something in your life, accept it or do something about it--those are your two options.

It's funny how easily people forget (myself included) how SUBjective things are. Just because someone thinks you're funny doesn't mean everyone does or will. Just because you think someone is attractive doesn't make it a fact. Etc, etc, etc. Because guess what? There's a lot of other someone elses out there who totally disagree.

I hate to sound like a bitch (actually i don't) but don't try to look at me (or anyone else) to validate you. YOU need to validate you and that's the bottom line.? Example: I already know that I'm not happy with the way I look and someone reallllllllllllly fucking offended me tonight by saying I look like someone i look NOTHING alike--no one has EVER said that me before. I called him out on it and he didn't really have much to say back. B/c stupid shit was WRONG. Another person even told him that. I started to feel even worse about myself when i didn't think it was possible. On the other hand, a really cute guy asked me out last week, at the metro a guy came right up to me just to tell me he thought i was attractive, a guy at my gym expressed interest in me and there are these two guys that wont leave me the hell alone. The goods outweight the one negative comment. End result? I still feel the same about myself because until I become okay with or even LIKE the way I look, I know I won't be happy. It doesn't matter how many people tell you or me that you're pretty or have a good body or whatever it is unless you believe it's true.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or that i NEVER do anything annoying and people should do everything the way I feel is right. All I'm saying is that I think people need to really take a deep breathe and learn to be okay with themselves and STOP projecting their insecurities on other people. Even when you think it's in a way that's not hurting anyone, you're hurting yourself and i feel really fucking stupid saying this but you matter too people...and maybe that's why I'm so fired up about said anonymous close and not close friends are acting this way is because I think they're perfect the way they are and it's really a shame that they don't see it and feel the need to vocalize it in such a matter.

And quite frankly, people should tell you something nice when they feel like it and you shouldn't feel like less of a person until they do.-- SO STOP FUCKING FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.

I'm in a no fishing zone. Just keep swimming and you'll be just fine.

Is Someone Getting The Best of You?

2011-07-10T00:37:00.003-04:00

OMGGGGGGGG My brain matches my body and that is FRIED.

I think I totaly od'ed on tanning. I went for a 3 mile walk/jog (i know..i should not be jogging with a fucked up knee...) outside in the sun, immediately to the pool to join my older sis lounging by the pool and then i went tanning with Linds at Hollywood Tans.

Honestly? i didn't think much about it until i got home and was greeted with "Stop tanning. You're red as in not orange and not tan. Just...red."

I felt my arms and they felt just fine. Then I saw myself in the mirror and did a double take. I am red. Wtf!? But it doesn't hurt...weird~! I think I am turning tanorexic. And also hating myself a bit b/c i swore i'd never be jerseylicious tan or someone who used "cutesy" made up words such tanorexic...

Anyways that's all beside the point.

The point is--is someone getting the best of you and what the fuck do you do if it's YOU that's getting the best of you?

I know. I just blew all of your minds.

I'm so frazzled because I feel like lately I've been bombared with opinions. Some have been b/c I've straight up asked and others have volunteered--which is fine too (for the most part.) The thing is is that when you have too many metaphoric cooks in the metaphoric kitchen it's like...wtf are we trying to make again? i dont know.

It's human nature to want other people's opinion about things but when you ask, you really better know what it is that you want and be prepared for the answers you get. Some answers can be enlightening and others...just really don't get it.

As friends, in theory we're all supposed to want whats best for your friend. Sometimes, I think that it can suddenly change your original thoughts as well. I dont know. It's all confusing and incredibly frustrating. You can't get mad at anyone for having an opinion. You can disagree, but you can't get mad. People are free to think whatever the hell they want to and even if you'd given advice you dont like or don't agree with then guess what? DONT LISTEN TO IT!

I feel like im ranting like a whackadoo b/c i have no fucking idea what's going on right now with a lot of aspects of my life and I feel like (the same way I often feel...) that people are disregarding MY feelings and MY perceptions and not keeping who I AM into perspective when telling me things. It's always easier from the outsiders opinion. I get it. I agree. And I'm postive I probably have done or still do the same with other people. But to make finite conclusions can be really frustrating when on the receiving end of things.

I KNOW, WE KNOW you want________, like___________, and hope for ____________. And sometimes that is oh so true and people are like totally right. OTHER TIMES, i'm like YOU CANNOT SAY THAT and you NEED to stop telling my I'm in denial about certain things whether it's work love life family or other, IF I MYSELF dont fucking know. I know sometimes that I will deny deny deny and what the other person saying IS true, but other times i'm being very candid and honest and I have no fucking idea. Maybe the better option is to just keep quiet? It's hard. You want to share your life and your problems with the people in your life and certainly dont want to drive them bat shit crazy by sounding like a broken record for parroting the same list of problems over and over again but for fucks sake, I dont want to be doing the parroting either! It's a two way street people.

BLAH! I hate being like this. I really do. Life's not terrible. It's actually not bad at all right now but there's just SOMETHING going on lately and it's really just irritating me and I think that my irritation is being misdirected at timees but oh so accurate at other times.

And all of that aside, ultimately, everyone's their own person--myself included--and sometimes (all the time) i get frustrated with myself!

One of my best friends is always challenging me by saying "Says who?" i.e. If I say I can't do something or if I don't feel like something, this person is always like Says Who? To which the answer I usually shoot back is says me. And then they say that I need to change that perception and that's true at times.

I dont know.

Over it!

T-T-T-Telephone

2011-06-21T22:57:00.002-04:00

Greetings from a very sleep deprived and bugged out Sally.

Today is an ettiquette lesson from yours truly.

Telephone Manners. And by telephone, you nkow I mean cell phone, smart phone, i phone...etc.

Maybe the following rules don't apply to you and it's not something you care about BUT if you wanna stay connected with me? Play ball.

Rules (in no particular order)
1.) Don't text a phone conversation: Just dont. I dont want to get 5 texts from you, start to reply after the first one and then you bombard me and interupt with 4 more texts. Pick up the damn phone, make it a 5 minute convo (for those of you who hate talking on the phone).

2.) Don't send 10 one word texts: Okay so i totally get that sometimes your phone will send a text before you meant for it to. Shit happens. Totally legit. BUT.When it starts being like this:
"Hey."
"Sally"
"Whatsup?"
"Haven't talked to you in a while."
"Just thinkin bout you."
"Hope all is well."
"Let me know if you wanna hangout smetime"
"sometime*"
"Miss you!"
":)"
LEARN TO STRING A FUCKING SENTENCE TOGETHER GAHHHHHHHHHH.

3.) Don't text me something juicy and then not pick up the call when the person calls you back immediately after you sent it unless you reallllllly can't.
Ex: "Got my pregnancy test results. OMG FML!!!"

4.) ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DO NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT GLOSS OVER A TEXT LIKE YOU AINT GOT IT AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.
Phone offender (is person B):
Saturday
A: "What are you up to tonight?"
B: (no response)
A: "hellloooo?"
B: (No response)
A: "ok...maybe another time..."
Sunday
B: "OMG Remember that time at the beach with that crazy homeless person? i thought i saw the same person yesterday!"

T R I F L I N'

If you have plans or don't wanna see person A for whatever reason, just fucking say so. Or follow example below:

Proper way to handle the sitch:
Saturday
A: "What are you up to tonight?"
B: (no response)
A: "hellloooo?"
B: (No response)
A: "ok...maybe another time..."
Sunday
B: "Ahhh sorry I didn't hit you back last night! I feel asleep b/c im lame and old..."

5.) If you push reject...the person on the other end is gonna know. Period. End of story. I'm sorry but let's not even pretend like we don't know. This is breakdown for my clueless (which hopefully is none of you...!)
-Phone goes straight to vm--they're in a shitty area with no reception or their phone is off/died.
-Phone rings and rings and rings and then voicemail: either theey legitly missed your call or are too polite to reject *Note: if on a business call/phone interview or breaking up, TOTALLY acceptable to hit reject
-Phone rings 2-3 times and then rolls to vm: My friend, you have been DENIED! Don't take it personally. It could be for any given reason like the few i mentioned above.
-----
I was gonna keep going but as I mentioned earlier (or at least i think i did) i'm sleep deprived and exhausted. Possible TBD but i think i've hit some main points.

Gnite!!

FREAK OUT!

2011-06-20T22:49:00.002-04:00

I'm freaking out. I can't believe I'm still freaking out. Not in a bad way and not in a good way--just a general laskdjflsakdjfalskdjfsadkjf FML.

It's finally come to this. Later than sooner but isn't that how it always goes?

I'm about to finally have another 'final' talk with someone. Someone who probably doesn't appreciate that i'm throwing out our biznass into cyberland like this. But i can't function right now and what does a sally do best under pressure? Bitch, smoke, write. In that order.

I love this person genuinely and sincerely and fiercely. But at some point, as my big bro said earlier--somethings gotta give. I think i've bounced my thoughts off of far more people than I intended to (but not too many) and I've come to the epiphany that maybe i kept asking around b/c i didn't know if i was just crazy or the person i talked to was just crazy or what.

I'm scared outta my mind but more anxious and determined. Everything will be fine and my predicition will probably be spot on:
1. I will freak out and almost back out
2. I'll follow through
3. It won't be poorly received b/c i know the person on the other end, despite his worst days and poorest of wording, will not annihilate me when it comes to things like this. Or we would've been done LONNNNG ago.
4. A round of I told you so's (REALLY not looking forward to that) along with passive aggressive ways of telling me I wasted my time
5. I'll feel better but still kinda be miserable only at this point i've talked it into the ground and then some that people I will not verbalize it b/c i dont feel like anyone understands.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Under Pressure

2011-06-14T21:40:00.002-04:00

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

That feels better.

I love writing. I do. I really do. I love writing, I love my blog and I love all my readers--even those of you who I dont actually know. I appreciate your dedication to reading and the support. And I hate to say this but I do like that some of my unknown readers are from other countries--I'm like cool! I'm international bitchessssss hahaha

What i don't love is I feel like I dont always know what to say...And havent for some time. And it's not even that I don't have stories. Puh-leasee. If you know anything about me it's that I'm full of these crazy wacky stories that are unfortunately true stories LOL

Unfortunately as the fan base (for lack of a better word) grows, I feel more nervous about writing. Well..obviously not that much more nervous since I'm writing right now but you know what i mean. I feel like I need to be funnier than my last post or more poignant or meaningful. Do I start using code names? Can i bitch about my friends who i know read this even if I use code names? I have some good stories from work but I can't write about work in case someone from work stumbles upon this. I dont know. I know i know... WTF is Sally talking about and where's the funny shit? Scroll scroll scroll. hahah

Blahhhhhhhh i dont know. Until I figure it out, read an old blog since the last one I left you all with was totally depressing. I didn't mean for it to be but sometimes life is shitty (but not always for long!)

Okay. I'm making myself go to bed. My brain is totally fried. I think it's because I've been in "GO!" mode for the past 2 months. Wedding madnss, Camping madness, almost getting arrested madness, Birthday madness--I barely remember sleeping!

Yeah this was totally pointless and i shouldn't hit "publish post" but i am b/c i try my best to keep it real. Til next time readers (if i still have any left...LOL) i've got a benadryl with my name on it so i can pass the fuck out. Night!

How to Save a Life

2011-04-28T00:12:00.002-04:00

Okay so.. here's the rundown.

A friend of mine passed and I've been struggling since I found out yesterday. What do i do best to cope with stress? I chain smoke and write. It's not healthy but it helps me.

I was friends with this girl, who i met in 5th grade. We hung out together a lot, esp b/c we lived in the same neighborhood. Even when she moved away, we still hung out whenever our parents could find time to drive us. Then, as a lot of childhood friendships go, we just lost touch. No big fight. No fuck yous. Simple we just lost touch kinda thing.

She facebooked me last year. I was really surprised. I hadn't seen or heard her name in YEARS. I think the last time i actually saw her in person was in middle school and I think I talked to her once in high school...maybe college. She had a pretty rough life from what I remember and seems that it only got rougher as time went on. We were pretty different from each other. At the time, i was super shy and really quiet (obviously a far cry from me today) and a really good girl. She was bold, rebellious, spoke her mind and lived like there were no consequences in life. Sometimes I was glad i wasn't like that. Other times, I was envious of her ability to just not give a damn and speak her mind. I'm not quite sure how our friendship came about or worked but it did.

Her initial message to me was very eager and hopeful--is this really you Sally? I really hope so. And with some hesitation I wrote her back. I hesitated because in my mind, I thought, if she was still up to the same thing she was doing in high school (which really was a snowball effect form what she was getting into in elementary school) when we had briefly caught up on the phone...I wasn't sure this would be a good thing. I know me--I give people chances even though I say I dont. I wasn't sure I wanted to get caught up in her world, whatever it was like. But then i thought, no, maybe she changed. So I wrote back and let her know she had gotten the right Sally and asked how things were going. She insisted I call her instead of these back and forth facebook messages. I told her sure but at the time I had a friend staying with me so I wasn't sure I'd have time to call that week. She must've taken it the wrong way b/c then she sends me a message saying that if i didn't wanna talk to her, she understands and that her mom had passed after we spoke in high school and i had moved so she didn't know how to get in touch with me. She missed me and during that time she only wanted to talk to me but couldn't get a hold of me. She wanted to catch up but understood if i didn't want to...Immediately, I felt like an asshole and wrote back that I would call her and I did once my house guest had left.

I thought it might be awkward but it actually wasn't. She developed a strong southern accent and told me that life had gotten rough for her. In and out of jail and rehab, trouble with drugs, trouble with people in general. She talked about her mom passing and how hard it was for her. And how it was even harder to find me, which made me laugh. I do keep a low profile online. No twitters, myspaces and what not. Just a facebook and good old blogs. Anyways, she told me how much she missed me and thought of me and how was i? I told her I was doing well. I had called her during a lunch break at my job. She asked what I did for a living and when I told her, she was very impressed. As I told her, she really shouldn't be impressed. It was a bullshit job for an even more of a bullshit company but I digress. Then she asked if I graduated college and did i get a scholarship? With hesitation, I muttered a yes and changed the topic. I know i shouldn't down play my education but I certainly didn't wanna seem like i was rubbing it in.

She laughed and said "Yeah i thought you would. You were always a good girl...I bet you partied hard too though didn't you?" It made me laugh and still does. I dont know how she knew but she was right on. Yup. Still a good girl who has a partying side but that I've cut back on it a lot. Then she talked about how her partying side was subsiding as well. I figured, eh we're at that age. She was like well that and I'm trying to stay sober now and somehow I figured she wasn't just talking about alcohol. She didn't wanna get into it so i didn't push. She let me know that she got caught up in some bad shit and busted a few times for various reasons--she alluded to fights and drugs-- and that she had decided to change. No more drugs. No more drama. No more. She wanted to go back to school to maybe even be a counselor to help others like her. I was really proud of her and told her so. I told her I would help her find a job and thought she was awesome for what she wanted to do. She sounded proud of herself too. I encouraged her to really go for it b/c she's smart, nice and keeps it real. She sounded bashful but thanked me.

Then we talked about meeting up in person sometime when I wasn't working. She said she didn't have a job b/c of her record and no license. I dont know why but my brain went uhhhhhhhhhhh this may not be a good move Sally. If you pick her up and she says that people are after her b/c she's out of the drug ring...that could be a bad situation, especially if we met for a drink. She wasn't sure of a nearby coffee place b/c she said she just moved back to the NOVA area recently but maybe hang out at her place? I was like umm yeah. I didn't know waht my work schedule was like (even though I as 9-6 it hardly worked out that way). I told her we could aim for 4th of July weekend and I'd call her later to discuss details, where she lived etc.

Only I never did. Part of me was scared she would call me b/c...it's not that i didn't wanna see her. I actually really did. I was more so nervous about her surroundings and the people she associated with (particularly the ones that didn't like her). Then I legitly got caught up in a shitstorm known as work and let it fall to the wayside.

I've since switched jobs and as I have some time off and now that it's been a while I thought, what the hell. I wanna see her and I'm over being guessing/judgmental Sally. Now i just wanna see my friend and see how she's doing. I went through my phone and couldn't find her number. Weird! I swore I saved it.

So i did what any one would do nowadays. I went to facebook to send her a message. Her page pulled up and the first thing I see is RIP... I was like huh? Then i saw the other messages. I was like no, they can't be talking ABOUT her. it must be someone she knows or maybe she had a miscarriage. who knows! So i started going through the comments on her page. No...she definitely died. I started shaking badly. How could i not? I was ready to have coffee and chill with her and can't...because she's passed away. WTF??? And as I'm reading i have no clue how it happened. Car accident? I read more messages...no that wasn't it. I got frustrated and jumped to google.

Whats one of the first things I see? An article about her. I was like ok...and clicked on the link. The story was about how her home was invaded by the police for heroin possession, trafficking, use, multiple firearms and an undisclosed amount of money. Um...WHAT? That article was in October and if you remember from earlier, I talked ot her in late June. WTF???

My sorrows for her went to the wayside and my first thought was, You fucking lied to me. AGAIN. Fucking lied. You're better than this and you lied and said you were getting help. That you wanted to change. That you wanted better for yourself. Obviously you didn't.

Then i froze.

I'm getting mad at someone who's life was ended too short and that I didn't know the whole story from. Maybe she was better. Maybe someone put that stuff in her house. And most of all, who the FUCK am i to judge someone? How DARE i?

I felt sick for thinking the mean and angry thoughts that I did. And then i felt awful. Way to be judgmental! And in true Sally fashion, I cried. Not for a long time, and not uncontrollably but I was truly upset and sad for her.

I read the messages over and over again on her wall. I had a strong suspicion she over dosed or killed herself.

I frantically messaged people who wrote on her wall in hopes to get some information and to find out where she was laid to rest.

I got a response not too long ago--she died of an overdose (heroin i would assume) and was cremated.

Um..what?

I'm stuck now in this horrible place. I'm FURIOUS with her for being so fucking stupid as to doing HEROIN and not taking the help that was right in front of her face. And for telling me that she wished she had more Sallys in her life so she wouldn't be where she is. I'm not an angel but I do have some common sense and self worth. And wheen we did talk, I did consider coming back into her life full force to keep her away from the drugs, introduce her to some sober and fun people, get her a job, encourage her through the rough times to push through. But then i thought, fuck it. Im sick of playing the role of the guardian angel for people who need guidance.

Then I'm FURIOUS with me for sounding like a heartless bitchface. Then I'm upset for not getting the chance to have seen her when she asked. And I'm upset that she didn't get a chance to fight through. She didn't want to die. She just did. And that's fucking terrible. All my crazy opinions and feelings aside, it's fucking fucking fucking terrible. She deserved SO much better.

Then the few people I have told about this..I'm confused by their reactions. 2 were really great. Everyone else seems great initially but then i feel like im being fed cliches and i know for damn sure im worth more than a fucking cliche. And some are so apathetic and I'm annoyed. Look just b/c im not bawling doesnt mean im not going through a rough fucking time. And then when people say their sorry i bristle and am like, i'm fine. why wouldn't i be?

I dont know. I dont know how to feel.

I put a little shoutout song to her as "How To Save a Life" on Facebook. I know she would've strongly preferred "One Sweet Day." She loved Mariah Carey. She loved that song. I know she would've preferred that song but the way I feel now i feel like "How To Save a Life" is more appropriate.

Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Some where along in the bitterness
But I would've stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life...

Amen, The Fray. A-frickin-men.

Not sure how or why I felt the need to share this private happening to the public but i did. Im confused and yeah...

Burnin' Up!

2011-04-25T01:09:00.005-04:00

Okay so I should probably be asleep but I should probably a lot of things. I'll get to everything eventually. It's just so damn hot that I can't sleep and feel like I'm burnin' up. Seriously.

I think I'm starting to feel more like myself again now that I've had a little time to destress. I'm forcing myself to go out again and I'm finding that once I'm back out there, I'm fine.

Friday night I met my blasian bro for a bevie and found out that I'm actually not bad at shooting hoops despitee my magnificent height of 5'4. Don't scoff. It is. I know my legal eagle Ike and bff Doodle have snorted with laughter when I say I am 5'4. Ike insists 5'4 in heels and that i look like i'mi 14, possibly 15 with make up and Doodle thinks i'm 5' and look like im 17. For the record to both men, if i look 15-17 yrs old and you're both over 30..that makes you both perverts and Chris Hansen is gonna bust through your doors. Also saw some old coworkers which was nice!

Saturday--Bridal shower day! It was at 2941 which is a gorgeous restaurant on the water in Falls Church. (Side note, AMAZING tuna tartare!) Who knew there was water in Falls Church? Aside from me totally face planting during a rescue mission and suffering from terrible hair syndrome, it went beautifully. Guests on time-ish, gorgeous center pieces, lots of fun gifts, an adorable cake--a good time was had by all for the bride we all love! Oh! And my JeoparTi game turned out okay! Ok i make it sound like it was some super awesome thing when it can be argued that it looked like a glamorous 7th grade sciene fair project but dammit, I was proud i pulled it off and that the questions all had clever hints sandwiched in them. Woo hoo! Best wishes to my Kimora and Jiman.

(Oh separate wedding note: Please visit this link to show your support for gay marriage and add your name! Gotta show my love for all and their RIGHT to love as well!)

Sat night was pretty nice and chill too--I went to Primetime in FFx with the bride and some of the ladies from the shower and it was actually pretty decent there--well for ffx. It's a hell of a lot better than V5 which seems to be the current wateringhole/Cheers-esque bar. Maybe the fact that i don't feel like im going to get shanked on my way to my car helps. hahah There's nothing wrong with V5-- I think I'm just over it since that's where i feel like i watch sports and it was the closest bar to my old job for HH. Overload!!!

Today didn't go out out but went to my sister's colleague's easter lunch/dinner (linner?) thing which was cool. I felt kinda funny b/c her colleague's son and friends are in high school but my sister's colleague is a bit older than me so I felt like I was too old to mingle with the kiddos and not old enough to talk with the grown ups. LOL It was fun though. Always good to meet new people and have good eats around. Although with summer creepin' up, can't have TOO many good eats!

Now it's 1:39am and there's no reason for me to be blogging or up or up and blogging but it's like ridiculously hot in my room. gahhhhhh!

Ok, game plan--switch to a wife beater which i've been meaning to do for the past 6 hours (hahahah) and attempt sleep again.

Not Listenin' When You Say...Goodbye

2011-04-20T21:33:00.004-04:00

Per my blog tradition, ever blog is named after a lyric or song title and this 3rd Eye Blind song is for my Lindsey Doll (check out her blog at http://lessonsfromlemons.blogspot.com/)

Anyways, back in college this guy I was on the school paper with Frank always made fun of me, saying that I say when I'm wrapping up a phone call that I say the most polite and perky "bye" ever.

Honestly? I never paid much attention to how I say hi or bye to people in person or on the phone. I try to be as friendly as possible--I mean why wouldn't I? I'm talking to my friends, I would assume!

I know this is all very random but like every once in a while since Frank pointed it out, I'll tune in and pay attention to how people say bye. I've gotta say that while 100% of my friends are a joy to talk to, 90% of my friends are terrible about the goodbyes. When they say it for whatever reason, the person's tone gets really flat or like they're irritated. (which hopefully is not directly related to the conversation they had with me. LOL). Also, i would say about 60% of the hellos sound like "HELLO IM IRRITATED AND OR SUPER BUSY." But then once they start talking they sound less like the exorcist and more like that people I love and was hoping to get on the other end of the phone.

Totally random thought/blog but now that I've put it out there, really pay attention to how people say hi and bye--it'll probably make you laugh!

I Can See Us Dying...Are We?

2011-04-17T21:52:00.002-04:00

No, I'm not a prophet and I dont actually see people dying ahead of time or anything like that (though I think there's a tv show or movie out there with a premise of just that.) So. I'm all bent out of shape b/c I feel like I might lose one of my BFFs one day and I'm vastly paranoid and unhappy about it. I've been warned all around from the general public that once either myself or this BFF of mine is in a relationship, our friendship is game over. I refuse to believe it. REFUSE! B/c it just doesn't make sense. I have plenty of close guy friends who are in relationships and we never stopped talking or not hang out as much as we used to. If we don't talk or hang out as much as we used to, then it's b/c we both have crazy schedules that aren't compatible and not because of anyone's relationship status. Me and the BFF in question have consistently been just friends, in my humble opinion so the notion that we're not going to be friends anymore is absurd and really scary b/c I assume he feels the same way but I dont actually know. And bringing it up pre-emptively just adds to the file of Sally is possibly the most paranoid person alive file. I guess I just dont understand why if we've been friends all along, why a relationship status on either of our end would kill our friendship. I dont much like that at all. And like I keep saying, it doesn't make sense! I've asked girls, guys, straight, gay, almost all races and they all keep beating into my head that I live in la la land with gummy bears and puppies but the real world says NO. You can't still be friends. And if we DO continue being friends that there will have to be a grace period to show no disrespect to the other's bf/gf. Like wtf ?? What ettiquette book dictated this? I dont think that a friendship should be put on hold for anything. So confused!

Chain Chain Chaaaaiiinnn....

2011-04-15T00:28:00.004-04:00

Ok. Technology has gotten out of control. And my next rant here is totally nerding it up and not even that technologically advanced but yeah. So. here i goes.. What's strongly becoming a huge annoyance is the CC/Reply All function on emails. At work, at home, etc--there are these HUGE chain of emails and I'm like WTF. No one told me I had to read the entire encyclopedia britannica to figure out what time to meet friends for dinner. I personally don't feel that I should have to have a table of contents to navigate through an email. I'm a girly as you get emotionally but when it comes to making a point, I think like a man--short, sweet and to the point. Otherwise i get overwhelmed. I totally get that CC-ing people is like totally necessary sometimes but the reply all KILLS me. Especially when someone sends out a "funny" forward to their friends and family (who I typically dont know) and the next thing I know there's this endless chain of "inside jokes"/people trying (and failing) to be funny from Uncle Joe or Jane Doe and there's always someone who feels the need to one up them. I'm like seriously? I dont know you people and even if i did, the forward was not funny and your comments are not funny so can we just like, let it die? MMMKTHANKS! Seriously, I need a Xanax before I can check email or maybe i should switch to adderol b/c people seem to have a lot to say and a lot of people want to say it. I'm like GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "but sally didn't you get it? you were CCed on the email." No bitch! I didn't get it. Actually i probably did but it was encased in a thousand fucking useless words of bullshit. And really, how can I remember the one sentence you ask me about when there are about a million useless ones? Okay redundant argument but still. Totally true. It's all very Coco Chanel " before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off." Less is more bitches. Make it work. Before you send that email--really consider 1.) Should you really hit reply all? 2.) Is anyone gonna give a shit? 3.) Wtf is the purpose of my email and lets make it quick and to the point.

Meet Me at the Crossroads

2011-04-14T19:26:00.002-04:00

Remember that song from the 90's? "Meet me at the crosssroadsssss so you wont be lone-lay!" The other words to the song are a mystery for most. Something about the guy's Uncle Charles and what not. I digress. I feel like I'm at the crossroads of my life again. Still not sure what to do, who to spend energy on and trying to be more assertive with those I really shouldn't waste anymore time with. Waste more time meaning like, they've had too much of it already. I'm not really in a negative mood so much as I am thoughtful one. Throughout the madness of the past few months, I forgot about how amazing some of my friends are--even the ones I didn't think I was so close with. Other friends I really trusted have really let me down and made me question their motives. And there is one friend I miss dearly...our disappearing friendship or whatever makes me sad. I think it's a good time right now for me to start things over--for the millionth time. I hate like I feel like I'm starting from ground zero all the time but a fresh start is a fresh start so here I go again...!

How Will I Know!

2011-03-16T23:37:00.002-04:00

Oh Whitney you wonderful crackhead...

(For those of you who are new readers, all of my blogs are lyrics from songs. Odd way to start a blog but my seasoned readers know the drill--my blog my rules!)

So, I was lamenting about the last time I saw a movie in a theater (side note: those who dont know me well or at all, i haven't seen lik 99% of movies out there. short attention span...)

Typically if I went to the movies it's because it was on a date.

Problem?

I didn't actually KNOW it was a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate-date. Twice actually.

"It's a date" is such a common phrase. A colloquialism if you will.

Anyways, I was talking to Favs Erine and recounting the story about my unclear date with MF. Long story short (sorry Erine darling, you always get the long versions of my story haha), I was just friends with MF and we both wanted to see the same movie.

I thought it was just one of those, oh you say it in convo and no one ever REALLY follows-up on it deals like when you run into a friend from the past and say "we should hang out!" Sure you both mean it (in that it seems like a good idea at the time but the more you think about putting effort into it...it's like ehhh) but it's an unspoken "yeahhhhhh not gonna happen"

But then MF did suggest a time and day. I had nothing planned so i was like okie.

He said over his should "sounds good--it's a date!"

I was like word. (Romantic and lady like response, i know)

So anyways, I didn't think much of until I realized 10 minutes after we met up that it WAS a daaaaaate date. But i still wasn't sure.

Frankly...i still dont know if it was.

As Erine so eloquently put it "Well it was a date. Obviously, not a GOOD date."

(Thanks for the vote of confidence...former favorite erine...hahah)

You'd think that after all this time, I would know but i STILL dont. I guess I could ask MF but I'm afraid of what the answer is.

BFF has once told me, "Sally...you wouldnt know if someone was hitting on you if they were literally saying 'Sally. I am currently hitting on you...You'd be like ok la la la and then wander into traffic and still not understand what the guy is saying.' "

(And thanks for the 2nd vote of confidence...former BFF...hahah)

Then my darling Lindsey wanders in and what does she do? SHE TAKES ERINE SIDE that "It's a date" means "it's a date" as in like a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate date. Yes, repeating the word and dragging it out DOES change the meaning.

Their rational is that straight single men and straight single women dont saythat to one another and hang out one on one unless it's meant to be more.

I was like there was no making out involved in either one of my 'date's!!!

To which Lindsey in all her Phadrea (RHOA) southern belle glory looked straight at me and said "You dont have to make out with someone for it to be a date--esp not the first one!!!"

HAHAHAHHAHAH

Damn her and her logic and morals! I'm like WHAT? No tongue action? No smushing? Surely that wasn't a date!

I was like "Durrr...hahah that came out wrong linds. it's like why buy the cow if the milk is free etc that whole saying."

Then i wondered if i just called myself a cow. And I'm def not lactating.

Both of those are besides the point.

The point is, "it's a date" doesn't MEAN that its like a true daaaaaaaate. Does it?!?!

I took a poll:

Adam- no turned yes

Mike- no turned yes

Harley - solid no (MY BOY!)
My SVP - a very confused no (along with a suspicious--shouldn't you be you know...working??? expression on his face)

Lindsey- YES! *Dont give free milk
Erine - Yes

What do YOU all think?!

I know, rather counterproductive for me to ask given that I removed commenting as an option from here...hahah

Whatever. I still think I'm right. I think. More people to poll tomorrow...

Bye, Bye, Bye

2011-02-13T00:49:00.002-05:00

Ah, bye bye bye to Brant who's moving to TX.

Just got back from his farewell get together and wow--it's the first time i've been out in a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time.

I literally don't think i've been out since...

Maybe Pamela's bachelorette party.

Seeriousssllllyyyy!!! It's funny how somethings changed and how somethings never change in terms of nightlife.

Brant had his farewell in a divebar called Fast Eddies--very low key and i need low key right now b/c my job is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to intense.

It cracks me up how no matter how long you've been away from nightlife, how certain things never change, especially in fairfax.

I've been away from the FFX scene for YEARS now (honestly, im soooooooooooo over it and lets be real, my ass is too damn old for it. I'm starting to become too old for Clarendon too!) so it was very interesting to be back in it.

It was a very entertaining people watching night. And for those who dont know, 'people watching' is a polite and PC way of saying 'judging'

Yup. I said it. I've officially blown everyone's spot now. Hahhaah

Here are my observations:
-There will always people who WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY over dress for the ffx scene and I can't for the life of me figure it out.

-I'll also never figure out why people from one table will judge all the other tables around them. It's like if we're all here to drink, relax and have fun, why can't we all just do it together like one big party instead of 15 different ones in a competition. Okay so someone is laughing a little too loudly at the next table or you caught the wrong part of a convo--who the fuck cares and why are you eavesdropping? There's no need to whisper and stare and roll your eyes. That's just my opinion.

-Ladies..why? Why why why why can't you just wait until summer before you pull out your summer clothes? There's no need for the short dress sans leggings and open toed shoes, tube tops and tank tops with no jacket or cardigan when it's 27 degrees. Like unless you all are from like freakin' Canada or something and this is summer weather to you, put it in your closet until summer. It's cold bitches!

-The quality of karaoke singers has vastly improved from when I used to go out. We were there for pool and to catch a drink and suddenly I see a HUGE projector screen a guy with a suitcase looking thing start to set something up and i was like yeahhhh karaoke. The girls all had great voices, actually. Minus the homeless beverly hills girl. (SUPER tan, VERY blonde, pink fuzzy kangol hat, awkwardly short white leather boots and a long coat dress thing that fell at an awful lenght--maybe 4 inches above her ankle and the top of her boots started an inch below the hem of her dress...not to get all project runway on you and im certainly no fashionista but come the fuck on. Plus she was super short. It looked a hot mess. Guess Ken kicked Barbie's ass outta the dreamhouse??) Though I've gotta give it to her...it was pretty entertaining to see the room full of guys get visibly uncomfortable all together when she started singing "Don't want no short dick man"

-Why do black people in Fairfax feel the need to act super hardcore gangsta/act like the cliche cool black person? Maybe it happens in other places too but in Fairfax, there aren't many black people but the ones who come out here OVER DO IT. it's obnoxious!! If you're so hard core dude, go to DC and then see that youre actually just kinda lame.

Top 3 laughs?
1.) Why was a man wearing a HUGE wrestling belt for no reason? I know he thinks (b/c he said so) he's the people's champ but damn, really? Maybe b/c he thought it made his waist look TINY? Dont get me started on when he started playing like a guitar. Or rather, the way people THINK that the guitar is played. Me being an actually guitar player, i can tell ya uh no. haha whatevs all in good fun.

2.) Is everyone who goes out in FFX shopping at Fredericks of Holllywood or Hot Topic? Sure looks like it.

3.) Why did everyone judge me for belting out "Baby" by Justin Bieber? As i so eloquently told Christy (who did a great job singing "rehab"!!!), "Why am i the only one who knows all the words to song..why's everyone starting at me...judging...well everyone can kiss my ass. This song is the shit!"

It is. Accept this as a fact people.

The Venga Bus is Coming!

2011-02-07T21:04:00.002-05:00

Except it wasn't a bus. It was a van. And the second part of the lyric will make a lot more sense to you once you're done reading my whale of a tale.

So...

A Sally goes to a gas station during her lunch break to get cigs (i know...) and talk to her BFF's on the phone and clean off the car window with the squeegy thingy.

And see wha-ha-happened was...

A man and woman in a van are apparently talking to me and i had no idea. Then the guy says "MISS?" And pulls the van up to me. Being the street savvy girl i am...i walked right up to it.

YEAH. I'm bright.

Anyways, i then get asked a string of unrelated bizarre questions:
-Are you American?
-Are you married?
-Do you know what the inhalers club is?
-Would you be interested in working in adult entertainment?

You know...the normal questions you ask someone mid day on a monday....

They hand me a business card (ewie. i dont wanna touch anything they did!!!) and drive off. It has something on it in swirly letters--i dont much pay attention to what it says. i put the card of shame in my coat pocket, they drive off and i throw it away.

Before they drove off they said "If you dont know what an inhalers club is, ask that guy!" and pointed to the guy diagonal from me. I looked at the guy and before i could say anything he looks at me and says "Sweetie, i dont even know those people" and goes in the the gas station shop.

.
...
......
.............

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Happy Monday???

Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend...

2010-12-22T23:22:00.003-05:00

So...have you ever like been mad about something and then you're totally over it but when you tell the story to someone you get all mad again?

Yeah that's me right now.

SO. Why the angry Sally?

Angry Sally is SICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK of being harrassed by this CRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY girl at the gym and her equally dumpy friend.

I know her. Kinda.

Basically she's this crazy bitch who hates me for talking to/dating/whatever this guy that she...well I guess she liked. I dont know. Apparently she liked him and then they didn't work out and he met me and he liked me (and for my best friends who know...he liked me a LITTLE too much--nothing says love like a restraining order hahahha)

She called me "submissive little Asian girl" and a "dirty slut' The first one she said to a mutual party (mutual at the time) and the second thing, she right out said when i was walking by her at a bar.

She goes to my gym.

It's a free country. I get it.

BUT.

She STARES AT ME the whole time. She and her friend will get on machines RIGHTINFRONTOFME and whisper and turn and stare.

My normally happy iPod music, changes and while i'm chugging away on the treadmill, I'll go from a bouncy fun song from Britney, BEP etc to Tupac, Eminem and Rage Against the Machine.

It's to the point where the people in the middle row separating us, turn and look at me too!!

I dont go to the gym at the same time and sometimes i swap out days! Like if im grabbing drinks or dinner with a friend i might skip a night i normally go on and then go the next day. AND SHES THERE!

ONE TIME, the CREEPIEST time, she was on EVERY machine next to me. The treadmill..i was running, she was walking but staring at me. then i got creeped out and moved to the bike (aka the fat girls' idea of a work out). She hopped on the bike next to me....BUT DIDNT PEDAL. SHE JUST STARED.

Then i went to go stretch out and she sat in the area RIGHT BY me and walked out of the gym. Staring is exhausting i suppose...?

I dont know.

It's annoying and it's frustrating. And as I just told my darling Christy just now, "an angry sally in a room with freeweights is NOT a good idea."

I dont know what to do. I'm not changing my gym. I'm not changing when I go (not that's ever at the same time anyways).

Should i say something to her? I thought about flicking her off the next time her and her equally cunty friend stare at me. But that's just childish.

And gratifying...

Or should i say "WHAT BITCH? GOTTA PROBLEM? MAD AT ME B/C I HAVE TWO EYEBROWS AND YOU DONT?"

And it's not just me that thinks she's crazy. Pamela KNOWS she's crazy b/c she knew the girl before i did!

That said, Corinne you fucking old ass weird crazy stalker bitch--if you're reading this, FUCK. OFF.

And if you're not? I'd like everyone reading this regardless if i know you or not, to message me and i'll tell you her last name. Hit her up on facebook and tell her to back the fuck up before she gets smacked the fuck up.

KTHANKS!

I'm Not Gonna Write You a Love Song

2010-11-22T23:30:00.003-05:00

I'm with you Sarah Barralis. Or however the hell you spell your name.
I'm not writing a love song.
I wanna make a ridiculous amount of money and since the job market blows and Katy Perry didnt want to pay my bills, I need to find another way.

Ladies and Gentlemen of my blog...

I am going to be...

A one hit wonder.

My musial inspiration?

Ke$ha.

Love her or hater her (i go back and forth), that bitch is worth 2.5 million dollars.

...Seriously!

I call my song

"AutoTune The Room"

Please see the meaningful, deep lyrics I've created in 8 minutes below.

I thank you for the compliments ahead of time.

"AutoTune The Room"
By: Sally Socialite

Get wasted
Get drunk
Fill up your glass
Raise it up
Party til the sun comes up

Show me what you got

That's hot

shots shots shots shot-shots

Make your way through the crowd

Get loud
Get crazy
Drink until everything's hazy

DJs spinnin all night long
2 more shots until our song
Sweat fallin
Guys ballin
Pay the tab
Call a cab

Do it up
Do it right
Do it all night

Party til the end
Then do it all over again

....Hollaaaaaa....

Dead or Alive

2010-11-22T22:10:00.002-05:00

Oh yes. It's time again for me vs the little sister Julie.

Everytime my family likes to make jokes at my expense like im an airhead valley girl, Julie seems to shut everyone up b/c the girl does NOT know ANYTHING about history OR current events.

Obviously, no one really is a CNN news ticker and knows everything that's going on. I mean like there are like a lot of places in the world and lots of things going on so it's like impossible!

But there are some common sense things that you oughta know!

Julie, mind you, being the same person who thought that Pavarotti (the late italian opera singer) was responsible for killing Princess Diana. When i unkindly let her know that it was the PAPARAZZI she was like "WHatever same thing."

I think not.

She was babbling about not so current affairs so i decided to play a game with her called "Dead or Alive" where i would name people and she would say if they were dead or alive.

Me: Led Zeppelin.
Julie: Alive.... ::glances at my face expression:: Dead good and alive in our hearts...
Me: You dont know do you?
Julie: I know that they...ROCK.
Me: 3 of 4 are ALIVE.
Julie: That was a trick question!
Me: Whatever. Next. Yasser Arafat.
Julie: What?
Me: YASSER. ARAFAT.
Julie: Oh yeah! I loved him on American Idol. I would've voted for him.
Me: WHAT?
Julie: He sang that song..."Baby I will wait for you..."
Me: THATS ELLIOT YAMIN.
Julie: Oh. Yeah whatever. Arafat...
Me: YES. Dead or alive?
Julie: Um...alive. He was great in that position he was in...what was it?
Me: (dripping with sarcasm) Corner back of the Steelers.
Julie: Oh yeah! Him and the terrible towel. What an athlete...
Me: HE WAS NOT.
Julie: Of course he was not! Who would think that??
Me: *sigh*
Julie: B/c he was too busy...um...being the leader of Al-Qaeda.
Me: HE WAS A LEADER OF THE P.L.O!
Julie: Right! Right. He's um...alive and doing a great job with the...organization.
Me: From BEYOND THE GRAVE BECAUSE HES DEAD YOU IDIOT.
Julie: I'm not gonna play this game if you call me names....
Me: Idi Amin.
Julie: Was he in...a...rap group?
Me: JULIE HE WAS A HORRIBLE PERSON! A leader and former president of Uganda!
Julie: Geez. Whats with you and these world leaders?
Me: What's with you NOT knowing ANY world leaders?
Julie: No! I know one. Um....The prime minister of England is um...isn't it uh....
Me: Yes?
Julie: ....Craig David?
Me: THATS THE GUY WHO SANG "Can you fill me innnn?"
Julie: On the latest in parliament. Maybe he liked musicals...
Me: NO. He's a singer.
Julie: Right. It's not him because John Blair is obviously the prime minister.
Me: NO. You're think of Tony Blair and it's not him anymore.
Julie: Since when!?
Me: Since...2007 or so?
Julie: And theydidn't tell me???
Me: READ A FUCKING NEWSPAPER FROM TIME TO TIME. CNN.COM. ANYTHING!
Julie: No. APPARENTLY, it makes people tense. Look at you, you're all riled up.
Me: B/c my sister is a moron.

And she is.

I still love her though...sometimes, like many people in our lives...she makes it hard. hahahah

That's Not My Name

2010-11-17T22:13:00.003-05:00

What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.

Sorry Juliet, but a name means soooooooooooo much. And as a girl named Sally, I must say it sucks but I cant even get mad b/c judging someone by their name makes total sense.

Like today, I was talking to my favorite at work Erine (pronounced Aaron...not Ernie as is Bert haha) and we were talking about this lady Bertha. I mean for cryin' out loud, her name is Bertha. The poor thing! Unless she's smoking hot (which is very doubtful), she doesn't stand a chance in this world! And if she is smokin' hot, she probably has enough damn sense to go by a middle name or a nick name.

Then some how Nigel and I were talking about names. I wont disclose Nigel's last name since i dont like to throw people out there like that on an internete blog but really, if you do know his last name and w/o knowing what he looks like, it seems very british white guy.

Nigel is black and from louisiana.

He was saying how people screw up his name and I believe his exact words were "I know they think cuz they see me and i'm black that my name will kinda sound like THAT WORD but I'm like dont say it man. It's nigel. Not Niggle. I know you wanna call me that..."

So vastly inappropriate. So incredibly hysterical!

But yeah back to my original point, I'm totally jealous b/c I dont have a sexy name. Seriously, my name is Sally. Chances are you think of an old crusty lady who has a cat and a candy dish and a big crocheted doylie on her couch. You dont think of the short fiesty Korean girl who's a hooker with a heart of gold aka me. And you certainly dont think of a bombshell.

Nigel asked what constitues a hot girl name and I started out by saying what's NOT a hot girl name. Gertrude. Bertha (obviously). Sally.

No guy has ever been like "Sally, yeah she's fuckin' hot"

They're more likely to say "Sally. Yeah she plays bridge with my Grandma"

I'm not fishing for compliments or being self depricating. I've learned over time to really like my name. Esp since (for those of you who know) it goes nicely with my last name\e. I think that's why my best friends or people who know me pretty well call me by my full name. I love it! It cracks me up.

Hot girl names, Nigel and I agreed on include most foreign names (like Natalia...not so much for Asian names sorry to report but as an Asian i can say i agree. The name "Phung" just doesnt cute...), K/Crystals, Valeries, Heathers, Hayley, Chloe etc.

Hot guy names are your Kyles, Justins, Marks, Ryans, etc.
Not hot guy names are the Eugenes, Forrest, Cledus, Max's of the world. (Now that i've said that, my future husband's name is going to be Eugene Forrest Max the 3rd...)

Admittedly, there are some names that are hard to categorize (even the ones mentioned above) b/c part of human nature is to associate names with people who you know and may not like and that makes you go ewww gross me out! B/c someone with that name is some whore you dont like or some douchebag you knew. I get it.

The other part of the name thing that kills me are the parents i want to SLAP b/c they should know better than to name their kid a certain first name KNOWING what their last name is.

Michael Jackson (went to middle school with a guy with that name. poor guy)
John Johnson (Really? You dont have to be creative or off the wall like Xavier or Sky but you couldnt think of anything better than John knowing damn well that his last name is johnson??)
Ben Dover ( i mean really. who are your parents? Bevis and Butthead??)

And so on and so forth.

So when you guys start getting preggo, may it be on purpose or OOPSIE, think it through before you legalize it.

That Girl is Poisonnnnnnnn

2010-11-16T21:37:00.002-05:00

That girl may be poison. This girl aka me, apparently DRINKS poison.

Someone send that memo to Bell Biv Devoe, yes?

And for the millionth time, it was not bloodly well a suicide attempt.

I do appreciate the love and warm fuzzies from my friends and even some acquaintances. Makes getting better a lot easier! :)

Not so appreciated? Stupid jokes from friends who ought to know better but dont. There's a time to joke but now isn't it. I'm not sure what's hilarious about almost losing the ability to speak or having your esophagus eaten away to the point where you might need a breathing tube so you dont die or stomach ulcers. Oh yeah. HYSTERICAL. And believe it or not, some people were more preoccupied with thinking of clever jokes about my sitch or "you cant eat certain foods? maybe you'll lose weight!" wait, did you just backhandedly call me fat? i think you did. Asshole. At least my tops of MY thighs dont rub together with such friction that it makes smokey the bear nervous. Yeah i said it.

I digress.

Although, after seeing my medical bills--yeah. That makes me suicidal. After healthcare notes were to continue my 3 diff meds (which btw are not fun drugs so dont ask me to share. unless you're crazy about prescription strength antacid...or ulcer coaters...or steroids. And no, not the kind of steroids you're thinking about. i.e. SALLY ANGRY! SALLY SMASH!)

I'm not big on politics but i know this much, we need to do something about this whole healthcare thing b/c guess what? I dont have the $XX,XXX.XX amount to just drop on my bills. I'm HIGHLY doubt I'm the only one.

Part of what really totally bugs me is that somehow illegal immigrants and people who lie to cheat the system are getting free health care, grants, and their bills written off but someone like me who's a born citizen, pays my bills/taxes, doesn't have a traffic ticket to her name, volunteers, cant get a break b/c while i am considered "poor" b/c of my annual income based on fed standards, b/c i dont have a reckless amount of children or married, i get fucked over. And it's not me, i know other people out there are going through the sammmmmmmmme bullshit.

Solution? Move to Canada Sally and quit bitching.

Well
1.)I have seriously considered it before but decided i love american football and warm weather too much
2.) I DO believe in our country except when it acts like a CUNT-ry. Healthcare issue is definitely one of the ones that makes me go, seriously? what are we savages?

Not really sure what the point of posting this was but dammit, at least I'm entertaining.

Now I'm off to go figure out ways to make more money including:
1.) Getting another job
2.) Selling a kidney
3.) Stripping in West Virginia
4.) Enter to see if Katy Perry will pay my bills (Hey, she paid Andrew's!)
5.) Being Ocean's 14th.

Wish me luck!

SexyBack

2010-10-23T22:29:00.002-04:00

Greetings from the bell tower aka my room. There is no good God reason for me to be at home on a Saturday night other than the simply fact that my face is TORE UP right now from that frickin allergic reaction. It's pretty bad...But getting better.

My face debacle and the time i've had on my hands (hiding from the public b/c my face is awful...in case i haven't made that painfully clear) has lead me to think about vanity.

All of my SUPER close friends know what crippling low self-esteem I have. (Note: This isn't a sob story and I'm not going to go further into it other than what i just wrote) and that lead me to think...if you think things can't get worse, they can.

Wait.

That's terribly Debbie Downer of me. But hopefully you got what I meant. I thought my face couldn't get worse and then it did. But then there's a silver lining meaning i should appreciate my face for what it looks like sans this allergy thing.

To those of you haven't seen me (which is pretty much everyone I dont live or work with) I look like i have no damn sense and just stuck my face in sand. Sexy, right?

Blah blah blah. All this said, it got me to think about my mission to find my sexiness. I think everyone has their own. Now...how true it is, is really within the eye of the beholder (or...beer-holder as the old saying goes).

I dont know WHY I can't find my sexy. I can't. And I'm not fishing for compliments or doing the thing that oh so many (well like every) hollywood starlet does when they say that they 'don't think they're sexy' or feel weird/funny when they have to do something sexy. Doesn't stop them from doing a Maxim spread or a nude scene though does it?

I digress.

The point being, I can't for the life of me figure out why i can't find my sexy. More than feeling stupid, it's not something I can do. Well for now. I've been on a mission to find my sexy side but i can't.

Halloween is the perfect time of year to slut it up and say "It's for Halloween" to excuse sluttish behavior. Not hatin'--just keepin it real per usual.

But I have NEVEr been anyhting sexy for Halloween. I mean really people, i was FLAVOR FLAV for halloween one year. Pretty comfy costume b/c i got to wear silk pjs around but note to any future Flavor Flav halloweeners (heh heh i just said weener..) DO NOT USE A REAL CLOCK AROUND YOUR NECK. It will hurt! Take it from stupid me...

This year i wanted to hide and pretend like halloween doesn't exist but with many a party around the corner, i just dont know if i can. So i glanced at some costumes and yeahhh basically if you're a girl the only costumes out there are of the "Sexy" variety. Sexy kitten, sexy witch, sexy fairy, sexy devil, sexy angel...blah blah blah. I'm like can i please find something that doesnt show off my boobs, ass, legs, midriff? But the only alternative is to go as something yucko and you def can't meet guys wearing a yucko costume.

But this lack of sally's sexyness is not just seasonal--it's all year. I tried to take a belly dancing class b/c it's sexy and sensual and ended up giggling hysterically throughout the entire course!

With the mens in my life when comes to sexy time, i either nervous babble or giggle. A. LOT. it's not really polite. nor is it sexy.

I mean Justin Timberlake not only has sexy but he brought it back TOO! i would LOVE to bring sexy back but it was never here in the first place!

What's a socialite to do? kajdslkjasldkfjs

The search continues...

He never ran a corny line once to me yet

2010-10-03T19:58:00.003-04:00

Well that may be, Salt n Peppa/EnVogue, but me? i've been hit by corny line after corny line and this past two/three weeks PELTED by them.

Alright. Here's a new blog so it'll bump down the giant picture of tampons from my previous post. But seriously y'all? I just keep it real. Didn't mean to embarrass or alarm anyone hahaha

So this one is just for you boys. You're gonna get some tips from a Sally. Which i know is rather fruitless b/c none of my boys are trying to holler at me (and the ones who have, you know i've nipped that in the bud but we're still cool!)

Anyways. I'm finding that the problem with meeting boys is that they ALL have the same "slick"/"smooth" lines. That don't work on me (maybe some of you ladies feel the same). The past two weekends alone, I've been a magnent for silly white boys and their silly white boy lines. While there are many to run through, I feel like in the past two/three weeks I've been hearing the same 3 over and over again so here we go...!

Example 1
Location: Gas station
See what ha happened was: I was getting cigs whilst filling my gas tank when this guy--not the cashier--just another customer standing around deciding what flavor slushee he likes when...
The Line: "Little lady, smoking is bad for you. You're too pretty to be a smoker. You know that right?"
My thoughts: "OMG is it bad for you? SHUT UP! Really? Well! I'm quitting right now!"
What I said: "Yeah, well so is my _____. Gotta find a way to cope."
End result: He tried to say i should fix my habits with something healthy like love and hey he's a nice guy so maybe i might try blah blah blah. I tuned out wished him a good afternoon and wandered out.
The point: The point is, telling me about my bad habit, isn't going to win you any points. And quite frankly i dont give a fuck that i smoke and i could give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. What i do give a fuck about is being given a lecture. I'll quit when i wanna and i dont ride on people for drinking, bad food habits, so really? fuck off.
*Note: The other way guys try to use smoking as a pick up line, "it's bad for you. you must like bad things you bad girl." I think i literally rolled my eyes at someone last month for saying that to me and then walked away.

Example 2
Location: A get together
See what ha happened was: I walked and this guy was staring at me for a while and finally said "What are you? I stared back and i was like "Whaddya mean what am i?" He was like "Ethnicity. I can't figure out what you are." To which i said "If i said black you wouldn't belive me eh?" He laughed and said no then said...
The Line: "I think you're Chinese b/c Chinese girls are hot. If I'm gettin with an Asian chick, yo, Chinese."
My thoughts: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
What I said: "Good for you. Go find a hot Chinese girl b/c this Korean girl is well...Korean."
(Yep. I just said what i thought hahah)
End result: He tried to redeem himself by being like "oh my bad, Chinese girls are hot but KOREAN girls are sexy..."
The point: The point is, I don't blame anyone for not getting anyone else's ethincity wrong but it's all about delivery (aka how you say it) and avoiding finite statements if you're unsure.
*Note: Weirdly enough this happened to me last night when i was out but it wasn't a pick up line. And for the record: this rule applies even when you're NOT trying to holler at someone and wanna know they're ethnicity. Just ask, it's all good. No one's mad for trying to strike up converstaion. Just dont STARE and feel like you have to guess and make us ethnic folk feel like you're guessing the number of jelly beans in a jar. I ain't a jellybean...just sayin'

Example 3
Location: Party
See what ha happened was: I was refreshing my beverage when...
The Line: "So where's your boyfriend?"
My thoughts: Nice try captain obvious...b/c obviously, if you have a bf you give the real answer and that guy knows he doesn't have a shot. But if you say you're single, he goes in for the kill. This is a VERY tricky thing to answer b/c if you wanna tell swamp thing that you have one just so he'll leave you alone, i get it. BUT be careful b/c if a hot single guy ends up rollin' up later and you just told another person you had a bf...yeah no good...probably could work at a bar but at a party, generally less people) Okay so, I said...
What I said: "He's out there somewhere...when I meet him I'll let you know. Pass the diet coke please?"
End result: He got the point and passed the diet coke to me, Bahahah
The point: The point is, it's cute that guys will do try to "flatter" you by making a seemingly "presumptuous" statement. Truth is? We girls know it's a line and personally, I've heard it used so many times that i'm thinking about changing my response to "Hm. i'll answer that once you tell me where your better pick up line is"

Ahhh i could go on and on about lines but quite frankly, i'm kinda tired.

Long story short, boys, I'm not mad at you for trying to do your thing and spit game and what not.

I'm mad that you all use the same damn lines.

And no, "Wanna fuck?" is not a line. It's asking to be slapped.

....or sleeping with an STD b/c if a girl is dumb enough to just be like "okay!"....

she probably has the clap.

Thank you and good night.

Can You Paint With All the Colors...of the Wind

2010-09-29T00:25:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: This blog is for ladies only. Which naturally make the guys want to read it that much more. But I promise boys, you really dont wanna know.

So Pocahauntas (sp?) , if you wanna paint with all the colors of the wind, then more power to ya sister friend.

But i gotta say, keep it at painting.

I'm one of those girls who gravitates to bright, shiny, sparkly things so instead of throwing my usual brand into the cart, i decided to go for these. Bright--not shiny and i think it's safe to say that no one wants to have a sparkly tampon. Unless you want your bojanga to get funky ("YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU DIRTY LITTLE HAMSTER!" HAHAHAH), i'd advise against it.

Anyways so while these are cute and indeed pocket sized and they do the job they're supposed to do...I'm sorry. I dont know how else to say it other than that all the super bright colors neatly in a box only to take it out and put it where the sun dont shine kinda made me feel like

....

......

........

...........

...........................

..............................................

Well, to be frank, it made me feel like I was fucking a crayon.

....And I dont much like that.

I think i'll stick to the normal white, pink or light green ones.

Oh yeah. I went there. TMI? Probably but really. TBSS. Too bad. So sad. (and yes i do realize it's rather counter productive to use acronyms only to then spell out what i wanted to say but whatever. my blog, my rules.)

No Scrubs

2010-09-28T22:41:00.004-04:00

Ok. It's that time of year again.

The time of year I toy with wanting to put myself back into the dating world. Not the fucking world. Dating.

Like L'oreal. Because I'm worth it. hahaha

I really never left it but I'll admit it. I've been lazy or have had stupid luck. I'm sick of going out on secret dates (the secret being that I don't tell anyone because I dont want to say anything preemptively), I'm sick of "I LIKE YOU SALLY" followed by either 1.) Stalking 2.) Me running away

So here's the game plan--because you know I always need one.

Its you guys, my friends, that are going to be my Ocean's 11 but my last name isn't ocean and im' definitely not going to disclose my last name on an internet posting. So they'll be Sally's 11.

And after careful assessment, here's the Sally's 11 (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

1.) My NoN: She's either met or heard about my trail of men for the past 10+ years. She knows how flighty I can be, overly emotional, and helplessly naiive. She works in cahoots with "The Clam & Mini Mom" "The Catfish", "HEY YO GURL", and Alicia who I dont have a name for yet. And they know when homie don't play that.
What she brings to the table: Bullshitometer, psychicness, and of course, loopholes.

2.) My blasians: They're my sister from another mister, and my brother from another mother. Always supportive but will choke a bitch if they have to. I've seen the aftermath of what they did to an ex who tortured me. can't say much more other than...HILARIOUS.
What they bring to the table: Realness and WEIRDO ALERT. (Aisha: The MEOW incident & Greg covers it all the things i DONT want)

3.) My Soco and Lime: This ebony and ivory duo have only been in my life for a little bit but hopefully will be around much longer. These little freak nasties will help rule out the ones who are no good at SEXY TIME!
What they bring to the table: Freaky Factor

4.) My Kimora and Jiman: A girl should always have a fabulous friend and she is mine. She has a strict no scrubs rule and I broke it before i even met her. Now i have met her and she's one of my besties so i need to fall in line! Her hubbie to be also has great insight. Seriously, alcohol + them + me + their house = hours of awesome convo.
What they bring to the table: FabulousiTi TesT. DUH.

5.) The Gays aka My Fierce friend and the other socialite: I'm sorry, but what is a list of critics without fabulous gay men?

The Fierce friend: We instantly bonded over our hate for a psychopath (no really the girl was a LOON. She sent me Barbie postcards when i stopped returning her calls and all the postcards were like "You haven't called me back I LOVE YOU." Yeah weird. anyways... he's so many kinds of fierce that snaps dont do justice. He's a ball of joy and light and fun but me + him + alcochol and cigs are equal serious laughs and hilariously bitchy comments about everyone else. I adore him and miss that they shut down our local bar (but maybe not local since he moved!) but when our forces combine, hey girl hey. better look out.
What he brings: Fierceness and is your man really straight test.
The Socialite:This guy remembers the day I breezed into his life with my little shorts, platform sneakers, pigtails, a thousand bracelets on each of my arms and my london wifebeater. Why are my clothes important in this mini story? Well. It's nto but it shows his memory, attention to detail and obvious great choice in friends ;) I adore him and never get to talk to him/hang with him as much as we should but being that we're both socialites, we understand.
What he brings: Socialelitism Test

6.) My Party People: These crazy kids I only see at parties. We don't mean for it to happen that way, it just does. Luckily, we love to party so we don't go for too long without seeing each other. Like my other socialite, they know that I have a partying side and a serious side and the best part about the girls (esp the head girl) is they keep it real and keep it moving.
What they bring: They're like my map. Actually GPS. Maps are so passe. They'll tell a Sally to keep on the path or let me know if i need to tell him to hit the highway--destination LOSERVILLE (and no that's not an application on facebook hahah)

7.) My Thug Life: He knows the streets. He also knows the law. (As in finished law school hahah) Known him about 3 years now and each year, his sighs get louder as I tell him about the flavor of the week (unforunately, the menu hasn't changed much! HAHAH)
What he brings: Street savvy Test aka is this kid a PUNK?

8.) My cheerleaders: Ah my lovely ladies!!! They support whatever I do but we've all been around the block before (not in that hoe kinda way, relax...) and they're full of positivity but they can sense the same old story guy from a mile away.
What they bring: If it walks like a ______, Talks like a _____, then it's a ______ Sally. Keep him or throw him back in the ocean and hope he drowns!

9.) My Axis of Evil: These girls absolutely crack me up. They are the sweeeeeeeeeetest girls I know. BUT. They either LOVE you or they HATE you. On top of that, they are fellow minorites and while we're all from different cultures, we all share the same views on cultural things and they are HUGE on NOT letting someone disrepect you.
What they bring: Cultural awareness, honesty and Respect test.

10.) The Boys! The Boys!: These guys a riot. They've seen my ups (sometimes chemically induced ups hahaha) and my downs. They appreciate that I'm as tomboyish as I am girly girl. They know that tomboyish sally has lots of guy friends, NEEDS HER OWN SPACE, talks a lot of shit and is ready to throwdown (which they mostly laugh at b/c 5'4 but still). BUT. They know that I cry, I'm thoughtful,
What they bring: Jealousy/Insecuuuurrrity Test! Does my suitor have tough/thick enough skin (ew gross not that kind!) to cope with the fact that I am friends with these guys and several others without trippin' out?

11.) My BFF/Bodyguard: He knows me in a way that the other 10 don't and scarily well, period end of story. And, some of us have seen him with a baseball bat. yeahhhhhh nuff said hahah
What he brings: I dont know what he brings persay, but i do know that if he thought for one second that this person was a loser or someone who's not going to treat a Sally very nicely, he'll knock 'em the fuck out. Seriously.

PHEW! Quite a crew! But all very necessary in my life. I know your inclination is to tell me one or all of the three:
1.) GO RUB A LAMP SWEETHEART: Aint nobody like that exists!
2.) Conceited much? Who ARE YOU?? What makes you so special?
3.) Lame.

My rebuttle?
1.) Go fuck yourself. I didn't say they had to pass all the tests.
2.) Go fuck yourself. Everyone is free to do this with their own friends if they so choose and i choose. get over it haterrrrrrrrrr.
3.) Your mom? I know. Now go fuck yourself.

hahhaha <3 <3 <3!

This Shit is Bananas...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

2010-09-22T22:21:00.003-04:00

I was about to post a convo between younger sis and I to prove how much smarter I am than she is.

But...it's simply not the case.

Instead?

The real transcript of wha-ha-happened...

Julie: So who was the first man on the moon?
Me: Armstrong. Someone Armstrong.
Julie: Lance!
Me: He rides bikes.
Julie: On the mooon?
Me: NO. He's the famous cyclist.
Julie: OH. Right. Yellow livestrong, cancer sucks bracelet guy.
Me: It's a wristband.
Julie: Whatever. Bracelet.
Me: Whatever. Anyways, it's something Armstrong.
Julie: Louie!
Me: He played the trumpet.
Julie: Right.
Me: I think his name was Neil.
Julie: I thought it was Bud something...
Me: No, his partner in crime was Buzz--
Julie: Lightyear!
Me: Sure if you're watching TOY STORY...one two and three.
Julie: Didn't they name him after the guy who landed on the moon?
Me: I don't know. I'll ask Disney/Pixar next time I'm there...
Julie: I think you're wrong and that it's Buzz who was first there and then Neil.
Me: NO, it was NEIL first.
Julie: If Neil's so great, why didn't they name a movie character after him?
Me: I dont know! GEEZ you're stupid.
Julie: WHAT?! I am not. I have mom's genes.
Me: Mom's smart. Dad's smarter. So really, relatively speaking Mom's dumber and you say you have mom's gense...So... you know what they say, The apple doesn't fall far from the...from...the apple doesn't fall from the...um...Banana.

*Silence*

Me: I fucked that up didn't I?
Julie: You sure did.
Me: Okay well it's really not technically that far if you're in the grocery store. Apples and bananas are like right next to each other. I dont see any trees in the grocery store, do you?
Julie: You still fucked it up.
Me: I hate you.

All These Things I've Done

2010-09-15T23:22:00.002-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**

Sunday, July 20, 2008
Johnny Knoxville better watch out. I think after this weekend I can safely say, I am a far bigger jackass.

No, I didn't build a half pipe in my parents room or travel to India to eat an assortment of bugs with a turban and tighty whities on [neither of which Knoxville did but you know what i mean!] BUT I still managed to make a big jackass of myself.

-Walked around Arlington with the back of my dress tucked in weird and in short, parading my bare ass around. For a block and a half so not a long time but STILL.

-Mistook (Mistakened? LOL no idea) a group of firefighters for a gang...

-Got a bugbite shaped like a sperm on my leg and wondered aloud if I would use bug bite cream or spermicide

-Until pointed out to me, had no idea that I danced--and if I remember the quote correctly-- "like trashy" or as another put it in a more pc way "like a go-go dancer."

-Made all my teachers from kindergarten to college disappointed when on a car i saw "GO ME" and was like "WHATS A GOME!?" only to have my passenger point out kindly that it was go. me. not GOME, as there is no such word.

-Made "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and "Your Love (Tonight") a wildly entertaining, deafening, dangerous, and perhaps traumatic experience (which will probably be the song that always comes on when i walk into a place from now on...hahah)

-Wondered aloud (and i am NOT trying to be mean or offensive) how deaf people learn to read. I'm not being funny or an ass or anything. I'm very serious but b/c I verbalized it, suddenly i'm the bad girl.

-Informed some ghetto kids at the metro by informing them that I'm sorry but the judges have voted that they will not be making it to the next round of America's Best Dance Crew and as their banner drops they have to walk it out for the last time.

-Said "that's what she said" at a most inappropriate time. I'm not allowed anywhere anymore.

-Left d.c. reeking of vodka, champagne, rum, coke, cranberry juice, water, redbull, and orange juice in my hair, dress and shoes.

Good job Sally Socialite.

That said, I'm checkin into to rehab to correct this behavior ASAP... hahah
All the little adventures aside (okay okay let's be honest, INCLUDED haha) this weekend was loads of fun and very much needed.

Conclusion?

Always good to have your sense of humor in hand along with optimism and an i-Pod and friends who make it worthwhile.

Fatima **** is a rockstar.

The wrong attitude makes the hottest guy completely unattractive.
Oh and the other conclusion.

Escaping the FC more and more this year is totally what's makin this year most excellent.

Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number

2010-09-15T23:17:00.003-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**

Monday, March 31, 2008

Happy Birthday to my big sister! YAY!!!

And in other news?

Yeaaahhhh. SO. This week is officially gonna be a blowwwwwwer.

Made some good progress today though.

Tomorrow’s agenda consists of work, reviewing some more places, and then possibly critiquing a stripper (of the male variety). HAHA YEAH. WOO! Not really though. I mean like i’m retardedly boy crazy but there’s something so unappealing about a guy shaking his g-unit in your face whilst wearing a banana hammock. Bleehhh!
Wednesday: Work, write

Thursday: Work, meet my deadline!, and go out for a bit for ms. justine’s bday wahoo!

Friday: Work, start my new assignment, sleeeeeeeep.
Saturday: Open at Hard Times (which I haven’t been to for the past 5 weeks!) and then probably get going on my other assignments.
I thought the whole deal with freelance was that it was supposed to be better than committing yourself to a set schedule but i’m starting to think it’s kinda fun but at the same time suuuuuccccckkkkkks.

Luckily, I’ve found a way to mush some fun into my 8-5. Usually it consists of harrassing my other coworkers but hey, it’s funny! And with Crystal, it's HYSTERICAL! Last week made a paperclip jumprope but sad to say with all the carpet in the place it kept getting snagged in it and then finding coworkers who would stop laughing or take me seriously enough to actually jump it was a task all on it’s own.

Then there was blatantly lying to one in particular b/c he’s just an easy target. He the scary guy i was talking about before. I'm pretty sure he hates me but I like joking with him b/c i refuse to believe that he'll be nice to everyone but me. I'm pretty sure he'll thinks im cute as a button. Fabulous! Then we can be bessssssssssst friends forever. (As if. He's really effing scary and I'm surprised he hasn't choked me yet).

He’s probably in his late 20s but just to pass the time I said...
"Holy crap! Crysal just told me that you were 38 [note: she definitely didn't. i just was bored and wanted to get her in trouble too]and i was like whooooa! You look awesome for your age! I would never have thought you were that OLD. Seriously. Tell me your secret to a youthful appearance b/c you don’t look a day over 30!"

He paused and turned bright red and said,"She said I was how old?"

"She told me you were 38. But shoot, i wish i age as well as you when i’m 38! i mean lucky for me that’s like a decade and some change away."

*In a slightly offended voice* "I’m not 38."

"You are! I even checked it i nthe database. Don’t be shy! Woooooorrrrk itttttt!"

He sorta looked annoyed (which really doesn't deviate much from his usual expression) and scuttled away. Of course, later I told him I was totally just playin’ and he laughed too but come on, like that wasn’t good?! Next I have to trick a few more with the "i heard you..." 1.) Have herpes 2.) Came in late today b/c you were in the drunk tank last night and 3.) used to be a stripper/prostitute.

HAHAH

Good times my friends. Gooooooooood times.

Group Sex! Group Sex! Group Sex!

2010-09-15T21:45:00.004-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**
(ps myyyyyy how things have changed since this blog. if you're in it you know why! LOL)

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Fer rills. I've been drunk way too many times this week. Nothing bad happened-- I just have serious drinker's remorse. You know, when you're like 'uhh...did i...?' or '...why did i...?'
You know how I am very anti-'because i was drunk' as an excuse and I stand by it. So, i've learned this much about me when i get drunk (as I am drunk blogging at 4:30 am).
1.) I think get annoying b/c i'm so LOUD and i seriously think everyone is my friend and i LOVE everyone (platonically) even if i 1. dont like 'em or 2. met them for the first time. "I LOVE YOU YOU ARE THE BEST!" (and i swear i mean it..haha i guess i finally DO believe what you said Dan.)
2.) I WILL yammy. Hoooottt.
LoL
So I watched my first porn whilst drunk courtesy of many people. Pamela for inviting me, Stan for providing it, Hollister, David (and his mad fast fowarding skills), Whitney, Chris, Drew, Guy I can't remember for viewing with me. (One Night in Paris haha)
So was I disturbed? Horny? Grossed out?
NOPE. Just bored. But then i was informed that 'one night in paris' is like weaksauce porn and i should go to youporn.com to watch a real real porn. So i did. Verdict? Porns in general are boring. I barely made it past the 15 sec mark before i was like boooorrriinnnng.
But then, i dont know what i was expecting. LoL
Clarendon was fun until i got sick 3 times but even then it was still fun b/c i always made it to the br and had gum waiting for me afterwards. The ballroom is fun! Deck is overrated.
Tonight i pulled off 3 of 4 of my engagements. Kristine's acid tech party (GREAT MUSIC), Christine's celebration at Fat Tuesday's (Aw, my thursdays in a new location and diff night! Rocky horror show people are fuckin' weird...it's like a cult so we noticed as we sat outside watching 16 yr olds guys and girls dress in corests and bras...) and Kelly's bday a TT's (didn't mean to drink there...or make out with Danny...he's my motocross sexy bf...who i met that night hahah but it was all good/fun.)
Then to kelly's apt to pick up her adoraaaaaaaable dog Riley.
Then i ended up in Burke at john's house which was hysterical/fun. Luckily, i did NOT get lost in burke again like i did this morning from BLP.
Good times. Great people.
Happy bday again to Kelly and Christine!

p.p.s. LB kids are EVERYWHERE! hahah oh linx... you guys are all in a gang i'm sure of this now.
p.s. i'm gonna rename my lucky hat to my 'get lucky hat.' For whatever reason it seems to attract guys like a magnent. So you'd think i'd glue it to my head but you musn't abuse the power...! LOL yeahhhhhh time to pass out now. peace and ffx grease!

Barrrrrrrtendeerrrrrrrr auto-tune t-pain's voice

2010-09-15T00:10:00.001-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**
Note: Some days when I hate my job (which is one day too many!), I think about going back to the bar scene. After reading this...i think not! HAHAH

Friday, January 04, 2008
I can't tell if I'm bitchy or funny. Obviously, I'd like to think I was funny. But i think people at work think i'm bitchy. Co-workers, managers, customers...

I swear though. Some people make it sooooooo eassssssyyy! Like tonight for instance. It was a relatively short shift and I already have a handful of examples!
Case 1
M = Manager
S= Sally
*Background: VERY Southern people singing "YOU DONT HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN!"*
M: What's that sound?
S: It's my table. Drunk rednecks. There's like a million of them! They're super nice. With me, with each other. A little too friendly with each other...I'm tellin ya, it's like an orgy how touchy feely they are with one another. But then, they're rednecks so it could just be a family reunion! Bwahahahha!
M: *laughs * SALLY! That's fucked up.
S: Joke...joke...
M: *Walks away shaking head* Damn you're mean.

It was sooooo just a joke! Cmon! It's funny!
Case 2
FC = Female Customer: 4 obnoxious, crayon-box-exploded-on-my-face-but-i'll-call-it-make-up, overly accesorized girls (Coco Chanel: "Before you leave the house take one thing off" These girls should've taken like 10 things off and need turpentine to wipe their make up off but annyywayss)
S=Sally
MC= Male Customer

C: Can you give us limes and salt for our shots?
S: Sure! I'll be right back with that.
*I come back with it and they're already done with their shots and some how already had limes and salt*
C: HAHAHAHAH! [literally in my face like an inch away] HAHAHAH! SORRRY! It's just like someone already brought it for us while you were getting it! HAHAH But you're fabulous anyways! HAHAHHA
S: HAHAHAH (just as fake as them) Aw, thanks! Wish I could say you guys were too but you're drinking RAIL TEQUILA. (at which other people standing around made horrible faces)Not fabulous. Not even human ewww!

Well. That stopped her in her tracks. She glared at me so I wandered away to another customer and when I turned around they left.

***Note: I only said it b/c she was IN MY FACE! And they already tipped so I didn't have to worry about losing it. Bwahaha
S: Where did the banchees go?
MC: Excuse me?
S: One of the banchees ordered a beer. Where did she go?
MC: Oh. They left...They just got here too so...I dont know why they did leave so early...but i'll pay for their beer...

Now he looked pretty bummed out about it b/c i guess he and his friends thought they were hot... ew... anyways so i felt bad the girls skipped out on them if they wanted get with them, so to make 'em feel less rejected I said...

S: Dude, they look like stevie wonder did their make up and ordered rail tequila and beer. As classy as that is... I think you can do better. And if you still wanna sleep with them, then it looks like you're gonna need rail tequila to get through it too.
MC and friends: HAHAHA Damn girl.
S: What? You think i'm mean? Can you honestly tell me that isn't true?
MC and friends: OOooh girl. You're mean.
S: *shrugs* When you tell me I'm lying, i'll take it back...
MC: Cmon they weren't that bad.
S: No, in fairness they weren't totally busted but can I make a suggestion?
MC: Why not.
S: Masturbate. You won't regret it in the morning.
FUNNY right? Not mean. Not bitchy!

*Sigh*

Well, I dont know what I can do to shake my bitchy reputation b/c i promise you i'm not. Maybe smartass is a better word? But then smartass is just a nice way of saying bitch. Hahah WELL! Better to be a smartass then a dumbass....

So Hot in...So Hot in HURR!

2010-09-15T00:07:00.000-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**

Friday, December 07, 2007
Lalalalala! I'm in a great mood cuz the Skins won yesterday. Woo hoo! Yes, bitches, they sure did. I was at my friend's art show before hand and almost socked this girl right in the face b/c she was skins bashing. Which is totally fine b/c you're allowed to like or not like teams but she was being so fuckin' DUMB and obnoxious about it.
Whatevers.
Unfortunately, I'm starting to worry about myself b/c I've turned into a man when it comes to football. Must. Watch. Football. No speaking of subjects unrelated to football or no answer will be given. Thankfully I don't drink beer, really, so that's my saving grace. Instead it was bailey's and coffee. MmmMMMm! Watched the game with my burke boys and David (Luv 'em all!) and then some random cartoons that they played later after the game on the screens.
Then wandered home and stayed up talking to my mom while she watched something on the news about global warming and I really wanna know something. Why is global warming such a problem? I'm serious. I tried to ask my mom about it and the convo went like this...:
Me: I dont understand global warming.
Mom: What don't you understand?
Me: Why it's a problem.
Mom: Um. Well it's--
Me: Okay it's probably like "oh crap flooding!"
Mom: Well yes, and--
Me: So. Why don't we take it all to the deserts then? Like the sarhara, death valley, australian outback.
Mom: It's not that--
Me: Or! Contact brita and get a reallllllly big filter. or like a few thousand filters and we can drink it all. They always say that there are thirsty starving people out there. Sooo let's not hog the ice caps and share!
Mom: Sally, those--
Me: OR! Put it in a reallllllly big humidifier. Brings moisture to the air or clears pores. OR, Mom i'm on a roll here, get like a really big pot and boil it all away until it like evaporates...Mom? Mom. I'm a genius.
Mom: *blank stare*
Me: Mom...am I dumb? THose were really smart ideas!
Mom: Oh Sally, you think in a different way that's all.
Like the way she didn't say that i wasn't dumb? Hahah it's ok i stll love her. And i still think I have good ideas. so there! Off to find something warm to wear and/or drink. Peace out!

I Just Want Your Extra Time and Your....Kiss

2010-09-15T00:01:00.001-04:00

**Sally Socialite's brain is on hiatus until then: Blast from the Past blogs:**

Monday, December 03, 2007 :
Thursday I got a little more than wasted. It was *NOT* pretty and I do apologize to anyone who had to be in a 20 mile radius of me because there's a good chance that I
1.) Swung my arms around you and proclaimed to everyone that "I LOVE THIS GIRL/GUY! HE/SHE IS COOL AS SHIT!" and really meant it.
2.) Told you some inane story. I dont remember telling any stories but it apparently have happened.
3.) I may have tried to include you in my dance/singing party and if you refused to participate I'd said "You know what? You're pretty fuckin' boring. You're lucky you're sexy or this friendship wouldn't work. Ahhh it would. im kidding. IM KIDDING!"
4.) I may have broken your ear drums shrieking with laughter or yelling in general. Esp "Stop fuckin' trying to gang bang me!" as i yelled to 3 groups of guys. Eek.
5.) Slurred speech. "ifffuggin canned rive butssssss oon!" = i fuckin' cant drive but soon!
*Cringes*
I have serious drinkers remorse. But particulary b/c i ended up making out with several guys...that I didnt know and couldn't pick out from a crowd. And to those boys and many others (def not all!!! mmm def not all hahah) read this list and follow the rules!
I. Thou shall not use tongue as a blender
-Tongue in mouth and then it goes all over the place without rhyme or reason and just ends up uncomfortable and sloppy. Thanks but i'd rather NOT have my tongue pureed.

II. Thou shal not try to digest partner
-Sometimes they'll stick their tongue so far down my throat and mash their face into mine that i'm parallel to the ground. Please. Don't try to inhale me/digest me. It's so not becoming...

III. Thou shall not attempt to be Mike Tyson.
-Biting of the lip should only be done by people who actually know how to execute it properly. This guy kept trying to do that and

IV. Thou shall not make out with Cousin It.
-If you're trying to kiss my neck then go for it. If my hair is in the way the fuckin' move it or wait for me to move it instead of just going for it. If not, I end up with wet, soaking spit stained hair hitting me against my neck which decreases your chances by a million and Then you've just got a mouthful of hair.

V. Thou shall not try to do too many things at once.
-This one kid try to hold my face while kissing me, move his tongue around, bit my lip, and do something with my hair all at once. And then he kept repeating the cycle! I was like okk that's enough.

VI. Thou shall not let the tongue get out of control.
-Your tongue should not be used as a blender (as noted in the first 'shall not') but it also should resemble a hose of a vacuum cleaner that's gone crazy, a dead fish, a sword fight/hockey game, washing machine cycle...

VII. Thou shall not lather, rinse, repeat.
-Meaning dont do the same shit over and over again. It gets old no matter how hot you are.

VIII. Thou shall not talk too much whilst kissing.
-You kiss me. You ask me a random question (what's your name? what are you doing later? Do you have a boyfriend?) and before i can answer you already kiss me again. Or when I respond you keep kissing me so the answer gets all chopped up. "It....s...Sal...ly..." It's awkward and you dont actually care or will remember soooo...

IX.

X.

I leave the last two blank for you guys to fill in. It's not just guys that break this thou shall nots so dont get in all my face guys or send me hostile messages b/c I imagine that it can be this way for girls too. I haven't really made out with any girls before soo.. (Does Thurs count? I hope not. b/c i was caught of guard and pinned to the ground!)

Any how, I'm gonna get going here. But kisses to all! (Following the thou shall nots of course...haha)

Seek Me and You Shall Find

2010-06-30T22:32:00.002-04:00

Well! I can't tell you who originally said that, but I CAN tell you it wasn't a pile of 20,000 stickers.

Yes. 20,000 stickers.

Please remove any thoughts of lisa frank stickers, scratch and sniff stickers, etc. B/c it's not that kinda sticker i'm talking about.

Long story short, I'm creating and ordering stickers for the case of a product at work.

But. No one told me 1.) Google is NOT your friend 2.) It's hard to find an egg shaped sticker (given that the case is not all one size from top to bottom. "Sally it's oblong!" Me: "...isnt that the tea they serve at chinese restaurants?" "No sally. thats OOLONG tea...") 3.) Just how stupid a sticker can make you feel.

I was like okay it's not an even packaging so I asked if a bigger sticker was preferred (to fold over the sides at the top part where it's smaller) or a smaller one b/c it's cheaper and easier. Smaller won (for once. for stickers that is. sorry guys, not off the hook yet!)

SO. Anyways, I did the logical thing and pulled out a ruler to measure the sides. Thats when the panic started.

I realized that unless it's at the inch mark, half an in mark, and after about 20 mins i figured out what quarter inch mark was, those are the ONLY markings on a ruler i recognized. One of the sites offered 3 and 7/8s. I was all pumped b/c i figured out what the quarter inch mark was so i figured this should be easy.

Okay um NOOOOOOOOO. Not at all! I had to google it b/c naturally i was too afraid to ask b/c i feel like thats something like grown ups should know. Well this grown up didn't ok-k-k? And then it's like Damn, is that ASIAN girl asking a MATH question??? I know! Her parents must be white! Nope. They're asian too. And probably horrified that i'm a trainwreck with all things math. (like when people are like OMG this place is having a 30% off sale! i fake delight and match my friends squeal for squeal but really, inside i'm like wtf does that MEAN? how much money is a sally saving??)

AND to add insult to injury, the dimensions changed when we decided to use a circle sticker instead.

I was like FUCK. how do you measure a circle?!

So i went back to google. it was talking all this diameter, radius, pi, circumference bull shit. I'm like FML!!!!

And then i got mad at google for being smarter than me. Google is like my husband. Sexy. Reliable. Keeps up with the times. Knows everything. Perfect perfect perfect.

Pefection can be boring so i like to mix it up and went to my other secret lover/boy toy, Wikipedia. Not quite as perfect and a bit limited but still gets the job done.

I hope the two never meet.

Anyways.

Wiki didn't help me either b/c it was showing this crazy half circle ruler thing that drew circles.

Protractor?

I dont know. All i know is that a protractor is NOT indeed a professional tractor. Like tractor that farmers use. Not a bad joke, im totally serious.

Anyways...

So then I went to dictionary.com aka the fuck buddy. You want it one thing. you dont care about its history. You want what you want and you wanna get in and out and never speak of it.

But even dictionary.com couldnt break it down for me.

So I got a ruler out and tried to measure the darn thing and guessed that the diameter (which really just means how long a circle is in the middle part)was 4". Okay very well. Then i was like wait, is that true for top and bottom also?

Whateeveer.

All this mathness makes me flash back to my 4th grade teacher who said that we would need to know how to use this stuff in the future and me and my friends being like OMG whatever we are never going to use this in the future.

And here i am. In the future. Needing to know how to use this.

And to answer your question Mr. Foxworthy...No. I'm not smarter than a 5th grader. But i can still kick a 5th graders ass if he/she objects to helping a Sally out with basic math.

She Was An American Girl...

2010-05-17T22:24:00.002-04:00

That she is me. I'm an American girl. Born here, raised here and God willing, will die here.

My parents? Well, Korean yes but took their citizenship test LONNNNG ago before i was born so they're also Americans.

This is all information you should know before continuing to read along.

So basically some parents blame the media for corrupting their kids. Me? I blame the media for corrupting my parents.

Yeah i said it.

The past few months they've been exhibiting some stranger than usual behavior. They're not your typical strict Asian parents (im clearly not a doctor nor have i eveer gotten straight a's and they dont care) but for the most part, they stick to their roots. Korean tv shows. Korean music. Rootin' for Korea in the world cup.

But lately, they've been extra American. My dad thinks Beyonce should be his girlfriend. My mom downloaded 'Bad Romance' on to her iPod. Dad wants to go to a Santana concert at Nissan Pavillion (yes i know it's jiffy lube but i'm from nova. it's fucking nissan foreva). Mom texted me the other day "OMG!" and when she saw a crowded parking lot said "FML!"

That's all good and well. I know all of our parents do things that we think are reserved for OUR generation but it's weird!

What kills me is when they take their sudden savvyness and turn it against me. Their English is okay but no one told ME just how okay it was.

Like when my fam was having brunch together on Sunday and I was asking my older [thinks shes from Compton] sis about the charity casino night her company held. Her answer was "MMPH GURL, i didn't come home that night! KNOWIMSAYIN!" (which btw 'knowwhatimsaying' said too fast really sounds like 'know-i'm-insane?')

Anyways. So i was like OMG YOU SLUTBAG! WHO DID YOU GO HOME WITH!

To which SHE said, "CHILD PLEASE. I AINT GO HOME WITH NONEOF DEM MOTHA FUCKAS!"

I was like "Yes you did. SLUTFACE."

To which my MOM jumps in and looks at ME and says "She's not like you. OH SNAP!"

I was paralyzed by shock. WHO TAUGHT MY MAMA TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!?!

When the shock wore off i said "MOM! Who taught you to say that?! That's bad english. VERY BAD ENGLISH!"

She laughs proudly (while my dad and sis are in tears laughing at me) and says to me
"What? You are like that. You are a W."

I'm like "i'm a w? what does that mean?"

Big sis says "She means you're a whore, you trick!"

Me: IM NOT A WHORE! MOM! SHAME! BAD ENGLISH. DONT LEARN THAT STUFF!

Then as a last line of defense i turn to daddykins to back me up and all HE says "That was burning!"

I look around to see what's on fire and realized he MEANT to say "That was a burn."

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?

That's it. No tv or computer for either of them for a month.

Hmph!

A-ha Hush That Fuss, Everybody Move To The Back of the Bus

2010-05-05T23:30:00.002-04:00

SOooOOooOo

I'd like to throw a disclaimer. I AM A SMART GIRL!

That said, I dont know how a self proclaimed smart girl can be so dumb. Maybe naive is the better word. I dont know.

I'm bothered at my brain's severe inability to understand guys in general (like all girls) but I feel left out that I can't understand the basic things about guys that ALL girls do EXCEPT me. It's not an attempt to be cute, coy, quirky, or funny but just the gosh darn truth. Like it cripples me so badly that 75% of the time i take it in good stride but 25% of the time, i literally burst into tears b/c i genuinely dont understand and i get really upset that i dont and that people yell at me b/c they can't believe how naiive/dense i am. I try to learn but i can't i guess.

For instance, there was my Soy Joy's wedding this past Saturday and Jonesypoo was my lovely escort/partner in crime and we were driving back from the wedding and I dont know how this came up but we were talking about a shameful incident I had back when i was 19 or so (maybe 18 or 20 i dont remember).

I was at the Warped Tour and the lead singer of a band which will remain annonymous and I made out and he invited me back to the bus.

It was hot outside and people were constantly coming up to us (by us i mean HIM since im a no one hahah and if i named the band..you'd realize he's a no one too..HAHAH JKJKJKJKJKJK...kinda) and I was like okie dokie. And I told my friend and my sis that i would brb b/c im going to the bus with the guy in the band. To which they said, "ARE YOU GOING TO FUCK HIM???" I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I am NOT a groupie. Yuck! To which THEY said "THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING? You know that's what he wants right?"

Well. I just about had a famous Sally Panic Attack. I was like he wants to do WHAT? He wants to put his WHAT in MY WHAT?! I dont even know his last name! Or first come to think of it. hahah

That was silly on all kinds of levels b/c I was no longer the big V at the time but i COULD NOT believe that's what he wanted from me! ME!

[note to mcweens: I can hear you in your little voice going REALLY MCWEENEY, REALLY? hahahah]

And then as I'm telling Joneserdoodle this story, he was like "What did you think he wanted to do?" I was like "Well. It was boiling hot outside and Im sure there was air conditioning on the bus so he probably wanted to just chat and chill and shoot the shit on the bus you know." And Jones was like "Oh yeah, yeah I know. Yeah that msut be it. He probably just wanted to chat and get to know you." I was like "THANK YOU! I'm right! I was right then and I'm right now. He probably was hot from being out in the sun and tired of taking pics/signing autographs and wanted to move to a better climate." And jones nodded enthusiastically with me and said "oh yeah no, of course." And I smiled and was like "THANK YOU! You get it! You get my side! He just wanted to be my friend, I guess.You get it! Right?"

Thinking my homeboy would continue to get my back and nod along in agreement.

But THEN jones shakes his head and says "No, i dont get what you're talking about. That guy wanted to fuck you."

Way to shatter my theory and faith in you Jones. I effing hate you. (As i say to you on a daily basis hahah)

I turned indignantly to the backstabbing traitor known as Jones and said "But you were agreeing with me before-oh i get it you weere being facetious. Fucker."

To add insult to injury, he PATS me on the head and LAUGHS at ME and says "Oh Sally. What are we going to do with you."

Bastard!

So I'm on the phone with Erik Shmerik telling HIM the story hoping that my rolldawg would come to my side and say Yes you were right about the band thing and Yes, Jones is a bastard for being facetious. but then erik TOO started laughing and SIGHING at me. It reminded me of the time that a mutual friend of me and Shmer was being very friendly with me and i leaned over to shemr when mutual friend was in the br and i whispered "SHMERIK. I THINK MUTUTAL FRIEND IS HITTING ON ME BUT I CANT TELL!" And Shmer, yells at ME and erik shmerik NEVER yells at me, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? OF COURSE HE'S HITTING ON YOU! He kept telling you you're hot and he had his arm around you and was kissing you. YES. YES HE IS HITTING ON YOU. SERIOUSLY SALLY."

::pout:: Well you dont have to yell at a sally. i was just asking a question. dayum.

Moral of my story, if a leadsinger of a band invites you back on the bus, surely that's not some sort of secret code that means he wants you on HIS BUS *wink wink nudge nudge giggity giggity*

....does it?

Rockabye...Lullaby

2010-04-24T10:41:00.003-04:00

Yep. You know it. It's time again for another ridiculous conversation with my lil sis Julie.

Today's nonsensical topic?

Nursery Rhymes/Lullabys

Me: Hey. You know that song about the mulberry bush and weasel and something goes pop?

Julie: Um, Pop goes the Weasle?

Me: Right. Yeah that. *singing* "All around the mulberry bush the pumpkin chased the weeeeasle."

Julie: Did you just say pumpkin?

Me: I did. It chased the weasle.

Julie: If by pumpkin you mean MONKEY.

Me: Oh right! Monkey. Not pumpkin.

Julie: You're ridiculous.

Me: Pumpkin, monkey--same thing.

Julie: Definitely not.

Me: Whatever. All around the mulberry bush the pumpkin chased the weasle, one of the two i dont quite remember thought it was all in the fun, POP goes the weasle.

Julie: WHAT? First of all, I just said it was MONKEY and you definitely said PUMPKIN again. It's Monkey. MON. KEY. And it was the MONKEY that thought it was all in the fun.

Me: Picky, picky...so about that monkey and weasle...like which one of those two thought it was all in the fun?

Julie: The monkey.

Me: Right. So...what was the Pop! about? Did the monkey bonk that weasle on the head for shits and giggles and that's what the pop is? OR did the weasle get super irritated with the monkey and was like GET UP OUT MY SHIT YOU DUMBASS MONKEY and when the monkey didn't stop chasing him, the weasle was like POP! as in he put a cap in the monkey's ass?

Julie: Are we really having this conversation?

Me: Yes. Now I want an answer.

Julie: The weasle clearly hit the monkey.

Me: The weasle should go to anger management. Such violent song. People complain about violence in rap music--well i think it's safe to say we should shift that energy to kids songs.

Julie: For real. Like all of them are about something terrible.

Me: Such as..?

Julie: London bridge is falling down, Rockabye Baby, Ring around the Rosie...

Me: I thought of one that's not! The one that no one knows the words to. Lullaby and goodnight and no one knows the words to this song...

Julie: That song is creepy. Like a lifetime movie when someone steals a baby. You can hear them singing softly, "lullabbbbbbbbbbbbyyyy aaaaaaaand gooooooooodniiiiiiiiightttt" all slow and creepy like. Then Linda Hamilton is stuck spending the next 90 minutes finding her baby...

Me: You're crazy.

Julie: But I'm right. Tune into lifetime sometime...Anyways, all lullabys are creepy and violent.I'm not singing them to MY kids if i have them.

Me: What are you are you going to sing to them instead? You listen to Queen, Billy Joel, and pot smoking artists. You're gonna be over the crib singing "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for meeeeeeee for meeeeeee for MEEEEEEEEEEE!" or "Sing us a song you're the piano man! Sing us a song tonight!"

Julie: Better than your horrible mix of music. "Womanizer woman-womanizer OH womanizer OH you're a womanizer baby" or "Bend over to the front touch your toes" That's not appropriate either.

Me: I think we'll leave it to Lisa [our big sis] to have all the kids in the family...

How Could You Be So Heartless?

2010-04-19T00:48:00.002-04:00

Yep. And yet another animal hating statement from yours truly.

I dont actually hate animals though. I just dont get the big flipping deal about certain ones.

Like deer. (and obviously owls b/c of my previous entry)

I dont know how or why this even came up but when i was at the boys' house on sat night, the subject of deer came up and i expressed my enormous apathy for deer.

(Oh wait, I remember. Someone on tv was wearing a john deer shirt and i said i dont like johns and i dont like deer so john deer is out of the question for me. And being that im a minority, I think that's quite alright.)

Anyways, my friend tried to pull the Bambi card out on me to appeal to my emotions. He was like "Humans killed Bambi's mother Sally" and i was like oh puh-lease. Not gonna work!

Seriously? I used to feel the same way everyone does about Disney's Bambi.

You know, OMG THEY KILLED BAMBIS MOTHER!!! ::cue tears and avoiding watching that movie on purpose ever again::

But guess what kiddos? Deer? They're like totally playing the victim.

Seriously! Just think about it...

Like dude, how would YOU feel if Disney made a movie about an adorable little kid who's mother is driving home from dropping him off somewhere and her car gets HIT by a deer and she dies? And there's no baby's daddy so now he's an orphan?

Yeah. Exactly.

And as for the "I'm a vegetarian b/c killing animals to eat meat is mean" people. I bring you some lyrics from NOFX's song "Shut Up Already":

"Affection not dissection meat is murder animals are for petting
oh shut up already I'm tired of you whining
about poor little animals dying and the food they are supplying
because if a big animal had he chance
it wouldn't take another glance it would eat you up"

Bye Bye Birdie

2010-04-18T22:11:00.004-04:00

OK! Soooooooo

There's this owl outside of my window and it's been here for the past week and a half. I can't see where it's sitting anymore but i can damn well hear the little bastard.

ALL night, WHOOOOOOOO WHO WHO WHO WHOOOOOOOOOOO WHO WHO WHO

Some nights it's not so bad.

Last night it was AWFUL.

So I get in last night around 2 something in the morning from the boys' house and ready to pass out when i hear WHOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOO WHOO WHO WHO WHO WHO WHOOOOOOOOOO WHO WHOOOOOOOO! I'm like seriously?! But i put my pillow over my head and hope the owl shuts up.

But naturally as it goes in these types of stories...it doesnt.

The next half an hour just a constant WHOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOO WHO WHO WHOOOOO!

I snapped.

I threw open my window and screamed at it: I DONT KNOW WHO THE FUCK WHO! STOP FUCKING ASKING BEFORE I FUCKING SHOOT YOU AND YOU WONT NEED TO ASK WHO BECAUSE THAT WHO IS ME AND IM TELLING YOU NOW.

....I think I need sleep to be nice Sally....

I'm A Slaaaaaaaaave....For you....

2010-04-16T11:23:00.003-04:00

Okayyyyyyy

This whole defriending on facebook is nonsense. NONSENSE. People have the right to not be your friend if they dont want to be. Sometimes you lose a friend b/c they deactivated their account. Sometimes, it's not even personal b/c it's like...you haven't talked to them since you had class with them....4 years ago. And sometimes, someone just doesn't like you. That happens in life ladies and gentlement.

No one has to be your friend and you dont have to be anyone's and the anxiety and anger that people get from defriending and being defriended is ridiculous.

ITS A FRIGGIN INTERNET WEBSITE YO!!! Are you really taking it that seriously!?

You are all lovely people who have the right to be friends with or not be friends with whoever you want and certainly a social media application shouldn't dictate such.

Personally, I'm not anyone's bitch or slave.

....unless he's really cute... ;)

hahahahah

Bird Bird Bird. Bird is the Word

2010-04-12T00:04:00.001-04:00

11:56 PM me: i'm an odd bird ktj. odd odd odd

Katie: eh im odd too. odd birds get along

11:57 PM me: girl, yes. our feathers stick together! or something like that.
11:58 PM me: oh wait, birds of a feather flock together. d'oh i will never be wise. =(
hahaha dur dur dur, our feathers stick together

Katie: hahahaha
hahahahah
11:59 PM you are a wise one sally
just way beyond your years

me: i mean, maybe their feathers DO stick together!
fml. i just suck at repeating wise sayings

Katie: HAHAHAHA

You Light Up My Life

2010-04-08T12:12:00.004-04:00

I swear to you, this little cartoon man in the Ikea "how to assemble" booklet looks like Justin Timberlake putting a lamp together!!! I half expect him to come to life like in A-ha's "Take On Me" video.

Party In the USA

2010-04-07T13:10:00.003-04:00

Why I avoid going to parties:

In Our Family Portrait We Look Pretty Happy

2010-04-04T21:38:00.002-04:00

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY REDSKINS WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I view my football team like a family. You may not like everyone in it and it may be disfunctional but it's your family at the end of the day.

Now there's a new "father" in town, McNabb, who I guess is taking Campbell's spot and I feel like the bratty child who doesn't like new dad.

blah.

Isn't It Ironic...Don't You Think?

2010-04-04T00:14:00.003-04:00

Whilst driving to Woodbridge with my older sister Lisa (also endearingly known as The Clam), I couldn't help but notice how the song we were listening to...was very inappropriate given our surroundings.

You should know this about her. She is and always has been and always will be the biggest Michael Jackson fan.

So we're in her car listening to his earth song which is Michael crooning about what have we done to this world and shame on us for the conditions of the environment and shame on big corporate companies.

Lisa's gushing about how much she loves the song and I nod and I'm like eh about the song and I look around while we're listening to this tree hugging song...

And then I couldn't help it. And if you know me well you KNOW i can'thelp it. Sometimes a Sally just gotta say something so i did.

Mid song I turned to her after taking in our surroundings as said...

Me: I don't know how I feel about us listening to this song right now...
Lisa: WHY?!
Me: Well...we're listening to this song about earth and we're on a highway where trees have been knocked down to build this highway, in traffic next to a steel company, drinking the starbucks which is the nectar of corporate giants and I'm smoking a Marlboro Light in your SUV with you iPhone on the dashboard....Isn't it ironic....don't you think?

You Live You Learn

2010-04-01T23:23:00.002-04:00

I checked out my own linked in page to see what the employers are seeing especially since one of them said she googled me.

Obviously I know how to keep my facebook private and I'm not on any other social networking sites. I don't myspace. I don't twitter. I linkin for work and facebook for play (although I'm ready to kick facebook to the curb) and this blog i dont think is searchable.

So imagine my surprise when I see a link next to the space on my LINKEDIN profile that says: My Blog.

And where did that link lead to?

THIS PAGE.

alksjfalksdjfadkl

Instead of typing in my portfolio link, I must've typed in my blog link out of habit.

FML!!!

I wish I Was Special...So F***in SPECIALLLL

2010-03-30T22:35:00.003-04:00

I get nervous everytime I have a frank and honest blog because of the backlash I get but you know what? It's my damn blog so here I go!

It's ridiculous how self centered everyone is and I'm pretty appalled and to a larger extent annoyed by it. I understand to some extent it's human nature and that's just how it is but i can't help but wonder why. Obviously as human being we're all selfish b/c at the end of the day, who have we got? Us. Right. Got it. But there's an overwhelming type of people that I'm genuinely concerned and bewildered by.

I know it must be like, well what (and more specifically WHO) sparked this?

Nothing actually. I've been trying write my book and came across a writers block so decided to take a step back to examining people in general and found that despite my wide spectrum of friends and acquatinces have the following thing in common.

EVERYONE seems to think the following about themselves:
-Too nice
-Hates drama
-Hopeless in relationships
-Perfect for a reality show
-A beach person
-Unhappy in their job
-A great listener/the one people go to their problems with/always there for people
-A hilarious/flirtatious drunk
-A people person
-Hates everyone
-Is an optimist
-So fat
-Okay looking/averagely attractive

None of these qualities are unique, I'm sorry to say. None. Accept it.

I struggle b/c I'm not sure if it's something that I'm pissed that I know so many people like this or that I can't seem to understand the rational behind it.

Like, I wonder why everyone has the need to be numero uno in life in general and always in competition with their own friends, even if it's not intentional. Maybe competition isn't the right word but trying to stand out. Religiously checking the number of friends they have on facebook, adding people you met once and will probably never speak to again, trying to think of a saucy, clever, funny, attention grabbing status message on facebook, gchat etc, taking pics and posting them where everyone looks like they're friends and having a greeat time when actually the night was either horribly boring or full of drama rama.

I can't say I've never done any of this before but I can say I definitely believe that there's a category of people who almost strategically do this and it's very...well i wanna say pathetic but given that these are my friends i'm talking about...mystifying? LOL i dont know.

I find solace in people who are rarely on or don't own a social networking sites, show a deeper understanding and appreciation for life, and have more than a shread of intelligence. All relative and subjective, I realize.

Sometimes I look at these things and can see how people do it or say things for a light hearted fun side or speak for dramatic effect but dont actually takethe topic all that seriously. I know I do. Sometimes I roll my eyes and want to ship myself to a deserted island b/c I find people too selfish, self involved and way too dependent on other people/social media (she said in her blog haha i know). And other times, like now, I genuinely feel sorry for people like this. And it's not the kind of I'm sorry where you're clearing being condescending but I really do feel sorry to these kinds of people. I wonder...what happened to you to make you like this? And why can't you stop?

Long story short, no one's special, everyone's special. Get over it.

....love youuuuuuuuuu....hahahaha

f-a-b-o-lo-us holla back

2010-03-30T00:19:00.000-04:00

Fatima: lol
omgosh
its like...drama...funny random thing...drama...funny random thing
me: hahahaha
you know why that is?
Sent at 12:04 AM on Tuesday
me: my brain is like a robot that someone poured water on with the squiggle lines and steam all around it
man. Ti, you summed me up in 3 words
if someone ever asks me to describe myself in 3 words i will say
"Funny. Random. Drama."
--
Any wonder i love this girl?

Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing. I'm a bitch

2010-03-30T00:18:00.001-04:00

me: people call me sassy sally. is that a nice way of saying i'm bitchy? what's the difference b/w sassy and bitchy?
Justin: sassy is passive aggressive bitchy. the kinda girl who says something bitchy inside a joke. you'd say something like 'she looks great. didn't realize that the hippo look was in but she's workin it!' bitchy is the girl who says something bitchy and adds 'lol' at the end
me: well then arent THEY passive aggresive for tell me i'm bitchy in a passive way?
Justin: ur not bitchy. u are sassy. but more than that... you're neurotic.
me: yeah well your a waste of sperm and egg. lol. hows that for bitchy?

No Matter What the Crisis is...doin' ya thing

2010-03-29T23:42:00.001-04:00

The Quarter Life Crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Freedoooooooooom, Freeeeeeeedommmmm

2010-03-29T17:05:00.004-04:00

I dont know why but driving along to my interview today I saw this stupid pro life drivers license and it really irritated me. See pic below:

I think people should have the RIGHT to CHOOSE. If you wanna keep the kid do it but if you dont wanna, you dont have to! It's a topic I'm very passionate about so I wont get into it. But I did think of my prochoice license plate:

The Rainbow Connection

2010-03-20T00:47:00.003-04:00

*Names omitted or changed to respect privacy of people involved*

Back home from an engagement party. Two of my girls are getting married and yes, to each other. I know, you're thinking 'oh so it was an enGAYgement party.' To which i say, yes and that's not terribly clever, though accurate.

It was a fun silly night and naturally b/c i'm Sally i made a dummy out of myself in front of people i dont know.

Person:"And this is Forty Spice Hummus."
Me: *leaning in closer to hear* "Did you say Sporty Spice hummus? Like really?"
Person: "Er no. FORTY spice. Not Sporty..."

Oy. And one of the people i met before only once, he was there hosting and when i met HIM i didn't realize people were in the living room when i came into the apt and said very loudly and quite annoyed "OMG Gum is like totally confusing! I've been trying to open the pack since i drove over and can you help me? GUM IS SO CONFUSING and.. oh...hello people i dont know..."

Oops.

Moving along, while it was a fun night, there was something very serious and very disturbing to me that i didn't think about until they brought it up.

When we were going around the room each giving speeches to the engaged girls, I felt very humbled and disturbed by the two gay men's speech. They both mentioned how proud they were of the girls for doing this and how excited they were to finally have the right to do it and are now taking advantage of it.

Humbled because I'm straight and the right to be married has been around like forever and I never have to think about having the right to do just that whereas with gay marriage it is now slowly starting to be accepted in certain areas of the country.

Disturbed because I didn't realize how many people were anti-gay. Not just here but like all over the world. One of the guys told me that in Uganda, they will literally hang you if you are gay or know someone who is. Um what?!!?!?!?!?! That's crazyness!

I view homosexuality, queerness, transness--any derivatives of it-- the same way as I view race, creed, physical appearance, socioeconomicness...etc. And that is, WHO THE HELL CARES? It's really upsetting to find out that many people do. It's quite disgusting actually.

I know as a straight person I shouldn't be so fired up about this but i am because it's a human right and we're all humans soooooo...what's the problem?

Like my boy Jason Mraz says "It's our God forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved..."

It's like homosexuality is the new racism.

Like can someone help me understand? I sincerely don't get it. If it's a religious reason then im going to roll my eyes at you for thinking that even counts as an argument. I'm proud Christian and the God I believe in tells me that i should love like everyone. I don't and i know i should but it's not because of what they look like, how much money they make or who they sleep with (unless they's sleeping with my mans. Then we's gonna have a problem..) Like seriously though. Dammit, if i'm going to hate you, it's going to be b/c you're a terrible person. Not because you prefer the magic carpet ride over the seesaw or the seesaw over the magic carpet ride. Whatever floats your boat homesicle. Me? I like to ride the seesaw. bahahah ok ok tmi.

But yeah. Like i saw this new VH1 show called "TRANSform Me" which is run by 3 trannies and the girl they were making over from Alabama had this stank look on her face when the girls arrived at her door. I guess she hasn't had much exposure to those kind of people (i know alabama...) but she didn't have to be such a frigid bitch. That's like being mean to someone b/c they're ugly or fat or a certain race--like who the fuck cares?! It's something engrained in them since birth or something they discover. Cool. Now move along. Okay so to her credit at the end when they made her look pretty, she changed her attitude a bit but it was really unnecessary to begin with.

I was also pretty surprised at Oprah when she had Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi on her show and asked them why they felt the need to get married. I'm like, you never asked a straight couple that question...

Do people think it's airborne and going to kill you?

Like i dont get it and probably never will.

I'm okay with that.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2010-03-19T15:46:00.001-04:00

3:29 PM me: I dont much like that ke$sha is making more money than all of us combined.
If she's going to make money singing about jack daniels and no pants, im going to change my name to $ally and sing about being topless and vodka. i'll start my tour in russia.

3:36 PM Fatima: LOL LOL. That and ke$ha isn't really singing
and she's not really rapping
and her voice sounds like she's restrainign it

me: she's pdiddying

Fatima: like she has to to go to the bathroom

me: she did wake up feeling like him

Fatima: no hoke
*joke

me: hahah this is true
i wonder what talentless black man i should wake up feeling like
ray jay, i suppose.

Think of your fellow man, Lend him a helping hand...

2010-03-15T19:37:00.003-04:00

Or you know...whatever else there is laying around....Read til the end. I promise it's worth it and you'll never guess the ending...

So... My girls came back from myrtle beach and witnessed a crazy car accident. Car was tumbling towards them and EVERYTHING.

Ashley comforted the driver who caused the accident.

Laura was on the side calling 911.

Did i mention that the car that was struck and tumbling towards them a HANDICAP car and the couple in the car were old as dirt and the lady in shot gun was ALREADY wearing a neckbrace?

Oy.

So that's bad enough. The car landed on the driver's side door and the lady being in shot gun and oh yeah a NECK BRACE is holding on to the ceiling hoping she doesn't slip and crush her husband or whoever the guy driving was.

Rule of thumb, you're not supposed to move car accident people b/c you may further injure them and be held liable unless the car is on fire or something.

The thing of the thing is that home girl's already rockin' a funnel around her neck lookin' like a damn funnel cake and old dude is old and cut up and truthfully, how long could home girl really hold her weight until the EMT arrived?

Right. That said, they group of good citizens who decided to pull over and help decided they needed to break the windshield and help a sister out b/c her arms were gonna go soon.

But what to use? What to use...

Then a man out of no where shows up and busts open the glass with none other than....

......
.........
................
.................................

..........................................................................

HIS PROSTHETIC LEG.

Im serious.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

A fact. Use it as you wish.

Call if you want but there's no one home

2010-03-15T19:27:00.002-04:00

That's probably why when ET phoned home no one picked up and left his ass on earth.

I was out with the blasian family on sunday afternoon when i saw a picture of ET at the restaurant where we were.

Now ok, i would like to heavily emphasis that i only saw ET once a LooooooooOOoooOOong time ago...

Me: How did ET get home? Did he phone? Is that why he kept saying he was going to phone home?
Nigel: YOU DIDNT SEE ET?!!?!!?!?!!?!?
Me: I did!!! Calm down now...
Nigel: And you dont remember how he got home??
Me: NO! I saw it when i was like 8! Give me a break! Did the kid give him a ride home like on the bike?
Nigel: Did the kid bike him...NO!
Me: You know that's not a ridiculous question. The poster clearly shows the kid biking by the moon and ET in the basket. Or was it a tandumbike and did they pedal together to get ET home? It's very green of them you know.
Nigel: NO! How is the kid gonna breathe? And he'd have to pedal like forever.
Me: Oh really? So how did he get home?
Aisha: The SPACESHIP came and got him.
Me: Ohhhhhh of course! The SPACESHIP did. That's logical and my theory that the kid dropped him off at home is ridiuclous...
Nigel: It is! Do you know how far away ET lived?
Me: No, I've never been over to his house before.
Nigel: How would the kid BREATHE?
Me: Excuse me! But why is my logical explanation of the kid biking the alien home ridiculous and the prospect of the flying BIKE is not?!

I swear. I think people underestimate my intelligence...

Just take a look, it's in a book...

2010-03-09T00:47:00.002-05:00

**Dedicated to Tanner who may either die after reading this or will never speak to me again b/c I'm apparently dense as fog. hahah enjoy Tanner!!!**

Right, so i'm going to apologize ahead of time by flat out saying, I have no fucking idea how this conversation started and I recognize the nerdyness of it but seriously, you can't even say anything b/c you know what's said is true.

Based on a true conversation i had with, of course, the ever present and always entertaining little sister of mine. Julie the pilgrim.

Why were talking about books we were forced to read in school, i dont know but we found a way to make it even more understandable than cliffs notes. Please see below

DIARY OF ANNE FRANK
Me: Was that a true story? It was right?
Julie: Oy vey. YES. That's why it's the AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
Me: I was right! Mazle tov! But only kinda since it was a pretty sad story.
Julie: It was very sad. But very boring.
Me: What???
Julie: It WAS.
Me: She was HIDING in an attic from NAZIS! Give her a break. Not much is going to change.
Julie: I know but she could've used better adjectives or told more interestingly.
Me: Maybe the whole COULD BE KILLED BY NAZIS thing was hindering her ability to use more colorful language.
Julie: I didn't say i BLAME her or that her story wasn't sad. I'm just saying that the book was a little long and dry. The moral is that she's a great girl despite the incredibly shitty (to put it lightly) circumstance she was in.
Me: Exactly. Give home girl a break.
Julie: I know. I'm just saying, it should be like the first chapter, ONE middle chapter and then the end chapter. I'm in an attic. It sucks. I still believe in people. Done. Now that's how you tell a story.
Me: You're a putz, you realize this right?

GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Julie: I LOVE that story.
Me: What was it about again? Some guy who had...great expectations?
Julie: OMG. Yes but there's more to it than that. It's about a guy named Pip who falls in love with this girl
Me: BACK UP THE SOULTRAIN. His name was PIP?? They couldn't think of a sexier name than PIP?
Julie: Look, I didn't name him. ANYWAYS Pip falls in love with this girl but the girl was trained to be a heartbreaker by her bitter aunt.
Me: Ok...so...what's so great about that?
Julie: He had GREAT EXPECTATIONS to fall in love and be with her but her aunt is a psycho.
Me: Psycho how? Wait, is that the story with Miss Havisham and she got jilted at the altar?
Julie: Yup and she never left her house and made all the clocks stay at the time she was jilted or give minutes before and she never changed out of her wedding gown.
Me: WHAT? How long ago was she jilted?
Julie: Like forever ago. Like the aunt is like REALLLLLLLLY OLD.
Me: That's gotta be one funky ass smelling hummin dirty stanky stank dress.
Julie: For real. Anyways Pip falls in love with the niece and the niece loves him too but acts like she dont
Me: She sounds like a trick.
Julie: She wasn't a trick. She just didnt know any better b/c of her smelly aunt.
Me: So do they hook up in the end? Pip and that girl?
Julie: Nope.
Me: What? Why is called great expectations??? It should be called NO expectations.
Julie: Charles Dickens is stupid. I dont know why. Maybe b/c Pip had great expectations
Me: but they weren't met...that's false advertising. Whats the point of the story? dont fall in love? dont have expectations becuase the man or woman of your dreams my have a bitter stanky aunt?
Julie: Pretty much.
Me: So how does it end?
Julie: Pip is like you dont' lvoe me? okay. im going to go now. and then he leaves with the ex-con who gave him all that money.
Me: Er...? Did i miss something?
Julie: I hate Charles Dickens. It's like a 300 pg book and i just told you everything you need to know about it in 3 minutes. He went on about how some wine fell off a cart and it fell into the crevaces of the road and blah blah blah. FIVE PAGES. All he had to say was the wine fell. Next...
Me: ...did you just say crevace?

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
Me: For whom DOES that bell toll for?
Julie: I dont know. But i saw somewhere in a poem or something that "It tolls for thee"
Me: For me? I dont even KNOW the guy who wrote that
Julie: NO stupid. Thee meaning EVERYONE.
Me: A player must've wrote that. Like he must've been the Drake of his time. "Youda youda beest youda youda best best i ever haaaaaaad best i ever haaad"
Julie: I dont think that's what Edgar Allan Poe meant.
Me: Isn't he a black comedian?
Julie: NO SALLY. That's David Allan Grier.
Me: Right. So the bell tolls for everyone?
Julie: Actually...i think it was a story about soldiers so it tolls for them. I didn't read the book because I dont like war books.
Me: But you like Gone with the Wind.
Julie: That was a movie. That's different.
Me: BASED ON A BOOK like every movie out there pretty much.
Julie: I don't think Soul Plane and Pootietang were ever books and they were movies.
Me: Well played my friend. Well played.

GENERAL SHORT STORIES
Me: Did you ever have to read that story about the woman who cut her hair and sold it so she could buy a guitar case for her husband and her husband sold his guitar to buy his wife a hair clip and they find out what the other did and it's supposed to be like awww but it's actually kinda fucked up that they BOTH got dicked in the end?
Julie: HAHAHAH Did you just make that story up?
Me: NO! I dont know what the moral is. Don't...buy your signficant other gifts?
Julie: Maybe.
Me: Or...maybe the moral is...put a limit on the gift you're going to get each other? I dont know why they made us read that book.

Julie: I hated the Giver. It had an ugly cover too. I also hated that tuck...forever ever forever ever story.
Me: First of all, this is not Outkast's Miss Jackson. It was NOT Tuck Forever ever forever ever. It was Tuck Everlasting.
Julie: Whatever same thing. That book sucked. Did they ever make you read the story about the cat and the time machine?
Me: HAHAHAHAHHAHA NO! Are you making stories up??
Julie: NO! It's a story about a cat and he has a time machine and he goes places.
Me: Uhhhhhhhhh. I think you need to lay off whatever drug it is you're clearly ingesting.
Julie: I AM NOT.
Me: You want ME to believe that someone wrote a story and Fairfax County asked kids to read a story about a cat with a time machine...
Julie: Actually, I dont think it had a time machine. It just like went places when it felt like it.
Me: So do i. That doesn't make me a cat or a time machine.
Julie: NO! It's a real story. It was called...it was called...time...travel...cat...travel...travel...cat..
Me: Time Travel Cat Travel Travel Cat--catchy title....
Julie: I hate you.

GREAT GATSBY
Julie: HATED THAT STORY.
Me: What? It was the only quasi interesting one out there. Make something outta nothing.
Julie: Unoriginal. Cinderella did that too.
Me: Um NO. Gatsby is like the original Fitty Cent. Get Rich or Die Trying. He got rich and died later but that's totally unrelated.
Julie: Whats the point of that story?
Me: That anything possible i guess.
Julie: You didn't read it.
Me: I did too! I just dont remember. Gatsby was great b/c he became rich and got the girl he wanted. Okay he died a little afterwards but still. He was great.
Julie: Was he Sally? Was he? You know him like that?
Me: I hate you.

And finally..
Me: Julie, you do realize in this conversation we have basically shat all over american literature.
Julie: Dickens was British.
Me: Whatever...wait, he was?
Julie: YES. ::english accent:: Ch-aw-les Dih-ckens
Me: Just because you say it in a British accent doesn't make it so.
Julie: Whatever. But i dont think we shat all over it. We just broke it down.
Me: We should totally be teachers.
Julie: Seriously. We explain so other understand and make it a LOT shorter. Think of the books that dont need to be published anymore.
Me: GO GREEN! My friend Chase would be proud of that. That kid a half step away from being captain planet. hahah
Julie: Lordie. Anyways, maybe we should be teachers.
Me: I'm down.

Love Can Touch Just One Time and Last For A Lifetime

2010-02-21T22:13:00.003-05:00

*Dedicated to my bar (or as he would say "bahhh" since he's from Boston!) manager, Matt Binkerd "Matty B." You will be missed.*

::Also note:: Sorry to anyone who thought that I meant Matt BATTISTA died. He definitely didn't!!!! I got some calls and txts of confusion. Wrong Matty B!!!

That said, here's my blog:

I know. Of all the lyrics I could've chosen as the title of my blog, I had to go with the corniest one. If you've continued to read desite the horrible title, thank you. If not, i dont blame you but I guess you wouldn't really know b/c you stopped reading. HAHA

Moving along, Ms. Celine Dion had a point even if she chose the worst words to make her point. No, I was not in love with Matty B. or viceversa. Instead of the word love, I would plug in the word "kindess." You can be kind to someone once and it could last a lifetime.

Matty B. was hands down my fav manager there. [Obviously I adore Dawn, Tasha, Jen, and everyone else but Dawn and Tasha didnt start out as managers and Jen joined the store later.]
I had never worked in a bar before, worked there part time since i had 9-5 job etc. Whenever I fucked up, which wasn't too often but when i did, went all out haha. Matty B was super nice about it.

Working with someone, especially with a boss, who's a cool dude/chick makes work a lot easier to go to and definitely releaves anxiety. You may not LOVE your job or want to go but knowing that your boss wasn't an asshole definitely helps. I don't think he saw it as going out of his way to be nice to me or to any of the other people there--that was the way he treated everyone, that's just who he was. I've had some bosses from hell before so I can't express how much it means to have one thats not awful and how sadly rare it is.

He made working in a HECTIC environment a lot less stressful, didn't make me pay out of my own pocket when that asshole walked out on his tab, he shoved my ex bf when my ex was trying to mess with me at the bar and chased him away from my car when i left and my ex was lurking around my car...lol, he and all the bartenders made sure i got the money i deserved from that hell on earth party of 150 people...i could go on and on...eveen though i pretty much just did..lol

askdjfladkfjlasfd

AHHHHHHHH. Sorry I'm having a hard time focusing and writing. I guess if there's a message or a point to all of this it's simple. A little kindness goes a long way. I wasn't especially close with Matty B but that doesn't mean I didn't appreciate the year I spent with him and will never forget his kindess. My heart goes out to the rest of you who I know were super tight with him, his family and of course his wife and baby boy.

Peace and love to you MB and thank you for being the person you were. I will always appreciate it.

What's love got to do with it?

2010-02-15T13:38:00.000-05:00

I've got FEVERRRRRRRRR

2010-02-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

Yeah so my cabin fever turned into a literal one. How jacked up is that? Me and the rest of the DC Metro area have been snowed and iced in our neighborhoods for the past two weeks and now that it stops snowing, I have a ridiculous cold. As Anna would say, FML!

On the plus side, Ashley and Laura came to save me in what we call the "snow chariot" aka Laura's car w/4 wheel drive (Rochesterrrrrrrrrr) and saved me from my house of boredom and I got to hang with them and Nicole and play rock band. To which i must say this. There's a reason I play guitar and NOT DRUMS. It was definitely a wave of mutilation. ;)

So here I am again, people of the internet, blogging some more of my non-sense at 11 something at night on a Sat night when I should be faced somewhere out there. Hmph. As is life.

I watched the new "We Are The World" song and I'd like to say just one thing.

THERE ARE TOO MANY DANG PEOPLE IN THAT VIDEO!

Don't get me wrong, I love that so many of the celebs took time out of their busy schedules (aka drinking, coking and shopping) to give their time to a good cause but it was very distracting to watch and listen to. If you didn't see it, let me make a long video short. A lot of celebs squashed in a room with a few solos. Not a good number of people like in the 80s version but so many people that I swear everyone in the world partook in the "We Are the World" remake and I just missed the memo. I even think Tupac was there...

P!NK and Jennifer Hudson stole the show in my opinion b/c they can belt it out. Kudos ladies! And then there was an awkward rap part... and Wycleff screaming like a banchee which was an interesting mix of awesome b/c he is so different/talented and is from Haiti and completely terrifying b/c I thought that a stray Mohican was going to throw a tomahok at my head and that was his battle cry.

And then there are those that I'm not sure why they were in the video. Imagine having a dinner party with your closest friends and then 5 of your other friends, who you do like, but didn't invite show up. It's not that you dont want to see them there but you weren't expecting it and not really sure how they got invited but you're much too polite to publicly acknowledge that. That's how I felt when i saw Vince Vaughn and Randy Jackson.

All in all, not a terrible remake. Just a very scattered and confusing version and that's exactly how it left me feeling...

PS Def brings back memories of this:
http://sallysocialite.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-family-tradition.html

I'm Not Here For Your Entertainment

2010-02-08T00:41:00.002-05:00

Congrats to the Saints on their first Super Bowl win! It was a great game and the Saint played a great game.

Truthfully? I would've liked it if the Colts won. They're a solid team and Peyton, love him or hate him, is an amazing QB.

I don't understand why people are all whipped in a frenzy because he lost. One loss, doesn't make you a loser. One win, doesn't make you a winner. [Speaking in overall terms that is]

I'm pretty surprised actually about how many people I know were so pro-Saints and anti-Peyton. First of all, Peyton is but one man. People are saying "Peyton lost!" and yet no one seems to be saying the COLTS lost and no one's saying that Drew Brees won. They're saying the Saints won. Double standard much?

Two, I'm really sick of the "rooting for the underdog" mentality. Don't get me wrong, as much as I would've like the Colts to have won (and I did. I was literally rolling on the ground with anxiety and praying outloud in the 4th quarter. Clearly, God cared very little about my request. I mean, he's a busy man and it's pretty hard to tell GOD that you want SAINTS to lose...hahahah). But yeah, this underdog argument has gots to go. Seriously. I love when the little people come out on top and that is cool. But honestly? I think that the best should be the winner, may it be under dog, over dog or snoop dog. This is football--it's not like being line leader in elementary school where people should rotate and give another person (and in this came, team) a chance. The best should win and Saints played a better game so they won. Congrats to them on THAT. [though i do think that the ref made some bullshit calls, in particular, the one in regards to the two point conversion.]

I also think that people are happy the Saints won because it was trendy. In case you haven't notice, i'm really fucking sick of hearing about trends and the people who follow them. Yes, we could get in to a debate about how we all follow trends in some form or another but seriously. From going green to rooting for the saints (and for you non-football people that's the team that Kim Kardashian's bf Reggie Bush plays for...yes, I'm a condescending bitch. Know it, accept it.) to supporting Obama to wearing the yellow live strong rubber band...people just do it because other people do. If you asked them intelligent questions about it, I believe very few people can give you an intelligent answer back. Even supporting Haiti, I feel has gotten out of control, because that too is trendy. Before the disaster, how many people could point Haiti out on a map? It's seriously cool that people do care and are helping that country out because they def need it after the tragedy and my heart goes out to them. If I had any money, I'd totally donate b/c it's friggin terrible about what happened. But I swear, and this could just be me, that people are making a bigger deal about Haiti than the tsunami from a few years ago that devastated southeast asia and ironically enough, Hurricane Katrina. It makes me really sad actually. I guess at the end of the day, no matter the motive, if the people are getting what they need to survive that's a great thing. But being an artsy fartsy freespirit, it kills me that i know it's not all for the right reason to which i must say (in a genuinely non blasphemous way) that this is what God must've meant by wanting people to donate and do good work annonymously because it's the heart that goes into it thats more important than the action done.

I'm not trying to be Captain Killjoy. I understand that some of this liking of stuff is for superficial reasons and not meant to be thought of in a deep manner. Some things in life are carefree and silly fun. Totally get that. I do it too. My issue comes in when you talk like you know something or passionately are for something that you can't intelligently articulate a reason for it at any given point in time.

I'm sure a lot of you probably stopped reading a long time ago because it's like "Oh lawd. Here goes self-righteous Sally again...I wonder if that bitch ever gets nose bleeds from taking the high road all the time..."

But frankly, I don't care. It's like what the character Julie said in "Julie & Julia" that blogs are basically day after day about ME ME ME ME ME ME.

"But Sally, your funny stuff is better."

Trust me, i love me some funny stuff too but I'm going talk about whatever I wants.

Like P!NK says, "I'm not here for your entertainmeeeeeeeeeeent..."

Burn Baby Burn

2010-02-06T01:13:00.002-05:00

It's 1:14 am EST in the good ol' FC and what am I doing? I'm blogging. It's a Friday night and I'm blogging. Not like I went out and came home and decided to blog but I don't have much of a choice, along with the other residents of the DC Metro area because we are all miserably snowed in. Ughhhhhhhhhh.

Anyways, what deserves and even bigger UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! is the convo I had with yes, my lil sis Julie. I swear the two of us have the most random and hilarious convos ever. Partly because I think she's half a step away from being a pilgrim and she thinks I'm half a step away from being on the pole. (Completely false btw)

So we started talking about relationships--mind you this is my YOUNGER sister. She was giving me a big list of things that I am doing or have done with males that are inappropriate and misleading--none of which are even physical (I'm not that kinda girl!)

I chatted with her about playing guitar with my BFF and naturally since the BFF is a male, she put on her pilgrim bonnett and grilled me with questions. "Are there at least two adults present when you guys 'play the guitar'??" I was like "One, we DO play guitar and he DOES teach me guitar things and two, yes there are two adults present--us! Why??" She was like "I don't like the sound of that...you guys play in his ROOM? Do you keep the DOOR OPEN? YOU SIT ON HIS BED??" I almost wanted to gross her out and say "actually, no, i dont sit on his bed. I sit on his face" just to mess with her but I think that would've put her 22-yr-old heart into cardiac arrest.

She tsk tsk tsked and told me that i was forbidden to sit on his bed and advised me to bring a camping chair with a cupholder (gotta keep it classy...) for when i go over since they're afforable and portable. I told her she was nuts. She wondered if he had a gf and I told her not to my knowledge. She asked if I was his gf. And i gave her the same response. Then she almost had a fit! After she was finished screaming in horror at my "sluttish" behavior (oh yeeah, playing guitar is really racy...) and told me that I was in a bad situation because "adult situations" can happen (yes she really said that) and I certainly wasn't going to meet any men at his place.

I rolled my eyes (which was kinda pointless since we were on the phone--she lives in portland) and told her that I'm meeting men elsewhere. To which she let out a hurricane of a sigh of relief, saying that she was glad I was meeting men (she wants me at the altar asap b/c she wants a niece or nephew--yeah NOT HAPPENING any time soon!) I was like whatever Jules.

Blah blah blah. ANYWAYS, so this is where it gets interesting. SHE told ME that once I have a bf, my guitar playing days with the BFF are OVER. I'm like are you serious?? AS IF. My future bf is not going to give a hot damn! Then it turned into this...

Me: JULIE, chill out. My future bf won't even CARE. All we do is play the guitar.
Julie: Would he be there with you guys?
Me: No. That's WEIRD. But I guess he could come over too. I don't know. I wouldn't invite him and i wouldn't not invite him.
Julie: And you think he's going to let you go?
Me: LET me? I will do whatever I want!
Julie: HAAAAAAA. Right.
Me: What??
Julie: Have you and this bff ever done anything as more than friends, like things that you don't do with your other male friends?
Me: ....yes...
Julie: Yeah, he's definitely NOT going to let you go. I mean would you let him?
Me: I dont give a crap.
Julie: LIES! You may SAY that now but you don't mean it. Or even if you mean it now, when the situation comes along and it's HIM hanging out with HER. Oh. You'll care. You may not admit it out loud, but inside, you'll care. BOY will YOU care. Psh. Yeah. You'll CAAAAAAAAAARE.
Me: Okay fair. So i won't tell him that we were more than friends before.
Julie: Lying through omission is still a LIE you LIAR. HOW DARE YOU LIE TO YOUR BF?? I bet you wouldn't like it if HE lied to YOU ESPECIALLY about something like that. He wouldn't let you go ESPECIALLY if he knew it was a former something. He'd be worried that you and your "bff" would relight the candle of love.
Me: OKAY ONE WE WERE NEVER BF/GF OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. There is NO candle to be relit because there was never a candle in the first place!
Julie: OMG, that's even WORSE. There's so much more wick to be burned in your candle of love then! How dare you treat your bf like that?
Me: I'm ending this conversation because I don't even have a boyfriend right now so please stop yelling me for poor treatment of imaginary boyfriend....

Way too many rules. But anyways yeah, regarding the sitch, I mean--I'm right right?? Please don't say that she's right. GAHHHHHHHH I refuse to be outknowledged in the male/female relationship department by a PILGRIM.

Same Old Brand New You

2010-02-01T23:22:00.002-05:00

Eep. Time to do damage control on my image. I was in hiding most of 2009. I went out here and there but for a large majority, stayed in my comfort zone. In socialite terms, I went on hiatus.

It's 2010 and I've decided to rejoin the world and have gotten bits and pieces of the kind of person that people think I am. I'm not offended--I'm genuinely surprised and some of it I find really comical. I don't sit down with friends at the bar or their apts or at starbucks and say "So. Tell me about me." But just from what I get from conversations, particularly when strolling down memory lane with a friend. But in my case memory lane is more like a back alley. LOL okay not that bad but like I said, I'm very surprised.

I'm apparently known around town as:
-Socialite: Party hopping and never ever staying around at any party for more than an hour. When going out to the bars and clubs, I apparently know "everyone" b/c i run into at least one person i know.
-Flirt: Whyyyyyyyy??? I've heard this from more than five friends, three of which are close friends. HOW and WHY would anyone think I'm a flirt. NO. I am not. I'm friendly and playful. Not flirty! Nothing wrong with that but i really don't think I am. (...I'm not right?)
-Maneater: Depending on how the person explains it (which so far has been nice enough "unintentional maneater"), I guess I don't mind since all of these are people's opinions. I'm not particularly thrilled about this label since I like to think that I take everyone's feelings into consideration and would never get a guy to like me (how does anyone even DO that??) and then brush him aside.
-Feisty/Borderline mean girl: So apparently I am the first one to offer to choke a bitch if they mess with my friends and have no filter on my mouth and unintentionally hurt someone's feelings--repeatedly. These friends give me the benefit of the doubt and they know that I didn't mean it the way it came out. I'd like to say for the record, OUCH. I had no idea that sometimes the things I say can be hurtful. Obviously if I'm intending hurt while seriously arguing with a friend, that's one thing (but even then I don't go for hurt--that's not really my style) but if we're having a normal convo and I say something that hurts your feelings or was a bit below the belt, for the love of God please tell me. I love that you give me the benefit of the doubt and assume I didn't mean it like that but if you don't tell me, I won't know what not to say! No wonder in college for skits I was always cast as the mean girl...and when I ran into a good friend from h.s. he said "Oh i saw mean girls and thought, what is Sally up to nowadays?" Ouch again...
-Goody two-shoe: Sally never gets involved in drama. Sally never drinks or does drugs. Sally is a good whole some sweet innocent girl next door type.
-Dirty cold hearted slutface: And then there's the opposite. I have a few people (namely three) who hate me and have called me some version of the bulletpoint. Two think I stole their boyfriend and the other thinks I ripped his heart out, tossed it aside, peed on it, ran over it with my car, let a dog take a massive dump on it, set it on fire... you get the idea. All three accounts are totally false and you might think to yourself, "well that's just those three people..." Please keep in mind that those people also have friends and when them and their posse are around, the looks start, whispering and mutual friends who oughta know better but dont ask me why i did that. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt...LOL
-Free Spirt: This one always cracks me up b/c I find myself to be quite the opposite. I hate disorder and not having a plan so the fact that so many people find me to be a freespirit is amusing.
-Airhead: 1.) I'm not. 2.) I don't talk like a valley girl!!! STOP SAYING THAT!!! hahahaha 3.) I'm NOT.

Oy. I've got a big re-con project on my hands.

You know, I'm lucky I'm pursuing the world of PR b/c I need a little PR myself, apparently. Hahaha Here's to seeing how it all turns out!

Stop Right Now. Thank You Very Much.

2010-02-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

Sassy Sally. A former co-worker of mine used to call me that and I've got to give it to her. I totally agree. At first, I was like "is Sassy just a nice way of saying bitchy?? hope not..esp since i've always been nice to her and not in that be nice to her face and then turn around and say something bitchy kinda way."

I can tell from the lack of none of my girlfriends initiation convo with me today (except my wonderful B-Rock) that I think some are annoyed by my last post. Others, took it in good stride or realized it wasn't a personal attack or was NOT ABOUT THEM AT ALL and THAAATS what I appreciate.

It's my blog and i can say whatever I want. If you had/have one, you can do the same. I dont use specific names and if you feel offended by anything I've written about my vague term of "girls" and "some friends" and "some besties" then...i should say sorry but I'm not really. Chances are if you feel angry at me for writing about something you know you're guilty of, then who are you really mad at? Me or you?

Stop right now and take a deeeep breath and resist the urge to choke a Sally.

Let me break it down like this. I'm funsized (aka short haha), feisty and armed with wittyness, a mouth and a pack of marby lights. I internalize a lot that people say and explode in the only way and forum I know how--writing and using my smartass/witty ways of getting it out. Then, it's a dead issue. If I really had a problem with you, I'd say so, especially since you know I have a track record of doing that. Not in that "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM BIATCH!" but i know that some of you I have been like "hey what's up with ___?" so we get a better understanding and can fix shit.

And I'm not this bi-polar girl whos gonna write a cute funny blog one minute and then a I AM HOLIER THAN THOU blog the next. It's kinda like what Tupac said about his music. (HAHA YES I DID quote the great philospher, one, Tupac Shakur). He was saying how people think he's always a mad guy but he's not always a mad guy. He uses music as a way to express himself--he feels other emotions too but he doesn't want to rap about flowers and kittens and rainbows. His best stuff is some of his angriest stuff and that's just a sliver of who he is.

Ya see what I'm getting at?

I blog b/c i'm unhappy...and i'm unhappy...b/c i blog... ::burst into tears:: HAHAHAH JK JK JK

Seriously?

Long story short: You don't like it. Don't read it.

That said, I don't think I ever get to touch on the fact about how amazing my friends are, besties and non-besties. For those friends who understand that I'm a silly girl with a silly blog and even outside of the blog, for those who have put up with me when I'm super hyper a.d.d. sillyness, and put up with my miserable crying about God knows what, or put up with my disappearing act, bitching about job hunting, etc etc. I appreciate you every day and maybe I don't say it enough but I do. I love you, you complete me. HAHHA jokes aside, you guys are the bestest =)

(Note to ktj: that previous paragraph is for you. in case you were like "I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WASNT ANYTHING BAD!!! hahahha <3 )

Okay. End the warm fuzzy moment. I've got a rep to protect. ;)

Why? Why? Tell 'em That it's Human Nature...

2010-02-01T03:39:00.001-05:00

Why…? why…? Tell ‘Em That It’s Human Nature…
It’s not really human nature so much as it is GIRL nature. I actually have no current beef with any female (or male for that matter) but I can’t help but notice everything that’s going on lately and I think to myself WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?
Why what, Sally?
WHY ARE GIRLS SO FUCKING CRAZY???
Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally a girl’s girl but lately I’ve noticed this growing trend of bullshit ranging from poor treatment of people (some deserved, some not, some of my friends are the instigators, some are the victims), cattiness, CONCEITEDNESS, jealousy—and frankly all this stems from insecurity, I think.
There’s so much that’s wrong that I don’t even know where to start and doubt I can cover it all in one blog so I’m going to hit the most glaring ones.
1.) Attention mongers: A majority of what makes me want to gag are from stuff I see on the net-- Statuses on g-chat, facebook, profile pictures…Everything from suggestive song lyrics to uploading only the MOST attractive photo of you (which is generally a headshot snapped emo style, head pushed out forward—maybe tilted to the side, gobs of make up and probably took about 100 frames to get the right one). I mean I get that no one wants to look like swamp thing and it’s nice to have a pretty picture of yourself. But when it’s like every picture and it changes daily, you have a problem. The latest one has been everyone changing their picture to a celeb that they most resemble. I’d like to preface my next statement with, I think all my friends are either attractive or have attractive qualities about them. But that said, I do wonder if some own anything even remotely reflective because you don’t look like that celeb like at all. And it doesn’t mean you’re ugly if you don’t. They have a team of people to make them look like that every day. And in the grand scheme of things, why does that really matter at all? Because at the end of the day, you’re still you. You’re not ever going to look just like or be Angelina and that’s okay. Just as bad is when other girls reinstate this stupid fact into the person who posted the picture’s brain by saying “OMG you so look like her!” Or if they don’t look like them and someone comments “I don’t see the resemblance…” People get mad! “I can’t believe she doesn’t think I look like ________. EVERYONE tells me I look like _________.” UMMMM WHO CARES? Next, the whole bra color status thing on facebook. I did it initially because a friend of mine sent me a message to do so and i was like “oh weird…why does she want me to do that?” (b/c all it was was a message saying hey whats up sally and change your status to bra color (I don’t want to post the message and call her out) so I did. Then I noticed that everyone else’s was changing too and the guys were catching on. It wasn’t until a friend of mine from high school posted a very simple but oh so true fact that it was for Breast Cancer Awareness and that changing your status wasn’t going to do anything and that if people just donated one dollar, that would’ve done more than the completely useless wave of status change…I wonder if some did it to be suggestive and “sexy” to guys. The same way someone will post some “sexy” lyric from a song like “When it comes to love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun…” If you’re seeking sexual attention that badly from men, be a stripper, an escort, or go to a shrink and find out why you need validation from men so badly. I totally get wanting to be appealing to the opposite sex if that’s what you’re attracted to but overt attempts to be sexy just look easy and desperate.

2.) Prom queen: Why oh why are you feeling the need to go out your way to friend request someone you met once? So your friend count is higher? Why do you notice or care when someone removes you as a friend from the INTERNET WORLD?? Why are you commenting on people’s pages of those people you met once or never see or have some variation of a fake relationship with? Obviously there’s not enough time in the world to get to know everyone ever and maintain a friendship and some people are acquaintances but I think we all know that sometimes people just reach out via text, fb, email etc to people just to get a response back. To make them look “popular” by having X amount of texts, face book comments (ditto goes for the happy birthday comments),

3.) Models and bottles: Unless you’re Tyra, Heidi or Giselle and actually in a real mainstream magazine or represent a label, no one gives a fuck that you’re a model. And even if you are, it still doesn’t matter. You’re still a photogenic walking hanger. I understand that for some it’s totally something that they want to do for a career or it’s fun to do from time to time and that’s awesome because with my poor self esteem and fear of cameras, you know there’s no way in hell I’d be brave enough to do that. But seriously? MODEL DOES NOT EQUAL GOD OR THAT YOURE THE SHIT b/c your friend, your friend’s cousin, some dude you met on craigslist snaps your picture. In regards to the bottles part of the models and bottles section, working at a club or knowing someone who works or own a club also doesn’t mean anything ESPECIALLY in this area where EVERYONE knows someone. It’s not special, it doesn’t make you famous, cool or envied. It makes you a clubber. That’s it.
Quite frankly, my list goes on and on but those were the top three things that have realllllllllllllly been bugging the shit out of me. The fourth place runner up that I just thought of and want to touch on briefly is Miss Sensitivity. MY GOD. When has everything become so political with girls?? Probably since the dawn of time and me being the reigning queen of Miss Naivety for the past 26 years, I feel like it’s even more so now. Every week, not a day goes by when someone I know (and sometimes first hand myself) where I hear a story about so and so being mad at so and so because they didn’t show up at their birthday or invite them to this or that or didn’t come out with everyone when they went to that or preferred to do this to that…WHO CARES? I sincerely hope that friendships are worth more than someone’s appearance at one event. I feel that people shouldn’t have always have to justify why they didn’t go to so and so’s party or invite someone or whatever it is. Sometimes it’s really not personal so stopping taking it that way! If you don’t want to do something, no one should make you feel bad about your choice.
I could seriously go on and on about other stupid shit that girls do that drive me up the wall (another being the girls who say they hate other girls and always have had/prefer guy friends. RIGHT.) Know the movie Mean Girls and how much everyone loved that it was so true to life? If Tina Fey so chooses, she could make that the longest series of movies ever b/c girls pull all kinds of stupid shit. It’s increditble!
Long story short: WTF ladies. Get it together.
Short story long: I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say I’ve never done anything like that before because I have. And maybe I will again but dear GOD I hope not because it’s stupid. I think I have a pretty good grasp on the people who do it from time b/c it’s fun (totally acceptable) to those who do it because they need to fill some sort of void (unbeknownst to them it’s the void b/c their ears where a brain should be…) Do what you do, what you do is all on you but if you are “guilty” of any of this—at least fucking admit it instead of acting coy. I much more respect (respect being the operative word, not like) people who say “yeah I do it to get attention” vs those who try to play it coy. In the words of brit brit “You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here but I know what you are…what you are baby…”
Just be prepared when one day my patience for you slips and I’ll definitely tell you to your face what’s up.

Milky Milky Riiiiiighhhhht

2010-01-31T01:57:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time there was a great debate about what came first, the chicken or the egg. Some say the chicken, some say the egg--which is like thanks Captain Obvious since those are the only two choices. (don't judge me!) And it's like why were people debating about this in the first place?? My guess is that this debate started hundreds of years ago like way before the internet and technology during times when people thought that playing with a hoop and a stick was the shit and stuff, by some totally bored farmers. (who obviously didn't have a hoop nor stick)

I introduce to you now, the modern equivalent to the the chicken vs. egg argument by two totally bored sisters without a viable excuse for this heated argument.

I present: MILKPOUCH VS STRAW.

Julie: I hated those stupid milk pouches. Worst invention ever.
Me: Agreed. Those were harder to get into than Ft. Knox.
Julie: IIIIIIIIII knoooooooooooow. Why did they change to those anyways??
Me: I don't know. I think it was for budget reasons but I'm not 100% sure...but that's a stupid excuse because seriously, I remember they made us watch an instructional video about how to open the milk pouches and I'm sure it took money to make that video...
Julie: Oh yeahhh. I remember the video. Yeah. If you have to make a video to teach people how to drink milk, that's too much work already. And you're right it did cost money to make that video. And I bet they ended up having to use ever MORE money on napkins b/c every day in the cafeteria they're be one person or another that had a milk pouch incident...
Me: I know! Half the kids would come back from class soaked in milk from failure to punch the straw through and the other half would be dehydrated because the straws didn't even make a dent.
Julie: And the teachers would get so mean if you needed help punching the straw through or b/c you had to ask for more napkins b/c it exploded because they only give you one flimsy napkin in that little utensil pack--you know, it had a fork, a spoon...
Me: And a spork and no one really know what to do with those. Sporks are so awkward...
Julie: They are. And teachers would also get mad if you asked for another straw because you dented the original one for trying to punch it through.
Me: Well it's not the straw's fault for being dented. It was the stupid pouches' fault for being made of bulletproof plastic...
Julie: It was NOT the pouches' fault. It was the STRAW's fault. What kind of straw isn't pointy enough to poke through plastic. It was a plastic bag. Not a metal one...
Me: Don't blame straws! It's supposed to be sharp enough to make it through plastic--not sharp enough so that it was a straw slash bayonette...
Julie: Don't blame the milk pouch! It didn't ASK to be brought into the world. It just was and if the straw cant accept the consequences...and besides, it had to be sturdy plastic or delivery would be a nightmare.
Me: Right because milk pouches are often packed with bubblewrap and nails...
Julie: Oh puh-lease. What if there was a really big speed bump?
Me: Why are we having this fight? Mom packed out lunches and we had juice boxes or sunny d...
Julie: True....but sometimes capri suns....which ALSO had bad straws...
Me: Whatever more like user malfunction... The straws were fine, the little foil circle was the one at fault.
Julie: Whatever! It's like the milk pouch thing all over.
Me: I'm over this conversation. I'm lactose anyways.

P-P-P-Poker Face P-P-P-Poker Faccce

2010-01-31T01:35:00.002-05:00

So I've explained my thoughts on relationships being like football. Now? Poker.

I may not be good at about 99% of things in the world but I think I have a mean poker face, which is totally a double edged sword. (which btw, do they exist??) Anyways, it's great because a guy will never be able to tell what I'm really thinking. But it's awful because sometimes (okay most times) I won't say it but want them to know. How much of an ultimate girl thing is that? It's like this episode of Home Improvement where Tim holds up a man's stop sign which is your typical stop sign. You know, red and says "STOP" and then a woman's stop sign is also red but instead of "STOP" it says "If you really knew me you should know what I want you to do." hahah amen...

Anyways, back to the original point. So basically, it's like this. You sniff out a few rounds and if it seems like you'll win the pot at the end, you'll stick around. You'll play your moves carefully and sometimes bluff if you need to. But here's the thing. The longer you play, the more you have to risk to lose. Some people play multiple tournaments at once and others stick with one game. Pros and cons are pretty obvious, the big one of multiple tournaments is that you have better odds of winning but you can't focus enough on one game to really know. Sticking with one game means it has your full attention but you have more to lose because you put it all in that one pot. You could win big or bust.

Stakes keep getting higher and the easy answer is to walk away. But do we ever? Noooooo. In fairness we do walk away at some point and when your friends run intervention and wanna throw your ass in Gamblers Annonymous is generally a good sign that you need help and you need to stop playing.

You'll try to justify to them that it's your money, your choice, you can do whatever you want. You'll tell them that they don't understand. You'll tell them that you understand that it's just poker and you can walk away at any time and you will when the time is right. But the right time for some never rolls around because of x,y,z.

How long is too long to be playing at a table and why do we justify our wins as a reason to keep playing when it's really the losses that we're addicted to?

-End Carrie Bradshaw moment-

I'm Not Okaaaaaayyyyy

2010-01-28T00:12:00.002-05:00

Actually I am. Hahah minus this joblessness thing. It's a friggin pain in the butt however goodvibes are out there that something will give.

The reason for the title of the blog is b/c of a convo I had with my sister. I'm not okay with her. She's a dork (shock haha) but i love her to death!

I was telling her about a saved by the bell themed party a friend of mine is having and how i have no idea how to dress for this.

Me: I don't know what to wear to a saved by the bell party i'm going to. I guess i could just go as something from the 80s. but..saved by the bell is early 90s...
Julie: Which character are you going to go as? Lisa?
Me: No, I don't think people will believe that I'm a rich black girl when I'm a poor asian one.
Julie: Racist.
Me: What?! I am not. I'm so far from racist that I'm not entertaining that notion.
Julie: I bet you wouldn't have made that comment if I asked if you were going as Jesse or Kelly.
Me: You're an ass.
Julie: Whatever, granddragon.
Me: Whatever. Anyways, who should I go as?
Julie: Go as Kelly. Jesse's too tall for you shorty.
Me: Whatever. I guess. But what would I wear?
Julie: Cheerleader outfit. Duh.
Me: I guess I could borrow one from Ash or Aida or someone...except I don't think people would be convinced by a girl in a Woodson cheer outfit when they clearly went to bayside...
Julie: Get some construction paper and tape and call it a day.
Me: Right and heaven forbid I stretch or bend and we all hear RIIIIIIIIP. Not cute. Next.
Julie: How about some white shorts and a green collared shirt. Go as Stacy Karosi.
Me: I could but it's in Feb...and i feel like a fatty...and DONT TELL ME TO GO AS MR. TUTTLE.
Julie: You said it, not me. sheesh...Go as Kelly and just wear something short and with keds. Or you could be Kelly with the maroon face when she used that zit cream.
Me: So basically you want me to get there first, slam some drinks down superfast, get an Asian glow and be like "Yeeahhhhhhguyssssss im frigging...i'm friggin KELLY yo from when her face turned marrrrroooooon and..." *passout* no thanks. Next!
Julie: Go as a locker.
Me: NO! What if some perv asks if he can go in and out of me??
Julie: GROSS. Tell them they dont have the right combination. You don't just don't open your locker to anyone. You dont know where their books have been! AND if you DID let them put their "Books" in, i have two words for you. BOOK. BAG.
Me: HAHAHAHHA ok i dont like where this convo is going.
Julie: I don't like where it started.
Me: GAHHH WTF AM I GOING TO WEAR!
Julie: Get your old apron from HT out and be a waitress from the max.
Me: No.
Julie: At this rate you're going to end up as screech.
Me: No. my hair could never hold a curl that long and im not skinny enough to be screech. unless i loaded up on drugs.
Julie: There's no hope with dope! (and i guess the curly hair thing takes lisa, jesse, screech and slater out of the running...)
Me: I dont think weed makes you lose weight so you're safe. If i smoked weed and got the munchies, I'd be 60000000000 lbs. and when people see me at the party, they're going to think they showed up at the wrong place. "Is that Hurley from Lost? I thought this was a saved by the bell party..."
Julie: Nerd. In fact you're such a nerd you should go as Violet Bickerstaff.
Me: Maybe. I could pull off the nerd thing im sure. I just need big glasses. But i might just look like an asian nerd and peoplestill won't know who i am...damn their caucasian cast!
Julie: Lisa's not caucasion. How convenient that you forgot her. Racist.
Me: LET IT GO JULIE. IM NOT.
Julie: I'd say that too...if i was a closet racist....
Me: MOVING ON...Maybe i'll go as the mascot...Tiger!
Julie: You're going as an adulterous golf player? that's not evn relevant.
Me: NO YOU FOOL.
Julie: OHHHH tiger. yeah. i guess you could...
Me: i'm gonna be mr. tuttle...or that asian girl that walks through the halls with an oversized smiley face shirt...i hate her...
Julie: You hate her cuz she's not white. RACIST.
Me: Why would i be racist against her b/c she's not white?? In case you didn't notice, I"M NOT WHITE.
Julie: Actually...maybe mom didn't tell you but....dad's not your dad....
Me: WHATEVER. I'm so over this conversation.

Why You Wanna Give Me A Runaround...

2010-01-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

Is it a sure fire way to speed things up? When all it does is slooooooooow me down.

Man. I shouldn't sleepy blog. That last one of mine was cranky Sally and no one needs that.

Next up?

Relationships. Shocker, right?

It's still on my brain. Not just mine but relationships in general. I just got back from The Continental in Arlington which is a pretty cool place with good music. Caught up with two friends from college I hadn't seen in literally a year so it was awesome seeing them. And of course, relationships were talked about. One of of my friend's is male, the other female and ironically enough used to date each other. We talked a fair bit about relationships and I've come to this conclusion. You can sit and scratch your head and try to figure out guys/girls all you want but it's completely fruitless because circumstances are never the same, people's experiences etc.

But do we ever abide by that? NooooooOOoooOo. We still sit around and try to figure out what that other person is up to, thinking, mean when they say/do _____ and even try to analyze what the mean when they DONT say/do ________.

This is not helpful on my quest for love. Gahhhhhhhhh!

But it's not a set back either.

We'll see...

Can You Hear Me? I'm Talking to You...

2010-01-19T01:17:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: If you think this blog is about you then it probably is. Don't bother approaching me with "was that about me?" because i will smile sweetly and repeat what I just wrote. If you think it's about you, then it probably is.

So here we go.

There are 5 types of friends that I've gots to get rid of or call 'em out on.

1.) Every story goes back to me
Ex: [after interrupting me] Yeah that reminds me of when ______ and ______ did ____ and I _______! [Continue relevant and not relevant asinine 15 minute story here].
No matter what the topic, you start to say something and suddenly they're yappin' about it. Even when you cut them off to try to tell your story, they somehow bring it back to them.
Ex: Me: (after having to cut person off in their story b/c they still didn't hear all of the initial one) "Yeah so it's really frustrating. Especially since I've know her forever--" Friend A: "I know! B/c that's just like when ____ blah blah blah"

2.) I'm so positive and you're not. Even when you're positive you're not.
Ex: Me: ...and so i'm not actually stressed! Friend A: It's not that Sally. Don't stress, no worries. (Uh...didn't i just say that i wasn't stressed? hahah i guess not??)

3.) I am so popular/pretty/skinny/successful/fill in self glorifying adj here...but I'm so humble
Ex: Everyone always tells me i'm so ________ but of course i'm like "aww, thanks!" or "i get people telling me that all the time and it's true but you know me, i never let it get to my head which speaks to my character because it happens all the time, like i can't even walk down the street without someone trying to tell me how ______ i am. But you know me, humble!"

4.) I never get hurt in a relationship (self explanatory)

5.) I'm the expert on everything ever. (self explanatory)

6.) You've got 15 seconds before i make this conversation about me. So much so, that i talk to you every week and can't list 5 current things in your life. (self explanatory)

Hahaha it's probably like, "Sally! Who ARE you friends with??"

The sad part is that the ones I'm talking about are the ones that are the offenders!!! LOLOLOLOL

I figure it takes many to make the world go 'round and quite frankly, i dont know this about people until i'm already friends with them! You start out with surface niceness, move to acquaintancees, become friends and suddenly, they turn into Godzilla.

I don't want to see it as me sucking at chosing friends. I don't want to see it as passive aggressive either. I know like 90% of the world thinks I'm text book definition of passive aggressive but I swear I'm not. As one of my good friends told me off hand tonight "Sally, you don't give up on people that 99% of us in the world would be like Peace! kick rocks! Which is good and bad. It's bad because Sally, THEYRE NOT WORTH THE BULLSHIT but you put up with it and bitch about it and geet stressed thinking about it when THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT to begin with. But it's good b/c you're always giving people the benefit of the doubt and you always hope it's a phase...and I'mma be real. 9 outta 10 times...it ends up not being 'just a phase' but you still put up with it..."

Hahah that's the problem exactly. I hope people are going through phases so i dont bring it up...but there are 3 or 4 of my besties that i've been waiting for them to get over this "phase" but they haven't...LOL hmph.

Smells Like Team Spirit

2010-01-18T02:25:00.001-05:00

I think relationships and football have taken over my brain. The most girly thing to talk about that guys will participate in from time to time as they are obligated to do so and vice verse. While watching the glorious game of Colts vs. Ravens (glory being that Peyton brought it home per usual and I’d like to go on the record of saying that they will win the super bowl—yes I’m a die hard ‘Skins fan but Colts are number two to me b/c I have a fabulous Manning dress hahah), I couldn’t help but think how much relationships were like football or should be. Or maybe “the game” of relationships, fucking—whatever it.

Take a walk with me into Sally’s brain.

Let’s start with teams. Teams = Friends. Easy enough.

-The QB, is you baby! If you’re a good QB, you tend to be a bit on the cocky side and there are going to be plenty of haters. Conversely, if you suck, everyone will let you know about it and over see any “good plays” you’ve done.

- Your coach is whoever you go to for all your advice, may it be a best friend, sibling etc. And of course there are the players, who are essentially your friends.

-The offense is the group of savvy friends that you have that help you move forward toward your goal, whatever it may be (and if sex is your goal then the term “endzone” is all kinds of appropriate), while protecting you. Sometimes they do/tell/give you the wrong advice and yes, you will get sacked by the other “team.” And your offensive coordinator is whoever you’re closest to in that group of friends.

-And of course there’s the defense. That’s the group of feisty and equally savvy friends who try to stop the “other team” from getting at you first. If your targeted girl or boy is trying to run their game on you, the defense will do everything in their power to stop you. You always hope for an “interception” where the other team thought they were doing so well but then they “drop the ball” and now the ball (aka power) is back in your hands. Again, defensive coordinator is whoever you’re closest to.

-Can’t forget about Special Teams. Those are the select few that you don’t need too many of but when your offense and defense have done all they can, it’s totally up to them to help a player out! Sometimes they can help you win a “game”, sometimes they’re the very reason why you lose and sometimes they don’t really contribute much to the game one way or another. They just be special like that.

-And of course, there’s the draft—if one of your players (aka friends on your “team”) just aren’t helpin’ you out like you need them to, it’s time to draft a new one.

-The owner of your team is God. As mad as you can get with him, you can’t really say/do too much out of line if you still want to be around.

-The general managers and front office are your parents. You hope that they set you up well in terms of basic values and beliefs but once everything is in place, you really just want them to back the fuck up and trust you. They ultimately want you to do well any how because it will reflect on them.

-Week by week you go through a different person (aka team) and sometimes it will be the same person in a season. Then you narrow it down hoping to get more wins than losses and suddenly you’re at the championship known as the Super Bowl. Depending on your goal that could be a relationship or a marriage or just a really good fuck—like the ultimate fuck.

-Oh, I almost forgot, there are penalties. No one likes a “False Start” (aka leading someone on to think the wrong thing), “personal fouls” are not acceptable, “encroachment” is when the defense is coming after you, and you didn’t even do shit yet!, “holding” (and really, in relationship terms it should be known as WITHholding as in withholding important info), “intentional grounding” (aka when a QB does something irrational out of desperation), “pass interference”—the examples go on and on!

-So who are the refs? The refs are generally outsiders. Outsiders can be friends that are NOT on the team or acquaintances or total strangers—basically anyone who you bitch to about your relationship circumstance and they shake their head and say “That was wrong of him/her. That was totally his/her fault!” or if they give you that “ehhhh” look and sound meaning that they agree with the other “team.” Sometimes the refs in groups will be so split, they’ll have to do a “booth review.” And if mutual friends act as refs, either team can ask to challenge something.

-Cheerleaders are the friends that aren’t out on the field with you and generally don’t know too much about what’s going on but they want you to do well and always have a kind word or a word of support. Whether they mean it or not is something totally different, but as your friend, they are obligated to say so. And fraternizing is definitely frowned upon but I wont get into friends with benefits here.

Well players and playerettes, that’s my f-ball comparison, hope you enjoyed it! I could go on and on about all the other examples I thought of but I think you get the gist.

PS Now that I think about this football example, it’s very similar to my team and my relationship life. Skins did okay last year but this year it seems like they didn’t even bother to try. Neither did I. Maybe if I make more of an effort or do well this year, their season won’t suck. (Shout out to my former cutest skins Suisham and Zorn. Yeah I said it. I thought Zorn was kinda cute and don’t pull the horny for zorny line. Cliché!)

It's The Hardest Thing I'll Ever Have to Do

2009-11-30T19:55:00.003-05:00

If i ever get around to doing it.

There's something I need to do. I dont even know if it's a "need" so much as it is a feel like I'm being pressured into. I dont want to do it...but i do. Actually, I want someone else to do it. Life's so much easier when you have someone else do your dirty work for you. But I suck at life and always end up doing it myself.

This thing I have feel like I have to do is something I've done once and it wasn't fun like at all. At. All.

Until recently, i didn't plan on doing it ever but now i don't know. I dont know if I suddenly feel the need to do it b/c i was ganged up about it or because I've always wanted to do it and now i'm being called out.

You can ask a hundred million people their opinions on something but ultimately, you're going to have to decide. That's the worst!

I'm speaking in vague terms because I dont want to say what it is--naturally. Isn't that why anyone speaks in vague terms?

All i know is that... I dont fucking know and it's taking over my brain.

I'm mad because I dont want to be wrong. I'm even madder because I'm pretty sure I am.

sadjflksadlkjasdfasdf

I dont know why im even blogging about this because I'm no where near coherent.

Best way to describe it is through a song. Naturally since all things are songs to me.

Take it away Daughtry:

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now that I think I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cuz i'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that i wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
There's nothing herein this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul to say

Dont be surprised if we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easire way
You and I will be a tought act to follow
but i know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why...

I'm a loser baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2009-10-20T23:54:00.002-04:00

Fail to the Redskins

By: Sally the saddest Skin's fan

FAIL to the REDSKINS
WHATS a victory??
FANS on the WARPATH
EM-BAR-RAS-SING D.C.!!!

Done Done and I'm on to the Next One

2009-09-17T20:05:00.002-04:00

Here's the sitch. I'm moving on to a new job. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that starting jobs, being in jobs and quitting jobs are oh so similar to being in a relationship. Let's take a look at my past three as an example starting with the oldest.

1.) The Staffing Firm aka First Love
-I didn't think it would last long at all but suddenly found myself with it for a year and a half. I started out nervous and shy but it grew on me and soon I felt at ease. There were awesome days that I couldn't believe how lucky I was. There were awful days when I wondered what I had done in a past life to deserve to be treated so poorly. They wanted me to commit (roll to perm) and I just couldn't. I wanted different things. I knew bigger and better things were out there for me but I stayed b/c it was familiar and I didn't have anyone else. Then the company got comfortable with me and took me for granted when I always did everything in the 'relationship' and put everything into it. They stopped trying. I threated to 'break up' (quit) with it many a time. Then the day came where all the bullshit just wasn't worth it anymore no matter the promises to change and be better. I had enough and took my stuff and left. I learned so much and don't regret my experience at all but at the same time would never ever go back to it. And while I do think back and smile sometimes, I have a bigger smile knowing I made the right decision.

2.) The Current Job aka The Perfect on Paper Boyfriend
-Got together because everything seemed so ideal. Just had gotten out of a hellish dramatic 'relationship' (job) and wanted/needed something good. And this was good. Everything is perfect. Great reputation. Respectful. Honest. Educated. Stable. Consistent. Parents would be more than proud to know their daughter is with such a great company (boyfriend). But there's something missing. There's no spark. There's no life. There's no personality. There's not much to it at all other than feeling trapped and bored to tears. The break up (two weeks notice) was taken very poorly but it didn't want to talk about it. Just make blunt and hurt comments but won't go into depth about it. But then how can you blame 'em? It never had depth in the first place so no wonder it can't recognize it. Some may think I never gave it a fair shot but they don't know anything and who would know better than the person in the situation? That's me. duh.

3.) The Next Job aka Prince Charming
-Still shaken and extremely guarded after being burned so bad by the first and things being so wrong with the second. How can I trust the third? But it has an even better reputation and it was like I've known him (the company) for years just upon the first meeting. Calls and emails about how great he (the company) thinks I am and can't wait to see me and have me. A girl can get used to that. And because of the good behavior that's been extended from the other end, I want to work extra hard to make this work. And of course naturally, some others who are supposed to be friends are jealous and foaming at the mouth making bitchy side comments either about how "Well you've gotten nothing but shit so I guess this is good." and "Congrats, I guess." Well they can take those comments and shove it up their ass because it's a good thing. I can't believe it. I'm terrified somthing's going to happen but nothing has so far. I'm going to start off slowly--slowly meaning not giving them all of me up front but still doing an amazing job and then when trust is gained, it'll be good for both.

How relationshipy was that?? Speeaking of which I need to have a session with my "panel" as I like to call them. I have a list of questions and this time I really will post both question and answer. It's always entertaining and wayyyyyyyy to fun. Til then, I'll keep you posted on the newest "relationship" haha

No More Drama in Our Livessss~

2009-09-07T20:34:00.003-04:00

Two months into the new job and as dry and boring as it is (and DO BELIVE THAT IT IS), it was probably one of the best moves of my life. It's nice to work with no drama and with grown ups who act accordingly, earn way more than i did before, etc.

I still miss my old coworkers/friends but I don't miss the drama rama and the ridiculousness/power hungry/whiney/fakeness. Hahah i know how can i say on one hand i miss 'em and on the other i don't? B/c it was just a select few that can go rot in hell and most likely will. But not by my doing. It's flat out not my place. Now that doesn't mean i'm not gonna say a bitchy thing or laugh when others who are still trapped with the demons make fun of them (and boy do they haha note to them: welcome to a slice of my life for the past year and a half) Karma shall handle the rest. Just saying.

Moving along, I apologize for the missing Sallyness. It's hard being socialite! The new job, the internship, the gym, family and friends, the boyness, learning this thing called the guitar, writing a book--it's a lot balance! I'm lucky I have so many people who want to spend time with a sally and just as lucky that people understand that I can't always partake in things b/c of my sched. I'm not so lucky that some people blow up my phone and get pissy with me for not getting back and grill me about my whereabouts. Uh, that might be why i dont get back atcha pissy mcpissass!

Random switch of topic, today is the end of summerrrr. Wahhhhhhhhh!

Lets take a look at my list i wrote out earlier this year and see what i did and didn't do on the sally summer list:

1.) Flag Football with the company
-Yups! Did it and had fun when i wasn't busy being stomped on by the fat QB in cleats, knocked down by my fellow player (ahahah kidding...! it's all good homie), not thrown the ball to (Oh wait that was every game...jk they threw to me 3 times of which i caught 2 yay!), or slammed on my head. Hahah all things considered, it really was a good time and i kinda miss it!
2.) Cali!
-Check!
3.) Go to the crick to see Janel with Crystal
-Negative. Boooooo. But we had hectic schedules! I hope to make it up there for Scoelloween. =D
4.) Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy.
-Hahah that's also a no but i'm sure it'll be soon. =)
5.) Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c i keep saying that i will and haven't
-Yeah still talking, no follow through. Shame on me =(
6.) All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages etc.
-Negative again. Damn I suck!
7.) Kings Dominion
-Nope nope nope. sigh
8.) Allow myself to get drunk
-I don't really remember. I know i did in cali but not after that. hmmm...
9.) Visit Justine
-AHHH i dont like my list. i didn't but not b/c i don't love her. but rather, i apparently suck at doing things on my list.
10.) Back to CA for 4th of July?
-That's also a nope. Hahah I went to Nicole's for that. =D

So what does this mean? I guess it could mean that I suck at life and more specifically at lists but i'd like to think of it as things i can do in the fall/winter. yes? Yes. =)

I Don't Care Too Much for Money Money Can't Buy Me Love

2009-07-03T20:44:00.002-04:00

Maybe money can't buy me love but it sure as hell CAN buy me things that i do love.

And before you start calling me a gold-digger, remember this. I plan on buying everything on my own so psh-wah to any other comments.

So what brings the bling bling topic of today? I'm in such a rut.

For love or money. I recently quit my job without having another one in place. Some say stupid some say it fucking took you long enough you dumb bitch. hahah

So here's the sitch. Two different jobs on my hand. Two totally different paths.

Option One.
Be an executive assistant.
PROS:
-The money will be...well, MONEY. I can make bank.
-Easy enough job and I know I can do it b/c I've been doing it for the past year and a half.
-I can do PR stuff on the side b/c if that's really what makes me happy then it shouldn't matter how much I'm making. And if I'm half as good as I think, I can transition when the time is right.

CONS:
-Being an admin again makes me want to slit my wrists and watch them bleed.
-I can't take being someone's bitch.
-I didn't go to school to be a fancy admin

Option Two.
Be a PR assistant.
PROS:
-I'll finally be in the field I wanna be in and it's a damn hard one to break into.
-I am using my education!
-There is a chance to keep making more and more money as time goes on

CON:
-NO MONEY AT ALL.
-I have tons-o-bills and I want to move out so bad
-I've never done anything PR-ish except some freelance here and there so I can get into the field and maybe discover that I hate it and go back to being an E.A. but now all I've lost is time and lots of money.

WTF AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOoOoooooOOOooo. I love money so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccch and im DEF not afraid of working hard to get it.

What's a Sally to do?

Those Were The Best Days of My LIFE!

2009-05-11T10:26:00.002-04:00

Summer of '69. Wasn't alive but according to Bryan Adams, it was pretty bangin'.
Summer of '79. Still wasn't alive but the Ataris had a good time.

I think I'm going to make my memories in 09 b/c i'm actually alive for it and apparently summers that end in 9 are supposed to be hella good.

Heres my to do list (and i'll add on as necessary)
-Flag Football with the company
-Cali! (that's happening soon!)
-Go to the crick in PA to see Janel with Crystal
-Go to NJ to see Stepheny with Jeremy
-Visit Tanner and Peter Rabbit b/c I keep saying I will and haven't yet
-Kings Dominion
-All kinds of kiddie stuff: go kart, batting cages, mini golf, water fight, etc
-Allow myself to get drunk at least a handful of times instead of my usual 2 times a year
-Visit Justine in FL b/c im a bad person for still not having done so
-Back to CA for the 4th of July? Perhaps.

More to come..

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size

2009-05-09T23:46:00.002-04:00

So. I've been in hibernation most of the winter. I rarely go out on weekends, partly b/c I'm bored with the usual that everyone wants to do (i.e. same tired bars/clubs. So then I opted for catching up with friends low key but even that got to be too much effort and predictable) and then mostly b/c of the weather being cold. I don't do cold.

"Come snowboarding!"
No.

"You like skateboaring and surfing. It's the same thing. "
No.

"You'll be a Natural!"
No.

"...please?"
No.

"Why?"

NO. [pause] Sorry I was on a roll.. Because you know what the problem with snowboarding is? The snow part. If we can do it without snow, then i'm down.

But then it's called skateboarding or surfing now isn't it?

I'm not knocking snowboarding at all--it does look pretty badass but i am knocking the snow part. NO.

Hahah okay so back to my original point, last night I went out.

I DEF did not want to go out.
1.) Having my period (sorry guys TMI but its the truth and I speak nothing but the truth and unlike jack nicholson I dont CARE if you can handle it or not.)
2.) Exhaustion!
3.) Lounges really aren't my thing.
4.) I'm acting like an old person b/c of my hibernation habits.
5.) There is no 5. I just feel like 4 is an awkward place to leave off a list.

Why I went out
1.) Guilt
2.) Sasina aka Soup (which would fall under the category of guilt) it was her bday and she's one of my girl's at work
3.) Carl (who also falls under the category of guilt). I thought i'd be slick and send a text saying im going to not out--twice even. Then got one back from him saying 'no. not acceptable' along with ways i can shake my exhaustion. And then another one about fall out plans in case I wanted to leave early. lol totally gets an A for effort and S for success
4.) Caroline. She's not a lounge girl either but she was gonna suck it up and go for Soup so i figured, I'm not gonna be the brat who doesn't go
5.) Please see #5 from previous list

End result? I had a really fun time! It was a hot mess (in a good way) and I'm glad that reasons 2-4 convinced me to stop acting old and just come out.

Shadowroom really wasn't bad at all. I'd go back. But probably a bit earlier b/c we got there right when everyone else was toasty aka WASTED.

Danced a little (and i do mean a little. my dress made it impossible to dance comfortably b/c of the way it gets tight at the bottom of it--even thoguh it's a short dress), laughed a lot (esp while people watching--a fav hobby of mine) and drank a little.

Yes. Me. The girl who never ever drinks had a few. Little buzzed which is where i like to keep it when hanging out with coworkers. And i adore my coworkers but it will be a lot easier/more comforable for me to get wasted when we dont work together anymore b/c I dont have to hang my head in shame/drinker's remorse. Or worse yet, drinkers reminder (i.e. "OMG Sally do you remember when you....")

And I dont judge or think differently of anyone who does. I wish i could. But i know that's going to end up in sloppy embarrassment for me.

Last time I was sufficiently wasted was at Stan's bday party at his, shmerik and los' place and I still cringe about that. Let's just highlight some of my finer moments. I dont want to but I'd rather tell you myself than have someone else say it.

-Acting like the world is my stage...STRIPPER stage. (No i didn't take any clothes off but i was shaking it like the rent was due instead of my normal mini wiggles i call sober dance )
-People handed me all kinds of food to get me to sober up and I was being such a brat about not wanting to eat anything that i threw a donut across the room after taking a bite out of it (i think stan caught it in the box)
-Made out with a guy in the hall (identity of male, unimportant)
-Giggle incessantly about everything...esp not being able to throw up when all 30 people were trying to get my to (though i must say--Emily and Pamela's were by far the most comedic)
-Feeling the need to start every sentece with "HEEEEY GUYSSSSSSSSSS!" or ending it with "AHHHHHHHH THATS WHAT SHE SAID"
-Pranks

Yes. I'd rather not.

What was my original topic? Oh yeah. Acting my age. So yeah it was def good move to go out on a fri night, put my freak'em dress on and go around town.

Tonight I was supposed to do the same but what am I doing? Blogging on a sat night b/c I guess i didn't learn all that much Fri night. LOL

Maybe i'll have to have 2-4 rotate call me to make sure I'm going out at some point on my weekends.

When Two Become One

2009-05-04T09:03:00.002-04:00

Ok. I'm way sick of all these meshing of two terms or making up "cutesy" "clever" terms that people are doing nowadays.

1.) Mushing Celebrity Names Together:
Ex: Brangelina, Speidi, etc.
My Gripe: It's not funny nor is it clever.

The first time it came around was when it was Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. That was mildly entertaining b/c Ben and Jen do rhyme and so Bennifer was alright. But now the entertainment world thinks its cool to mush any old two names together. I wish I could go off on a tangent as to why it's completely obnoxious but really, I feel like there's nothing more to say other than not clever, not funny. So what's point? I seriously don't get it.

2.) Coining "contemporary" terms:
Ex: "Sexpert", "Tween", "frenemy", "sexting"
My Gripe: Why do you have to come up with a term for it? Just call it like it is.

I understand that this country is based on capitalism and labels but could we please just give it a rest? I think what really disgusted me was hearing a bit on Elliott in the Morning on my drive to work and he was talking about a man who was a lawyer and killed himself at work because he had gotten laid off (amongst other things) and that the new term for people killing themselves due to lay offs or anything else is in this economy is called "econocide." Why are we trying to make something that's totally not a funny topic, a term for that? Not everything needs a term or a group or a category. Let it go.

Hearing all these terms makes me groan inwardly...and outwardly come to think of it.

It just reminds me of being on a bad date with a guy who won't stop cracking jokes HE thinks is funny and i have to smile politely while I'm dying inwardly going "Yeah no second date." Or when you meet your friends' parents (or bf's parents--or gf depending on which way you swing)
and their dad is super nice but won't stop making these corny ass jokes and you just laugh in the beginning to be nice and b/c it's endearing and then later it's not so funny and your face hurts from faking smiles.

...just stop... Please? Thanks.

"You Wrote the Book On Love"

2009-04-29T13:31:00.003-04:00

Okay no, I didn't. I did, however I did try to. Kinda. It was going to be this brilliant melting pot of NUMEROUS males and females from the "young adult" category (18-35 i think) their vital stats (relationship status, age, name, pic) and their opinions on all things relationship.

Not the kind you see in magazines where it's like "Word on the Street" and there's a pic of an avg looking guy named Brad who's a sales exec 26 from West Palm Beach Florida and he thinks that a girl's smile is the most attractive.

But real issues like "once a cheater always a cheater--why?" or "do you believe that there's only on true love in life" or "would you take a cheater back--why?" Things along those lines. Those are actually kinda crappy examples but you know what i mean. Something more than the generic.

I based a lot of the questions on the never ending stream of "Sally! My bf/gf/partner/wife/husband/fuck buddy/ friend with benefit/this guy/girl i'm talking to, this person i know... blah blah blah blah blah."

Naturally being fascinated with people and genuinely caring for my friends I hear them out and thoughtfully give a carefully thorough answer back which is NOT the usual "it is what it is" or "that sucks" or "What can you do?" that people give ME in response. (Or worse, when they hear your problem, and try to tell you a story that relates about THEM and you either didn't see how it even related at all...er...not that im bitter or anyhting haha). But sometimes it's interesting to hear what other people say b/c once in a while I will repeat the story told to me (never using names of course) to another person unrelated to the person with the prob to see what their thoughts are. The things I've heard have been very interesting.

So I was gonna composite it all into one great big book--for entertainment value. Not for a self-help purpose. There'd really really be no point in that. In fact, I'm going to take my chances and say that there are pretty much no black and white answers to any thing in a relationship b/c it's so vastly different from relationship to relationship and person to person. But that sure doesn't stop everyone from buying all the relationship help books like "he's just not that into you" or "act like a lady, think like a man" (which actually isn't a bad read at all) or even much to my dread and horror as i discovered on a co-worker's desk "how to get hot girls."

Not saying that these books are garbage b/c at least the first two were best sellers and they didn't become best sellers for nothing, right? But what I'm saying is that relationships aren't black and white--they're mostly gray. So if relationships are mostly gray, why do we keep looking for black and white rules and answers?

--zoom in on "rules and answers" on screen and end Carrie Bradshaw moment--

Anyways, I've given up on the book b/c I can't figure out WHY people would buy it, what my title would be and who I would put in the book, etc etc.

Then I tried to write a book on The Quarter Life Crisis. And it doesn't help when other people are like "oh it's been done." well no shit. If people never wrote about the same topic once, we'd be effin' communisits.

So. Full of life again, I figured, i'd go ahead and write about the lameness we call the Quarter Life Crisis. But then it was really hard to write! I think it's b/c i'm something of a rebel and don't like to be told what to do.

...or b/c i suck at life.

Most likely option number two. LOL

I'm gonna end up in an email forward for FAILS.

See example below:

Hahah damn damn damn.

A collection of my blogs compiled in to a book? Perhaps. But why oh why would anyone want that?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. hahah

You Ain't Nuttin but a Hound Dog. Cryin' All the Time

2009-04-11T02:55:00.002-04:00

Okay. 2:55 am. Friday night. Actually, technically Sat morning since i did write A.M. The boys just left and here I am in a strange bed.

Wait wait wait. That doesn't sound right. Let me start all over again.

So, I'm apt sitting for my non best friend and her gf. They're headed out west and were generous to let me loaf around their apt while they're outtie. They wanted to gimme a break from my current living sitch b/c they know I'm stuck at my parents' place but hopefully not for long. Don't get me wrong, my parents are amazing people. They're really good people, big hearts and super chill. But. I'm friggin 25 yrs old for crying outloud. I need to escape. I love them with all my heart and then some and me moving out will never change this. However. ITS BEEN 25 MOTHAFUCKING YEARS AND I NEED SOME MOTHA FUCKING SPACE!

Whoa. I almost wrote motha fuckin' snakes. I think anytime i hear 'mothafuckin' i seem to channel Samuel L. Jackson.

All that's irrelevent. What is relevant is where I said I was in a strange bed. As in laying in a bed I am not familiar with. I did NOT however say a STRANGER'S bed. Now that's just super creepy.

Anyways. To kick off the weekend and my freedom and help perpetuate my "Lost" infatuation, I had some of the guys over tonight--Stan, David R and Justin. Kentucky (Tennessee? I dunno. Some state where they marry in the family and eat road kill) bourbon, Crown Royal and doritos abound.

Oh and the crazy neighbor to chat us up about God knows what during a smoke break. Yeah he's not actually crazy--just lonely says Justin--but crazy, says I.

Good times. Laughing, jokes and insults exchanged, what's not to enjoy?

Oh wait, the mothafuckin' DOG. Who is currently whining and barking. I'm totally not staying another night here b/c of him. Or any other night. I CANT deal with that. It's not that I hate dogs or even that dog specifically. I don't think so at least. All I know is that it wont just shut the fuck up! It's whining and barking when my FULL attention is NOT on it and running around like a fucking lunatic. Well guess what? Know what happens to dogs that get on my fucking nerves? Yes. They get captured by the boys and tossed back into the crate b/c it's fucking fucking FUCKING ruining my pseudo-apt experiment. Fuck this. A weekend is supposed to be fun. Not making sure someone else is happy and to coerce it to stop bitching. Esp not a fucking DOG.

I always thought I was a dog person. I always said I love dogs.

Yeah well not anymore. Dogs are like kids or boyfriends (or girlfriends depending on what youre into). NEEDY AS FUCK.

This particular four legged little shit has not stopped irritating me since I got here. Occassionally he's be very sweet and on his very best behaviour and doing his own thing, then snaps back into fucking needy psycho mode.

I saw the poor stinker in the crate when i came in and i just figured he could use some freedom. I let him out and that was the worst idea ever ever. No one told me it would be opening pandora's box.

And that fucker is STILL barking even though he's back in the crate, lights are off, etc. I know he doesn't know any better but I do. And i'm not going to spend my weekend reasoning with a dog. Tomorrow a.m. back to my place where there are no dogs.

Humorous as this blog may be, there is a downer to this situation. Non-best friend and her gf were gonna be my roommates in cali. now with this psycho dog in play, I really doubt it. Bummer!

And. I had no idea just how independent I really am. Jeebus.

I Can Play The Guitar Like A Motha F*&^5$ RIOT

2009-03-26T22:10:00.002-04:00

Okay I can't.

Not yet anyways. My big bro is going to teach me how to. (even if he did throw me like I was a damn log down the hall. All I have to say is that must've been quite a site for my darling McWeeney and the Pretty Communal Hubbie)

I wanted to play anything Jason Mraz b/c he's dreaaaaaaamy. He's my hunk of every month.

The bro said no. Of course he said no. PSH.

Then I thought about "Dare you to move" by Switchfoot, "Yellow" by Coldplay and "Flake" by Jack Johnson.

No. No. No. Said the bro.

I'm like are you fucking serious?

He was.

This should make for a fun lesson, right?

Anyways then he said that the easiest song to learn is "Runaround" by Blues Traveler.

Tracv Chapman's "Give Me One Reason to Stay here"

You know dude looks like a lady?Well this lady looks more like a DUDE. But the lyrics and the song are money so she can dude it up all she wants.

...which apparently is a lot.

Hungry Like The Wolf

2009-03-26T10:32:00.004-04:00

How I handled the Fridge Thief at Work:

In case it's too blurry and small to read, here's what it said:

So. I've heard from others (including myself) missing items from the fridge in the kitchen.
Simply put stop it.
Not simply put--it's not yours you didn't buy it you clearly didn't ask for permission so you're totally a theif who has a very strange diet of canned water, soy milk, yogurt, coke and frozen meals. Freak. Theif. Freakin' theif. Ahahah
Punishment = I will seriously make you eat the contents of the whole fridge.
I WILL BE CLEANING THE FRIDGE THIS FRIDAY AT 8:00 a.m. so if it doesn't have your name on it, say goodbye to that tasty lean cuisine,yogurt,dinner you had last night that you know would taste so good for lunch the next day.
I'm watching youuuuuuuu and I have assigned secret spies to keep their eyes out.
"I always feel like somebody's watchin' me!"
It's b/c we are.
Theif.

These Are My Confessions Pt II (Just like Usher)

2009-03-20T16:00:00.001-04:00

9:27 a.m. Janel has her eyes wide which causes me to have my eyes wide. Janel with eyes open at all before noon is shocking enough. She got as far as “Did you see those pants? Bright ass lemon“ before I held up my hand and started to giggle. Janel’s back was to the hall so she didn’t see that the lemon pantsed suspect was moving towards us.

9:38 a.m. AUGH!!! Candidate hiding in corner after I walked in with Janel and Nicole from our 9:30 break
9:43 a.m. Mayhem. Candidate keeps doing jack in the box act when I put him in the room, nervously popping his head in and out, Fax machine man—while very nice—just won’t shut up, phones are ringing non-stop and g-chat is blowing up.

9:43 a.m. Cramming my face with a sesame seed bagel. It’s bagel Friday after all. And just to be rebellious I used cream cheese that had walnuts in it. (I’m allergic to walnuts) but I figure they’re little enough where it shouldn’t make a difference, right?

9:59 a.m. The sound of sesames falling from the bagel on to the paper plait sounds like a rainstick.

10:02 a.m. Did I really just spell that p-l-a-i-t? I meant PLATE.

10:02 a.m. Andrew called in to let me know his person will be here any minute and is early as fuck. I asked him to define that he said “He was supposed to be here at 2:45.” Egads. What’s wrong with people?

10:06 a.m. Strike that. What’s wrong with me? I said e-gads. Who does that?

10:07 a.m. Me, apparently.

10:08 a.m. Okay I can’t wait. Gotta peeeeeeeeeeeee

10:17 a.m. I feel funny. Like head ache funny. I think the walnut thing was a bad bad bad idea. So much for sticking it to the man.

10:24 Chatted with EZ about the front desk area and a crazy biatch that will be joining out office. And he too brings up the alarmingly yellow pants. He’s a funny man and a great boss. Love it!

10:41 a.m. Janel’s got ANOTHER person in.

10:50 a.m. What’s cooler than being cool? ICE COLD! Yes, I managed to spill ice water down my arm and shirt and pants. Lovely. Just as well. The frat house either won’t mind or won’t notice that I’m walking around looking like a wet t-shirt contest contestant. It’s the frat house?
10:52 a.m. Did I mention that the big bro walked off the elevator just when I was muttering to myself how much I hated water? Luckily he already knows I’m insane.

11:01 a.m. McWeeney is blinded from lemon pant lady. I’m going to put out a warning. Code…yellow. Naturally.

11:16 a.m. EZ just caught me saying “USELESS!” and slamming the phone down. He walks by laughing and says “BUSTED! That was AWESOME.”

12:03 p.m. GAH! No clue what I want to eat for lunch.

12:10 p.m. Helping pimp Andrew out.

1:35 p.m. Back from a hilarious lunch with Janel. She’s too funny.

1:48 p.m. Helping pimp Andrew out.

1:52 p.m. Helping Andrew with the radio.

2:01 p.m Listening to Santeria. And everytime I hear this song it makes me blush for two reasons. 1.) I kareoked it by myself one drunken night and thought I was a rock star. Ahahah 2.) I had blasted it on my iPod when I was back from a run in the park and stretching and humming but then I figured since I was alone in the parking lot I belted on part out loud—you know the part that goes “And I won’t think twice to stick that barrel down straight down sancho’s throat/ believe me when I say that I got something for his PUNK ASS!” and took my head phones off before heading into my car. In the side view mirror I notice a family. Mom, dad and 2 small children who all looked quite upset with me. Eep.

2:44 p.m. Strange squeaky sound coming from the computer. Alarming. Eek!

3:11 p.m. Just like my fav band. 311. Whoop! Whoop!

3:51 p.m. I’m way too distracted to complete this diary. Hahahah maybe next time.

The Sprain

2009-03-19T08:44:00.006-04:00

Kelly: What happened to you?
Lisa: I kicked the TV and sprained my ankle.
Jessie: Why?
Lisa: I was watching the new Revlon commercial and they discontinued my nail polish

[Cue canned laughter]

Yeah it's hilarious and adorable when it's Lisa Turtle sprains her ankle. She even has an entertaining story. It's a lot less funny and very much not adorable when it's Sally Pak. No entertaining story to follow.

She won the trophy at the max and was admired be her peers AND casey kasem.

All i got was this lousy bandage.

And a limp where I feel like I should be like "yessssssssss mastttttttterrrrrrrrr"

Although last night a few buddies and myself discovered that if i throw my hips into it, i can do a pimp limp instead.

I'll have to say this, I am pretty mystified about comments I've been getting about my ankle. The winner has to be from my boss.

"Can't believe you hurt your ankle! You can't do that Sally. You're a dancer!"

And all i could do was blink and smile.

Dancer...?

I should've said something clever like "I wouldn't have to be a dancer on the side if you gave me a raise you big booty ho!"

But I rather like my boss and having a job. LoL he's good people.

...maybe he said it b/c i backed my thing up into him by mistake. I should beep before I back my thing up.

These Are My Confessions...

2009-03-11T16:44:00.000-04:00

7:52 a.m. Yay! Early for work! I mean that. It’s been hella hard to wake up with this stupid spring forward business. Yes, after 24 years you’d think I’d be used to it but I’m not.
8:25 a.m. Our fearless leader (aka my Sapphire boss) talks to me about the incident yesterday when this total nut job wandered into my lobby and proceeded to harass me with questions and then physically become invasive, but he didn’t put his hands on me. As I told Anna and Andrew yesterday, if that fucker put his hands on me I would be like “Ah hey-ull nah!” and if my hair wasn’t actually mine, I’d have snatched off and it would’ve been on like donkey kong. Hahah the great boss that is EZ has made me feel better but told me he’s still telling corporate just in case something else should happen though nothing will. He’s super! And so is my big bro for almost knocking out the dude (if he didn’t leave).
8:40 a.m. Made a poptart. Thought I would’ve learned my lesson from yesterday about poptarts, especially the way I went on and on about it with KTJ. But I am still addicted.
9:40 a.m. Smelly candidate has entered.
9:43 a.m. Warned Carl and Janel about said smelly candidate.
10:02 a.m. I seemed to have misplaced Erik. Crap. I checked my purse, around the computer…nothing. He is from Burke so the probability of him being lost is not one that people will mind but he does has Fairfax blood in him so I need to find him asap. 10:09 a.m. Ironing out details of my band with Big Bro. We’re kind of a big deal, you see.
10:09 a.m. Email back and forth with Alexandra b/c we’re both bored and miserable. Lol
10:20 a.m. Random candidate has wandered in saying she’s here for an 11:30 meeting. I understand that being early/on time for an interview is important BUT an hour is just silliness.
10:27 a.m. Smelly candidate has exited.
10:35 a.m. The trainer is here and I’m not sure what to do with him.
10:50 a.m. Back from a smoke break with Janel. Conclusion? It’s been a very strange week…and it’s only Wednesday!
10:56 a.m. The last employee to arrive has well…arrived. Ugh. I’m tired and sleepy.
10:56 a.m. I realize tired and sleepy means the same thing. But then not b/c you could be tired from running 10 miles straight but not be sleepy. Right? Right.
10:57 a.m. Kid no older than 16 years old has arrived with a potted plant and is aimlessly wandering the halls. That’s not weird or anything.
10:59 a.m. 16 year old stops to smile at me through the glass doors. I smile back and he starts stretching his legs.[He is w/o plant now.]
11:06 a.m. Wave at Shannon. Everyday I wave at everyone who walks by from my desk since there are clear glass doors (and even to a few I don’t know haha). I don’t know why I do it but everyone waves back so I figure it’s a courtesy thing. And good practice for when I win the Miss America Pageant and ride on floats and what not. Hahah
11:23 a.m. Danielley and I are a hot mess. I loves it!
11:31 a.m. Chase walks by and says “Hi Sally!” in a Mickey Mouse voice. Irony? With his new hairdo, he looks more like Donald Duck. Unlike Donald, Chase DOES wear pants. It’s appreciated.
11:33 a.m. Carl drops water bottle off at my desk and I want to do something funny to it. Maybe draw on it while he meets with his girl.
11:34 a.m. Wrote “Skyy Vodka” on Carl’s water bottle. Hope he finds that funny and doesn’t get mad at me. Especially since he’s literally a foot taller than me.

11:37 a.m. God bless g-chat. KTJ and Danielley are making the day go by much quicker and def more pleasantly.
11:40 a.m. There are sounds of something tumbling over in one of the interview rooms. I wonder what tumbled over. (Hopefully not one of our candidates…)
11:43 a.m. Carl runs outta his room snatches his bottle before I get a chance to see his face reaction to the writing.
11:44 a.m. Jay sees my guilty face and calls “Shady McShaderson!” over his shoulder on his way out.
11:45 a.m. Here comes Carl. AHHH!!!
11:50 a.m. Carl totally called me out in a slick way. He asked for his person’s paperwork which I forked over with my most innocent of faces. He acts non chalant and then throws in a casual “oh btw…skyy vodka?” I giggled nervously and hysterically. He shook his head, smiled and walked away. That’s so Carl!
12:11 p.m. Back from a cig break with the big bro. We discussed friendship, big macs, porn and our band. A usual convo for us.
12:13 p.m. I think he’s going to be mad if I post anything mentioning him at all. He is a very private person. Not a stick in the mud or anything like that but doesn’t like people all up in his shit. Which is totally fair. And something I respect about him. Let’s ask b.b. and see what he says.
12:23 p.m. No response from the bro but Sasina has finally surfaced. I wondered where she had been all day!
12:25 p.m. why are there so many effing crumbs at my desk!?
12:29 p.m. oh yeah. The whole I ate a pop-tart for breakfast thing.
1:47 p.m. Back from running to the mall with Andrew. Went to Macys so he could use a gift card and get a shirt. It was a nice shirt. Okay and I don’t know why I wrote that sentence like a freaking second grader. “Today was fun. The sun was out. It was a good day.” Hahahh we went to subway and I feel healthier. Minus the cigarette I plan on having shortly. Chatted with Janel a bit. I miss not having her on gchat!
1:50 p.m. Anna runs up excitedly with lovely plans to kill Dale. I offer to chip in and recruit a hitman.
1:52 p.m. The Bro has agreed to let me use his name under certain conditions. Anna was kind enough to let him borrow her name but I don’t think he’s cool with that. He said something back but I don’t know if it’s a yes or a no. That’s kinda how things go with us.
2:04 p.m. Sucking at life but Pamela is making me feel better about it.
2:31 p.m. Sasina wants to come down on a smoke break with me, preferably to hide behind me should big bro venture down with us.
2:35 p.m. Chase is not only melodious but he’s a total goober. And a good speller. Let’s be honest though, he’s lucky that he has a gal like Alexandra ;)
2:56 p.m. Nate just flew in (naturally as his theme song is “Flight of the Bumblebee” ) with a big silly grin on his face. I was like er?
3:16 p.m. Big bro is sure mad at me. Sadness! I totally didn’t mean to make him mad at me or at all come to think of it.
3:31 p.m. Delivered mail, made up with the big bro all is well in the world.
4:25 p.m. smoke break with Sasina and Janel (though Sasina is not a smoker she still came along for the ride.) Also stood up by big bro. The big stupid head. Hahah kidding!
4:27 p.m. I’m tired of dress and heels and I’d really like to just go home. Yes.
4:44 p.m. I’m so done with today. I don’t want to go runninnnnnnnnnnnnng. Damn damn damn.
4:45 p.m. Damn.

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard

2009-03-05T18:55:00.005-05:00

Yeah too bad it's not my milkshake.

Apparently it's my fowl mood which only goes to show that yes, ladies, guys DO only like bitchy women.

(kidding. kinda.)

I was a ball of fury this morning. The reason for the fury is unimportant. What is is that I went downstairs to have a mental breakdown and honestly burst in to tears or chainsmoke myself into a coma. Perhaps both.

I grab my marlboros and stupidly forgot to bring some form of fire so when I got outside I asked a fellow smoker I chat with occasionally for a light which he seemed to have decided was jusssssst the right time to start hitting on me. Telling me that he would do ANYTHING for me and that the weather was supposed to be beautiful this weekend--did I have plans. I gave him quick answers with a smile and sat on the bottomstep to resume crying and dialing (which btw never happened. The crying part.)

I felt bad b/c he IS a legitly nice guy BUT that was not the time for anything. I bitch bitch bitch on the phone, throw my kicked ciggie out and then turn to go back into the building when TWO guys stopped and were like "Heeeeey, why are you rushing in?" I'm like I DONT KNOW YOU! PISS OFF.

...too bad I didn't actually say that.

I tried to be polite but then they started with the "it's supposed to be beautiful this weekend" and im like HOLY JESUS. FIND A BETTER PICK UP LINE.

...but I didn't actually say that either.

I rushed through the conversation and through the revovling doors.

aslkfjsadlfkjaldkjfasdkjalsdkjflsakjdfalskjdfakjsdlfajsfdlkjasldfkjsaldkfjasldkfjalkjdf.

Final thought? not only do guys like bitchy women BUT it truly IS when you're not looking for attention from someone that you get attention from everyone.

Mazal Tov.

Ice Ice Baby.

2009-03-02T22:19:00.005-05:00

I'm bringing it back old school. Pong bay-beh!
See that dot gliding back and forth?

That's apparently doubles as my car in snowy/icy conditions.

Laugh if you must but I had a freaking breakdown (emotional) driving (gliding??) to work in my car (aka tin can of death/casketsleigh.)

Not that my car is shitty. It's decent. It does what I need it to do--a little bruised and needs a bath but so do I. It doesn't judge and neither do i.

...whoa. sorry about that. sounded like i wanted to hump my car or something. ahahaha

k just wanted to share.

Oh. And btw. I'm getting married!

It's Family Tradition

2009-02-18T22:24:00.002-05:00

"We Are the World" caused quite the controversy when I had dinner with my parents and my older sister.

Since the song is so contemporary and relevant...

I don't know how we got started on it but the next thing I know, one minute I'm twirling my spaghetti around my fork and then the next I'm yelling at my mom for not liking Bruce Springsteen. I don't mind that she doesn't like Kenny Rogers b/c she swears he's a racist. (And she used to be his biggest fan. I'm not sure what her beef with him exactly is but she swears he's a racist...) And I'm only slightly miffed that she doesn't know who Kenny Loggins is until i sang footloose.

My older sister is trying to remember the part after "There's a choice we're making, we're saving our own lives....you and me...WTF is that part before fucking...I can't remember! It's a choice we're making..."

My dad is trying to stop my argument with my mom and me...

Mom: I HATE him.
Me: Bruce Springsteen?
Mom: Yes. I didn't watch the superbowl half time b/c i don't like him.
Me: You don't like "The Boss"???
Mom: No, I said I don't like Bruce Springsteen.
Me: He IS the boss. You hate the boss. I can't believe it! YOU hate the boss.
Mom: I don't hate your boss! I'm sure Erick is a very nice man. You said he was. And you said his wife was very nice too.
Me: (pause) Mom no! I'm not talking about MY boss. I'm talking about THE boss.
Mom:...God?
Me: NO MOM. THE BOSS.
Mom: WHO IS THE BOSS?
Me: BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Dad: I remember the show "Who's the boss" Tony! Angela! Right?
Older sister: "so lets start givin...theres a choice we're making...UGH! what are the words?"
Me: BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IS THE BOSS. THEY CALL HIM THE BOSS.
Mom: What's he the boss of?
Me: I don't know!
Mom: Well that's a stupid nick name. He's not even the boss of anything.
Me: Maybe he's the boss of the e street band.
Mom: Who's the E Street Band?
Me: his band i guess. or some band that plays with him.
Mom: So he's their boss?
Me: YES. YES MOM HES IS THEIR BOSS.
Mom: Don't use that tone of voice with me I just had a question!
Dad: There was no band in "Who's the Boss."

Older sis busy on iPhone looking up lyrics.
Dad wanders to smoke
Mom and i get in another fight about how to pronounce Lionel Richie.
(I'll save you the drama. It's really quite boring. just a shouting match of me going MOM NO. LI. as in LION. IN AS IN...IN. ULL as in..DULL. LIONEL. and her saying RYAN-ALL. Then dad cutting in to say "OH I get it. Ry-uhn-allllllllll. B/c making the "L" longer at the end of the name makes the imaginary R in the front of the name all better. They can nail the "L" sound at the end, so why not the beginning?? and how fucked up is it that she can say bruce springsteen but cant say lionel??)

And so i chat with my younger sis to remind her of our family's insanity and this is what i get.

SallySocialiteTM (10:53:19 PM): if it makes you feel any better, i fought with mom at dinner b/c she didn't know that bruce springsteen's nick name is "The boss"
SallySocialiteTM (10:53:20 PM): hahah
juliepak 01 (10:55:09 PM): hahaha. .. bruce springsteen...the director?
juliepak 01 (10:55:15 PM): no. the actor.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:19 PM): SINGER!!!
juliepak 01 (10:55:24 PM): oooh. yeah. the singer!
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:24 PM): he sings
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:29 PM): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN IN THE USA
juliepak 01 (10:55:35 PM): i know i know now.
juliepak 01 (10:55:38 PM): curly hair?
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:40 PM): sorta
juliepak 01 (10:55:44 PM): old.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:44 PM): looks like he needs a bath
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:47 PM): yes!
juliepak 01 (10:55:47 PM): yeah.
SallySocialiteTM (10:55:50 PM): hahahahah
juliepak 01 (10:55:54 PM): i know~ hahah. oops.
SallySocialiteTM (10:56:31 PM): im going to send you a story about what happened at dinner tonight
SallySocialiteTM (10:56:36 PM): reminder this is YOUR family
juliepak 01 (10:56:47 PM): please, don't remind me.
Send Message Failed. Message is too long.
Send Message Failed. Message is too long.
SallySocialiteTM (10:57:28 PM): youve got mail
juliepak 01 (11:00:44 PM): AHAHAHAHAHHAH!
juliepak 01 (11:01:07 PM): why am i not surprised....this is a classic pak family dinner convo.

Couldn't have said it better myself. This is so typical of my family.

....this is why we can never have company join us for dinner...

Cuz Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright

2009-02-16T18:26:00.005-05:00

I can only hope so. I am TRIPPIN lately so if we haven't seen each other/talked to each other...trust me. It's safer that way b/c you'll probably end up interacting with a thousand sally's all at once but the front runners of this multipersonality mind fuck is 1.) The Bitch 2.) The Joker 3.) The ADHD Poster Child 4.) The Ideal Candidate for Anger Management and 5.) The Mute.

One thing and one day at a time. Everything in moderation. Eat 5-7 servings of fruits and vegatables. Be kind Rewind.

Blah blah blah.

I'll come full circle again. Eventually. =)

Say Whaaaaaaa?

2009-02-15T21:18:00.005-05:00

He's Just Not That In to You.

I just saw the movie today with the girls. Never read the book. And after that movie, I really don't think I have the desire to.

Don't get me wrong, I really did like that movie in that it was absolutely hysterical, relevant/relatable and somee things that are sooooo true (which is why it was so funny b/c you'll have a moment of 'oh yeah i've done that' or 'yup i've heard that one' or 'i thought that too!).

But if you're going to watch it with even the slightest bit of intention to apply some part of it to your current male/female relationship (or lack there of) scenario-- DONT BOTHER.

Why not?

B/c ultimately you'll be left feeling that he's just not that into you ever and never will be ever, if you hold all those rules to be true. And then the best part is that not only is HE not into you but no one in the male population is but there ARE exceptions to the rules so there are some people who the rules don't apply to but there's no way to distinguish that.

Uhh..Say whaaaaAAaaAAA?

Trust me. If you've seen the movie, then that i just said rings true.

Movie aside and my own personal take on it is that long story short, there are no "rules" when it comes to guys/girls. Just a lot of messy communication. And that everything is subject to change (may it be good or bad).

Wishing and Hoping and Dreaming and Praying...

2009-02-11T20:33:00.003-05:00

That one day I can say honestly and assuredly say: All is well in my world!

And mean it.

I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing as much as I'm sick of saying:
Hi I'm Sally and here's a pile of shit that's going on.

Calling to follow up?

Hi. I'm still Sally and here's additional piles of shit that's going on.

While not every moment is tragic or end of the world awful and does make for entertaining stories...

It's still pretty fucking annoying. Trussssssssssst.

...One up?

2009-02-10T10:11:00.006-05:00

Is super mario the animated video game version of porn star Ron Jeremy?? makes you wonder what they really meant about "one up..." one WHAT? mmm-hmm...

*Post dedicated to stan!*